Chapter 20
She stared into Ian’s face as he rested on his elbows above her; she traced the stubble that appeared every morning. Claire was still breathing too hard as she eased her legs from their tight grip on his waist. His eyes were warm and gentle as a smile slid across his mouth.
“Good morrow, sweeting.” With a kiss to her lips, he said, “I can nay think of a finer way to welcome the new day.” Ian gazed to where their bodies were still joined.
Light streamed in from the window. She had meant to leave at first light, but waking him to say she was leaving had led to her staying. She returned his grin. “I thought I said I was going to get dressed and you should go back to sleep.”
“I dinna believe you complained about staying a wee bit longer with me.” Settling on his side, Ian pulled her into his embrace. “‘Tis too hard to find sleep again without you tucked into me.”
Claire forced herself to move away from his warmth. With a quick kiss, she sat up in bed and wished she were someone who could go back to sleep. “Too late, I’m up. Go back to sleep. I will see you at the meal.” Her vocabulary had changed, and she liked it. Her movements felt heavy as she rose and dressed, and she was unable to stop the yawn that escaped as she stretched.
“You are still tired. Come back to bed, sweeting.” Ian offered with a mischievous grin.
“Then going back to bed will not help.” Claire laughed while she sat to lace her boots and Ian struggled to sit up.
“One week in my bed and you are already tired? Come, we will sleep some more, I promise.” Ian’s grin revealed the thought on how he planned to wake her up later.
While the offer held temptation, she wanted to be gone before the household woke. “I need to go. Go back to sleep.” The kiss goodbye resulted in Ian grabbing her, and he gently threw her back on the bed to land on top of her. “Let me up. I’m leaving.”
“What will you do this day, sweeting?”
Her hands ran over his strong shoulders. “The sun is finally out after a couple of days of rain. My guess is that Neala will want to get some laundry done.”
“Fine. Your skills are nay required for such tasks. There are plenty of lasses here to accomplish the work. I am planning to ride out to meet with the men who care for the livestock. The day would be far sweeter if you joined me.”
Who could refuse? “That sounds great. When do you want to go?” She was excited at the thought of leaving the grounds as realized she hadn’t been farther than the village since her arrival.
“Mid-morning. Mayhap you can ask the kitchen to pack us a meal. We can eat outside after the business is finished.”
Claire smiled at Ian perched over her and rewarded his idea with a warm kiss. “I like the sound of that.”
She wasn’t surprised Ian took full advantage of the situation. He deepened their kiss, and she questioned if she would ever get enough of him. Against her better judgment, her mouth opened to allow his tongue’s exploration. Even after a night of very little sleep, her body tingled with anticipation of what could happen next.
The question danced in her mind. Why would I ever want to leave this bed? Footsteps in the corridor provided the answer. She preferred everyone not know where she spent her nights, at least not yet. The hand on the laces of her gown was pushed away as the fear of being discovered crossed her mind.
“Off me, Ian. I would prefer to have my bath before Cerwyn wants his meal.” She took full advantage of his lax posture, and with a shift of her hips and a push on his thigh, she forced Ian off and onto his back. She landed to sit on top of him. “Maybe now I can get out of this chamber.”
Ian lifted his eyebrow. “‘Tis a fine move, lass. But why leave now when I am at your mercy?” Ian pulled her down and peppered light kisses against her neck.
Claire knew if she didn’t leave now then she never would. She said, “I’m off to the baths. Go back to sleep.” She lifted herself off of Ian and scrambled to the floor. He rose from the bed and followed her to the door. A naked Ian wrapped his arms around her waist and held her against his chest. “I thought you wanted to go back to sleep?”
“I merely wished to make sure you made it safely to the door, sweeting.” He turned her to face him, and his grin gave away the falsehood in the statement. “There will be no more sleep for either of us this morn. Go to your bath. I will see you at the meal.”
