My heart stutters in my chest from his confession. It’s as if he can read my mind. I want him, want us, but I just can’t see how we can make it work. I’m glad he has the control to stop us because I don’t. I know it’s the right thing, waiting, but my fear is that the moment will never come. Never having a chance to know what it’s like to be with him, to be his.
“You ready?” he asks, pulling me from my thoughts.
“Yeah.” I reach for his hand. We walk in silence for a few minutes when I decide it’s time to break the ice. “Since we’re already on the subject, how many have there been?”
“How many?” he asks, but I know he knows what I mean.
“Sexual partners,” I clarify.
He whistles. “Bringing out the big guns.”
“I figured we might as well get all the hard stuff out of the way now.”
“Six.”
Not as many as I would’ve thought. He’s tall and built, with dark hair and blue eyes, and he’s a southern gentleman. I would’ve thought the list would be a mile long.
“You going to keep me in suspense?”
“Three.” I decide to go ahead and tell all. “There was my first that you know about. He and I gave it a few more tries, still fumbling, finding our way. Then there was Travis. He and I dated in college about two years, I guess. It was more casual than serious, but we were monogamous. The last was Hank, the guy I was seeing last summer.”
“What happened?”
“With Hank? I told myself that it just wasn’t working, that the attraction just wasn’t there. The truth is that after that weekend, after meeting you, he wasn’t who I wanted. I take a weekend trip to see my best friend and meet this amazing group of friends she’s found in this new life she’s created for herself. There’s Olivia and McKinley, both of whom I hit it off with as if we’ve been friends forever. Then there are all you guys: Evan, Aaron, David and you. The way you all treat women, the respect, it’s something that most women only dream of finding. Here I am watching these three couples live a real-life fairytale.” I take a break, giving him time to process. “That night, you made a huge impression on me. You never once tried anything. You asked if I was seeing someone and you respected that. But although you kept your distance, I still felt the heat, the pull of the attraction sparking between us.”
“I felt it too, Jamie,” he assures me, although he doesn’t need to.
“So six?” I ask.
He chuckles. “My first. Unlike you, we never tried again. We were both traumatized, I think. There was another girl the summer after my senior year, Meagan. We dated that summer and then she went off to college. I stayed here and did the community college thing, worked for Dad at the bar. After Megan, there was Alex, though she and I had more of a ‘friends with benefits’ situation. She was coming off a bad breakup and just wanted the release. That lasted a couple of months, until her ex came back in the picture. Then there was Sara. She and I had business ethics together. We hooked up one night after a study group. That lasted the rest of the semester, but then we went our separate ways. She wanted something serous and I just wasn’t feeling it. The last two, Katie and Beth, were both drunken hookups. That was over two years ago.”
“Wait a minute, back up. Two years ago? It’s been two years for you?”
“Why are you so surprised?”
“I mean, you’re you, all sexy and those blue eyes. How has it been two years?”
“I took over the bar two years ago. Dad decided to retire and I decided it was time to stop screwing around and get my head in the game. I spend most days at the bar, even when we’re closed. At first it was to make a few changes, paint, things like that. Now it’s my life. I’ve always wanted to take over the bar. That’s why I stayed local for college. When Dad handed me my future on a platter, I jumped in headfirst and never looked back. I just wish Olivia would accept her part and not just bartend. I’ve been pushing her to take on more. It’s not just my legacy, after all.”
“Wow. I’m just… wow.”
“Yeah, so when I tell you I want nothing more than to be inside of you, know it’s the truth. It’s painful, literally, to not give in to the desire I have for you.”
“That’s some willpower.”
“It’s something all right. It has to be a higher power. I crave you, Jamie. More than you can understand. Waking up with you in my arms, it’s hard as hell not to give in to temptation, but this is how it has to be for both of us,” he says as we reach the top of Miller’s Peak.
“Wow, it’s breathtaking,” I gasp, looking at the view.
“Yes.” I turn to look over my shoulder at him and his eyes are locked on me. “It’s a struggle,” he says, slowly walking toward me. “But when it happens, when we finally come together, it’s going to be explosive.”
“Promises, promises.”
He snakes his arms around me and buries his face in my neck. “It’s more than a promise, it’s a fact. I can’t wait to prove it to you.”
