The sound of a man’s deep laughter wakes me, and I roll over and stretch. A light breeze sets off goose bumps down my arms and I lean over and reach for my watch.
Noon.
What the hell.
I jump out of bed and run next door to Joel’s room. He should’ve had his pills and breakfast hours ago. I’ve never missed his medication, not once, and on our first morning here I’m messing up. I’ve been a bitch about reminding everyone how poorly he is and here I am sleeping in and leaving him on his own.
Only, his room is empty, his bed is made, and he isn’t in the bathroom. It’s okay, he’ll be here somewhere. Heading back to my room, I crash into a rock-hard body and Freddie is chuckling to himself, holding me at my shoulders.
His skin is warm against mine and his hands feel huge in comparison to my small build.
“Whoa, what’s the rush?” he asks, still holding onto me.
“I was looking for my brother.”
“He’s having lunch out by the pool,” he says, releasing me.
He steps back and it’s not to put some space between us. He blatantly checks me out, all the way from my bare legs up to my eyes. I couldn’t be bothered to dig around for my shorts and top last night, I stripped down to my underwear and strap top and climbed into bed. Big mistake.
I cross my arms over my chest and go to walk by him.
“Your body is out of this world, UK. I can show you a good time while Damo does his thing with the kid, if you’re up for it?” he leers.
He’s gorgeous, no one could deny they wouldn’t give him a few minutes imagination time when they’re alone and have no boyfriend, hell, even if they do have a partner. He has even more tattoos than the rock star does. Where Damon is fair haired, Freddie has black hair he wears short and spikey.
“Leave her alone, Fred. She isn’t here for you.”
Over Freddie’s shoulder, I see the rock star coming to a stop at the top of the stairs and embarrassment hits me hard.
“She isn’t here for you either,” he snaps over his shoulder, his mood changing in a split second. He looks back to me and his mouth curls up mischievously, “Come and find me when you want to have fun.”
He brushes by me and disappears into a room at the end of the hall. The rock star isn’t watching him though, he’s watching me, and his eyes are taking the same route Freddie’s did a moment ago.
“Put some clothes on and come down for something to eat, we’re leaving soon for the show tonight.”
He abruptly turns and jogs down the stairs and I’m left alone. I shower and dress within fifteen minutes and I take my time walking through the house taking in the beauty, following the talk coming from out back.
In the kitchen, Maggie is whizzing a green concoction in the blender and I don’t ask what’s in it.
“Joel’s had his medication and a little breakfast, he’s kept it down so far. I’m making him a spinach orange smoothie for his lunch, it will boast his energy.”
“It looks…delicious,” I lie, trying to sound like I mean it.
I sat with her for over an hour last night and went through Joel’s normal day to day routine. She’s a little younger than I prefer. I like doctors and nurses who have years of experience, it makes me feel like they’re more likely to cure him.
“Go and get something to eat before they eat it all,” she says, over the noise of the blender.
I step outside and the warmth blasts against my face. I soak it all in.
England has never had this kind of heat, it isn’t stifling or tiring to be in, it’s just nice. Everyone is sitting at the same table Joel had a laugh at last night and it is covered with food and juices and coffee.
The chair next to Joel is empty and I take it for myself.
“Morning,” I smile at him.
“More like afternoon, we thought you were going to sleep through the day,” Baz laughs.
I smile and look around. Apart from the band and Joel, I don’t recognise anyone, but they look like the same people who were sitting here last night when we arrived. A tanned, beautiful goddess is draped over the rock stars lap and has her arm around his neck. He doesn’t seem to mind, and I avert my eyes when she catches me looking their way. He wasn’t lying when he said he liked a pretty woman on his lap and he didn’t have long to wait.
I pour myself an orange juice, and fill a plate with toast and eggs.
“We can get you tea, that’s what you Brit’s drink, isn’t it?” Baz says, still giving me his attention.
“I’m fine, but thanks.”
Besides, I’m more of a coffee fan anyway.
