Derrick

The lights are out.

Dex is center stage.

His solo starts and the spotlight hits him.

Johnny looks back at Kaz and me while we wait on the stairs that lead to the stage. It feels like we’ve done this a million times, but the excitement and nerves never go away. It always feels like the first time. “Break a leg.”

“Break a leg,” we repeat.

The arena goes dark and we head up, following the small lights hidden behind the equipment that lead to our places. I swing the strap over my head and tap the pedal twice. My fingers find their position on the fretboard of my guitar and we wait again. Live shows are about more than the music. It’s about the performance, the entertainment, the showmanship.

A single spotlight hits Johnny, who is standing at the front of the stage behind his microphone. He sings without music or instruments to back him up. The crowd falls silent, every last fan taking in the song and his haunting voice. Even the band stands there in awe. He pulls emotion from deep within in every note. Watching a legend live is awe-inspiring. Watching him perform at this level of talent night after night is a privilege.

Four.

Three.

Two.

One.

I kick into the chorus, singing back up as I play my guitar. Glancing over, Kaz is leaning back, his bass guitar settled over his hips as he joins in. The audience goes wild and the show begins.

Three songs in, I’m already starting to sweat. I change guitars and plug in before tapping the pedal. Tommy stands just off stage with his arms crossed, his eyes analyzing each of us. Kaz moves to my side and we kick into the riff Dex has been bitching about, and nail it.

Exhilarating.

The thrill of it hits me and I look out at the audience. It’s dark, but if I squint, I can see fans forever. How is this my life? Kaz and I sing before popping back and challenging each other. It’s a long-standing argument—bass or rhythm guitar. He knows I win when I’m on lead.

Best damn job in the world.

After the twelfth song, Johnny tells the audience we’re having technical difficulty with three speakers down front and we’ll be back for the encore when they’re fixed. We leave the stage and head for the dressing room. Tommy calls out, “Twenty-minutes.”

The guys filter around the large room—Johnny sits on the counter, the Hollywood lights surrounding him as he calls his woman. Dex is smiling as he FaceTimes with Rochelle. Tommy is dragging Kaz to the table full of posters and paraphernalia. Kaz sits with a sharpie in hand and starts autographing everything from hats to posters.

I probably shouldn’t bother her, but I do it anyway. Jaymes answers after one ring, and whispers, “Hey, I’m in class right now. Can I call you later?”

“Yeah, call me when you can.”

I’m about to hang up, but she adds, “How’s the show?”

“Issues with speakers, but we’ll be going back out soon for the encore.”

There’s a pause before she says, “I haven’t expressed this enough, but I want you to know that I’m so proud of you.”

The emotion heard in her words catches me off-guard, the softness of her tone. I think she’s caught a little off-guard too. “Thanks. Hey Jaymes?”

“Yeah?”

“I’m proud of you, too.”

“Thanks, Dare. I’ve gotta go. I’ll call you later.”

Smiling from hearing the nickname she used to call me sometimes, I feel like there’s a chance for this to happen—me and her—again. “Bye.”

Last night we broke through some tall-as-the-sky barriers I don’t think she believed we could. With the truth out there, she trusts me. Like Kaz said, that’s the basis. Now we can move forward together. I’m high as that sky now and I haven’t even had a sip of alcohol.

We kill the encore, the energy rising and the crowd whipped into a frenzy. Then the darkness comes. The arena goes black and we run down the stairs. I grab my phone as soon as we enter the dressing room. One missed call.

With the guys hollering about the awesome show, I call Jaymes back and plug one ear. When I can’t even hear the ringing, I walk into the bathroom and lock the door. Sitting on the back of the toilet with my Doc Martens propped on the seat, I smile when she answers, “Hello?”

“Hi.”

“Hi. Is the concert over?”

“No. I just thought I’d call you from stage.”

“No you aren’t,” she replies in a panic.

