Chapter Forty-Six
Shane
“Where’s your head?” Liam popped my chin with his glove, a light tap that more pissed me off than anything. A week before the big fight, and as hard as I tried to focus on that and only that, my thoughts wouldn’t stop drifting to the woman who’d left me in the rearview mirror two weeks ago.
Since then, I’d been glad for the nonstop training that kept me occupied and exhausted, because the nights I spent alone in my apartment were downright pathetic. Everywhere I looked I noticed the absence of the girl who’d left a gaping hole in my life, and facing at least one member of her family—if not all three—every single day hardly helped.
Something softened in Liam’s expression, and that also pissed me off. I didn’t want pity. “Take a break,” he said, walking away before I could tell him I didn’t need one.
I yanked off my gloves, slumped into the nearest chair, and let my head knock back against the wall—okay, so I fucking needed a break. I needed more than that, but she didn’t live here anymore, and I was the bastard who flew off the handle, said the wrong thing, and let her walk away without a decent good-bye.
I’d fucked it up. Call it a Knox classic.
The door of the gym opened, and my dumb ass looked, ridiculous hope bubbling up. It wasn’t Brooklyn, but it was the next best thing.
I raised my hand in a wave, and Hector came over and sat next to me—he’d been stopping by now and then, like some overprotective mother hen, and I appreciated the hell out of it, even though neither of us wanted me voicing that.
“How’s it going?” he asked. “You ready for Saturday night yet?”
“I’ve been ready for weeks. I just want it over with.”
He frowned at me. “Time to adjust the fucking attitude, or you might as well forfeit now.”
I clenched my fists. “Everyone’s riding my ass today.”
“Apparently they need to grab the lube and ride it harder.”
“I’m not above hitting you.”
“I’m not above hitting you right back.” Hector leaned in, and experience told me I wasn’t going to like the next words out of his mouth. “You call your girl yet?”
I gritted my teeth. Not this again. “She’s not mine.”
“Because you let her walk away, and you haven’t called her.” When he’d shown up at my apartment last week, taken one look at me, and asked what was wrong, I’d told him the whole story about how things had gone down with Brooklyn. He seemed to think that I should’ve confessed my love, like that would’ve made her stay. I took back being grateful for his visits.
“First you were worried she just hopped from fighter to fighter, and let’s not forget how you even outright asked me if she was really worth the risk, like it was a bad move, and now you won’t leave me alone about not taking one.” I rubbed a couple of fingers across my forehead. “It’s done. Over. We’re letting each other follow our fucking dreams.”
“I bet you’ve had some fucking dreams about her. Hell, I’ve had some—”
“Unless you want me to rearrange your face, you’ll stop there. Not to mention her brother is headed our way, and if he hears you talking about her like that, he’ll punch you and save me the effort.”
Liam glanced from me to him and narrowed his eyes, as if he sensed we’d been talking about Brooklyn.
I tipped my head toward my best friend, since so far he and Liam hadn’t crossed paths yet. “This is my boy, Hector. Hector, Liam Roth.” I leaned forward, resting my forearms on my knees and sucking in one last gulp of air. “I’m ready to commence with the torture.”
Liam’s mouth kicked up on one side. “Actually, we’re going to try something different today.”
Visions of running through dry sand and going toe-to-toe with all three Roths flickered through my mind. Instead he told me to hit the showers and then meet him in Blake’s office, adding that Hector was welcome to join.
Fifteen minutes later, the three of us walked into Blake’s empty office. Liam instructed us to sit on the couch, and we reviewed hours of film. My old fights and Conrad’s old and new fights. Naturally I’d seen most of the footage before, but this time I noticed something I hadn’t before—flashes of Brooklyn standing nearby, cheering on her boyfriend at the time.
Toxic jealousy ate away the lining of my stomach. She’d cheered for him, but she wouldn’t be there cheering for me. On the upside, it was great motivation to pummel Conrad into the ground next weekend. Downside, holy shit, I miss her.