“Who willing drinks tea?” the blonde goddess says, scrunching her nose up, “It stains your teeth, then again, Brit’s are known for their awful teeth.”
Okay, my nails can come out to play too if this is how she wants to play.
“I know, right,” I agree sarcastically, “Just imagine having to have fake veneers to have a perfect smile. Thankfully, mine are white, straight and all real. Are yours?”
My heart pounds in my chest and I close my mouth. Baz laughs loud enough for the moon to hear and the rock star rolls his lips around to hide his smile. My satisfaction grows when she jilts her chin out and shuts up. I’ve hit a nerve with her and hopefully, she’ll never talk to me again while we’re here.
“Please be nice,” Joel mutters quietly, “She’s been really nice to me this morning. You don’t have to make friends, but you don’t have to make enemies either.”
My satisfaction plummets and I ignore everyone as I eat and finish my OJ. Joel talks with everyone around the table like he’s been friends with them all his life and I keep my mouth shut.
We were taught at school, if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all. I apply it now and chant it over and over silently in my head.
“Can you believe this,” Joel yells over the heavy beat of the music.
I hold my thumb up, instead of yelling back. My throat is raw from having to yell for the last hour and a half.
He hasn’t stopped smiling since we got to the stadium and he thinks he can hide the bags under his eyes behind his happiness. He’s worrying me how tired he is, and I’m dumbfounded as to where he’s getting this new bout of energy from. I’m trying to trust him to tell me when he’s tired or had enough, but I don’t think he will ever admit it and miss time with the band.
Being friends of the guys got us a side-line view of them on stage. Joel’s okay, he has a seat in his wheelchair, but my feet are throbbing in my boots as I stand.
I concentrate on the show and the rock star really does know how to work the stage and the crowd. They’re going crazy for the band and between the music and the crowd, they’re both making my body feel like it’s constantly vibrating.
The rock star is currently bare chested with his t-shirt hanging out of his back pocket, singing into the mic. It’s obvious why the women are screaming his name. He’s mesmerizing, hypnotizing them with his body and voice. I allow a few blissful moments to be hypnotized myself and enjoy the view.
The muscles in his arms bulge as he moves around, and his abs work over time as he leans over to belt out a note and then stands straight. His shoulder blades pull together as he throws his hands in the air and I’ve never witnessed anything sexier than this in my life.
I look up to his face and he’s looking straight at me. I shake off the trance and he smirks at me, knowing he’s caught me checking him out. He returns his attention to the crowd and I want to run. I want to run to the airport, jump on any plane and leave this country.
I watch everything but the rock star for the rest of the show and when they’ve finished their last song, Harry escorts Joel and I back to their dressing room.
Joel busies himself playing back the show he recorded on his camera and for an hour, I relive the embarrassment of being caught by the man himself before they return from their interviews and signings with the fans. We were warned they might be a while but I didn’t mind, it gave me a chance to sit and catch my breath.
Each of them apart from River have a woman hanging off their arms and I refuse to look at the rock star.
River surprises me when he plops down on the couch beside me. He is covered in sweat, and quite frankly, he stinks.
“Did you not enjoy the show?” he asks, still pumped from performing.
“Of course, I did,” I smile.
I did too.
“You didn’t look like you did,” he shrugs, like I’ve offended him, “Every time I looked over, you looked a million miles away.”
“I’ve got a lot on my mind, I guess. I’m only here for Joel. It’s more his thing than mine.”
“You don’t like our music,” he muses, nodding his head.
“I do,” I reply quickly.
“You don’t have to lie,” he starts to laugh, “I won’t be insulted.”
“It’s not that I hate it, I just don’t love it,” I clarify truthfully.
“Fair enough.”
Baz slips into the bathroom with the red head he brought in and I check Joel didn’t see them.
Freddie has his hands everywhere on the woman he brought back, and the rock star is talking to Joel, his woman sitting beside him resting her head on his shoulder. Very cosy.
“This really isn’t your scene, is it?”
“Not really,” I admit, as if it wasn’t obvious before tonight.
“It will be quiet out there now; do you want a tour of the place?”