Laughing, I shake my head. “No, I’m not. We just finished. We’ll be leaving shortly. I need to sign some stuff and then we’ll go back to the hotel.”

“Not out?”

“I’m not sure. I don’t think so. We were up late last night. I’m gonna crash.”

“Sorry about everything last night. I know you didn’t need all that dumped on your lap like that.”

“Don’t. Don’t apologize. I’m glad you trusted me enough to tell me. You know, I’ve been thinking about it. I know we said we’ll take it slow, but does that feel as wrong to you as it does to me?”

“Last night was a lot.” Her voice lowers. “My mom is the only other one who knows because she’s the one who found me . . . after.” My smile is gone thinking about what happened to her as she takes a moment to gather herself before adding, “I don’t want to talk about this on the phone. I’m sorry. Maybe when we see each other.”

“It’s okay. You set the pace and I’ll follow your lead.”

Happiness bubbles up when she says, “I was looking at your tour dates.”

“Oh yeah?”

Banging on the door makes me jump. Tommy yells, “I need the toilet, Derrick. Get out.”

Jaymes laughs. “You’re talking to me in the bathroom?”

“I’m not using it. I just wanted privacy.”

“Well, I love that, but I think your friend might not appreciate it as much. You can call me later if you want.”

This. This is what I’ve missed. A connection to someone who knows me well enough to not have to worry about small talk. “I do want. I’ll call you from the hotel.”

“I look forward to it. Talk later.”

“Later.”

I push the door open and push Tommy on the chest. “Fuck, there’s got to be another toilet around, dude.”

“Eh, you’re just gabbing like a girl in there anyway.”

Flipping him off, I grab a bottle of soda and a Twix. “Is the car here?”

Kaz says, “Just got here. C’mon."

“Hey, how real are those connections?”

“What connections?”

Being drunk the other night, he probably doesn’t even remember the conversation. I wouldn’t involve him anyway, but it’s good to know it’s an option.

***

I flop on the bed, call Jaymes, and rest my arm over my eyes. When she answers, she sounds like she was sleeping. “Did I wake you?”

“It’s okay. It’s good to hear your voice.”

“I like this change.”

“What change would that be?”

Rolling over to my stomach, I whisper, “The one where you talk to me like we’re friends, like there’s been no time or distance separating us.”

“I like it too. I know I’ve given you a hard time and been resistant to a lot of your kindness—”

“Don’t apologize again. We could spend years searching for forgiveness for everything that’s happened. Let’s just skip to the present and start fresh.”

“When did you become the reasonable one between us?”

“Ha. Yeah, go figure. Anyway, how was your day?”

Her breathing is deep and relaxed. “Busy. Tomorrow might be worse, so if I don’t answer, you’ll know why.”

“Earlier, you said you were looking at tour dates. Want to elaborate?”

“A girl can dream.”

“It’s a dream we share.”

“I need to be upfront with you on this, Dare. I don’t know that I can make this happen. I have so many balls in the air that I’m afraid I’ll drop them and instead of bouncing, they’ll break.”

I’m close to begging. I need more time with her. Selfishly, I need to explore these feelings between us. Are they lingering from the past or developing in the present? Can it be as easy as seeing her again that has calmed the inner turmoil I’ve had? Is all of this leading to the most obvious conclusion—it’s her I’ve been missing all along? If I were to answer today . . . “Please come.”

“No guarantees. Yet. I thought I would check in with you first and find out what you were thinking. We don’t want to be a burden.”

“You guys could never be.”

She begins to whisper, “This is so fast.”

And yet not fast enough.

“But—”

My breath stops waiting for her to finish this sentence. “But?”

“I want to see you again too.”

Yes!

Score!

Goal!

Touchdown!

This victory feels better than when we won a Grammy.

“Is there a date you prefer? I won’t know until last minute due to work and school, but I can start checking into it.”

Now. I wish you were here with me now. “The soonest.”

