Chapter 4

His days were always longer, as Ran reached the end of his rope. Niall could sense the tension in the way he moved and the way their eyes lingered. His smiles and laughter became tighter and Ran’s eyes would cling to Niall’s lips before he’d swear under his breath and find another inane topic to discuss. Ran became more affectionate and tactile but hid from Niall in his work for as many waking hours as he could. He was exhausted yet taut when Niall found him leaning on the fence, watching as the last horse was led into the stables for the night.

“I’m running low on a few things and was hoping you’d be going into town soon,” Niall said as he crossed his arms on the top rung, next to Ran.

“Of course, whatever you need,” Ran said but he sounded weary as his head hung. “I was trying to hold off for a few more weeks but if it’s something you need urgently,” he added and Niall raised a shoulder as he waited for the sun to creep behind the mountains.

“I’d go after them myself if it was that serious. I have to deliver my paper for that grant soon and could wait until then but I’d feel better if you went,” he said. He could never tell Ran directly but he needed him to know it was for the best and Niall hated that he felt guilty. These were the moments when Niall wished he had the courage to tell Ran the truth and finally set him free. “You need to take a break,” he added suggestively.

“Aye,” Ran agreed hoarsely as he nodded. “I could tell you a thing or two about my needs and I’d be more than happy to show you,” he said and Niall breathed through the sharp stab of lust and loneliness. Ran could be a bit ruthless, when he was in pain but he didn’t mean it. His filter just slipped a bit and his demons got the better of him now and then.

“It wouldn’t be worth it,” Niall promised gently and Ran scrubbed his face with his hands then silently prayed at the heavens before he turned to him.

“I know I’ve only told you this about a dozen times,” he said as he reached for Niall and pulled him into a loose embrace. Ran pushed his face into the corner of Niall’s neck and a long, rolling growl poured from him. Niall sank into it and savored his strength and warmth as Ran kneaded his back and breathed him in. Niall trusted everyone at Gallahide except Isla and Simon and nobody would hurt Ran by gossiping or spreading rumors. Every man and woman in the vale (with the exception of Isla and Simon) would lay down their lives for Ran so Niall didn’t care who saw them. He stopped caring who knew, the only person he hid from anymore was Ran. “I don’t care if you’ve killed someone. Hell, I’ll kill someone if you’ll go upstairs with me right now,” he begged and Niall shut his eyes as he shushed him.

“I’ve thought about it more times than I’d care to admit but I’ve never killed anyone,” Niall said then waited as his throat tightened and his stomach churned. There were worse things than murder. He could probably murder Isla and the only person who’d really care was Simon and Niall wasn’t so sure he’d be all that bothered. “It’s almost time for dinner. Call it a night and go take a long, hot shower. You need it,” he said as he leaned back. Ran was filthy and sweaty but Niall would think of him just like that, later. Ran gave him a flat look and his lips pulled into a disgruntled scowl.

“Are you planning to join me?” He asked and Niall winced as heat and frustration swelled. He was so tempted and it would have been so easy to find a hundred ways to justify it but Niall could already feel the tickle of self-loathing as he imagined touching Ran like that. And there was the fear. Once Niall knew, he’d never stop wanting more and he’d lose the will to fight and they’d both be damned.

“I’m going up to get ready. Don’t stay out too much later,” he ordered as he released Ran and he nodded.

“I’ll be right behind you. I need to have a word with one of the trainers and then I’ll be up,” he promised then pushed Niall away playfully. “Go on before I change my mind and drag you upstairs,” he threatened and Niall’s feet were so heavy and his body ached as his soul gnashed its teeth and roared. But it was too easy, after so many years. Niall watched the colors bleed across the sky as he pulled in a cleansing breath and pushed it all away as he exhaled.

“I’ll see you later,” he said as he ducked his head then turned and fled. He jogged up the lawn and slipped into the back door to the main hall. Niall looked around before silently climbing the stairs two at a time then darted down the hall to Isla’s dressing room. There was still almost half an hour before her maid was allowed to disturb her so he quietly opened the door and tiptoed past the racks of dresses and coats. The door was cracked and his nose wrinkled as he sniffed.

“Why do you have to smoke in bed?” Isla complained. “It’s disgusting,” she said and Niall nodded in agreement as he edged closer.

“I needed it, after that,” Simon murmured then gasped loudly as his phone vibrated. “He’s finally agreed to do it.”

“How fun! Ran’s definitely going this weekend,” she said as she clapped and Niall frowned. He knew they were up to something terrible but he was waiting for anything he could actually make sense of.

“Once he’s received the money, everything’s ready to go. He’ll pick Ran up at the house party,” Simon said and Niall felt sick and utterly furious.

“It’s perfect and nobody will be surprised. Speaking of surprises, I’m late again,” she grumbled and Simon pouted sympathetically.

“This should all blow over in a month or two. Wait until then and we’ll go someplace fun while you recover,” he said and she sighed.

“Fine. But only until I feel yucky or start showing,” she stipulated.

“Of course,” he crooned as he kissed her and she gagged.

“Get that away from me. I’m with child, Simon,” she said dramatically and he cackled.

“You won’t be for long, let’s just hope everything goes smoothly this weekend. You’re sure he’ll go?” He asked and she giggled as he tickled her.

“I know my husband and I know Ran,” she said. “Ran’s been so hard, he can’t see straight. Niall’s terrified Ran’ll lose control and mount him in the stables or his conservatory,” she added and Simon snorted.

“He’s terrified he’ll enjoy it.”

“I might have,” Isla mused and Niall’s face twisted. “I would have told Niall to do it, if I thought they’d let me watch,” she said.

“They didn’t have to know,” Simon pointed out and Niall’s eyes flared in horror.

“Very true but hindsight,” she said and Niall was going to be sick. He backed out of Isla’s dressing room quickly and hurried down the hall and into his room. There was no telling what they had planned but Niall assumed the worst and he had no idea how he could stop them. He wished he could go to Ran but that definitely wasn’t an option.

“What am I going to do?”