I made it through my first two days at my new job without breaking down in tears. I’ve cried myself to sleep every night since I’ve been home. The job is good, people are nice, the office is great, but it’s not what I thought it would be. I know it’s only been a day, but the passion I once had to hold this type of position just isn’t there. I know a lot of that has to do with missing him.
I’m pacing my apartment, needing to talk to someone. My best friend is still on her honeymoon. I contemplate calling Olivia, but she’s too close; Mike is her brother, after all. I could call McKinley, but I don’t. It’s not lost on me that all of my friends in Kentucky are the ones I want to reach out to.
Thirty minutes later, I pull up outside of my parents’ house. I don’t bother knocking, choosing to walk on in. “Mom, Dad,” I call out.
“Jamie,” Mom says, surprised.
“Hey, you got a minute?”
“Of course I do, but what’s going on? Have you had dinner?”
“No, I don’t have much of an appetite.”
“Come on and I’ll make you a sandwich. You have to eat something.”
“Where’s Dad?” I ask, following her into the kitchen.
“He’s in the shower.” She moves around the kitchen, making me a sandwich. I stay silent, just watching her. She sets it in front of me just as Dad joins us.
“Jamie! What a nice surprise, sweetheart.”
“Hey, Dad.”
“Uh-oh, what’s wrong? How’s the new job?”
“The job is fine.”
“Just fine?” he asks, looking over at mom.
“Yeah, I mean, the people are nice, and the office is bigger than I expected. I even have a view,” I say without an ounce of excitement.
“Honey, isn’t that what you’ve always wanted?” Mom asks gently.
“Yeah,” I sigh. “I just… I don’t know if it’s what I want anymore.”
“What’s brought this on?”
Pushing my plate away, I rest my elbows on the table, then bury my face in my hands. “I miss him,” I confess through my silent tears.
I feel her hand on my shoulder. “Jamie, if you miss him so much, why are you here?”
I look up to see her and Dad both patiently waiting for my answer. “You’re here, my life is here, my job.”
“Do they not have attorneys in Kentucky?” Dad asks.
“Uh… yes?” I answer.
Dad laughs. “Jamie, your home is where you make it. You remember when we used to travel to Ohio when you were little to see Nana and Pap?”
I nod.
“I left Ohio to come to Chicago when I met your mother. I loved her and this was where she was. She was my home.”
“Sweetheart,” Mom says gently. “As a parent, you know your child is going to grow into their own life, have their own family. You have to live your life for you. You know that when we retire completely in a few months, we want to travel and see the world. We won’t be here. As a matter of fact, we’ve been throwing around the idea of selling this place and buying an RV. Maybe get an apartment somewhere as a home base.”
“Really? That sounds just like the two of you. I’m happy for you.”
“Sometimes in life, what we think we want most changes. It could be because of age, location, those you surround yourself with or even love.”
“Does he love you?” Dad asks.
I nod. “He does.”
“Is he as miserable as you are?”
“I think so. We talk every night and text throughout the day.”
“Sometimes you have to sacrifice to be with the one you love. I can promise you the reward outweighs the risk,” Dad says, kissing Mom on the cheek.
“I see that now. I thought I’d be able to bury myself in work and could forget, but nothing I do makes me forget. He’s always there, in my thoughts, no matter what time of day.”
“I think you have your answer,” Mom says with a watery smile.
“I can’t quit my job. I just started.”
“Sure you can,” Dad chimes in. “You know Warren will give you a great reference no matter where you’re working. Be open and honest with them. If you’re going to do it, don’t wait. The sooner the better.”
I think about what they’ve said and realize they’re right. I don’t know why I couldn’t see past the idea of what I wanted. It took me until this moment to see that I was leaving behind the only thing I do want.
Mike.
I stand and pull them both into a hug. “Thank you. I love you both. Thank you.”
“You’re welcome. You let us know what we can do to help,” Mom says.
“Does that man of yours have a place to park an RV?” Dad grins.
I throw my head back and laugh. “Yes, he most definitely does.” After a quick goodbye, and finishing my sandwich at my mother’s insistence, I head home with my mind racing a mile a minute. I have to get things in order.
I decide to text him when I get home instead of calling, afraid he’ll hear the excitement in my voice. I want to surprise him.
Me: Long day. Heading to bed. I miss you.
Me: I love you.
Mike: I miss you and love you too. Sweet dreams, beautiful.
Plugging my phone into the charger, I pull out my notebook and start making a list. I have a lot to do in a short period of time.