Even when the band aren’t doing anything, they’re still moving around. There are hotels to check out of, flights to take, new hotels to unpack in. We arrived in Chicago late last night and it hasn’t stopped raining. Joel and I couldn’t go for our morning walk because of it, and it’s made me grouchy. Over the last week I’ve come to love our walks alone in the mornings. Freddie and Baz showed up a few hours ago and River showed up an hour ago. I guess the rain keeps them all in. None of them noticed when I slipped into my room for a breather. I thought I’d have five minutes to myself as I laid down on the bed. That was two hours ago. I’ve never been this tired, but I haven’t been able to sleep. I lay here listening to the rain beat against the window and think of nothing. Sometimes I hear the guys shout and laugh, and I wait for it to quieten down again, going back to the rain.
There’s a soft knock at the door. If it were Joel, he would walk straight in, because whoever it is are waiting for me to answer, I ignore it.
Hopefully they’ll think I’m asleep and leave me alone. My life isn’t that lucky, the door opens and closes, and Damon is walking across the room when I lift my head to see who is disrupting me.
“I’m sleeping,” I mumble when he’s standing before me.
“Yeah, looks like it,” he smirks.
Ever since our chat he is a lot more intense around me. It’s like he’s seen an opening from me to be besties or something. Don’t get me wrong, I do like him, I think.
“We’re putting a movie on, Joel asked me to ask if you want to join us?”
“Sure.”
He offers his hand, and I’m reaching out before I’m thinking it through. He is so warm under my touch and he pulls me up in one swift movement. I land on my feet and come face to face with his chest. I daren’t look up at him being this close and take my hand back. He gets the message and steps away.
Sweeping his arm between us, he motions for me to leave the room first and I gladly do. Joel is propped up in the armchair and Freddie is sat, leaning against Joel’s chair. Baz sits on the second armchair with one of his legs draped over the arm. I join River on the couch and Damon sits beside me.
“Is this what your life has become?” Baz asks Damon, full of shock and with a tint of disgust.
The movie they chose is about to begin. It’s nice being altogether, usually Baz and Freddie are too busy with women or sleeping off the drink. River does his own thing most of the time but always makes the effort to check on me each day, asking if I need a time-out. This will be the longest we’ve been around all four members of the band.
“The point of watching a movie is that you shut up and watch it,” Damon growls.
Flying popcorn comes hurtling towards Damon and because I’m sat next him, I get hit too.
“Both of you shut up,” Freddie says, threatening to throw his own popcorn.
The shock on Damon’s face that Freddie would throw food at him makes me laugh and his neck nearly snaps when he turns to look at me.
“You find that funny?” he asks me.
I can’t help it, I nod, and I receive a handful of popcorn thrown at me. He only makes me laugh harder.
It turns into a full-fledged food fight and as I lean over for another bowl of chips to use, arms wrap around my waist and I’m being pulled backwards.
I instantly know it’s Damon, his cologne and his natural scent are a combination only he owns. I stop laughing when his breath hits my neck and I catch my breath only to lose it to him. He needs to stop doing this to me. There’s thousands of women he can do this too.
“You can’t hide behind a chick, that ain’t fair,” Baz whines, trying to aim for Damon.
“Looks like the fight is over,” River says seriously, looking over at Joel.
Both Damon and I go still. His eyes are glazed over and he’s a deathly shade of pale.
“I’m going to be sick,” he manages to say and before I can move, Damon has let me go and is across the room. He doesn’t think twice, he picks Joel up and takes him through to the bathroom. I follow closely behind them and stay in the doorway. Damon doesn’t hesitate, he kneels beside Joel hovering over the toilet and rubs his back.
He cares so much about Joel and I keep treating him like an annoying fly always buzzing around us. It’s a beautiful sight to see someone taking care of Joel besides me.
When he’s finished, Damon helps him stand and holds him up, so he can brush his teeth. Joel splashes water on his face and Damon grabs a towel and dries him off.
“I need to lay down.”
His voice is scratchy, and Damon helps him into the bedroom and I pull the covers back ready for him.
I tuck him in and kiss him lightly on the forehead.
“I’ll be right outside,” I tell him, but his eyes are already closed and he’s drifting off to sleep.
I can’t sit or stand around. I go back into the living area and start tidying up. If I don’t keep busy, I’ll worry about Joel, and I’ll end up having thoughts about Damon that I shouldn’t be having just so I don’t think about Joel, and I certainly don’t want to think about how Joel is getting worse. Everything is whirling around my head, it takes a minute to notice the guys have left.
“Leave that, I’ll call someone up to clean it up.”
“I want to keep busy,” I snap, using my hand to sweep the popcorn off the sofa.
“Leave it.”
I stop, his authority grounds me and my shoulders sag under the weight of the exhaustion.
He walks over to me and slides one hand around the back of my neck, and the other in my hair. I don’t fight him when he presses his lips against mine.
He moves slowly at first, until I deepen our embrace. I need more. I need his touch.
I grip onto his arms and his muscles strain against my skin. Kissing Damon Coleman is like a rare balm for the soul.
“I’ve wanted to do that every day since New York,” he pulls back to say, then leans back in and captures my mouth.
His hands leave my hair and drop to my hips. He picks me up and I wrap my legs around his waist. My back hits the couch a moment later and his erection presses into my thigh as he lays upon me. I am so turned on I’m going to combust at any moment.
Then like a cold shower, it’s gone.
Joel coughs.
I hear it as clear as church bells.
Damon assaults my neck with his lips and trails them down to my shoulder. I push against his chest, but he doesn’t feel me.
“Get off me, Joel needs me,” I scream into his hair covering my face.
He springs off me and I rush over to Joel’s room. I throw open his door to find him still asleep, he must’ve been clearing his throat.
I shut the door and turn to a dark eyed Damon watching me like he’s ready to pounce a second time. He moves closer to me and the early need to be near him fades.
“We shouldn’t…”
He cuts me off, “We should.”
“No…”
“No one kisses like that if it’s not meant to happen again…and again,” he says, huskily and needlingly.
“It shouldn’t have happened in the first place, I got carried away...”
“You’re pushing me away and I know you don’t want to, not deep down. You’re allowed to feel good sometimes, Alice.”
He’s not listening, as usual.
“I’m not going to lay on my back for you while my brother is sick in the next room.”
My words slice through him like shards of ice and he backs away. How can he wind me up and then make me feel guilty when he pushes too far?
“Fuck you for thinking so highly of me,” he growls and grabs his jacket from his room.
He doesn’t say another word and slams the door on his way out. I sink onto the chair and close my eyes.
Hopefully there is one day I won’t mess everything up. I push Joel too far, I wrap him in cotton wool and over protect him. I take my pain out on Damon when all he does is care. I’m such a bitch and I’m bloody tired of it.