Jaymes

Three text messages later, it’s confirmed. Diane Masters is at my mom’s house. This wasn’t anything but good news last week. I was simply happy my mother had reconnected with her long-time friend. Diane got out. Derrick fulfilled that promise. He never owed me anything, but when Diane moved it felt like that last remnant of the glue was gone. There would never be any reason left for Derrick to come back.

I didn’t just miss him. I envied him.

He did it.

He chased his dreams. Made them happen. I was both proud he made it and sad that I didn’t. When we were together, I never thought it had to be one or the other. I have no ill will that he found fame, or has made money. It’s quite the opposite. I still care. I still cheer. I still smile if I see him on a billboard or hear him on the radio. He was always confident, so damn confident. The irony from the night we went to the Hollywood Bowl still plays in my mind sometimes . . .

“I’m going to play that stage one day. Just you wait, baby.” His arm wraps around my shoulders and he pulls me to his side, one of my most favorite places to be. His six-foot-one frame towers over my five-foot-three body so I fit snuggly against him. I feel loved. I feel safe. His smile is contagious when he looks down at me. “You and me and the whole wide world will be ours to see. To own. Hollywood won’t know what hit them.”

“You think—”

“I don’t think, Jaymes. I know. That’s gonna be me. And you, my songbird, are going to sing for the world. Every station is going to be playing your songs. Maybe even our songs.”

“You dream big.”

“As big as the universe. What’s the point if any schmuck can do it?”

He’s got a point. I close my eyes and lean my head against him. We sway to a ballad that breaks my heart and heals me again. The lyrics of this song remind me of Derrick’s. There’s a haunting quality that rolls through my soul like a fog creeping out to sea.

. . . A few years later, Derrick Masters joined The Resistance. The announcement spread like wildfire; he was now lead guitarist. The news was received on shaky grounds. Some were thrilled and proud of a local making good. Others, like Reggie, were wound so tight I thought he might go after Derrick just to bring him down again. It took a lot of convincing, calming, and negotiating to keep him from pursuing the vendetta he had, but I did it for Derrick, and for Ace’s safety.

I listened to him complain. A man with a wounded ego is dangerous and nobody hurt him more than being betrayed by Derrick. It’s the only time Reggie ever treated me like a human with feelings. Might have been my face of disgust when he touched me or that he knew deep down what I was really up to—trading myself for Derrick—but either way, mercy was shown. Now I carry the debt Derrick once owed Reggie. I just wish I knew what that debt was.

When I pull up and park, I pack my memories away and look over at the house. My headlights shine on a shiny blue Lincoln. I cut the engine and take a deep breath. That’s not my mom’s car. Diane is driving nice wheels these days. Inside my rusting Corolla, that David gave me a great deal on, I stare into the front window of the house for signs of life. If I thought my hands were shaking before, that was nothing. Even my lip is trembling, so I bite down on it to keep it steady.

Leah picked up Ace from his after-school program and was supposed to drop him off here while I went to night school. But her car is still in the driveway. I was so tempted to ask David if he needed me to come back and work late. “What am I doing?” I whisper, leaning my head against the steering wheel. My stomach has been full of butterflies all day. Over what? He’s probably not even here. She obviously drove herself this time.

I always adored Diane. She was like a second mother to me and that our moms were best friends, it just made our lives so much easier to spend time together. But now, years later, I’m a nervous wreck over seeing her again. I know damn well it’s not just her I’m nervous to see. Taking my gloss from my purse, I swipe over my lips quickly and rub them together. Flipping my visor down, I look in the mirror. I pull my hair from the messy topknot and then twist it back up when I see it looks worse down. “Shoot.” He might not be here, I remind myself.

A knock on the window startles me and I jump a mile, my heart beating right out of my chest. When I look over through the passenger door window, I see Ace. “Oh, thank God.”

“Hi, Mommy.”

My world calms when I look at his face. “Hi, baby.” I get out and walk around the front of the car. “How was your day, buddy?” I ask, just as I catch something out of the corner of my eyes.

On the front porch, leaning against the wood column in all his newfound glory, stands the most breathtaking man I’ve ever seen. As a teenager, I thought he was the best-looking boy I’d ever seen, and based on how I’m struggling to breathe just from looking at him now, I think he still holds the title. But now he’s a man.

Ace is talking about what some kid named Shiloh got in trouble for today at school, but I’m still staring at Derrick Masters.

Derrick Masters.

My very own Perseus, though right now I’m thinking he was more my Achilles heel in the grand scheme of things.

