Chapter Nineteen

Ryder never mentioned Zane’s reaction; in fact, he didn’t mention Zane once. It is funny how sometimes conversation just flows without really having a purpose, yet it feels like the best conversation you’ve ever had.

Ryder and my’s conversation for the evening covered nothing of any importance, but I enjoyed every minute of it.

I didn’t want to go back to my room. I didn’t want to leave a place I felt comfortable in, but all good things must come to an end.

It was the dead of night, perhaps early morning, when I made it back to my room. I really didn’t feel like sleeping as my mind was fluttering with thoughts; making it impossible to sleep.

So, I was wide awake staring at the ceiling; wearing just a long t-shirt which is why when there was a knock at the door, I didn’t want to answer. I wasn’t dressed, and it was late. Two strong reasons why I wasn’t jumping to answer it. The second knock was quicker and firmer.

Was it Ryder?

Was it Cassie?

My body’s senses tightened as a thought which I didn’t want to think drummed through my body. What if it was Zane?

I had my hand on the doorknob and when I thought I couldn’t do it; I twisted it.

My head tilted back, looking up into his face. His sharp features seemed to be more defined in the night light.

It was his eyes, those haunting soul-sucking eyes, which caused nerves to boil in my stomach.

“What are you doing here, Zane?” I had to force the sentence out through my surprise of seeing him here.

“I can’t…” His words broke off, and pure desperation filled his eyes, covering any other emotion in them. “I couldn’t sleep until I knew you were back.”

I pulled on the hem of my t-shirt trying to cover more of my thighs. “Why?”

It was a short conversation but that one word summed up every question. Why was he here? Why did he care?

He took an abrupt step forward causing me to stumble back in a hurry. Of course, he wouldn’t let me fall, so within a split-second his arm was wrapped around my back, keeping me hovering mid-air.

It was in our blood to be quicker; to move faster so I shouldn’t have been as startled as I was, when within a few moments, he had me back on my feet and pinned against my now closed bedroom door; leaving us alone in my room.

“You asked why?” His voice was low, and it swirled through me causing a chain of goosebumps to rise on my skin.

I couldn’t pull my eyes away from his. I couldn’t push him away. I couldn’t do anything at all because I didn’t want to.

Right now, as he had me pressed against the door, I never felt more alive, or should the better term be, I’d never felt more alive with desire.

“It’s because you are my existence. It’s because as much as I fight to not want you, I’m fighting just as hard to keep you.” His fingers brushed the hair away from the side of my face. “It’s because, Allie, you are a part of me and when you’re not around, I feel lost. I feel like something is missing. So, you ask me why? Why I care where you are and why I can’t sleep not knowing? It’s because I physically feel sick not knowing if you’re ok.”

“You seemed fine earlier when Ebony was on your arm.” I wouldn’t let him do this to me. I wouldn’t let him lock me down with his words of promise. I wouldn’t let myself believe what he is saying because it is a lie. It had to be a lie.

“I won’t be that girl, Zane. I can’t be that girl that gets hooked on you. I won’t let you become my drug of dependence,” I whispered the words up to him, feeling the tears welling in my eyes. “You should leave.”

“Don’t be like this.” His jaw clenched as if he was in physical pain hearing my rejection. His hand left me to form a tight fist. “Please, Allie.”

“Zane, you need to leave.”

“Not until we figure something out. I can’t keep going like this.”

“You’re only acting like this because you saw me with your brother.”

“I’m acting like this because every time I close my eyes I see your face. Every time I walk down the hall, your scent slams into me causing this feeling to blister through me. I’m acting like this because since you left that cabin, leaving me, I feel sick…”

His words were like a train slamming into me at a hundred miles an hour, causing a million little emotions to splinter throughout my body.

“GO!” I tightened my eyes, wishing he would leave. “JUST GO!”

“No.”

“FINE!” My eyes snapped open, and anger flared within me. “Fine then, Zane, look me in the eye and tell me Ebony isn’t asleep in your bed right now. Come on, Zane, tell me you don’t have your girlfriend tucked in your bed!”

I didn’t know why I had such a strong feeling she was in his room, but I did, and when he didn’t deny it, I couldn’t help but shake my head in disgust. “Just leave, Zane, before you say something you can’t take back.”

“I meant what I said.”

“And I meant what I said when I told you to leave.”

“This. Us, Allie, it doesn’t end here.”

“It never started.”

His lips twitched into a depressing smirk. “That’s where you are wrong. It has started, and I know now I don’t want it to end.”

“Well, I want it to end.”

“I’m not walking away.” His hand moved to the doorknob. “And I’m not letting you either.”

“So, what, you want us to have a happy ending where I end up your little Alpha female puppet?”

I took a step away from the door, and the break in skin contact with him seemed to give me a clearer mind.

He looked back over his shoulder at me and the coldness I had seen in his eyes earlier this evening was back. “If you think for one minute I’m proud of this, you’re wrong. I don’t want you, Allie. I need you. As long as you’re around, that is all that matters. Like I said, you are my existence, and it depends on us being a twisted, fucked-up couple.”

“Your words aren’t as romantic as before.”

“That was before I knew where you stood and what you wanted.”

“I told you a long time ago what I thought of this mess.”

“Yeah, you’re right, stupid me for thinking our separation might have impacted you like it did me.”

With those final words, he left.

Which left me alone in the room; a bit more lost and confused.