She lied.
Not just once, but over and over.
The one person on this goddamn earth, who never lied to me, did.
Even though anger bubbled in my chest, that wasn’t the emotion that overwhelmed me. Ironically, it was the tiny seed of distrust that took hold and consumed me. The one person I trusted implicitly, who stood before me while her big brown eyes welled with unshed tears, might as well have been a stranger.
How could everything you thought you knew about someone change in an instant?
Pinching the bridge of my nose, I squeezed my eyes shut for a brief moment, willing to rewind the last three minutes. To go back to the Haven who would never lie to me.
In my peripheral I watched her swipe away the tears that finally fell. Otherwise she hadn’t moved… I hadn’t moved. Suspended in time, we stood a few feet apart but it may as well have been miles.
“Vaughn, please, I can explain.”
“It’s pretty clear, Haven.”
Her head moved from left to right before her words followed. “No, it’s not. It started as one thing, but it got really complicated.”
With a sarcastic huff that was supposed to sound like a laugh, I chucked the stupid flip phone onto her coffee table. It landed with a solid whack that mimicked the punch I received to my gut, leaving me sick to my stomach. Enough so, I didn’t want to be there anymore.
A tiny gasp escaped her when I strode with purpose toward her door. “Vaughn.”
“What?” The anger in my voice surprised even myself.
“This is exactly why I couldn’t bring myself to tell you. So many times I wanted to, and I knew you’d react just this way.”
“Maybe you should have thought of that before you lied to me.” I grabbed my coat off her coatrack. “I need to get out of here.”
“You aren’t leaving here until I explain!” In true typical Haven fashion, she pushed her shoulders back and got just as angry.
“You want to explain?” Dumping my coat on her counter, I retraced my steps back to her small living room. Her eyes tracked me as I leaned on the wall opposite where she stood and waved my hand. “Explain.”
With shaky fingers, she smoothed away the moisture on her cheeks before dragging in a deep breath. “I thought if I could—”
“Take over and be the hero that I’d forever be grateful?” I finished her sentence for her.
“You’re wrong. You hated New York and resented the script they wanted to hold you to. I thought if the execs heard you in your true form, the way I knew you could be, unscripted and real, your talents would shine.”
“Unscripted? Oh, I got it… unscripted except for the part where you made up a person to trick me.”
“It was just an idea I had to kick start your creative juices.”
“How very proactive. Haven to the rescue, always the savior to my fucked up, unorganized world.”
“You hired me to keep your fucked up, unorganized world in check!” We glared at each other as the tension grew thicker between us. She stepped closer, fisting her hips, gaining confidence. “In fact, you like when I keep your shit together. And you know what? I do too. It’s what I do. You know what else I do? I give a shit about every damn thing that happens in your life, Vaughn. There isn’t anything that happens to you that doesn’t affect me in some way. So yeah, I like coming to your rescue. Because in all the years we’ve been best friends, it made me feel like you wanted me. In my own fucked up way, I liked rescuing you because that meant you needed me. Isn’t that the real reason we took our friendship over the line? You were missing something in your life, I was there, problem solved?”
“Is that what you truly think?” The tone of my voice caused her to cower a bit.
“I never felt I was enough for you then, and I don’t now.” Her eyes searched mine before she continued. “Vaughn, I was always the comfortable friend to you, someone to lean on, depend on. It was my role. And I wonder if I hadn’t kissed you if that would still be my role. That part I’ve been honest about. In fact, I’ve been honest about every damn thing between us. This Apple thing was nothing, a stupid idea that festered.”
“If I hadn’t found that phone,” I pointed to the antique that lay on her table. “Would you have told me?” I was met with silence. “Wow.”
“It was a mistake. I should have told you after that first phone call, and I’m sorry I didn’t. I really am. But I never intended to deceive you. I wanted it to go away, regretted every second of it.”
“I understand what may have prompted you to make up this fictitious person, but you kept calling as her. You called my office line off the air, sent me a fruit basket to my home! Who did you have deliver them? The Doorman said it was a blonde.”
“I paid a girl in one of my classes to. I knew that would cause you to want nothing more to do with her. Without actually revealing who she was, I knew the gesture would freak you out.”
