CHAPTER THIRTEEN
LOU
It might be storming outside, but I’m determined to make today a little brighter.
“I have a surprise for you,” I tell Ward.
It took me half an hour to find him after I put Ramona down for her afternoon nap. Even though I’ve insisted that he take a break from his restoration projects, Ward has continued to work, and I find him retouching the paint in a bedroom in the eastern wing. He’s currently perched on a ladder with a paintbrush in his hand.
When he grins down at me, I know he couldn’t be happier to see me.
“What sort of surprise?” he asks, and his expression makes my heart skip a beat. He climbs down the ladder and stands in front of me.
I drink him in as he wipes the back of his hand across his forehead. His T-shirt has streaks of paint on it, and there’s a new hole in his jeans, but somehow all of it works together to make him look irresistibly yummy. Something wells up inside of me as I admire him—and the way he’s looking at me right now brings the blood rushing to my cheeks.
I pull the folded sheets of paper from behind my back.
“I know we said we didn’t want to make a big fuss about the wedding,” I say. “And that we decided we didn’t need a honeymoon. But I’ve been thinking a lot recently, and… well, it’s probably easiest if you just look.” I shove the papers into his hand.
He pushes his auburn hair back as he looks down at the notes I’ve just handed him. He’s still smiling, but his brow wrinkles in confusion.
“I’m not sure I understand,” he says after a minute. “What is this?”
“It’s an itinerary for a honeymoon. Of sorts.” I’m suddenly a little nervous—maybe I should have talked to him before planning any of this. “I’ve mapped out a road trip that takes us across the country. Coast to coast. You’ve already seen the Atlantic Ocean, but I thought you might want to see the Pacific, too.”
He looks down at the papers again, flipping through the pages I’ve handed him. I’ve given him maps, lists of sights along the way, even suggestions of where we should stay.
“I know we thought a trip would be too much trouble—but, well, maybe we just shouldn’t think of it as a honeymoon,” I rush on. “I mean, we’d probably have to bring Ramona with us anyway, since I’d feel bad about leaving her with Lily and Calder when they’ll be having a newborn to deal with. But it could be fun. Our first big trip as a family. And we’d get to see the whole country, just like we planned once.” He looks up at me, and in his eyes I can see quite vividly that he remembers the promises, spoken and unspoken, that we made to each other when we first ran away together. “That trip changed me, Ward, but we never got to finish it. Let’s finish it now.”
He’s still just staring at me, and this silence is so out of character that I don’t know what to do.
“Well?” I ask him softly. “Do you want to go?”
“Do I…” A huge grin spreads across his face. “Lou, this is amazing.”
Before I can respond, he catches me up in his arms, pulling me close. The pages of my itinerary flutter to the ground as his kiss envelops me, dragging me under.
After a moment, I break away. “You really like it?”
“I love it,” he says, nuzzling his nose against mine. “Lou, there’s nothing I want more than to go on another adventure with you. And our daughter.” He raises his hands to my face, and his thumbs brush against my cheeks. “That trip changed me, too.”
I laugh in relief. “It’s silly, but for a moment there I thought you were upset.”
“Upset? How could I be upset? Lou, no one has ever given me something like this before. How could I not love it?”
“I know,” I say, feeling foolish. “But we’d agreed not to make a big fuss about getting married. And you’ve been so focused on your projects recently that I thought you might be hesitant to leave them.”
“Lou,” he says, growing serious. “The only reason I agreed to not make a big deal about getting married is because that’s what I thought you wanted. At the end of the day, all that matters to me is that you’re my wife. I’ll take any of the trappings—or none of them. Whatever you want. If you want a honeymoon, then I do, too. I want all of it.” He kisses me passionately, then pulls away again. “As for the renovations…” He looks up at his ladder. “I know I’ve been a little focused recently. But God, they’re just projects. I didn’t mean to make you think…” He releases me and steps away, rubbing the back of his head. “This is all for you. For you and Ramona. I just want to make this place into the home you deserve.”
“This is already our home,” I tell him.
“I know, I just…” He shrugs as he tries to find the words. “I guess I always thought that when I met the woman I was going to spend the rest of my life with, I’d get to build her a house with my own two hands. Or at least buy her one with my own money.” He shakes his head. “I’m not explaining this right. It’s just that I look around this place and I don’t feel like any of it is mine. Everything we have was just handed to me. I didn’t earn any of this.”
I cross my arms. “What about me? Did I earn any of this?”
“You grew up here,” he says. “This place was yours long before you ever met me.”
“But I didn’t earn it,” I point out. “It was my home because my parents owned it. And now it’s our home because your father owned it. It’s no different.”
