CHAPTER SIX
LOU
I’ve never seen my brother this agitated.
For as long as I can remember, he’s been so serious. So intense. He always wants to be in control, and it kills him when he can’t—especially when something he cares for is on the line—but it’s not normally this bad. All morning he’s been pacing around the house, clearly on edge. I’m on my way outside with Ramona when I catch him in front of a window, staring out into the rose garden with his hands clasped behind his back.
“Spying?” I call to him from the doorway.
He’s so intent on the scene outside the window that I startle him—he jumps nearly a foot at the sound of my voice. He runs a hand through his hair as he turns around.
“I’m not spying,” he says. “I just don’t like that woman.”
“I don’t think you’re ever supposed to like your in-laws,” I say, repositioning Ramona on my hip and coming to stand beside my brother at the window.
“I like Lily’s father just fine. But then again, David never abandoned his daughter.” There’s a wrinkle between his brows as he looks back out the window.
I follow his gaze. Lily and her mother are out in the garden, and from their body language, they’re not exactly playing chummy family right now.
My eyes shift back to my brother. He’s changed a lot since Lily came into his life. In many ways, I think she’s helped heal him—the way Ward has helped heal me—but on the other hand, he’s never loved anyone or anything the way he loves her, and that does something to a man. It doesn’t matter what Lily says—or what I say—he’s never going to not worry about her, especially these days. I remember how Ward was when I was pregnant. If there’s one thing that makes a guy go all crazy and possessive, it’s watching his child grow inside the woman he loves.
But I can try to put his mind at ease, at least. I’m his sister. It’s my job to call him on his crap.
“Lily’s a grown woman,” I remind him.
His frown deepens, but he doesn’t look away from the two women in the garden. “Don’t you think I know that?”
“Then you know that she needs to make the choice for herself whether or not her mom is in her life.” I pull a bit of my hair out of Ramona’s fist. “What exactly are you afraid of?”
“I don’t trust that woman,” he says, propping a hand against the glass of the window. “Why did she just show up out of the blue? What does she want from Lily? Family members don’t just reappear unless they want something.”
Whether or not he’s making a reference to the night that I showed up at his apartment after our father died, I don’t know, but I feel a small twinge of guilt anyway. A lot has happened since that night. But I’m not about to let Calder stand here stewing.
“What do you think she should do, then?” I ask him. “Tell her to go away? Cut her mom out of her life?”
“I never said that.” He sighs. “Lily is far kinder than I am. And it’s only natural that she should have a soft spot for her mother, no matter what the circumstances. But I don’t want her upset over anything. Not right now. Not when…”
He doesn’t have to finish that thought. We all know how difficult Lily’s pregnancy has been.
But this is about more than just her pregnancy. Calder and I have both had a rough go of it since our father died—and had many, many family issues to deal with—but if anything, that’s only made it easier to reconnect after we both decided to get over ourselves. Our family history gives us a certain understanding of each other that I’m not sure even our partners will ever fully understand.
“Have you had any word from Taran?” I ask him quietly, then wince as Ramona pulls on my hair again.
Taran Harker, our possible half brother, showed up here last summer, right around the time when Calder and Lily got married. There was at least some evidence to suggest he might be telling the truth about his parentage, but after a fight in the garden with Calder—which resulted in Taran getting arrested—he apparently decided it was better to just walk away from our family. Even though Calder left him with an invitation to sit down and talk about everything like the adults we all are—no threats, no fights, no skulking about in the maze—it’s been over a year and we have yet to hear from him. But that doesn’t mean I don’t still think about him sometimes.
Calder’s face has softened a little. “I’ve thought about trying to find him and reach out to him again. But I don’t know.” He looks over at me. “He’s as much your brother as he is mine. What do you think?”
“He’s only our alleged brother,” I say carefully. I’ve had this debate with myself many times. “We still have no real proof one way or the other, just a bunch of circumstantial stuff. And he didn’t exactly go about contacting us in the most honest way.”
“That’s partially my fault,” Calder says. “I didn’t really give him the chance to speak with me.”
My stubborn brother must be pretty worked up if he’s actually admitting to being wrong about something.
“I don’t want to cut him off completely,” I admit. “At least—if he ever came around again, I’d want to talk to him. Hear more about his side of things. If life handed him the short end of the stick, if our father was a dick who abandoned his mother, it’s not our fault—but it’s not his fault either. If he’s our brother, it’s something we should all figure out together.” Ramona has started sucking on her fingers, and I tilt my head down and plant a soft peck on her curls. “On the other hand, since we don’t know the truth about him, we can’t be sure of his motives. And if he’s potentially a danger…” I look down at my daughter. “If it was just me—just us—I’d already be in the car, ready to hunt him down myself. But I have Ramona and you have…” I look back out the window again.
“So you understand my feelings exactly,” Calder says, jaw tightening.
“But if he’s actually family… how can we let this go? If we sweep him under the rug, we’re no better than our father.”
“I gave him my number. Told him to contact me.” For the first time in this conversation, Calder really looks at me. “If he wants to talk, he knows how to reach me. The ball is in his court now. I am not our father, Lou.”
He’s more like him than I know he wants to admit—but I won’t point that out. I know in my heart that Calder could never, ever do what our father might have done—first of all, he’d die before he ever considered cheating on Lily. And secondly, he’d never abandon a child. I see the way he looks at Lily now, see how gently he touches her belly. I mean, only last year when I was pregnant with Ramona, he was terrified to touch mine. But the man I see in front of me is a man who’d die for those he loves.
“I didn’t mean to suggest you were,” I say.
He rubs his face. “I’m just so worried about her.”
His voice sounds so raw that I find myself stepping toward him. This is about more than Lily’s mother or our father. The strain of these last couple of months—of his deep concern for Lily—is really wearing him down.
“I know,” I say. “But she’s going to be all right. You won’t let anything happen to her, and she knows that.”
“She might know it, but she won’t listen to me.”
“Because if she listened to you, she’d be locked up in a cushioned room all day, completely cut off from all the dangers of the world.”
“At least she’d be safe there.” One corner of his mouth tilts up slightly. “But I’m not that bad.”
“You’re pretty darn close.”
That earns me a full smile from him. “I have every reason to be, I think.”
“Yeah, you just try telling that to Lily. I’d love to see her reaction.” I switch Ramona to my other hip. “I—”
Calder’s hand hits the window, startling both me and Ramona—who blinks and then immediately starts wailing.
“Calder, what the heck do you think you’re—” But now I’ve looked outside, seen what’s happening in the garden. Lily has doubled over, her hands gripping her belly.
Calder doesn’t respond to me. He rushes past me, and he’s through the door in less than a heartbeat.
I rock Ramona in my arms, trying to calm her.
“Hush, baby girl,” I say gently to her. “It’s all right. Hush, my love.”
But my eyes are back on the garden. If I managed to calm Calder at all during our little talk, I’m pretty sure it doesn’t matter now.
Please let Lily be all right, I think. And God help us all if she isn’t.