“I figured this place would be packed with it being Saturday.”
“It’s rare that you don’t run into others. Lots of parents bring their kids. Today must just be our lucky day. Come on.” He tugs on my hand and leads me to a sunny spot just out of the way of the path. Pulling out a blanket from his backpack, he spreads it out on the ground.
“It’s a little chilly in the shade, so I’m glad you picked this spot.”
He doesn’t say anything, just offers me a smile and a bottle of water. I take it from him and take a long drink.
“I’ve got a couple granola bars if you’re hungry.”
“No, thank you. This is perfect.” I hold the water up, letting him see that half the bottle is already gone.
“There’s more in the bag, so help yourself.” He takes a spot on the blanket beside me, only he lies back, resting one arm behind his head. “Come here, you,” he says, tracing his fingers up and down my back.
I screw the cap back on my water bottle and set it beside the bag before lying down next to him. He wraps his arm around me, kissing the top of my head, and I melt into him, for him. “This is nice.”
He doesn’t say anything as he runs his fingers through my hair. I feel myself relax even more into him. We have this pull between us; it’s strong and vibrant and scary as hell. I think about the couple of months of our conversations and the things he’s said the last couple of days. It’s a lot to take in.
“How’s work going?” he finally asks.
“Good, I think. It’s still really slow, and I’m just waiting for the day he tells me that he’s closing the doors.”
“You mentioned he might sell the practice?”
“You know, I don’t think he will. We’ve not taken on a new case in months. It’s as though he’s cleaning up loose ends to shut the doors.”
“What will you do?”
“Find another job. The city’s full of attorney offices, and I’m sure one of them needs a paralegal. When I started college, I always saw myself working for a big firm, being involved in the big important cases. I never imagined that I would be where I am.”
“I thought you loved it.”
“I do. My boss is the best, but it’s just not where I thought I would end up, you know?”
“So have you started looking?”
“No, I can’t leave him now. I’ll wait until he tells me, then go from there. I have savings that’ll get me by until I find something. Worst-case scenario, I can move back in with my parents.”
“If you need anything….”
“Hey, it’s all good. Promise. I’m not worried. It’s just sad, that’s all. It’s a chance for me to seek out the big corporate guys and land the job that I’ve always dreamed of. I started at my current job as an intern and just happened to stay on full time. I fell into it and I’m comfortable. It’s change that’s the scary part, you know, but it’s what I’ve always wanted. It’s scary and exciting all at the same time.”
“You’re going to kick ass in whatever you do,” he says, kissing the top of my head.
“What about you? How’s the bar going?”
“Great. I talked to Olivia again. I really wish she would take an active role in management.”
“She any closer to giving in?”
“I think so, maybe.”
“What do your parents think?”
“They don’t pressure her. Liv has always been one to do things on her own terms. They know that about her. I can be patient, but I also feel like I need to keep reminding her that she has every right to make decisions and be a part of it like I do. I know she doesn’t like the staff part of things—she never has been one for conflict—but there’s so much more to running a business than that. I don’t want her to be tending bar the rest of her life.”
“It’s not a bad gig when it’s your family business.”
“No, but I hate to see her dealing with all the drunks. I know Liv and she wants kids. I can’t see her pregnant behind the bar.”
“I don’t know David that well, but I can’t see that he would be too happy about that.”
He laughs softly. “You’re right, he wouldn’t. He loves her but it would be a fight with them, for sure.”
“You’re a great big brother.”
“Oh go on,” he laughs. “We probably should head back. We have plans tonight.”
“We do?”
“Yep.”
“Is that all I’m going to get? No hint?”
“You’ll see when we get there. First we hike back to the truck. Then we grab something to eat. I’m starving,” he says, rubbing his belly.
“All right, you. I don’t want you to wither away on me.” I stand and offer my hand to help him up.
“Next stop, food. I need to stop by the bar to make sure everyone showed up for work, and then we head out for the other plans.” He winks.
“Feed me,” I say instead of whining about not knowing where we’re going.
Glancing over, he smiles and reaches over the console. I offer my hand and he rests our combined fingers on my thigh.
A girl could get used to this.