I stand in the middle of the driveway until I can no longer see her. Once her car disappears, I make my way to the front porch and settle on the swing, not ready to go back inside. I just need a minute to dissect this feeling, the heaviness in my chest. It’s an ache so strong, I fight the urge to call her and beg her to come back. I know I can’t do that—her life is there and mine’s here—but what about the life we could build together? Where does that leave us?
“You okay?” Mom asks, taking a seat next to me on the swing.
“I’m not sure,” I tell her honestly.
“You really like this one.”
“I do.”
“So what are you going to do about it?”
“What can I do? She lives there, I live here. We both have responsibilities, plus she has her family and I have you all. I don’t see how it could work.”
“With that attitude, it won’t.”
I turn to look at her.
“Don’t give me that look. What does your heart tell you, Michael?”
I rub my hand over my chest. “I don’t know.”
“Then you’re not ready to make it work.”
“What does that even mean?”
“It means your heart will guide you. If you’re not ready to listen to it, then you’re not ready for whatever it is you think you want with that girl.”
“I want her.”
“Is that what your heart says?”
“Momma, come on. We’ve hung out a handful of times.”
“You care about her, I can see it. You watch, stay close to her, take every opportunity to touch her. You brought her home to me.”
I let her words sink in. “I do care about her.”
“When your heart and your head are on the same page, you’ll know what to do. In the meantime, don’t give up on what it could be between the two of you because of a little distance. If you both want it, there’s a way.”
“I don’t see how. We lead two lives in two different states.”
“Love, Michael. With love, all things are possible.” She stands and kisses my cheek, leaving me to think about what she said.
I sit on that porch swing long after she leaves me to my thoughts. It’s not until I feel my phone vibrate in my pocket that I’m pulled back to the present.
Jamie: Stopping to get gas. Just checking in.
Me: I should’ve made sure you had a full tank before you left.
Jamie: I still would’ve had to stop.
Me: My parents liked you.
Jamie: That’s a relief. I liked them too. You have a great family.
Me: Be safe. Talk soon?
Jamie: Sure thing.
Shoving my phone back in my pocket, I make my way into the house. Everyone is sitting in the living room. I take a seat on the couch with Whitney and Aaron.
“Where you been?” Whit asks.
“Outside.”
“Who kicked your puppy?” Olivia asks.
“I don’t have a puppy,” I remind her.
“You don’t have a puppy, but your girl left. She get on the road okay?” Aaron asks.
“She did.”
“We were just thinking about going fishing later tonight. You in?” David asks.
“Yeah.” I might as well; otherwise, I’ll just be sitting around worrying about Jamie until she makes it home. “I’m going to run home and get my gear. What time and where are we meeting?”
“My place around six,” Aaron answers.
I nod, say my goodbyes and head home.
Pulling into the driveway, I reach for my phone in the cup holder and check it for any messages from Jamie, even though I know I won’t find one. Climbing out of the truck, I head to the garage to get my gear together and pack it in the truck. I grab the cooler and take it inside to fill it with ice and a dozen or so bottles of water. I’m tempted to throw a few beers in, but I won’t drink and drive and if she needs me…. Not that she will, or that I could even get to her in time, but the thought alone prevents me from indulging.
Truck loaded, I have time to kill, so I take a seat on the back deck closing my eyes, letting the warmth of the sun soak in. I’m exhausted from not getting a lot of sleep last night. We were up late talking and when she finally fell asleep, I couldn’t. Instead I watched as she slept peacefully in my arms. It’s a vision I won’t be forgetting anytime soon. My eyes are closed and I feel myself drifting when my phone vibrates in my pocket. That has my attention. Eyes now wide open, I pull it from my pocket and look at the screen.
Jamie: Stopping for a bathroom break and to stretch my legs. I might even indulge in some Combos and beefy jerky.
Me: Beef jerky? You going country, City?
Jamie: There’s this guy… I’m pretty sure he could persuade me.
My heart beats double time at the thought of convincing her to move here. Am I ready for that? Am I serious enough about her, about whatever this is, to let her uproot her life? I don’t have to think about the answer to my own question; I knew before the thought ever crossed my mind.
Yes!
Me: You know, I met this city girl. If anyone can take me out of the country, it’s her.
I’m honest to a fault and I mean it. I could and would do that for her. Only for her.
Jamie: Sounds like we’re both lucky.
Me: I know I am. I miss you already.
Jamie: Miss you too. I’m getting back on the road. This is my last stop before home. I’ll call you when I get there.
Me: Okay. Be safe, James.
I feel like a damn broken record telling her to be safe all the time, but it worries me that she’s driving all on her own. I can’t keep asking her to do this. Next time, I’m going to her. Olivia can handle things for a few days.
Too antsy to sit around, I grab my keys and head over to Aaron’s. At least being around others will distract me… I hope.
When I pull into the drive, Whitney is sitting on the front porch reading. I don’t see Aaron.
“Hey, stranger,” she calls out. “Our girl make it home?”
“Not yet. She’s almost there.” I walk up on the porch and take a seat in the rocking chair beside her.
“You’re not mad, are you? That we surprised you?”
