Chapter Fifteen
Brooklyn
Liam stepped up to me, completely blocking my sunlight with his massive body. He crossed his arms and gave me the stern look I swore he must’ve been born with, it came so naturally. “What are you doing?”
I shrugged, putting as much cluelessness as I could into it. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” A lie, but he’d have to drag it from me. Shane thought he was so damn irresistible, talking about how he was in my head. And okay, maybe he was, regardless of how hard I was trying to keep him out of there. But if he wanted to fight dirty—and he’d made it clear he did—I could fight dirty, too.
“You should leave him alone.”
“Me? He was the one talking about how he just exudes testosterone. But I can’t, what? Be a girl in a swimsuit on the beach? Better tell all these other women to pack it in. There are fighters in need of training, and that always takes precedence over everything else.”
His eyes grew even more steely. “Don’t act like you don’t know what you’re doing. You’ve dealt with guys like Shane for years, and you know how to handle them. I’ve seen you crush them and brush them off without a second thought. If that’s what it takes to get whatever shit show’s going on between you two over with, I’m all for it. We’ve got training to do.”
“That makes me sound so mean. If you’ll remember, the first time I fell for a guy like that, he crushed me. That’s why I was a lot harsher there at the end.” Not to mention how determined I was to get far away from the MMA world without further complications.
Liam sighed. “My point is, you’re letting him get to you. Don’t engage if you can’t handle it.”
Why was every male in my life purposely pissing me off today? Trey hadn’t called me back after I’d left him a message last night, then Shane decided to get all testy, now Liam was poking a raw nerve. “I can handle it just fine. And if your fighter can’t handle me being on the beach, he’s not going to do very well once there are ring girls and fangirls screaming his name. Really, I’m helping you train him to focus better. You’re welcome.”
Shane was on his way back, the dry sand slowing him some. He was still moving ridiculously fast, though, and I didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of knowing Liam and I had fought about him.
I stood and tossed my sunglasses aside. “I’m going for a dip. Not to purposely throw your precious training off, but because it’s hot, and there’s an ocean, and that’s what people do here.”
“Brooklyn,” Liam said, and I spun to face him, waiting for him to say the words I knew would get tossed at me eventually. About how I’d messed up things with one of their prize fighters before. They wanted me to come in and fix the business side of the gym, but without getting in the way. Without having emotions. I sort of longed for the time when I’d been better at closing them off—when I’d had that wall of anger and pain protecting me. “Just…be careful. That’s all I’m saying.”
I didn’t know if he meant with Shane or the ocean. Considering I’d grown up playing in the Pacific and was a strong swimmer, I tended to think he meant the former, which was what I was trying to do in the first place.
Liam’s words had taken the wind out of my storming-off sails, but once the water reached my waist, I glanced back to where he and Shane were back to doing drills, and my frustration swelled again. Why couldn’t I just brush Shane off? Why did I keep engaging, in spite of knowing it’d only make things worse?
In spite of it only tempting me to explore the connection I didn’t want to feel.
Last time I’d felt a connection this strong, I’d gone the impulsive route and given in to the pull without considering the consequences. Conrad and I started dating halfway through my senior year. He was a few years older and my dad and brothers were not happy about it, but after an extremely rocky month, things settled. I’d been accepted to the California Institute of the Arts in Valencia, and I’d heard amazing things about the professors, so I was super excited to start the next stage of my life. Near the end of that summer, Conrad told me he didn’t want me to go. Having three hours between us wasn’t ideal, but I’d thought we could make it work. Then he pointed out how rarely we saw each other outside of the gym and told me he needed me there with him as he moved up the ranks to the big leagues.
I was head over heels in love, so I decided to take a gap year. After all, my family needed me to stay on top of the admin and accounting stuff anyway.
I should’ve gone. Should’ve tried to get late acceptance at a local art school. Done anything except put my life on hold for Conrad’s career. And what was my reward? Well, the one night I’d put my wants first, he’d cheated on me, and I got to spend four months in limbo.
During that time I put sturdy walls around my heart, going so far as to shut down guys’ advances before they could even fully make them. Not just fighters, but guys in general. The need to escape the MMA world grew stronger and stronger, so I applied to the San Francisco Art Institute, my new goal to get as far away as possible. When I received my acceptance letter, I knew my real future was calling to me. That I’d be able to rediscover myself there.
It took moving away and another few months of settling in before I dared to lower my walls the tiniest bit. The group of friends I’d met, being in love with my classes, and the chance to constantly work on my art helped with the healing process. I liked to think that I’d learned and grown and could now properly gauge the risk of a guy hurting me.
