CHAPTER SIXTEEN
LILY
I need Calder.
God, I need him. I need him to hold me in his arms and tell me that everything is going to be okay.
This can’t be happening. Not now. Not like this.
Please, Bubble. Just stay inside me a little longer. Let this be another false alarm.
This can’t be happening.
This can’t be happening.
This can’t be happening.
I bite down on my lip as the pain intensifies, pulsing outward from my lower back. I try not to make any noise, try not to show any suffering, but I know from the way Lou’s hand tightens on mine that I’m not doing a very good job.
Lou is doing the best she can to help, I know. But I want Calder. I need Calder.
I need him.
Need him.
Need…
Thunder crashes overhead, and I let out a yelp. Ward curses and swerves around something in the road. Ramona is screaming, and though her piercing cries stab right through my skull, I’m secretly glad I’m not the only one who is afraid.
Breathe. In and out. In and out. Just breathe. It’ll stop. The pain will stop. You’re not in labor. Not tonight. Not in this weather. Not without Calder. Bubble will just stay inside you a little longer. It’s not time yet. I’m not in labor.
I’m not in labor.
I’M NOT IN LABOR.
There’s a lump in my throat. Am I crying? I don’t know. I don’t seem to be aware of anything but the pain pulsing through my lower body. It’s lasting longer this time than it did before.
This can’t be happening.
I need Calder.
When the worst of the pain finally passes, I bend forward, fumbling around on the floor for my purse. I did bring my purse, didn’t I? We rushed out of the house so fast…
“What do you need?” Lou asks.
“My phone,” I say. “I need my phone.” I need Calder.
“Here, use mine.” She presses her cell into my hand.
I don’t waste a minute. I find Calder’s number and call him. He answers on the first ring.
“Louisa?” Calder says. “How far are you? How’s Lily? I’m at the hospital, and I told them to expect—”
“Calder.”
He’s silent for the space of a breath. Then, “Lily.”
“Calder.” This time, I can hear the panic in my own voice.
“Where are you?” he says. I can tell he’s trying to keep his voice steady, but it isn’t working. Hearing him like this makes it even harder to breathe.
“We’re not going to make it to the hospital,” I whisper.
“What?”
“We can’t make it,” I say. “The road has flooded. We can’t get to town. We’re heading back to the house.”
He’s silent for so long that for a terrible moment I’m afraid something has happened.
“Calder?”
“I’m coming to you.”
Tears well up in my eyes, and for the first time in many weeks I don’t care if I’m being overemotional. “You can’t. The road—”
“I’m coming.”
“But—”
“I’m coming to you. If I have to fight my way through hell, Lily, I swear I will do it.”
He can’t. It’s not safe. And even if he tries, he’ll never make it…
“It might be another false alarm,” I whisper.
“I don’t care. I’m coming.”
In the background, I hear the screech of his tires on the wet asphalt. I swear, if he gets himself killed…
“Calder, please don’t—” My voice cuts off as my body tenses. Even though I’m between contractions, my lower back still hurts.
“Lily?” Calder says, his voice rough.
“I’m okay,” I tell him. “I’m okay, I promise. Just don’t—”
Ward’s car suddenly starts shaking violently.
“What’s going on?” Lou asks. Ward is cursing.
“Water must have gotten into the engine,” he says.
Just as suddenly as the car started shaking, it stops—but so does the engine.
“Lily?” Calder says in my ear. “What’s happening?”
We’re at the gate to the estate, but the car doesn’t seem to want to go any farther. Ward curses again and tries to restart the car, but nothing happens. We’ve completely stalled.
“Lily,” Calder says again, more firmly this time. “Tell me what’s happening.”
“We’re going to have to walk the rest of the way,” Ward says.
“The car engine flooded,” I tell Calder. “But we’re at the gate. We’re walking the rest of the way back.” I push the car door open and am immediately hit with a wall of rain. “Calder, I need to hang up.” I don’t want to. I need his voice in my ear. I need him to tell me that it’s all right, that he’s coming to me. But right now I need to focus on getting back to the house.
“Call me back when you’re inside,” Calder says. “Promise me.”
“I promise,” I say, stepping out into the rain. “I love you.”
