Before I knew it Christmas was just around the corner. Annie and I were spending every waking moment –and quite a few moments where we weren’t awake - together in the library, trying to cram for our exams.
“You know, I actually thought I liked Intro to English Lit,” Annie mumbled as she desperately tried to find a certain quote in Pride and Prejudice.
“Tell me about it. I don’t even know what this exam is going to be like. Multiple choice? Essays? A bit of everything?”
“Probably that last one, so they make us work super hard at it.”
I gave up and groaned as I lay down on the floor in the corner where the two of us were sitting.
“No, don’t do that, you’re going to fall asleep again,” Annie told me. “And you’re way better at dissecting the themes in stories than I am.”
“At this point, the only story I’m interested in is one where the heroine doesn’t ever feel the need to get an education.” Still, I forced myself up off the floor and stifled a yawn.
“I’m going to go get some more coffee. Do you want anything?”
“Definitely also some coffee. Maybe a Redbull while you’re at it?”
“Coffee and Redbull. Those companies must love exam time.”
Groaning as I pulled my sore and tired body off the ground – I really should use that gym in the house, I thought – I made my way down to the convenience store just off campus to grab us some energy drinks, then made a pit stop at the Starbucks next door.
“You’re a lifesaver, even if you have terrible taste in coffee,” Annie told me as I sat back down and handed her a low-fat latte.
“Hey, you find me another coffee shop around here that’s open at almost midnight and I’m there, it’s not just because I’m American,” I told her as I took a sip from my cappuccino.
“You’re right. At this point I’m really not picky about my caffeine choice,” Annie replied, grinning as she grabbed one of the Redbulls from the bag and cracked it open.
“That should get me through this genetics stuff,” she added before grabbing her science textbook and burying her face in it. “Why would the gods schedule my first two exams on the same day?” she complained, and I smiled at her in sympathy.
For the next hour or so we worked in silence, more or less, with only the occasional complaint about our classes and just how much stuff we had to memorize. Then, suddenly, I felt like we weren’t alone in our corner of the library anymore. A thin shadow passed over us, and I looked up.
Standing there, looking down on us, was my brother.
“Hey Jack, are you lost?” I quipped. “This is the library.”
“Ha. Ha. Aren’t you hilarious. Believe it or not, I actually care about my grades.”
“Of course you do, that’s why you’re never paying attention in class.”
“Well, I can see my time here is wasted. I guess I should know better than to come see two people who are too dumb to figure out there are spare seats left in the study area. See you later, little sis,” he finished with his trademark smirk.
With that he turned and left, and I rolled my eyes at Annie.
“So now you’ve met the famous brother of mine.”
“Yeah, I can see why you don’t like him that much. You didn’t tell me how hot he was, though.”
“Uh, that’s because he’s my brother?”
“So, that doesn’t mean I can’t have him.”
“Ew. Have you even listened to me when I speak about him? He basically sleeps with a different girl every single night.”
“I can forgive a man a lot of faults when he has cheekbones like those.”
“You’re disgusting,” I told Annie, going back to my studies.
Still, I could understand where her ideas came from. After all, I’d be lying if I said I’d never thought about Jack that way too.
“I wonder what he wanted.”
“Don’t know, don’t care.”
Ten minutes later, we found out. Jack came back to where we were sitting, and once again the two of us looked up at him.
“Look, Julianne,” he started, using my real name for the first time. “Jules. I like that better. Jules, can I borrow your notes about chapter seven in our HR class? I missed that day.”
“If I was in your class, you could absolutely borrow my notes, anytime,” Annie told him, and I glared at her.
“Say please,” I couldn’t help myself but say. After all, he’d made my life so much more frustrating, the least I could do was make his uncomfortable for thirty seconds.
“Please,” he tried, even giving me a normal smile, and I dug through my notes and handed them to him.
“Here you go. But I need them back in a few hours, please.”
“No problem. Thanks, sis,” he replied with a wink, and my rage came back.
“Would it kill you to be nice to me, treat me like a normal person, instead of some little kid that stole your ball?”
“Thanks for the notes,” he replied, holding them up, and leaving before I could get another word in.
“God I can’t stand him,” I muttered as I tried to focus on my work.
“Just ignore him, nothing else you can do really.”
“No, you know what? That’s it. I’m going to get my notes back.
I don’t know if it was the caffeine, the lack of sleep, or what, but I was angry, and I wasn’t going to take this lying down anymore. I had given him my notes, the least he could do was treat me like a human being.
I got up and made my way through the racks of books in the general direction of where he was. I saw Jack in between two rows of books and I called out “hey!”
He turned to look, surprised to see me.
“You know, I’ve had it with the way you treat me. If you want these notes, you’re going to have to be nice to me first,” I told him, snatching the pile of papers from his hand before he had a chance to react.
“Who the fuck are you to tell me that I need to be nice?” Jack moved a few steps towards me. He towered over me, easily over six feet tall, and I had to look up to meet his gaze. There was a fire in his eyes, and as ours met, I could feel the tension, the electricity between us.
“You have no idea what I’ve been through,” he muttered to me, “no idea how hard this is for me.”
“Maybe, but you have no idea how hard you’ve been making everything for me,” I replied, trying to keep my voice steady.
“Of course I do. I didn’t ask for you to be here, I didn’t ask for you to come here with your whore of a mother. You’d both be better off if you just left.”
