I tried convincing myself that anybody would do the same thing, that it was totally normal to try and tidy up my apartment and make it look nice for Jaret.
But I knew it was more than that. I wanted to impress him.
Why? He was just a douchey, cocky, arrogant son-of-a-bitch who happened to have the body of a God and the intellect to match. It wasn’t fair.
And yet, I kept doing it. I paced around the room, ordered pizza when I saw online that his flight had landed, and the delivery guy showed up with the pies just a few minutes before Jaret knocked at my door.
I opened it and saw him standing there, on my doorstep. I thought I was going to melt just from looking at him. It always floored me just how good looking he was every time I saw him.
He actually had a small bouquet of flowers in his hand. Flowers! Jaret Black, of all people.
“Hey, kitten,” he greeted me, looking just as perfect as always. He held out the flowers, and I took them.
“These are for you.”
“Thanks,” I replied, moving aside to let him in. The flowers even warranted me ignoring the use of that dumb nickname. “I got pizza.”
“Sweet. I’m starving, I didn’t feel like paying $10 for a sandwich on the plane.”
I went into the kitchen and passed him a plate. He loaded it up with slices of meat lovers and Hawaiian, then settled himself in on the couch as if he’d been here a thousand times. His confidence, no matter where he was, in every single situation ever, drove me completely insane.
“So, you’re pregnant.”
“I’m pregnant,” I replied as I bit into my first slice of Hawaiian.
“Have you decided what you’re going to do?”
I shook my head. “Do you have a preference?”
“Well, despite the fact that you think I’m a chauvinistic pig and a man whore, while you might be right about the second one, I actually do think a woman’s body is for her to do what she wants with. If you want to get an abortion, I’m not going to stop you.”
“But…” I continued, feeling as if there was something else coming.
“But, I’d rather you keep it.”
“Well, you don’t need to worry. I wasn’t going to have an abortion.”
The relief on my stepbrother’s face was evident. This was the weirdest conversation ever.
“Though obviously you can’t openly be the father.”
“Why not?”
“Well for one thing, you’re my stepbrother.”
“So?”
“So, that’s so fucking scandalous, Jaret. Do you seriously not see how literally nobody would understand?”
“Of course I do. But that doesn’t mean I have to give a shit about what other people think.”
“Oh, really? So you’d be totally fine being whispered at in the streets? You’re the son of a major political figure in this country. I saw an article the other day saying your dad is considered a likely runner for President. If it came out that you and I had a kid, it would be all over the papers. Every single person in this country would know that we had sex, and that we had a child from it. Is that really something you’d be ok with?”
“Yeah. Because quite frankly, I don’t give a shit about what other people think. And to be honest, I didn’t pick you to be that type either.”
“I’m not, but only within reason. And this isn’t reasonable. And besides, what do you want to do, live together forever in some sham fake marriage?”
“So I guess that means you don’t love me then?” he asked, that cocky grin making its way back to his face. Of course he couldn’t get through a single conversation without making some dumb joke. Of course not.
As the color rose in my face, I only found myself getting angrier. At his glibness, and at my body’s reaction when he said those words.
“No. No, I don’t love you,” I replied. “And I’m not going to pretend to so our child has two parents that live together. Why, are you in love with me? Did you think this was going to be some way for us to have a happily ever after ending?”
I couldn’t read the expression on Jaret’s face. It looked like something halfway between anger and sadness. Then, he finally replied.
“How did this happen, anyway? I thought you were on the pill.”
“I am on the pill. Was on the pill. I guess I stop taking it now. But I was on the pill when we had sex.”
“I thought you were more responsible than this.”
“Fuck you. I was responsible. You’re the one who sticks his dick in everything that moves. You think this is the first time you go someone pregnant? It’s probably just the first time she’s bothered to tell you.”
“I don’t need this shit. I’m going.”
“Fine. I don’t need you anyway.”
Jaret stormed out to the doorway and left without another word. I went over to the couch, sat back down, and started bawling my eyes out.