Caught in her gaze, Ian’s face was an open book. Claire knew he understood her desire to keep this from being household gossip. “I will see you in a little bit.” With a quick kiss, she left the chamber.
The smile fell from her face as the door closed from behind as a voice called out, “Claire, is that you?”
With a heart that beat far too quickly, panic consumed her at the scene that was to come. “It’s me, Mairi. Let me explain.”
Mairi stepped back into her chamber. “Quickly, come in, before you are seen.”
She followed Mairi into the room, grateful that the confrontation would be private. Once the door closed, the stench hit her hard. It had only been four days since the room was cleaned. The air was simply foul.
Mairi paced and shook her head in an obvious attempt to clear her thoughts. “I saw you, Claire. I saw you leave the laird’s chamber. What have you done?”
“Please, Mairi, let me explain it to you. There is a lot you don’t know.” The girl paced, and Claire mentally prepared for the outburst.
Mairi fell to her knees in front of her. “You have sinned, Claire. Sinned for me. When we prayed for deliverance, I did nay ken what form it would take.” Mairi grabbed Claire’s hands. “You have saved me. No one has even lifted a finger to help me. Yet, you risk the fires of hell to save me from him.”
Mairi’s reaction completely mystified her. She was prepared for a rant of sin or anything other than this. Filthy hands wrapped around hers, and Claire found that Mairi’s gratitude tasted bitter. There was no honor in the deception. She finally answered, “Mairi, I didn’t do this for you. I did this for me.”
Mairi’s laughter came out like a squeak. “Dinna you see, Claire? The prayers worked. The Lord has saved me because my prayers are so strong. Finally, he has heard me. Will the laird now cancel the marriage? Can I go back now?”
Now she had to be the one to tell her nothing had changed. “No, Mairi. You will still marry. I can’t change that for you.”
“I understand, Claire. My dowry is still wanted.” Mairi said as she lowered her head.
She knelt beside the girl. “I’m glad you understand. This is your home now. Remember, we talked about that.”
“I remember. But now he has you. He will take out his evil lusts on you. I shall find some peace, won’t I?”
She knew there were way too many devils in the details to contemplate this conversation. “Yes, Mairi, most nights the laird will spend with me.”
Mairi nodded. “You sin for me, Claire. I will pray. I will pray every day for your soul. I promise you, my days will be spent repaying you.”
A sad smile covered her face. Mairi should be outraged, not thankful. “Thank you, Mairi. Your prayers are a kind offer.”
Mairi rose to pace again. “‘Tis nay enough. Tell me how I can thank you. Anything, Claire, anything for you.”
I shouldn’t take advantage, but opportunities like this are going to be rare. Claire said, “There is a way you can thank me.” She led Mairi by the hand and led her to the door. “Come with me. You are going to take a bath.” When panic filled Mairi’s face, she added, “Where I am from, they say that cleanliness is next to godliness.”
“I trust you, Claire. But I will nay enjoy this pleasure for the flesh.”
The pair walked hand in hand toward Neala, who waited to assist her as she did every morning. “Mairi would like a bath, please.” Claire returned her attention to the bride. “Mairi, this bath will involve a lot of scrubbing. There will be little to enjoy.”
Encouraged that there were no further complaints, the two women led Mairi to the bathing chamber. Thankfully, Neala took charge of the situation. Women were sent to clean the chamber and instructed to bring clean clothes. Neala was to do the actual bathing. Claire’s only role now was to keep Mairi as calm as possible. Finally, four hair washes and two body scrubbings later, Neala declared it done. The housekeeper helped the girl rise from the bath.
Claire found herself comparing her figure and Mairi’s as she helped to dry her hair. She noted the sagging of her flabby body, the skin marred from body acne and most likely poor hygiene, and knew she was much better looking naked. Claire forced the nasty thoughts away. Any physical comparison would only lead to resentment toward Mairi, and she’ll never understand why.
“These are nay my clothes,” Mairi said as Neala held up a clean gown for her to wear.