“How fucked up is that? You kept up the pretense even while listening to me venting about this chick who managed to get to me.”
“Exactly!” Frustration laced every feature on her face. “She did get to you. Don’t you think it hurt to see you obsessing over this stranger? The more you did, the harder it was for me to tell you. And then, we started…” She stopped, unable to say the words.
“Fucking?” The look on her face caused of flash of regret to hit me.
Ignoring my crude comment she worked a swallow and said, “My insecurities kicked in. I wondered why you were still interacting with her, especially after you were professing love to me.”
“Come the fuck on, Haven. You can’t be serious. There was nothing going on with her and me… or you as her… whatever. I never once propositioned Apple in any way.”
“No, but you continued to take her calls, frustrated she wouldn’t reveal herself. I was conveniently there. Hell, the night after we first kissed, you texted her to say you were thinking about her.”
“And the night after we first kissed you were engaging with me pretending to be someone else? Were you trying to trick me, test me?”
“No. I was trying to figure out how into her you were. What was I to think? Here I was confused over our intimacy, wanting so desperately to tell you everything, and you’re contacting a person who was a complete stranger to you.”
“Are you saying that I fucked you because you were there and she wasn’t? A warm body, a willing pussy to fulfill my needs?” She didn’t respond, but the look on her face spoke volumes.
The anger I felt earlier paled in comparison. At the same time, her eyes blazed as I slowly walked toward her until we came nose to nose.
Waiting a pause to get my mouth to say what my mind wanted to, I leaned down and leveled her with my returning glare. “You know what, maybe I did. Maybe your pussy was just what I needed at that exact moment in my life. Again, you saved me. Thank you so much for rescuing my cock.”
I felt the slap before I knew what happened. The same hand that left a telling sting on my skin flew to her gaping opened mouth. “I’m sorry, Vaughn.”
The look on her face crushed me. Reflexively, my body wanted to pull her into my arms to comfort her, but my brain and heart wouldn’t allow it.
What the fuck was happening?
This wasn’t who we were. Emotions raged between us, and every one of them was unfamiliar—rage, spite, doubt, resentment. We had no idea how to navigate this. My professional expertise was failing me. I did know when passion and heat mixed with anger, the best course of action was to allow things to simmer down and settle, or words would be said that we wouldn’t be able to take back. It was already happening. I was partly to blame for the situation to go off the rails as it had, and I should’ve known better.
Moving back a step I held her gaze and nodded. “It’s fine. I deserved that.”
“No, you didn’t. I didn’t mean what I said. I didn’t mean to hit you. I didn’t mean to lie to you.”
“But you did. You’re different to me now.” You’re no longer special, the one person I morally held above all others.
“It’s still me. I promise you, Vaughn. I’m still me. I’d do anything for you. I moved to New York for you. I made one mistake, and I wish I could undo it.”
“Me, too,” was all I could come up with. I could have said a shit-ton of other crap that clogged my throat. Most of it was toxic, and if I said it now it would forever change us. By just admitting what I had so far, I could already see the damage in her eyes, her posture, the way her bottom lip trembled.
Yes, I could have been brutally honest with her, reminding her that was all I ever wanted in return. Even as we started our sexual relationship, I prompted her to talk to me, tell me the truth. And that whole time, she’d been lying. I never lied once in my life, and especially not to someone I cared about and loved.
But wasn’t my behavior just as bad as hers? I promised I’d never hurt her and that was exactly what I was doing.
Twisting the knife was not my style, and hurting her further wasn’t either. Instead, I gave her a sad smile and took the responsible road, the one that could possibly give us an out of this mess. Yet even as I hoped, I worried it might be too late to repair these new cracks in our foundation.
I gripped the back of my neck and sighed. “I think we both need to calm down. It might be a good idea for you to stay here tonight.”
“Okay.” The slump of her shoulders and tone of her voice revealed just how defeated she felt.
“Call me if you need me,” I added out of habit. I meant it, though. She hadn’t slept there since the break-in.
“I’ll be fine.” Her response spoke volumes. Especially since the heartbroken expression on her face said she was anything but fine.