I’d love to get out of here for a while, Joel is still talking with the rock star and River tugs my hand.
“He’ll be fine, and we won’t be long,” he promises.
“Okay, let’s go.”
No one questions us leaving the room and he walks us back to the stage. He’s right, it’s quiet and mostly empty backstage. Instead of stopping in the wings where Joel and I watched the show, he carries on walking out onto the stage and stops us dead centre.
All the seats are empty, and the silence is deafening.
“All my life I’ve wanted to play on stages like this,” he begins, “I can’t explain how it makes me feel to be up here playing in front of thousands of people who chant our names.”
He sits on the edge of the stage and I join him, both of us dangling our legs over the edge.
“Some things can’t be expressed with words, I reckon you do a pretty good job expressing it when you’re performing.”
“You reckon?”
“Sure, it’s hard to miss you all look like you belong here.”
He nods, and looks out around the arena.
“Damon’s told us about Joel, but he didn’t tell us much about you. What do you do?”
“I’m Joel’s full-time carer.”
“What did you do before he got sick?”
“I worked in our local newsagents and was training to become an accountant.”
He snorts, “You’re too pretty to be something so boring.”
Boring in my life means stability and routine, something Joel and I have strived to have for years. Millions of people need an accountant. Steady income and a job for life.
“How long has the band been together?” I ask, changing the conversation.
“We started playing ten years ago in local bars in our town, before that I worked in my dad’s garage.”
Neither of us say anything and the silence is too much.
“I love music, but sometimes all you need is the silence,” he murmurs, closing his eyes.
“Before Joel got sick, he took drum lessons at our local youth centre. He begged me that year for his own set for Christmas, but we didn’t have the space in our house for them. I compromised and got him a guitar,” I blurt out.
He might like the silence, but I hate it. Silence is the devil when it leaves too much room for dark thoughts to scream at you.
“Was he any good?”
I frown, “I’m not sure, he has a knack of being good at anything he puts his mind too, but I can’t say about the drums. He was only at the youth centre because I had to work afternoon shifts at the shop. When he was there, I knew where he was and not on the streets.”
“After the next show, we’ll get him on mine. I don’t usually let anyone near them, but Joel can be the exception.”
“You don’t have to do that for him.”
He finally looks at me and his beauty, like the others, is breath-taking, only he’s the first one I’ve seen beauty on the inside as well as out.
“I’ll do it for you, you should hear him play. If he’s good, it will be a nice memory for you. If he’s shit, we’ll get to tease him,” he grins, making me smile.
“I’d like that, thank you.”
We spend the next few moments in silence and I look forward to hearing Joel on the drums.
“We should get back, they guys will want to leave soon.”
He stands and holds out his hand for me, I accept, and he pulls me up and I slide my arm through his.
“Joel will always be looked after while you’re here, if you ever need a time-out, let me know. I usually take eight to ten a week,” he chuckles.
“I might take you up on that,” I smile as we walk back the same way we came.
The rock star is strutting down the last corridor as we near the dressing room and he doesn’t look happy.
“Nice of you to let us know you were sneaking out,” he grunts, his eyes boring into mine.
“Come on, Damo. No one was sneaking anywhere,” River laughs.
I’m glad he can see the funny side. I unlace my arm from his and brush past the rock star, ignoring his mood.
I don’t need grief from the rock star and if I can’t say anything nice, I won’t say anything at all. Walking away is the best thing to do.
Joel is now in his wheelchair talking to Baz. The red head is nowhere in sight. They both look up when I join them, and I don’t like the look Baz is giving me.
“It didn’t take you long to get it on with our River,” he mocks, “You’ve upset Freddie, you know. He doesn’t like losing to Riv.”
“What? Nothing’s going on,” I defend myself.
“Whatever you say, Alice,” he winks.
I leave it when Joel yawns. If he thinks he’s staying up till two am again tonight, he has another thing coming.