“I love you, Lily. I’ll be there as soon as I can.”
“Be safe.”
If he says anything, it’s drowned out by a crash of thunder. And then Ward is in front of me, reaching down to help me out of the car. He hooks his arm around my waist, and though I almost argue that I don’t need his help walking, I know that would be a lie. Lou has a still-screaming Ramona in her arms, and she’s trying to protect the baby from the worst of the rain. Together, we start the trek up the long driveway.
I have another contraction on the way back to the house. I don’t say anything, don’t let myself stop. But I think Ward can tell, because his arm tightens on my waist.
When we finally get inside, I’m exhausted. We’re all soaked from head to toe, and I desperately want to pour myself into some dry clothes and hide in my bed. But there’s no time to change, no time to rest—I’m hardly in the door before another contraction hits, and I nearly double over as I try to fight it.
Please, Bubble. Just hang on.
We don’t bother trying to make it up the stairs. Instead, Ward leads me into the front parlor and helps me down onto the sofa.
It’s going to be all right, I tell myself. I can do this. Everything will be fine. But it’s hard to make myself believe that. Ward and Lou have been great—more than great—but they aren’t Calder. I want him here so much that it hurts.
Everything hurts.
My chest is tight. My heart is beating too fast and too hard. I don’t know what I’m doing. I’m not ready for this.
Not ready.
Not ready.
Not ready.
I can’t have this baby. Not like this. Not without Calder.
“I need a phone,” I say.
This time it’s Ward who passes over his cell. I call Calder. He answers immediately.
“Lily.”
“Yes,” I say breathlessly. “We’re in the house.”
“The baby?”
“We’re okay.” I lay my hand on my belly as I lean back against the pillows. “I’ve still got a few minutes between contractions. I think.” My mind is overflowing. I read every pregnancy book I could find over the last few months, did everything I could to prepare myself for this moment—but I’m not prepared. I can’t seem to remember what I’m supposed to do now. I always assumed I’d be at a hospital when it came to this part.
“I’m ten minutes away,” Calder says.
My stomach tightens. “Be careful. Maybe I should hang up—”
“I’m using my ear piece. Both of my hands are on the wheel, I promise.”
“Calder, you should—”
“I’m not hanging up, Lily.”
I close my eyes. I know I should continue to insist that he hang up, but I can’t find the strength.
“I’m so scared,” I whisper. Now that I’ve admitted it out loud, the panic is rising in my throat again. “Calder…”
“Breathe,” he says. “You can do this, Lily.”
“I need you.”
“I’ll be there soon.”
But it doesn’t matter when he gets here—we’ll still be stuck here, at the estate.
“I can’t do this,” I hear myself say. I’m half-delirious with fear. “Not like this. Not like this, Calder. I can’t. I’m supposed to be in a hospital. I’m supposed to have doctors and nurses and—”
“You can do this,” he says again. “And you will. You’re strong, and you can do this.”
My hands are shaking, but I’m not sure whether that’s from the fear or from the cold that has started to settle into my bones. While I’ve been talking to Calder, Lou and Ward have been rushing around, and now Ward comes toward me with a blanket.
As he wraps it around me, my next contraction starts. I bite down a groan.
“Stay with me, Lily,” Calder says in my ear. “Stay with me.”
“I’m… here…,” I say.
“I’m almost there,” he says. “I’m almost to the bridge.”
“Be careful,” I tell him through gritted teeth. “I swear, if you do anything reckless I’m going to kill you.”
“You only have one job,” he says. “Focus on the baby.”
“I know, but—”
“Focus on Bubble, Lily. And breathe.”
How am I supposed to breathe right now? How am I supposed to think? How am I supposed to do anything? I’m stranded. Having a baby. And my husband is out there in a horrible storm and probably driving too fast and—
“I’m almost there, Lily,” he says into the phone. “I’m almost there. Just hold on a little longer.”
A little longer. Just a little longer.
“Calder,” I say, “I—”
A crash of thunder cuts me off.
And Calder curses in my ear.
“SHIT!”
“Calder?” I say, sitting up. The blanket falls from my shoulders. “Calder, what—”
On the other end of the line, I hear the screech of tires—then the deafening and unmistakable sound of crushing metal.
And then the line goes dead.