Chapter Fifty-eight

ALLIE

I had never been asked so many bloody questions. Apart from my aching head, I was fine. Well, I felt fine. Apart from the stomach ache and the aching head, it felt like someone had squashed my brain together with two frying pans.

It was beyond painful and the worse headache ever.

The doctors and nurses had left and as soon as they exited. Zane and Blake walked in.

I had never seen such a large grin on Blake’s face. He usually hid his emotions well, but he was honestly that happy, and it made me happy seeing it.

He was quick to engulf me in a hug. Basically, pulling me off the bed.

“You have no idea how worried you had me, Winters,” he whispered in my ear.

“Sorry,” I said as soon as I could breathe again when he let go of me. He pulled up a seat next to the bed and he took my hand with the IV in it. I don’t know why, but it felt like I was missing something when he took it, like my other hand felt colder or something.

“So, what have I missed?” I said, my voice still extremely raspy as I reached for my water. Well, Zane’s water.

“Nothing. I haven’t left here.” Blake shrugged.

“You’re joking, right?”

“No.”

“BLAKE!” I pulled my hand from his. “Seriously? You have been watching me passed out!”

“You were healing, Allie. You weren’t passed out. Anyway, I was telling you stories.”

“Explains some of my memories,” I muttered, feeling like I had relived my life fully once over. My eyes bounced off Blake and on to Zane. He was still here, and I didn’t know why.

He told me not to leave, but how did he know I was leaving? I hadn’t told anyone yet.

I watched him walk around the bed, and take the seat I had seen him in earlier. Right beside me. It was only when he took my hand that I realized what I had been missing earlier, when I felt like something was missing. Like my hand was colder. It was because I was used to him holding it.

“So, what about you, Zane?” I asked, turning my attention to him and not pulling my hand from his.

He linked his fingers with mine, seeming like holding my hand wasn’t enough. His eyes locked with mine and I had seen a glimpse of pain across his face, but never so deep in his eyes.

‘Missing you like fucking crazy.’ His voice floated in my head. ‘You’ll be the death of me.’

I had forgotten he could do that. I remember now I was panicking about it with Jace and how at the meeting he was inside my head. I was terrified of it then. Wanting to hide everything from him. Now I wasn’t so scared.

‘I forgot you could do that,’ I said back to him.

‘I know. I’m always the one to reach out to you. You never reach out for me.’ His voice was so warm, and I didn’t know what I had done for him to be nice to me.

“Can I talk to Allie?” Blake said, breaking mine and Zane’s conversation. “Alone,” he added. Looking directly at Zane.

‘I’m not leaving.’ His voice filled my mind. ‘I’m not leaving you with him. I know what he wants.’

‘Just go, Zane. It’s not like he’s going to hurt me.’

‘No.’ His eyes hardened and were more determined holding onto my eyes.

“Mate, I said fuck off!” Blake snapped, not knowing Zane and I were talking.

‘Go, Zane, you can always listen anyway. It’s not like you have a problem invading my thoughts.’ I gave him a challenging look.

‘Fine, but if he does what I think he is going to do. I’ll be back in.’ Zane got up. He looked torn as he pulled his hand from mine.

“I’ll give you five minutes, Falcon.” Zane gave him a look as if to say it won’t be a moment longer than that.

The door shut, and I knew Zane was in my mind as I could feel it.

“Allie, do you remember the day we drove to the coast?” Blake moved closer to me, and I moved on the bed so he could sit down.

He sat down, and I pulled my legs up, crossing them. “Which time?” I asked. I felt Zane listening to everything which was making my heart pump faster, knowing he was listening to my every thought.

“The time we talked about mates, and how we made that promise,” Blake reminded me.

“Oh yeah. I remember.” I smiled. “That was a long time ago. You were still driving unlicensed.”

“Do you remember what I said?” He ignored my remark about his license.

I frowned. “Something about always wanting to fuck me?” I smiled again. That was Blake, he was always passionate. “Why?”

“I told you no matter what, our relationship wouldn’t change. I screwed that up.”

“Blake…”

“No, I’m serious, Allie. I let Ebony get in the way.”

He cannot be serious.

‘He is serious, Allie.’ Zane's voice popped in my head.

I frowned. “Ebony didn’t get in the way. Sure, I don’t like her but you and her, well, I’ve come to terms with it. It’s not like you can help it.” Blake and I never did strings, so why was he now acting like we had them? “We were never really in a relationship remember, Blake?”

‘Say that again to him but louder. I like hearing it.’

‘Zane, go away.’

‘You said I could listen.’

‘Let me re-phrase that. Don’t distract me.’

“I made a promise to you before I even met Ebony. That promise I want to…” He paused. “I want you back, Allie.”

He wants me back?

‘Tell him to fuck off.’

Do you know how confusing it is to think and have two conversations at once? One inside your head and one in person.

