CHAPTER TWO
WARD
I thought I was ready for this—but fuck me, I was wrong.
I want to punch something. Just to release some of this energy. Just to do something. Because standing here waiting around for the ceremony to start isn’t working. It’s almost funny—I mean, I’ve wanted this forever. I tried to convince Lou to marry me from the moment I found out she was pregnant. I’m not supposed to be nervous now. And I’m pretty sure I’m not supposed to find myself aching for a fight right before I marry the woman I love.
Is Lou this anxious? Is she fidgety and distracted? Is she wondering why she ever agreed to marry a crazy oaf like me?
I’ve never wanted anything more than this in my entire life—so why am I so damn jumpy?
I jerk a hand through my hair. I want to fix something. Grab my toolkit and get hammering on one of my projects. Or grab a sledgehammer and tear through some old drywall. Smash something. But I’m already dressed. Already here. And anyway I’m pretty sure Lou wouldn’t appreciate it if I got dust and debris all over my wedding clothes.
Who am I kidding? If there’s anyone who wouldn’t care about something like that, it’s Lou. She told me I shouldn’t wear a tux—said it wouldn’t look like me. But I’ll be damned if I don’t look good for her today. I might not be in a tux, but I’m in my nicest pair of slacks and a button-down shirt I bought especially for the occasion. Dark blue—what she says is her favorite color on me. I’m even wearing a tie.
I tug at the tie. I feel like I’ve forgotten something. What else am I supposed to do? How am I supposed to prepare for this? This is the most important day in my life—or second most important, at least. Even our wedding day might not top the day Lou gave birth to our daughter. Ramona and Lou are the brightest parts of my life—and now that Lou and I are getting married, they’ll be protected in case anything ever happens to me. That is worth everything.
So why do I feel like I’m about to hurl?
I slide my hand into my pocket. The folded sheet of paper with my vows is still safely in there. I guess as long as I have that, I’m good, right?
Maybe I should have asked Calder about how to handle this. My future brother-in-law and I are almost friends these days—at least as much as we can be, considering I knocked up his sister and inherited his family’s estate from my billionaire asshat of a father. But it’s too late for that now. Lou should be here any minute.
I shift my weight and look up. All around me, the walls of the hedge maze rise toward the sky. This maze is where Lou and I fell in love. Where I proposed. And today, it’ll be the place where we promise ourselves to each other forever. We decided to have our ceremony in the courtyard right at the heart of the labyrinth.
Martin is watching me. I’d almost forgotten the old guy was here, that’s how anxious I am. But he reaches out and puts his hand on my shoulder. “It’s normal to be nervous.”
I straighten my tie. “I know.”
His smile deepens. “Louisa couldn’t have done better.”
In spite of my nerves, I find myself smiling, too. “Actually, I’m the one who couldn’t do better.” Lou is everything to me. She’s the most beautiful, most amazing woman I’ve ever met. I love everything about her—her energy, her passion, her spontaneity, her heart. And I love all the crazy parts of her, too. I’ve never known anyone else like her in my entire life, and after going through hell and back together, I can’t imagine spending the rest of my life with anyone else. I pray every day that I can be the man she deserves—especially now that we have a daughter together.
Suddenly, Martin lifts his hand from my shoulder. “It’s time.”
I straighten my shoulders. This is it. Whether I think I’m ready or not, I’m about to get married.
I look across the courtyard, toward the opening in the hedges. There’s no music, but there doesn’t need to be. The only thing that matters is her. My Lou.
Lily comes first with Ramona in her arms. My little girl is being her normal, energetic self, and she squirms and squeals when she sees me, reaching out one chubby little hand in my direction. I wave to her but otherwise hold my place. Part of me longs to take my daughter from Lily, to have her in my arms while I watch Lou walk down the aisle, but I’m not sure I trust myself to hold anything important right now. Still, I don’t take my eyes off of Ramona as Lily comes closer. My daughter looks more like Lou every day. I already see her mother’s spirit in her eyes. She’s going to be a troublemaker, this one. And every bit as vibrant and adventurous as Lou.
Lily has reached us now, and she smiles at me before going to stand on the opposite side of Martin. Ramona wiggles in her arms, still reaching for me.