“Fuck no. It’s the best damn surprise ever. I just hate her driving all that way on her own. I hate that we live so far away, and I hate that she’s not here with us right now.” I rest my elbows on my knees and hang my head. I can’t seem to get out of this; first I’m spilling my guts to mom and now Whit. I need to man up.
“She’s a big girl, Mike.”
“Yeah, she’s also a beautiful girl driving all on her own. Do you watch the news? You know how many damn crazies there are out there. Fuck!”
I feel her hand land on my shoulder. “She’s fine. You really like her, huh?” I turn to look at her and she laughs. “Stupid question, I get it.”
“I’m driving myself crazy, Whitney. I never should’ve let us start this. I can’t handle her being so far away. I just don’t see how—”
“Why do you have to declare anything now? You’re both good with slowly getting to know one another. Take turns every few weeks going to visit, and she’ll be here for the wedding. Slow is good—look at me.” She grins.
“I don’t really remember anything slow. Aaron was hooked right away.”
“Maybe, but things between us were slow. I was hooked early on as well, but we took our time. If it’s meant to be, you’ll find a way.”
Gravel crunching has us looking toward the driveway where David and Dad just pulled up.
“Look at you, beating us here,” Dad says in greeting.
“Hey, Whit. Where’s Aaron?” David asks.
“He’s out at the barn getting the truck loaded up. He told me to send y’all over when you get here.”
“I’ll drive,” David says, already turning back to the truck.
I stand to follow them.
“Mike,” Whit calls out. I turn to face her. “Time,” she whispers. “She’s in this with you. Y’all just need some time.”
I nod and head toward my truck to get my gear. Once I have it all loaded into David’s, I double-check that I have my phone and grab the charger just in case. I have a full battery, but I’m not risking it going dead until I know she’s home.
“We spreadin’ out?” Dad asks once we reach the pond.
“I like that plan,” Aaron agrees.
Secretly, I do as well. I don’t need them hounding me for checking my phone every five seconds. Then again, this was supposed to be a distraction, so I don’t do that. Not that it would’ve stopped me, but that was the idea going into this.
Grabbing my gear, I head toward the north end, the farthest away. Setting up my chair, I place the cooler next to it, my fishing bag on the other side. I make quick work of getting my pole ready to cast and take a seat. It’s a little early to be fishing, the water’s still pretty cold, but we do it anyway, because it’s a nice warm sunny spring day and this is what we do. It’s nice to escape to nature after being cooped up all winter.
My pole is propped up on its stand in the grass, right by my feet, and my phone is in my hands. I look around and see how everyone else is going. I haven’t heard any yells of excitement, so I’m guessing they’re waiting for a bite as well. David is texting on his phone, or at least that’s what it looks like. I’m sure it’s my sister. Dad has his hat down over his eyes and I’m certain he’s napping, enjoying the quiet. Aaron’s looking out over the water, a goofy happy grin on his face. It’s so big I can see it from across the pond. He’s marrying the love of his life, my cousin Whitney, in a few weeks and he’s riding the high.
Swiping the screen, I see it’s a little after eight. Jamie should be home by now, even with the stops she made. I know last time she ran into traffic, so I don’t want to freak out yet. Who am I kidding? I’ve been freaking out since she pulled out of my parents’ driveway.
I jump when her face lights up my screen. “Hey,” I whisper.
“Did I wake you?”
“No, not at all. No way could I sleep until I knew you were home safe. Dad, Evan, Aaron, David and I are fishing. You make it home?” I ask, keeping my voice soft so as not to disturb the fish or my fellow fishermen.
“Yeah, traffic again. But I’m home. I’m going to unpack and start a load of laundry, maybe grab something to eat.”
“I need you do to me a favor.”
“Sure, what’s up?”
“I need you to talk to your boss or look at your calendar, whatever it is you need to do, and give me some dates before the wedding. I need to see you.”
“Mike, it’s only six weeks away.”
“That’s too long. Can you get them to me? I was thinking if I drove up on a Friday night, I could leave Sunday, or if you’re able to get Monday off, I could stay until Tuesday morning. If I leave when you do for work, I could be back to open the bar that night. Olivia can handle it until then, and Dad will be there to help her if she needs it.” I’ve done nothing but think while sitting out here watching my bobber float in the water.
“You sure? I know you hate being away from the bar.”
I don’t even think before I say, “I hate being away from you even more.”
“I’ll talk to him tomorrow and get back with you.”
“Don’t worry about when. You tell me when to be there and I’ll make it happen.”
“I miss you,” she says quietly.
My chest tightens. “You have no idea, Jamie.” Although, as soon as I say the words, I feel like she does know. This connection we have is more than just an instant attraction, but I can’t explain it. But I know it’s more. So much more.
“I need to call my parents and Whit and let them know I’m home.”
“Okay. Sweet dreams, James.”
“Night, Michael.”
Suddenly, the weight is lifted from my shoulders and I feel like I can take a deep breath, the first since she pulled out of the driveway earlier today. I’ve seen Aaron and Evan—hell, even David with Liv—and I never understood how their happiness would stem from that of the woman in their lives. I get it now. I’ve only had a taste of what they have and I’m a selfish bastard. I want it all.