“You’d like that, wouldn’t you? Well too bad, it’s not going to happen. My mom loves your dad, and we’re siblings now. You might as well just get used to that fact, and stop treating me like some sub-human piece of shit you stepped on.”
There was silence as we gazed at one another, alone in this part of the library, with only the sound of our breathing and the hum of the fluorescent light up above us. Neither one of us broke eye contact, each one trying to break the other, trying to make them cave first. What happened next was the absolutely last thing I had ever expected to have happen.
Jack leaned down and kissed me. It wasn’t soft, it wasn’t a loving kiss. It was hard, and passionate. It was the kiss of someone who knew what they wanted, and always got it.
My eyes opened in surprise, then closed as I kissed him back. I could give as good as I got.
This was wrong. I knew this was wrong. He was my brother, and I hated him, but by God I wanted him and no matter how much my brain was telling me this was a bad idea, that I shouldn’t be doing this, I wasn’t going to listen. I wanted Jack, and I was going to get him.
He pressed me against the rack of books as he kissed me, his hands roaming my body. I leaned back and moaned as his mouth moved from mine and onto my neck, kissing me hard, nibbling at my skin as his hands found the hem of my shirt. The notes I was holding fell to the floor in a pile around us, discarded, forgotten.
With a single swift movement he pulled it up over my head, leaving my skin exposed to the cool air of the library.
“Oh my God,” I whispered as his hands reached behind me and unclipped my bra like it was nothing, like he’d done it a thousand times before.
My bra fell to the floor and my nipples hardened as they were exposed to the air. I knew we were in public, I knew anyone could come by at any time and catch us in the act, but I didn’t care. Somehow that made it seem more dangerous, naughtier, and it turned me on like crazy.
I fumbled with Jack’s belt buckle and tugged on his pants, feeling the hardness underneath that proved he wanted me just as much as I wanted him.
If this was so wrong, why did it feel so right?
As soon as his shaft sprang out from his pants I gasped. He was so big, and I wanted him inside me. I knew I was wet now, my panties were soaked.
Jack’s hands reached up under my skirt and found the hem of my panties. He slid them down to my ankles and I let out an involuntary moan as his fingers found my sex, his digits soon coated in my juices.
“I always knew you were hot for me,” he whispered into my ear as he slipped two fingers deep inside of me, and I could only gasp and wrap my arms around his neck in reply. I leaned back, forcing my body onto his hands as he moved in and out of me with his fingers, my body already being brought to the brim of pleasure.
I’d never been with a man before, not really. I had a boyfriend in high school and we’d fumbled around some, but I’d never gone all the way with anyone before.
Now here I was, about to lose my virginity to my brother in the middle of the Oxford library.
He hoisted me onto his hips like I weighed absolutely nothing. Oh how he was strong!
Adjusting slightly, he pressed his tip against my slit. I leaned back against the books on the shelf behind me as Jack pressed himself deep inside of me with a single, long stroke.
It hurt for a bit as my walls stretched to accommodate him, but the pain quickly turned to pleasure as he began to move in and out of me, over and over, stimulating parts of me I didn’t even know existed.
“Ohhhhhhhh,” I murmured involuntarily as Jack began to pound inside of me harder and harder. I didn’t know how long I could take this for. Already I could feel the pressure building inside my body. I was going to come soon, and I knew it.
“Yeah, I knew you wanted this,” Jack growled in my ear as he pistoned in and out of me, going so fast books were starting to fall off the shelf. I knew we were being louder than we should have, but I didn’t care. I couldn’t care. The only thing I could focus on was Jack, on his shaft deep inside of me.
The sex was passionate, intense, like someone tried to put out a fire by dousing it with gasoline. I was on fire, and I didn’t want it to stop, but I could feel the flames burning up inside of me.
Finally, it all became too much.
“I’m going to come,” I whispered hoarsely as my body erupted with pleasure. Wave after wave of unadulterated pleasure washed over me like a tsunami, sending pulses of pleasure through every single cell in my body. I trembled under Jack’s body as he held me up, if it wasn’t for his arms I’d be in a pool on the ground.
He thrust inside me a few more times before coming himself, a small groan escaping his lips as he shot inside me.
We stayed like that for a while afterwards, with him still inside of me.
Then, as I started coming back down to Earth, I realized what I’d done. What we’d done. I pulled away and Jack let me go.
“Oh my God, I can’t believe we did that,” I gasped, mortified. He grinned in reply.
“I knew you wanted me, from the moment I saw you. I was right.”
“We can never do this again. You know that, right?”
Jack only shrugged in reply. “Whatever.”
“I have to go get cleaned up,” I muttered, almost to myself, and ran off towards the bathroom.
“You forgot your notes,” Jack called after me.
“You can have them, I have copies,” I called back. And it was true. I’d gone after him to take those notes off him and I hadn’t even needed them. And look what had happened. Look what we’d done.
I stood in front of the bathroom sink and looked at myself in the mirror. My face was flushed, and I’m pretty sure I had the beginnings of a hickey on my neck.
“Oh God, how am I going to explain this to Annie?” I wondered, then tried to figure out how long I’d been gone. I grabbed my phone and texted her that I got hungry and went to grab some food, asked if she had a preference.
Then, I took some paper towels and started cleaning myself up as best I could.
I couldn’t believe I’d just done that. I’d lost my virginity to my brother, in public. Anyone could have walked past and caught us. And my brother! I knew it was wrong, but I couldn’t stop myself.
And the part that bothered me the most was I was already wondering if we could do it again.