“Da! Da da da!” she squeals.
I grin, and Martin stifles a chuckle as Lily bounces my daughter on her hip, trying to calm her.
It’s then that I hear the rustle of footsteps behind us, and I turn back toward the entrance to the courtyard.
And my heart stops.
Holy shit. Lou looks… radiant. Breathtaking. Like an angel come to life. I’ve always thought she was beautiful, but fuck me, this is… something else.
She shines. I can’t take my eyes off of her. I don’t know a damn thing about wedding dresses or hairstyles or any of that crap, but I know what I’m seeing right now. I know what I’m feeling as I look at her dressed like this. The whole thing is just… It’s just…
My eyes lock on hers, and in the depths of her gaze I see the bright spark that has pulled me under her spell again and again. She’s never looked so beautiful in all her life.
Her brother is walking her down the aisle, but I don’t see anyone but her. With every step she takes toward me, her smile gets bigger. Her eyes brighter.
And it’s taking every ounce of my willpower not to run forward and take her in my arms and kiss her breathless.
It takes a damn eternity for her to reach me—an eternity of beauty and pleasure and pure joy. And then Calder is holding her hand out to me, and I take her fingers in mine and grip them way too hard.
“Take care of her,” Calder murmurs. I tear my eyes away from Lou just long enough to see the serious look in her brother’s eyes—but there’s something else there, too. He’ll be watching me, I know—I can’t imagine he’ll ever stop feeling protective of his little sister—but I can also see the respect there, the trust. He trusts me to take care of Lou. And I will. I’ll love her and cherish her for every moment of the rest of my life.
And then Calder is stepping aside, and it’s just me and Lou again. I’m grinning so hard my cheeks have started to ache. Lou’s eyes are still locked on mine, shining right through me, and my throat starts to burn. Pull it together, man.
Martin starts talking, but there’s still nothing else in the world to me but Lou—and Ramona, who’s still squirming in Lily’s arms just behind my bride. Our little daughter gurgles and squeals, and between her tiny nonsense noises she starts repeating her latest words.
“Da!” she says. “Da da! Nuhhhhn! Da!”
Lou lets out a soft laugh, which only seems to encourage Ramona.
“Maaa!” Ramona cries. “Naaa! Ma! Da! Nuuuhnnn!”
Lily makes some soothing sounds to her and bounces her gently in her arms. But Ramona is having none of it.
“Nuuuuuuuhnnnn!” she says, her little voice getting stronger. “Maaaaaa!”
I know that sound. She’s getting ready to scream. As far as these things go, Ramona’s been a pretty easy, happy baby—but when she gets worked up, I swear that kid is louder than an air horn. And from the way her face is scrunching up right now, I know we’re in for a full tantrum.
Lou knows it, too. I can see it in her eyes. She stifles another laugh and squeezes my fingers, but we both know that in a few seconds we won’t be able to ignore her.
Even Martin has started chuckling as he tries to deliver his lines. Finally Lou releases my hands and twists around toward Lily.
“Here,” she says with a laugh. “I better take her.” And she does, lifting our daughter into her arms and turning back to face me.
Ramona is still squirming and babbling—but she seems to have gotten what she wanted. She no longer looks like she’s about to scream. Lou rocks her gently with one arm and nods to Martin that he should continue before reaching toward me with her free hand. I take her fingers in mine again.
Seeing Lou in her wedding gown with our daughter nestled against her somehow makes her even more beautiful. One of her curls has come loose, and it sways against her neck as she rocks Ramona. Our daughter has started to calm a little more, but she still coos and babbles to us. Martin begins speaking again, but his words continue to go in one ear and out the other as I stare at the two most important people in my life. My girls.
“And now,” Martin says, “for the exchanging of vows.”
That’s my cue. With my free hand—I’ll be damned if I let go of Lou—I reach into my pocket and pull out the sheet of paper I’ve been keeping there. But my eyes can’t seem to focus on the words.
“Lou,” I say, looking back up at her. “I don’t know what to say.”
She gives me an encouraging smile, and Ramona waves her little fist at me and says, “Dada!”
