Chapter Sixty-two

ALLIE

We had our normal rap music going. Blake was smoking and clenching a beer. I had lost count of how many we’d had. I inhaled my cigarette and crossed my legs, reaching for the bottle of vodka.

“So, how the fuck did we end up with such fuckwits for mates?” Blake blew out a mouthful of smoke. He turned, looking at me. “Seriously, how the hell did we end up with them? Why couldn’t you and I end up being mates?”

I smiled dimly and swallowed a mouthful of vodka. “Did Ebony say why she did it?”

“I could smell him on her. All she said was I deserved it.” Blake crashed his can. “Fucking useless bitch.”

“You don’t mean that.”

“I can’t take her shit.”

“She was hurt. You did turn your back on her.” I knew how it felt now, personally what it felt like when your mate turned his back on you, when I put my heart on the line for Zane, and he ignored me. Yeah, I knew what it felt like. “She wouldn’t be thinking clearly. She was hurting.”

“It’s not like I fucked you, Allie. I was just being with you while you healed,” he scoffed and cracked open another beer.

“You wanted to run away with me.”

“Yeah, but I didn’t! I went back to her!”

I sighed. We had talked about this over and over. He wasn’t calming down, and I thought after a case he would, but he wasn’t. He was just as pissed off as he was when he picked me up.

“Can’t believe you let him mark you. Did you learn nothing from my mistake?” Blake snapped at me. “I told you I regretted it. Did you not think of that before you fucked him and let him mark you? Or at least think of it before you marked him?”

I never lied to Blake; well, apart from when I got my memories back, but normally I didn’t so I had told him about Zane and me before we even got back to his house. He knew all the details, well, apart from the part about how insanely amazing it was.

I remained quiet, not wanting to answer. He was right, I should have learned from his mistake; now I had a mark on the base of my neck, and I had marked Zane on his shoulder which meant right now I was longing for him. Needing him. It was painful. Physically painful. Nearly as bad as this headache I had which had come back as soon as I left Zane.

The liquor wasn’t even numbing it, but it was doing something I was pleased about. It was numbing my connection with Zane, as in mentally. I knew he couldn’t reach into my thoughts because my brain was aching too much. He wouldn’t be able to make sense of my thoughts.

Even if he wanted to.

“We should go to bed.” Blake got up, finishing his beer. “You are going to school tomorrow, yeah?”

“Um, I’m not sure,” I said, rubbing my temples. God, this headache.

“Maybe sleep will help the headache?” he said, and his arms went around me, and he helped me up. “Come on.”

Zane had said I would spend one night in his bed and one night in Blake’s, and he would be right if I slept with Blake right now, but I wasn’t having sex with Blake.

Sharing a bed with a friend wasn’t a big deal. Then again, how would I feel if Zane shared a bed with Ebony knowing they had always had a physical connection?

It would kill me, and then I would want to kill her.

So, as Blake ripped his clothes off and got in bed, I didn’t do the same. Maybe I shouldn’t do it. I knew Zane couldn’t reach into my thoughts right now so he wouldn’t know so I shouldn’t be worried about getting caught.

Still.

Blake frowned when he didn’t see me getting undressed. He got up off the bed, and his hands went to the hem of my tank top, and he pulled it off.

“You know I’ve been thinking…” he said as he pushed my skirt off.

“Normally that means trouble,” I said as he guided me back to the bed.

He laid down and pulled me down with him. His hand running up my leg. “Maybe you’ve had more time to think,” he whispered in my ear as his hand ran over my bare butt cheek. “About you and me.”

My eyes went wide. I thought we had put that subject to bed. Or to an early grave at least.

“Blake. Don’t,” I said, telling him not to bring that subject up, but also, at the same time, to stop his hand from gripping my bare ass. I really shouldn’t have been wearing a G-string, but it wasn’t like Blake hadn’t seen me in one before.

Still, if this was Zane and another woman, I would be furious knowing that. My hand went to his, and I pulled it off me.

“I can’t do this.” I got up. I couldn’t share a bed with him. I couldn’t sleep with him, even as friends. I physically couldn’t do it, so how the hell could he? He and Ebony were connected.

“Where are you going?”

“Home.”

“Since when did you stop staying here?”

“Since…” I paused, reaching for my clothes. “Since he marked me.” I threw my clothes on.

“You got to be fucking joking me. You’re turning me down.” He sat up, looking extremely hurt and pissed off. “You, Allie Winters, are turning me down!”

“I just can’t share a bed with you anymore,” I said, pulling my skirt up. It wasn’t easy to make this decision. It also wasn’t helping that my head was aching. It was hard to think clearly. All I knew for sure, was it felt wrong. So extremely wrong.

“I’ll keep my hands off you. Just don’t go.” He got up, just as my hand landed on his doorknob.

“I’m sorry, Blake, but I can’t be that girl anymore; the one you fuck when you are pissed off with Ebony. Whatever we had is over. I still want to be your friend and hell, it will hurt not to touch you, but I physically can’t have you and me getting any closer. I just can’t.” I stuttered out the truth of how I was feeling.

His expression. God, if only there were words to explain it. He was more than hurt. He looked like I was shattering his heart.

“I’ll take you home then,” he said, gulping and looking in all sorts of pain.

It wasn’t right. He shouldn’t have feelings for me. He should have those strong feelings for Ebony. I knew he did have them for her. He was just lying to himself saying he didn’t.

“No. You’ve drunk more than me. I’ll get a cab.” I smiled at him. “I’ll, um, see you when I see you.”

I opened the door and shut it behind me. Leaving him. I knew I had hurt him. I knew he wanted me, maybe to hurt Ebony, or maybe because his feelings for me ran deeper. Either way, it didn’t matter because I wasn’t letting whatever it was we had, get any closer.

I really had to start being a friend to him and not go back to the type of friendship that Blake and I usually had where we touched each other, where we fucked each other.

That relationship or friendship we had, had to end because now I had given my body and heart to Zane.

I physically couldn’t be with Blake anymore. I realized that when I closed his front door and stepped out into the night air, calling for a cab.

Blake and my’s friendship was about to turn into exactly that. A friendship.