Chapter 11

His father would laugh if he could see Ran sulking and hovering just inside the kitchen door as Ms. Brundage patted out the dough for her scones.

“Yer lurking, wee Ranulf. What’s wrong with ye,” she scolded and Ran shook his head as he gathered his hands behind his back and wandered casually into the kitchen. She was the last person alive who dared to call him that but it made him feel a little less lost as he strolled closer. Until Ran was in his later teens, he’d often stop by the kitchen to watch Ms. Brundage bake and share his troubles. It was cook’s kitchen but she took over while most of the kitchen staff was out in the middle of the morning, collecting whatever they needed for the day’s menu from the estate’s gardens, brewery, dairy and abattoir.

“I’m not lurking, ma’am,” he lied as he pretended to scan the stoves and ovens. “Just thought I’d stop by and make sure you’ve got everything you need and everything’s working,” he said and she eyed him knowingly as she sprinkled flour on the large round disk of dough before she shook her head. Her silver curls were pulled into a loose bun and they shivered as she chuckled.

“I raised ye just as much as I did my own lad and I can see yer troubled,” she said and Ran sighed as he turned then hopped and sat on the counter.

“Can’t I check on you because it’s my job?” He muttered as he crossed his ankles and she snorted.

“Ye just sent me to see Balmoral, ye daft thing. The Queen’s own kitchen isn’t this posh. What’s troubling ye, lad?” She asked firmly and Ran raised a shoulder as he turned and stole a scone from the pan. It was still steaming so he juggled it and blew on his fingertips as he broke off a corner.

“I don’t know if this is the sort of thing I can discuss with you. Or anyone,” he added then popped the bite into his mouth. It was sweet and buttery and melted as he chewed and Ran felt a little less miserable.

“Is it about Lord Brewarden and the other gentleman yer falling in love with?” She asked and crumbs flew from Ran’s lips as he coughed. “Look at what yer doing! Ye’ll clean that up,” she stated then grinned. “Know ye just as well as I know my own.”

“I’m not falling in love with him,” Ran said once he recovered then sniffed hard as his nose burned. “I’m just afraid I might be happier while I’m with him and that feels wrong,” he said quietly then took another bite.

“Why do ye think that is?” She asked gently and Ran’s nose wrinkled.

“Because he reminds me so much of him,” he admitted and she nodded.

“That would hurt yer heart, all right. It’s not my place to tell ye how to live yer life but why don’t the two of ye get yer heid’s out yer arses?” She demanded as she glared at him and he jumped and leaned away.

“You think I haven’t tried, Brundy?” He whispered loudly. “What would you have me do? My sister’s…” He stopped as she pointed a flour coated finger at his nose.

“She’s no sister to ye, don’t ye ever suggest she’s fit to sleep under yer roof, Ranulf. Pearson won’t say it to yer face because he’d never question ye but he doesn’t like what he’s seein’ and hearin’. The whole house knows something’s not right and it’s those two,” she warned and he nodded slowly as he squinted out the window at the horses on the track.

“They’ve never been right but I can’t toss them out for being just as awful as they’ve ever been. I promised I’d care for them,” he argued and she snorted.

“I think ye’ve done yer duty. Now, I love Lord Brewarden and he’s as fine a man as ye’ll ever find but she’s got some evil grip on him. Ye might have to save yerself, if he can’t break free of her,” she warned and Ran shook his head.

“I’ll never leave him,” he vowed and her eyes were deep with concern as they held his.

“This won’t end well,” she insisted and he held up his hands.

“As long as we’re together,” he said and her lips pulled tight.

“And this other lad?” She said and he made a dismissive sound as he dropped to his feet.

“He isn’t him. I’ll get over it,” he decided then kissed her cheek loudly as he reached around her for another scone.

“Yer a rascal, wee Ranulf,” she grumbled but her lips twitched at the corners. “Mind yer heid and yer heart while yer out there, love,” she called after him and he winked at her as he backed out of the door. His face fell as it shut behind him and he studied the scone as he tore it in half and wandered toward his office. One of the grooms called and he waved but he didn’t look up as his mind drifted back to Niall. Ran was avoiding him. He returned to Gallahide and a cold ache settled into his chest and there was a tightness in his shoulders he couldn’t ease. Ran gave Niall cufflinks he’d had made from a pair of vintage Van Cleef & Arpels earrings. They were breathtaking. Mandarin garnets, accented with round diamonds, calibré-cut onyx and turquoise cabochons crafted into exquisite butterflies. Niall was speechless and slightly shaken as he adored them but Ran felt like hell and had to escape. He made up an emergency in the stables and stayed until late, only taking a break to join Niall, Isla and Simon for dinner. That morning, he shared a quiet breakfast with Niall then excused himself to make an early start on work but everything was running a little too smoothly and Ran’s brain refused to budge.

He didn’t waste time looking for Icarus. Ran made a few calls and asked his investigators to look harder but he knew it was futile. Icarus wouldn’t be found, Ran would have to wait until he revealed himself. The only thing he could do was wait and hope he’d earned his trust. It was the scar that followed Ran into his dreams after he returned home. They weren’t about sex, enough of that fire had been doused and the scar became a beacon. It called to Ran and he had nightmares. He dreamt of Icarus being trapped and tortured by a witch and he dreamt of him falling from the sky as his wings turned to flames. Ran had equally distressing visions when he was awake as well. He imagined that Icarus was being controlled by a lover who beat him and was being manipulated into compromising Ran in some way. Or, he envisioned Icarus escaping various dangerous and nearly deadly scenarios before he found his way to Ran. In the end, it didn’t matter. Icarus could have been tortured by a witch or survived a car bomb but there was nothing Ran could do until he opened up to him and started talking.

And the last thing Ran wanted was for Icarus to open up, he realized. If he was smart, he’d stop looking and let Icarus go completely. His heart and soul belonged to Niall and Ran would have an easier time cutting it out than giving it to someone else. But it was those terrible visions. Icarus wouldn’t let Ran’s mind rest, even when he wasn’t in the mood for sex. Ran could feel that Icarus was in trouble and he had to help him, regardless of what it cost his sanity. He just had to find a way to do it without his heart straying from where it belonged.