“I love you,” I tell her. “More than anything. You and Ramona both. And I want to spend the rest of my life protecting you, supporting you, and loving you with all my heart. You are my life. My light. I’ve never met anyone with your spirit, your energy, your strength. You’ve made me happier than I ever expected I could be. And you’ve given me a beautiful daughter.”
Her hand tightens on mine, and there’s a telltale wet glimmer in her eyes.
“I will go anywhere with you,” I continue. “Take on anything. Protect you in every way that I can. And if there’s ever anything I can’t defeat for you, I’ll hold your hand and face it with you. I will never leave your side.” I swallow down the lump in my throat. “I’ve wanted this for a long time, Lou. To officially be a family. You’ve made me the happiest man in the world, and I promise that no matter what happens, I will spend the rest of my life repaying you for what you’ve given me.”
She blinks back tears, but her smile is still wide and bright. And Ramona seems just as pleased, even if she can’t understand what I just said. She gives a happy little cry and reaches toward me.
“Would you like to hold her?” Lou asks softly.
I nod. I still feel… well, not quite like myself, but I’ve found my footing and I trust myself not to drop Ramona now. Lou passes our daughter into my arms and flicks a tear away before straightening again.
“You found me when I was lost,” she says. “When no one else could. You saw parts of me that I had yet to see. You brought me back from the darkness.” She blinks again, and her tears catch in her lashes and shine like diamonds. “You’ve been so good to me. Better than I thought I deserved. And you’ve given me more than I could ever ask for—including our daughter, the most precious gift of all. I love you with my whole heart, and I will continue to do so, no matter what happens, until the day that I die. I still can’t believe the universe decided to send you to me. That I get to spend my life with the most amazing guy who ever lived.” A tinkling laugh escapes her lips as she wipes her eyes, and my smile widens.
In my arms, Ramona yells, “Maaa!” Lou laughs again.
“This is perfect,” she continues. “I never thought I could be this happy. But I am, because of you. And I promise I’ll try to make every day of the rest of our lives just as happy for you. I promise to find you if you ever get lost. I promise to trust you with my deepest fears and protect you from yours in return. And I promise to never ever give you anything less than my whole heart.”
Ramona has discovered the buttons on the front of my shirt, and she tries to grab one with her chubby fingers, releasing a gurgling laugh when she can’t quite do it. Which makes Lou laugh once more, and me too—and Martin and Lily and Calder, until we’re all laughing and crying and Lou is leaning forward and kissing me, even though I’m pretty sure we haven’t gotten to that part of the ceremony yet.
I kiss her in return. I want to pull her closer, press her body snugly against mine and feel every bit of her against me, but that’s impossible with Ramona in my arms. Still, I can’t think of a more perfect first moment of our married life—Lou’s soft, warm lips against mine, her hands gripping my shirt, and our daughter, the perfect creation of our love, held between us. I’m pretty sure I have the most beautiful family that ever existed.
And I’d do anything to protect them.
“Uh, I believe we’ve forgotten to exchange the rings,” Martin says with a grin when Lou and I finally come up for air.
So we do—a bit awkwardly, since Ramona keeps trying to grab the rings out of our hands as we slide them onto each other’s fingers.
“I now pronounce you husband and wife,” Martin says.
Well, I’m not going to pass up a chance to kiss Lou again. With my free hand, I pull her toward me once more, and she grabs my neck and yanks my mouth down to hers.
God, I love this girl.
When we come apart again, Lily and Calder both step forward. Lily has tears running down her cheeks, and she pulls Lou into a hug. Calder claps me firmly on the shoulder. I’d shake his hand—and Martin’s, too—but Ramona’s in my right arm, so I have to settle for giving each of them a nod and a “Thank you,” through my smile.
Ramona is writhing and waving her arms, demanding to be the center of attention once again. I shift her to my side, and she giggles and cries, “Dada! Ga ga ga!” as I reach for Lou.
Lou’s hand is waiting for mine. Our fingers interlace, her smaller, softer ones nearly disappearing in my grip. She’s still grinning at me, her whole face shining, and once again I see her as an angel, so beautiful and full of light that she can’t possibly be real.