I expected everyone to go back to the house. I have to stop doing that, nothing has been what I expected so far and I doubt it ever will be. River, Baz and Freddie took another car and went on to a club. Maggie, Joel, the rock star and I went back to the house. The blonde goddess who was draped over the rock star’s lap at lunch is waiting in the foyer when we walk through the door and she acts like I’m not here. Which is fine with me.
“Come on, you need sleep,” I say to Joel, looking forward to getting into bed myself.
“Maggie can help him upstairs, can I have a word in the kitchen first,” the rock star asks me, taking cash out of his pocket.
He turns to the blonde and hands it over to her, “Take a cab home, Luce.”
She takes the money with a look of horror on her face, and scowls at me when he turns his back to her.
He walks off and Maggie is already ushering Joel up the stairs leaving me alone with a scowling goddess.
“He’s mine,” Luce bites out as soon as everyone is out of sight.
“Good for you, he’s a real catch,” I mutter.
“While you were sleeping this morning, he was between my legs.”
Is she for real? I don’t need to know that.
“Thanks for the information overload, but I need to see what your man needs then I need to see to my brother, so, are you done?”
“Just stay away from him,” she spits.
She bumps my shoulder as she walks past me on her way to the door and I can’t help myself, I spin around and call out, “Make sure to smile so the taxi driver can see your veneers light up the darkness, I don’t want you getting run over, I’d love to have another pleasant conversation with you.”
I don’t wait to see her reaction, I walk into the kitchen and find the rock star opening a beer and throwing the cap on the counter. He hands it over to me and I drink purely because my mouth is dry and not because since I’ve been here, all I’ve wanted to do is drink these people out of my life.
“You can’t help yourself, can you?” he growls, clearly having heard us.
I shrug my shoulders, I don’t have to explain myself to him.
“What is it you wanted?” I ask, wanting to be upstairs with Joel.
“I hoped they would leave you alone, but I was wrong to think they wouldn’t hit on you, so I’m telling you, don’t fuck anyone in my band.”
I nearly choke on the air in my lungs. He stands tall, holding his shoulders back and defiantly stares me down.
“What makes you think I would?”
“I don’t know what gets you hot, darling. I caught you half dressed with Freddie this morning, then you disappear with Riv tonight. Is Baz next? Do I have a chance with you?”
I slam my beer on the counter and walk out. I don’t stop until I’m upstairs and heading for Joel’s room. How fucking dare he. Apart from Maggie, everyone around here is focused on sex. Seeking out intimacy is the last thing on my mind.
Maggie is closing his door and she looks as tired as I feel.
“He fell asleep while I was sorting his pills out for tomorrow. I’ll see you in the morning.”
With Joel asleep, I open my door and pace the length of the room. Seriously, what vibes have I been giving off to make him think I would have sex with anyone here?
He infuriates me.
I’m here for my brother and under the circumstances of him meeting his idols, I wish it wasn’t possible. Every time I see them, I’m reminded of why Joel was granted his wish, why on earth would I want to sleep with them?
I undress and jump in the shower. The jets pound the water against my back and I’m able to calm down. I tell myself they are used to women throwing themselves on them every day, why would they think any differently of me?
Turning the water off when I’m done, I wrap a large towel around me and dig around in my case for bottoms and a top. For extra measure, I put on my hoodie, I wouldn’t want anyone thinking I want sex with them.
A soft knock stops me from climbing into bed and the rock star stands looking guilty before me when I open the door.
“I’m sorry,” he says, before the silence drags on.
“So, you should be, the only reason I am here is because of Joel. I’m not interested in anything or anyone but him and making sure he gets home again.”
“I understand, please forget I said anything.”
He doesn’t linger around and walks off to his room.
“All River and I did was talk about Joel,” I blurt out, and he stops outside his door.
I don’t know why I feel the need to have him believe me, but I do.
“Goodnight, Alice.” His voice is so soft, it takes me back.
“Goodnight, Damon.”
He smiles hearing me call him by his name and disappears in his room. I close my door and climb into bed. Turning off the lamp, I let my eyes adjust to the darkness and curl up under the sheets.
Rock stars are exhausting.