Alice was quiet during the drive to the air field and as we stand at the bottom of the stairs onto the plane, she takes one last look behind her.
She is probably thinking about the first time she made this trip, I know I have been this morning.
“Are you ready?” I ask her.
“Yes,” she smiles up at me.
She walks up in front of me and I can’t help myself, I stare at her ass the whole way up onto the plane.
Freddie hollers when he sees her and River claps.
“I was hoping you’d say yes, I was dreading the flight back if you’d said no,” River quips.
“He’s grown on me, I’ll keep him around for a while,” she winks at me and laughs.
I’m looking forward to meeting funny Alice. I’ve met a lot of versions of her and I can’t wait for the day, I know her as well as she knows herself.
“Come on, let’s sit,” I say, tugging on her hand and leading her to the two seats furthest away from the others.
“This is the first time I’ve been on this plane without Joel,” she says quietly.
I hold her hand and squeeze tightly, “You can do this, you know he’s always with you.”
She offers me a small smile and keeps quiet until after take-off. I have so many plans for her, I want to show her every corner of the world and everything it has to offer and I’m going to. I’m going to be her rock and keep her close. I’m busy planning a trip for us when she turns in her seat and holds my hand with both her hands.
She keeps her voice low and asks, “Will you tell me everything now, please?”
Lifting my ass off the seat, I pull out my notebook from my back pocket and hand it over to her. I regret it instantly when she pulls away from me to read through it.
“Read from the beginning,” I guide when she flicks through the pages.
She opens the notebook at the beginning and her eyes flick to mine after reading the title on the first page.
“Project: Smile, Alice? Everything you said at the funeral was true?”
“Every word, all he wanted was to know you would be okay,” I tell her.
We haven’t spoken much about Joel or the speech at the funeral, she wanted to wait till now and I respected her decision.
“I’ve been writing everything down since I received your brother’s letter. It’s been a personal journal for me and an idea book for Joel and me. I knew all about you before we met in the hospital, Joel and I spent hours on the phone and on skype. I read his letter and immediately emailed him back. The kid had me laughing and then in tears, I would lay awake at night wondering how he could do that to me?”
She smiles and reads the first few pages. Her cheeks begin to blush, and I can guess where she’s got to.
“Your plan to make me smile was to fuck me?” she laughs.
“You make it sound like I wouldn’t be able to,” I fake mock, pretending to be wounded, “I figured it out in the end, you remember the first movie we watched?”
She nods, and I carry on, “Joel told me you liked comedy movies, but you couldn’t sit still for that long anymore. He said you were too anxious about him to sit through an entire movie. When you started to loosen your hold on him, I knew then I could try getting you to sit long enough to laugh and you did. You were so enthralled you didn’t notice me watching you the whole way through. You smiled, and you laughed for nearly two hours, hence why we started watching movies every night. I wanted you to smile for Joel, but I wanted you to laugh with me. It turns out, Joel fell asleep every night listening to the same sound.”
“Damon,” she sighs, but I stop her.
“I looked forward each day till the moment we were alone, and I could hear you laugh. I savoured every one of them and I always will. I never told Joel this, but he helped me more than I ever helped him. He brought me you and I will forever love him for it.”
She ever so slightly leans forward and brings her hand up to caress my cheek.
“It’s easy to see why Joel looked up to you.”
I cover her hand with mine, and bask in her compliment. When Joel first called me his hero, it choked me up. I’m used to people screaming my name, and trying to throw themselves at me, but Joel truly saw more to me than a rock star, he saw the goodness in my heart.
She goes back to reading my notes and I wait patiently for her to ask her next question.
“You had so many ideas to make me smile, I can’t believe you did this all behind my back. For the first two weeks my smile was sarcastic?”
“It was, even when everyone was being nice, you always came back with sarcasm. It made us smile, but not you.”
“So, you thought you would make me blush until my cheeks overheated and melted my lips into a permanent smile?” she says, reading along.
“I was willing to do what I had to for Joel, you were a tough nut to crack. Joel told me about the comedies and then we found you smiled more often and loosened up.”
She closes the notebook and hands it back to me. I won’t force her to read more, she can finish it when she’s ready.
“For twelve years, I spent most days trying to make him smile, so he wouldn’t be scared. He paid me back, didn’t he?”
I nod and tuck my arm around her.
“I have a surprise for you,” I whisper, “We’re flying to the Caribbean. We’re going on our own adventure, and I promise you, I’m going to look after you every minute of every day. You don’t have to worry about anything anymore. I’m here for you.”
Everything she gave to Joel, I’m going to give to her a thousand times more.