We walk back through the maze together, hand in hand. The others probably follow, but I don’t look back to see. Right now, the only people who matter are the woman at my side and the child in my arms.
We’re married. Lou is my wife. God, I almost can’t believe it. The nerves haven’t left—not even close—but now that anxious energy is joined by a happiness so intense that I don’t know what to do with myself. I want to shout, run, fight… and kiss Lou until she can’t breathe.
These two girls are my duty now. From the beginning, I would have given anything—even my life—for either of them, but now that we’ve made this official, I feel the pressure, the promise, even more deeply.
“We’re married.” Lou’s voice is so soft that I almost don’t hear it at all. When I look down at her, I see the same wonder in her eyes that I feel deep in my chest—and I know that I’m not the only one feeling a little overwhelmed right now.
“It’s official,” I say lightly, squeezing her fingers. “I’m not letting you go now.”
“And I’m not letting you go, either,” she says, squeezing my hand right back. Her smile widens. “Who’d have guessed on that first day we met that we’d end up here?”
Oh, I remember that day well. I was a handyman here at the estate—only it was called Huntington Manor then, and in the process of becoming a luxury resort under the ownership of Edward Carolson, my father—and I’d been going about my business, just doing my job, when Lou walked by me. I wanted her from the moment I saw her. And when she found me shortly afterward, when she came up to me and grabbed me and kissed me without even knowing my name… well, it’s enough to break a man. It’s the sort of thing that burns its way into your blood and never leaves. And everything that has come after, every moment I’ve spent with Lou since, has only deepened that feeling.
It’s crazy to think we’ve made it here.
Lou and I don’t release each other’s hands until we reach the formal dining room. Normally we eat our meals in a smaller room next to the kitchen, but I’ll be damned if we don’t use the nicest room in the house for our wedding dinner. Martin’s sous chef has been in the kitchen prepping for the last couple of hours, and when I glance behind us I realize that Martin has apparently slipped away to join him. Only Lily and Calder are here with us, but Lily pauses at the door.
“I’ll be right back,” she says. “Can I grab you guys anything?”
It’s Lou who speaks. “Oh! We’ve forgotten the champagne we set aside for tonight.”
“I can grab that,” Calder says. “I also took the liberty of getting you two a couple of special bottles of wine to celebrate—one for tonight, and another to open on one of your future anniversaries.”
And just like that, Lou and I are alone again.
“Lily’s mother is here,” Lou says quietly to me.
“What?” That’s news to me—I didn’t know we were expecting anyone but Martin and his sous chef here today. I frown, trying to remember what I know about Lily’s mom—which isn’t much. “I didn’t realize her mom was around. I’ve only ever heard her talk about her dad.”
Lou shrugs. “She showed up out of the blue. Apparently told Lily she needed help and had nowhere else to go.” She leans over and pushes a reddish curl out of Ramona’s eyes. “She left when Lily was pretty young—about seven, I think.”
Wait—so this woman abandoned her seven-year-old daughter? Anger shoots through me, and my whole body tenses—until I remember that I still have my daughter in my arms. I force my body to relax and look down at Ramona. All the excitement of the day has finally worn her out, and her eyelids droop as she tries to fight sleep. I glance back up at Lou, and I can tell from the look in her eyes that there’s more to this than she’s saying. “Should we be worried about anything?”
Lou shrugs again, and the movement makes that loose curl against her neck sway gently. “I don’t know. Lily is—well, Lily’s got a lot on her plate right now, you know? I’m worried about her. The pregnancy’s been so difficult for her, and it must be hard to see her mom after all this time, no matter why she’s here. But I can also see why she’d want to have her around.” She bites her lip. “She promised her mom wouldn’t get in the way, that we wouldn’t even know she was here.”
“Well, there’s no reason she has to hide her,” I say. “This is Lily’s home, too. She’s welcome to have any guests she likes, whenever she likes. And family is always welcome.” I frown. “Should we invite her down to dinner? There’s no reason the woman has to hunker down in her room like a criminal.” Even if she did abandon her child—one of the most unforgivable sins I can think of. Considering I was a grown adult before I even met my father, I know exactly what that can do to a kid.