“It’s a little different,” he says. “If it was given to me, then it can be taken away. I’m supposed to be providing for you and Ramona—”
“Is that what this is about?” I ask with a laugh. “Some outdated idea about a man needing to provide for his wife?” I mean it as a joke, but the look he gives me is dead serious.
“I want to make this place ours,” he says. “Build something for us with my own hands.”
I step closer to him. “You are building something. We both are. Every day we’re together, we’re building a life for our family. And that’s true no matter where we are. This house doesn’t matter.”
He takes me in his arms again, his deep blue eyes searching mine. “I just want to be the man you deserve. The dad Ramona deserves. I’m afraid I’ll never live up to that job.”
His words so closely echo my own fears that I almost laugh. Instead, I fold myself against his chest. “How do you think I feel? You’re the one who goes around telling me that I’m perfect and that I’m some sort of angel. How am I supposed to live up to that?”
He threads his fingers in my hair and pulls my head back so that I’m looking up at him. “You are per—”
“Neither of us is perfect,” I say, cutting him off. “In fact, I think I might have encouraged my brother to try to bribe his mother-in-law. I’m pretty sure that’s not something an angel would do.”
His eyebrows rise. “You did what?”
“I told him he should ask you for advice, but he didn’t want to listen.” I feel a smile creeping on. “So let’s just drop all this talk about trying to live up to impossible standards for each other. I love you, Ward. You are everything I could ever want in a husband and everything Ramona could ever need in a dad.” I press myself closer to him. “And I love that you’re trying to make this place ours. That you care so much about building us a home. Don’t think for a minute that I will ever take that for granted—but also know that my home will always be in your arms, wherever we may be.”
He touches his forehead to mine.
“I love you,” he whispers. “And I don’t care what you say, or even what you do—you’ll always be too good for me. But that just means I intend to spend the rest of my life trying to make this world the best that I can for you and Ramona.”
He doesn’t let me respond. Instead, he drops his mouth to mine, catching me in a kiss.
And I’m just as eager to lose myself in him. Moments alone are rare enough these days, and I plan to take full advantage of this one. I reach between us and tug up his T-shirt, running my hands over his bare stomach and through the trail of hair that leads down into his jeans. I feel him smile against my lips.
“I just put Ramona down for her nap,” I say. “So we have a little time before—”
I don’t even get to finish the sentence. He yanks me hard against him and attacks my mouth again.
My body responds instantly. I open my lips beneath him, letting him in, and my fingers undo his fly. He’s already backing me against the wall, and it’s not until I’m pressed up against it that I remember what he was doing before I walked in.
I tear my lips away from his. “The paint!”
Ward freezes. But it’s too late—I can already feel the wet, sticky paint clinging to my arms.
For a moment, neither of us moves. Neither of us seems to know what to do. But then, at the very same moment, we both burst out laughing. If I was afraid of getting dirty, I never would have married Ward.
I’m still laughing as I pull his face back down toward mine. “I’ll get you back later.”
He’s grinning. “No doubt you will.”
And then his mouth is on mine again.
I lean into his kiss, letting my hands continue their explorations beneath his shirt. He seems to have a similar idea, and his fingers move beneath my blouse to slide up the bare skin of my sides. We’ve had to be a little more creative with our alone time since Ramona came along, but Ward and I have managed just fine—mostly because neither of us seems to care where or when or how we come together. We can’t seem to keep our hands off of each other.
His tongue slips into my mouth, teasing and exploring, and I start to push his pants down his hips. I need him. Now.
But as I do, something pulls me out of the moment.
“Did you hear that?” I ask.
Ward’s face is still so close to mine that I can feel his breath on my lips. “No. But Ramona will be fine for a few—”
“It wasn’t Ramona.” I tilt my head, listening. “I thought I heard…”
This time, the voice is a little louder, closer.
“Is that Lily?” Ward says.
“She’s supposed to be in bed,” I say. “I wonder where Calder is. He’d freak if he knew she was up and about.”
As much as I hate being interrupted, I have a sense deep in my stomach that something isn’t right. Ward seems to share my feelings, and he’s already pulling his pants back up.
The next time Lily calls, her voice is even clearer. She’s calling for Calder. I wonder why she didn’t just try his cell—he always has it on him, and it’s usually the fastest way to find someone in this giant house.
I smooth down my blouse and hurry to the door while Ward is still buttoning his fly.
“Lily?” I call as I head down the hall. “Is everything all right? Do you need something?” Ward and I both offered to help when she was put on bed rest, but my brother has been so attentive to her that there hasn’t been much for us to do.
I find her a moment later, one hand propped against the wall for support.
I rush toward her. “Are you all right? Why are you out of bed?”
“I needed to go to the bathroom.” She places her hand on her stomach. “And afterward I felt… I don’t know. I just feel… I can’t find Calder. Or my mom. I tried calling both of them, but neither one of them answered. I’ve already looked in his office, but he wasn’t in there. And I can’t—” Her face scrunches up in pain and she sucks in a ragged breath.