Shane fell in the super high range on the risk scale. Cocky and charming. Rough around the edges, with the kind of drive and passion that consumed everything in its path. He was also a fighter, set on belts and fame, and I couldn’t live in that world anymore. I wouldn’t.
Thanks to the nights he’d been there for me when I really needed to forget and get away for a while, it was more complicated than simply brushing him off. The best I could do was disengage and avoid as much as possible until things naturally cooled off between us. In the long run, it’d save both of us from unnecessary pain.
Trey was safe. He’d never once scared me. I didn’t spend our minor disagreements flinching and bracing myself for what might happen if they turned ugly, and I wasn’t constantly worried he’d break my heart. He and I had a steady, reliable relationship built on mutual respect, where he made time for my things and I made time for his. That’s why we worked.
I’m sure he didn’t call me back yet because he’s busy, and I’m busy, too, so I totally understand.
I just needed to make it another two weeks and he’d be here and I’d stop feeling so mixed up all the time.
Just two little weeks.
I fought the urge to look over my shoulder at the beach, because then I might go and think of two weeks as fourteen days with a lot of path crossing, and how difficult it was going to be to keep my distance from Shane Knox for that long.
Instead, I stared into the cresting waves, gave my best attempt at being all Zen, and repeated my new mantra. Two more weeks. I can totally make it that long…
…
The next day, as I was strolling by the entrance of the locker room, I noticed the mostly empty shelf where the clean towels went. I still thought we should cut out the damn towels, but several of the guys stopped by my desk this week to tell me they loved how much better the towels felt since I’d shown up. Amazing what a lid-full of Downy could do.
Their appreciation helped take away some of my resentment over the job, even though I still dragged my feet over having to gather up the dirty towels.
“Hello? Anyone in here?” It’d been a crazy day, with a lot of people in and out. Not to mention I’d completely engrossed myself in work to avoid seeing or thinking about a certain guy. We hadn’t talked since the beach, and I dreaded the next time our paths crossed as much as I anticipated it. Clearly I had issues.
Two steps from the laundry hamper and Shane stepped out from the showers, wearing only a towel. His dark hair was damp and beads of water dotted his skin. Several of the droplets ran down the grooves of his pecs and abs and that V that lead right down to—
“What are you doing?” I asked when I noticed his purposeful stride and the fact that it was aimed right at me.
“Paying you back for that stunt on the beach. All that torturous rubbing of sunscreen on your skin. And then there was the way you walked out of the water, all dripping wet. Kind of like I am now.”
I lifted my chin, attempting to hide the fact that my heart rate had tripled in the last ten seconds. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. I was just putting on sunscreen.” Maybe I wasn’t totally innocent with the sunscreen, but there wasn’t another way to walk out of the ocean besides dripping wet.
“And I’m just talking to you after my steamy shower.” He toyed with the top of the towel, and I volleyed between hoping it’d come undone and hoping it wouldn’t. His eyes locked on to mine. “Where I thought about you.”
Every ounce of oxygen whooshed out of my lungs.
“How’s your focus, bruiser?” he asked, his deep voice an intoxicating combination of tantalizing and taunting. “Do you remember what you came in here for?”
It took a couple of seconds and a failed attempt to swallow as my brain searched for the answer. “Towels. I’m washing the towels.”
“Did you need mine?” He reached for it, and I went to shake my head but ended up biting my lip instead. “Try to deny it all you want. I can see your rapid pulse beating right here at the base of your neck.” His fingers brushed the spot and it quickened even more. “I can hear that hitch in your breath, and your pupils are dilated.”
No shit. I was this close to having a heart attack, and if it meant a little while longer of staring at him, I might risk it.
Wait. Those aren’t the thoughts I’m supposed to be having.
“This…” I took a step back but met the hard resistance of the wall. “You… I…” Since words weren’t cooperating, I abandoned trying.
He braced one hand against the wall, right next to my head, and every glistening muscle in his arm stood out. I wanted to pull him close and taste his clean skin, and I wanted those arms around me. “Now,” he said, his voice sending goose bumps over my skin. “I’d definitely kiss you now.” He leaned close enough for me to feel the steamy warmth wafting off his body. My chest bumped his as my breathing kicked into high gear. “And I wouldn’t stop with your mouth.”
With that, he pushed off the wall and disappeared around the line of lockers.
As soon as I regained control of my shaky limbs, I rushed out of the room, leaving the towels—as well as part of my sanity—behind.