Derrick Masters is standing on my mother’s front porch like he belongs there. A smile that shines like the star he’s become appears and he waves. Not sure if it was the grin on his face or the wave that sends me tripping flat on my face into the grassy lawn, but I’m cursing the curb when I lift up and look right into the dark blue eyes I’ve tried to despise.

“Are you okay?” he asks, trying to help me up. His voice is deep, the timbre the same one that always made my heart beat a little faster. It’s not that thought that runs through my mind. It’s his hands on me, grappling to help me to my feet.

He’s touching me.

Derrick Masters is touching me and I consider lying there longer just to savor the feel of his calloused fingers again. Ace tugs at my ankle like that will help me up. “Mommy, you fell.”

Mommy.

Mommy.

Derrick knows I’m a mommy.

Oh my God. What does he think?

Does he hate me? Disappointed in me? Happy for me? Or not care at all?

I would care if I found out he has kids.

Maybe he already knew . . .

Maybe I’ll just lie here as long as I can until he goes away.

Ace lies down next to me and rests his face on my hand. Looking at me with wide eyes, he asks, “Are we playing a game? This is fun.”

“Yes, I quite like it here.”

I hear Derrick chuckling just above me, enough to feel his warmth covering my body like sunshine as I lie in the cool grass. I might be mistaken but it sounds like he’s behind me now. On the ground with me.

Ace’s eyes look over my head. “My friend is here too.” He giggles. “See? Right there.”

Lying like a dead fish, I smile at my cute son not quite ready to face Derrick Masters. “What’s your new friend’s name?”

“Derrick. He plays a guitar like you, Mommy.”

After a tap on the back, Ace’s new friend speaks, “Hi.”

I miss Derrick’s hands on me, even if it was just helping me up. Ace is a ball of laughter and gets up. I watch until he runs behind me. “I’m here now. We’re all here. This is fun. Oh look, the moon.”

I can’t avoid him forever and the grass is grounding, literally, and settles my anxiety over just this kind of thing happening. I’ve embarrassed myself and he’s found out I’m a mother in the course of one sexy smile and a wave. I shake my head and close my eyes annoyed with myself for acting so foolishly in front of him. He was once my everything. When I roll onto my back, the top of our hands meet in an innocent touch that neither of us bothers to retreat. Finally building enough nerve, I turn my head and look straight into his eyes again. “Hi,” I whisper.

That devastatingly charming smile reappears, and he says, “It’s good to see you, Jaymes.”

Lying on the other side of Derrick, Ace pipes in, “Everyone calls my mom Jamie.”

“It’s okay, buddy. He can call me Jaymes.” Just like old times. My gaze goes to the evening sky. I can’t see our fated lovers, but I can feel them, their presence mingled with ours.

My mom’s voice slices through the feelings threatening to arise. “What are you guys doing out here?”

Tilting my head, I catch another glimpse of Derrick on my way to looking at the three women who have congregated on the porch. All three with wry grins that will eventually mortify me with their teasing and taunting. “We were just coming in.”

Ace runs to the house and I look at Derrick, not sure why I’m feeling so emotional. Fortunately, joy overrides the rest. “It’s good to see you, too.”

He sits up and then he’s on his feet offering me a hand up. “That was quite a trip you took.”

“I didn’t even bring a carry-on.”

“No,” he says, chuckling, “but you played the whole thing off really well if that makes a difference.”

I take his hand and he pulls me to my feet. In one fell swoop, my body is against his. The questions will come. I’ll answer. His piqued curiosity will be sated and then he’ll be off for good this time. I like this quiet before the storm I know is coming. Taking the few extra seconds I have before this bubble is burst, I let my gaze wander over his broad shoulders and higher. His chiseled jaw is shadowed in light stubble. His hair messed in ways that remind me of the mornings after we spent all night making love. Is it possible for him to be even more handsome than when we were younger? Because he is. He so is. It’s unnerving. I feel I’ve aged thirty years in the time we’ve been apart. He’s aged just right.

Standing in front of him, pressed to him like this, and looking into those dazzling eyes that match the LA night skies, I feel myself melt. It’s not just that he’s even more gorgeous. It’s his eyes. His warm, caring eyes haven’t changed, and I’m a little in awe.

“I have pie,” my mom says, receiving cheers from Ace. “Come on inside.”

Seconds later the screen door slams closed and I know we’re alone. I mean, the whole city is revolving around us, but none of that matters.

It’s us.

The emerging stars above.

And the man I once thought I would be with forever. We’re now standing in the same place where he left me. I don’t know what to say to him, except, “Rebel finally returns.”