‘Zane, stop distracting me.’

I pushed the fact Zane was inside my head aside and focused on Blake. He was nervous. He was… “What’s wrong?” I asked. Not buying the whole ‘he wants me back thing.’ I knew my friend. I knew his signs. Something was off. “Something’s up. Tell me what it is.”

“I love you.” He looked at me, and I could tell by the look in his eyes he meant it.

“I know you do.” I smiled and put a hand on his cheek. “But I didn’t ask that. I asked what’s wrong?”

“I want you! Didn’t you hear me? I want you in my bed. I want you laughing at my jokes. I want you clinging to me when we watch horror movies. I want you back, Allie! Can’t you hear me!”

My face softened. “You know you will never lose me, right? As close as you and Ebony get, I will still be your friend.”

“I don’t want to get closer to her. I want it over with. I don’t want her. I want you!” He cupped my face. “You told me once I had your heart, and I’m asking for you to give it back to me. Please, Allie. Give it back to me.”

Blake was always so strong, and now he was sitting here basically begging for something he already had.

“You’ve already got it, Blake.” I dropped my forehead against his. “You’ll never not have it. But…”

“There’s no but.” He snapped, “I have it, or I don’t.”

“Do you remember when we used to go to the lake?”

He nodded his head.

“I used to never jump because I was scared I would sink too deep in the water and not be able to get back up.”

“You always worried too much.”

“You told me sometimes we have to jump and risk it.”

“Yeah, and you jumped with me.”

I smiled and pulled my head back. “Exactly.”

“You’ve always been there, Allie.” His lips were so close to mine.

“You need to jump, Blake.”

He frowned.

“You can’t be scared of how far you will sink,” I added. “Just because you are scared about how much you will love her doesn’t mean you don’t jump.”

“I don’t need her.”

“Yes, you do.”

“Fine. I don’t want her.”

“Because you’re scared.” I knew my friend. I knew he hated new experiences. He wanted me because I was safe, and because he knew me. He knew how much he loved me. He knew what he would do for me. He didn’t know what he could do for Ebony, and I think he was slowly realizing he would do anything for her. “You’ve never been a coward.”

My hand went to his t-shirt, and I pushed it to the side, seeing the mark on his shoulder.

“I think that mark says a lot too,” I added.

“If I could take it off, I would.”

“Stop thinking about yourself for a minute and think of Ebony. She would be going through hell with you thinking like this.” I was suddenly defending a woman I loathed. “You did mark her too.”

“I can’t do commitment, you know that. You never expected that of me.” He let go of me running a hand through his hair. “I can’t do forever.”

“You should have thought of that before you had sex with her and marked her.”

“Don’t give me a lecture,” he snapped. “Run away with me?”

I laughed. “Running, really?”

“You hate it here. You’ve always wanted to leave.”

“Yeah, I know.” For some unknown reason, something was keeping me here. Something was pulling me to stay, even though I had planned on leaving before the accident. Even now I wasn’t sure if I would still leave. Leaving made sense. “And I still might, but not with you.”

“Why!”

“Because you have a mate! One you love. One you want. One you need. And I’m…” I frowned, “Really fucked up.”

“You’ve always been my fucked-up mess,” Blake said, the word my a bit louder.

“You should go see Ebony and fix whatever damage you’ve done while being with me.” I took my hand off his face. “You know I don’t like her, so I wouldn’t be saying that for her benefit.”

“And what are you going to do, because clearly, you and fuckhead aren’t going to work.”

“I don’t know, but I think my plan to go to Europe is coming closer.” I smiled when he frowned.

“I don’t want you to leave.”

“I don’t see why I should stay.”

“For me, will you stay for me?” His hand ran up my arm. “Come on, Winters, you are encouraging me to go back to the she-bitch. The least you can do is stay around for the fireworks.”

“So, you admit it will have a happy ending.” I grinned.

“No.”

“Uhuh.”

“So, you’ll stay?”

My smile twisted, and I shook my head. “No, Blake, I’m not staying. I think it will be easier if I leave. That way, Zane can move on properly. Pick a woman that can lead beside him.”

“Screw doing it for him.”

I arched my eyebrows. “Are you saying you wouldn’t do it for Ebony?”

His expression dried, and I got my answer.

“Some things just have to be done you know?” I added. “Now, go and see Ebony, plus, I want a shower.”

“I can help you with that.”

“I’m sure I can manage a shower by myself.”

“Nah, you shouldn’t be by yourself, especially standing. Your body isn’t used to it.” Blake got up. “I’ll help.”

I guess Blake had seen me naked many times. Hell, he knew my body better than I did. I guess one more time wouldn’t matter.

‘Don’t let him. I’ll get a nurse.’ Zane’s voice was back in my head.

Zane. I forgot about him. My eyes widened. He knew now. He knew I was leaving. Well, it was what he wanted, wasn’t it? He should be happy about it.