“Las Vegas next weekend? That’s five days.”

“Four shows.”

“I’m not sure that Vegas is a place for Ace.”

“It can be what we make it. If you’re serious, I’ll get us the best suite in the city with two bedrooms. Ace can have his own and we can have another.” Too much? Too fast? “Unless you want your own private room. I can book that for you.”

“No, a suite for all of us sounds amazing. Thank you.”

“Thanks for coming.”

“Five days. I’ll get back with you, but I’m excited.”

“Me too. I look forward to seeing you both.”

“I should go, but thanks for always thinking of Ace.”

That cute kid is hers. It doesn’t matter that his dad is a fuck-up of epic proportions. Ace deserves the best chance at a future outside that neighborhood. If I can play a part in that, I will. “He’s important to you, so he’s important me, Jaymes.”

“Thanks.”

“No thanks needed. Good night.”

“Good night.”

Reaching over, I push the button closing the curtains and turning off the lights. Lying there, I remember so much about us when we thought we owned the world . . .

A rare night in LA—the stars shine above. Resting back on a pile of pillows in the bed of my truck, I stare up. Miles of universe make me feel small. Jaymes is strumming the guitar I gave her, singing softly along with the radio.

Glancing over at her, I say, “You’re better.”

“You only say that so you can get laid.”

I laugh. “Put the guitar down.”

With an all-knowing smile on her face, she passes it through the open window of the cab, setting it safely on the seat. I immediately grab her and swing her under me until I’m leaning over her. “I’m gonna get laid anyway, so when I tell you something, it’s the truth, baby.”

Her fingers zigzag into my hair and then stop. Full lips are licked, her eyes telling me everything she wants. I press my mouth to hers lightly at first. Running my tongue over her bottom lip, I then take it between my teeth with just enough pressure to feel her bated breath exhale. I need all of her—her breath, her kisses, her love, her soul. Our tongues touch as I rub her thigh under the little floral dress she wore to tease. I stole her innocence years ago, but the sweet little dresses she wears remind me of when I met her.

She tugs my shirt over my head and I lift up to remove my jeans. Her dress comes off next. Seeing her body highlighted in the moonlight, she’s an angel here on Earth, the whole of my beating heart. Pert tits barely covered in purple lace beckon me. Dipping one cup down, I cover her nipple with my mouth, tonguing until chill bumps cover her and her fingers tighten in my hair. Peeking up, I see her eyes watching me while her mouth is open. “I want your underwear off.” She lifts and I want to rip, but I pull them down instead. I can read her mood by the music she was playing and by the soft kisses.

Gentle. She wants love and romance. I can do that.

Her legs part for me and I run my fingers higher. Centered at the apex of her thighs, I rub small circles and tease until she’s coming on me. Her moans echo through the trees and I lean down to devour her.

Fingers grapple with my shoulders to pull me up higher. “I need you,” she says, her whisper whipped away on the wind. “Make love to me, Derrick.”

When I move up, her hands push my boxers down. Moving to where we’ll both feel so good, I hold myself above her. “See those stars in the sky?” She nods, her gaze heading high. “We’re going to fly higher and shine brighter. Together we’ll win the world over and conquer the universe.”

“I’d settle for your heart.”

“You already own it.” I move and her head dips back. Pushing slowly in until my lips caress the underside of her jaw. My breath escapes as ecstasy takes over. Thrusting my body, my heart is pulled—all of me under her spell. I drop my head down next to hers.

Sliding her arms around me, she kisses my temple, and says, “Promise me life will always be this good.”

“I promise you it will be better. I’ll make sure of it.”

Our lips embrace as our bodies come together in all ways.

. . . Wonder if we can conquer the universe this time around. I promised her a better life, and right now, I feel as though I’ve failed her. I did fail her. Why did I believe she would want to be with Reggie? Why did I let my stupid pride stop me from checking the facts? Idiot.

I promised her the world, and now I intend to give it to her.