Hector announced he had to take off, but of course he couldn’t leave without a not-so-cryptic: “Think about what I said. Pick up the phone. See what happens.”
Liam clicked off the TV and silence cloaked the room. “I’m guessing he’s talking about calling my sister.”
“Don’t worry, I won’t call her.”
While Liam was usually pretty stone-faced, his features hinted at being conflicted now. “I thought she was a distraction, and in some ways—in a lot of ways—I was right. But some of the fire you used to have has gone out. You hit as hard, and your form is good, but…”
“Something’s missing.” She’s missing. “Yeah, Brooklyn was a hell of a distraction, but she also gave me a new reason to fight. To prove myself, not just in the cage, but with everything.” I need her. “I asked her to stay.” I wasn’t sure why I added that last part—it was supposed to stay in my head with the other overly-personal thoughts I should let go of.
“And I pushed her to go,” Liam said. “Last time I watched her give up her dream and stay for a fighter, it didn’t go so well.”
Offense pinched my gut and the muscles in my body coiled. “I’m nothing like her asshole ex.”
Liam’s sharp gaze homed in on me. “Did you ask her to put off her dream so you could achieve yours?”
I opened my mouth. Snapped it shut.
“You’ve put all this work into getting ready for this fight, and you’re so close that now you can taste it. What if she asked you to walk away? To take a chance on getting another fight in the future that’d help your career instead, even though it would involve a lot of happenstance?”
All that work and training, a chance at victory and greatness finally within my grasp. All the people who claimed I was washed-up choking on their words as I proved them wrong. Would I really be able to shrug and walk away? The thought alone fired me up. Made me want to protest and yell and plant my feet. If it were a sword, it’s the one I’d choose to die on.
“But Brooklyn would never do that,” Liam said. “Instead, she knew how badly you wanted—hell, how badly you needed—a fight like this to get your career back anywhere near its former glory. So that night at the bar she did what she could to make it happen. She knew she was distracting you from your training, and that we all need you to win this fight or we’re looking at losing everything. I probably shouldn’t be telling you that, but it’s the truth. One of our employees stole from us, and business has slowed to a trickle, and everything we’ve built here could be ripped right out from under us.
“Brooklyn found out, and she had a hard decision to make, and when I could see she was about to give up everything, I pushed her to get back to her dreams. Honestly, I thought it’d be better for both of you.”
Everything he’d told me sank in a little at a time as my mind wrestled with what I wanted versus what might be better for her. Hope had bested me again, and the thought of letting Brooklyn go for good ripped the gaping hole in my chest even wider. All my life I’d been afraid to want anything. This thing with Brooklyn was stronger than want. I needed her. Needed her to ground me and to give me a bigger reason to fight than simply proving myself. But if she needed to live up north to paint and sell her remarkable works of art… God, I wanted to be strong enough to let her live her dreams, even if doing that crushed part of mine.
“Have you…?” The words snagged in my throat and I forced them out. “Have you talked to her? Is she okay?”
“I talked to her yesterday. She’s a bit homesick, but she’s also excited and nervous about the big exhibition. It’s a huge opportunity for her, and along with that, she’s already been meeting with the artist who’s going to mentor her during her internship, and they get along really well. She’s painting again, too. Not just squeezing an hour in a week, but actively spending her time on what she loves.”
He didn’t come out and say it, but I heard it there between the lines. Leave her be. She’ll be fine in time, and her dreams are coming true.
The best thing I could do for her was win my fight so that her family didn’t lose their livelihood. That would be my new motivation. The spark I needed to reignite the fire that’d died over the past two weeks.
Back to fighting for titles. No one could rip those away. Take them from me for a while, sure, but that particular fight and title would always be mine once I won them. “I appreciate you being straight with me, so I’ll be straight with you. I’m in love with your sister, and because of that, I’ll do whatever it takes to win my fight.” Lead filled my lungs, cutting off the ability to take in or expel oxygen. “It also means I won’t stand in the way of her dreams. You have my word.”