Oh, shit. “Are you having contractions?”
She meets my gaze, and though her eyes are steady, I can see the fear and uncertainty lurking in their depths. “I think so. I can’t tell if this is just another false alarm or if…” She doesn’t finish. “Have you seen Calder?”
I shake my head. “No, but I’ll help you find him.”
Ward has finally reached us. “No, I’ll look. Lou, you stay with her. Take her back to bed.”
Lily looks like she might argue, but I grab her before she can say a word.
“Come on,” I say. “Calder will have a coronary if he sees you out of bed. Especially if you’re having contractions. Where are they? And how far apart?” If she’s going into labor, then maybe going back to bed won’t help. Maybe we need to take her directly to the hospital.
Lily looks a little dazed. “I don’t know how far apart they are. I haven’t been counting. I wasn’t sure what was going on at first, and then I was looking for Calder… I’ve only had a couple. I think.”
I glance out a window as we pass down the hall. It’s pouring outside. And thundering. I hope we find Calder quickly. The roads get pretty nasty out here when it storms, and there’s a bridge on the way back to the main road that has a tendency to flood when the weather gets especially bad. Even if her contractions are still quite far apart, we should probably get her off the estate before we have to worry about getting stranded.
When we get back to her room, I help Lily into bed before reaching for my cell phone. I hit Calder’s number. I don’t know why he’d pick up for me if he isn’t answering Lily’s calls, but it’s worth another try. We need to make a decision, and fast.
Surprisingly enough, he answers on the second ring.
“Louisa,” he says, “now isn’t a good time.” In the background, wherever he is, I can hear the rain—and a car horn.
“Where the heck are you?” I demand.
“I’ll explain everything later. I told you, now isn’t a good time—”
“Lily’s having contractions.” I glance over at my sister-in-law, who’s watching this exchange closely. I turn and take a couple of steps away from the bed. I need to remain calm. Keep Lily calm. And yelling at Calder isn’t going to help.
But apparently I don’t need to yell at him at all.
“She’s in labor?” His voice is quiet, almost disbelieving, but I detect a hint of fear.
“We don’t know yet,” I say. “That’s why we were trying to find you. Where are you?” He’s definitely not in the house.
“I’m in Barberville,” he says.
“Barberville? In this weather?”
“It’s a long story,” he says. Then he sighs. “I’ve fucked up, Louisa.”
My stomach tightens. “What do you mean?”
“Lily’s mother is gone. She agreed to stay at a hotel here in town for the time being, but the moment my back was turned, she just left. All I have is a damn note.”
“She what?” I never really warmed to Lily’s mom, but I still don’t want to believe she’d do this. “She’s just gone?”
“She checked out of the hotel where I left her. I was going to try to catch her at the airport—”
“What’s going on?” Lily says from the bed behind me. “Let me talk to him.”
It’s a fair enough request, since this concerns both her husband and her mom.
“Lily wants to talk to you,” I tell my brother. “Why the heck didn’t you pick up her calls?”
“I didn’t want her to have to worry about any of this—at least not until I’d found Michelle.”
“Well, it’s too late for that.” I glance back at Lily, who holds her hand out for the phone. The apprehension in her eyes is plain. She knows something is wrong, and hiding it from her isn’t going to help. Calder owes her an explanation.
“I’m giving the phone to Lily,” I tell my brother. He starts to argue, but I ignore him and pass the phone.
“Calder?” Lily says, her voice shaking slightly.
She’s silent for a moment, listening. For a second, I wonder if he’s going to lie to her or feed her some half-truth, but then her eyes widen.
“You did what?” she says. I can’t tell from her tone whether she’s angry or sad or afraid—probably a combination of all three. “Why did you do that? Where is she?”
Every second she’s on the phone, her face gets paler, her eyes wider. This is definitely the last thing she needs right now.
“Why would you just leave her there?” she says. “Why didn’t you tell me—” Her voice cuts off and she grimaces. A small sound of pain escapes her lips. We don’t have time for this, not with the way she’s reacting to these contractions. Not with the way the rain is coming down.
I grab the phone out of Lily’s hand. “Calder, I’m taking her to the hospital. You guys can finish this conversation later.”
“Is she all right?” I don’t think I’ve ever heard my brother sound so distressed. “What’s happening?” He doesn’t even wait for my answer. “I’m heading back there right now.”
“Meet us at the hospital.”
Beside me, Lily is gripping the sheets with white knuckles, her face twisted in pain. We need to leave now.
“Has Lily—”
“Meet us at the hospital,” I repeat. I glance out the window, out where the rain is coming down in sheets. If we don’t leave now, we might never leave.