But Lou shakes her head. “I asked Lily the same thing, and I think she’d prefer to hold off introductions for a day or two—at least until she figures out what’s going on and how she feels about everything.”
“That’s fair,” I say. And honestly, I’m not sure how I feel about having that woman sit in on our wedding dinner. Still, Lily’s officially family now—and as untraditional as our arrangement here is, that means something. Her family is my family, too. And Lily gets to make the call about whether she wants this woman in our lives. All of us in this house have known too much loss, spent so much of our adult lives looking for that elusive family, that I’m not about to push away anyone God or the universe decides to throw our way.
My eyes fall back to our daughter. I can’t imagine leaving her, not for any reason in the entire world. What kind of monster can look at their own kid, their flesh and blood, and then walk away from that?
Lou’s hand brushes gently against my cheek, and I realize I’m clenching my jaw.
“Lily will figure it out,” she whispers. “Tonight, you and I have more important things to think about.”
If there’s anything that can melt away the bitterness and resentment that have filled me, it’s Lou’s smile. Or that mischievous look in her deep brown eyes that promises both love and pleasure—tonight and beyond.
That’s right. It’s your wedding day, you fucking idiot. And we’re just getting started. I’m not going to let anything spoil my wedding dinner with Lou—or our wedding night.
“Why don’t you go put Ramona in her high chair?” Lou says, gesturing toward the table. “We haven’t had a proper married kiss yet.”
I’m only too happy to oblige. Ramona is much more subdued now, and I carefully place her into her highchair. The moment I’ve buckled her in, Lou is tugging me around toward her.
When her lips meet mine, I lose all control. All of the tension and emotion of the day seems to explode through me at once, and she gasps beneath the force of my kiss. I love her. I need her. My wife.
I twist her and push her back toward the wall. I’ve spent the last hour admiring how ethereally beautiful she looks today, and she’s finally—finally—mine to do with as I please.
She seems just as eager. Her fingers dig into my back. Her lips and teeth and tongue fight desperately with mine, matching my hunger. We’ve kissed a thousand times before. It shouldn’t be any different now that we’re married. But it is. Before, we were joined in every way except one—now, that final barrier has been crossed. There’s nothing between us anymore.
I want to drink every breath from her. Pull down her hair and twist my fingers through those beautiful, tempting curls. Slide up her dress and take her while she’s still wrapped in that pure white fabric.
My fingers are pulling on her skirt when a throat clears behind us.
It’s all I can do to tear my face away from Lou’s. But oh yeah—we’re expecting company for dinner. When I look back over my shoulder, my new brother-in-law is standing in the doorway, looking a little pissed at finding us like this.
I know I should feel bad—but I don’t, not even a little bit. In fact, I’m pretty sure I’ve got a shit-eating grin on my face right now, in spite of the fact that Calder is giving me the stink eye.
“Don’t look at him like that, Calder,” Lou says, not the least bit embarrassed. “We’re married now. You don’t have to get all angry and protective anymore.”
Calder’s frown only deepens. “Forgive me if I’m not particularly pleased to see my sister pushed up against a wall like—”
“It’s not like I’ve never walked in on you and Lily before,” she returns, laughing now. “And I hate to break it to you, Calder, but Ward and I have sex. And we—”
“Let’s just leave it at that,” I say. I’d rather not get murdered by my wife’s brother on our wedding night.
I straighten Lou’s dress—and give her one more kiss on the cheek—before leading us back over to the table. I have a feeling that Calder would rather pretend his younger sister is completely innocent—but I guess I would too, if I had a little sister. So I can’t really blame the guy.
I’ll take it easy on him, I tell myself. There’s no reason to be sticking my tongue down his sister’s throat right in front of him. Still, one glance over at Lou—whose flushed cheeks and swollen lips are giving my cock all sorts of dangerous ideas—and I feel the need burn through me. When no one’s looking, I quickly readjust my pants. I need to control myself. Ignore all of my baser impulses until later tonight.
It seems like a totally doable goal for all of about five seconds. The moment Lou glances over her shoulder at me, the moment her heated gaze meets mine, I go rock hard again.
God help me. This is going to be the longest fucking dinner in the history of time.