“They are now, my lady. The lasses have worked hard to make new, more appropriate gowns for you. ‘Tis my hope it pleases you.” Neala’s response was formal and surprised Claire as she had never heard the woman so distant.
“Should I keep this on?” Mairi asked clearly confused.
“Yes, Mairi. It is much more appropriate and quite lovely,” Claire said. The gown was simple, light green, and laced up the front. Yet even clean Mairi was still Mairi. She had to squint to see anything with her small, dark eyes. No wardrobe would hide the fact the girl was short and fat. The skin on her face and body was marred by acne and the scarring left behind. Claire knew it was wrong to note all of this, but she couldn’t stop her mind from cataloging the physical flaws.
“May I return to my chamber now?” Mairi’s agitation grew more obvious with the request.
“There is no permission needed. I shall escort you myself. Some food will be brought to your chamber if you prefer.” Neala’s voice was curt and polite.
There was no reply they understood, so Neala led Mairi to the door. Neala spoke to Claire while she led Mairi out. “Child, leave the mess for now. The lasses will come to clean this chamber. Use the other one. ‘Tis already late, and the wee one wakes any time now.”
She smiled at the soft command and the clear affection. “Thank you, Neala, for all of your help this morning.”
“Dinna thank me. I believe you ken how pleased I am to have this done. I will bring you a clean gown. Enjoy your bath.” Neala turned her attention back to the muttering Mairi. “Come now, my lady, back to your chambers.”
Claire made her way to the adjoining chamber and hoped a soak in the tub would help her make sense of what had just happened and maybe wash away the guilt that threatened to consume her.
After wiping away the mess from Cerwyn’s face and hands, Claire said, “I’m not sure if you eat more or wear more.” She was rewarded with his laughter, but loud voices from the kitchen caught her attention. With Neala not in sight, she scooped up the child and made her way to the kitchen. Tavis’s voice was harsh and angry. “I said this is nay to be used today!” Two young men carried in casks of some type of beverage through the kitchen door. Tavis attempted to block Finella from the casks and was entirely unsuccessful.
Noting the angry posture of the small guardian of the kitchen, Claire asked, “Is there a problem?”
Tavis turned his large belly to her, and with a face red with frustration, retorted, “Aye, there is a problem. The daft old woman does nay understand this ale is nay to be opened. ‘Tis for the day after the marriage, and it needs to be stored away and placed safely out of reach.”
She knew full well Finella understood all of this. Claire tried to keep the amusement out of her voice. “You can leave it to my care. I will have it stored beneath the kitchens in the back storeroom. None will touch it there, I promise.”
Tavis snarled, “You had best see it remains there until I give permission for its use.”
Shifting Cerwyn further back on her hip, Claire replied, “I already gave you my word.”
With a slow hint of a smile, Tavis said, “Then see to it. The ale is a special gift to celebrate the marriage. It has a time and place.”
Tavis’s mocking grin sent chills down her spine. “The men will move it now.” Directing the two young men to where to place the casks, she turned back to Laird Tavis. “See, it is already done. Is there anything else you need?”
“Only for you to enjoy the ale,” Tavis replied with a smirk.
“While I’m sure it’s a fine gift, I’ll pass. I never developed a taste for it, which will leave more for everyone else to enjoy. Do you require anything else?”
“Where is laird Ian? I now carry the contracts and need to speak with him.”
The finality of the statement stopped Claire for just a moment. Everything had become more real. She stumbled over her words. “I’m not quite sure at the moment. He has not eaten yet, perhaps you will find him in the hall.” Grateful as Tavis left, she focused her attention back to Cerwyn. “You were very good just now. Thank you for staying so quiet.” The child snuggled into her neck.
“Are you okay, Finella?” The wink given answered the question. “You did that on purpose, didn’t you?” A quick laugh from the older woman and a pat on the arm put the issue to rest.
“While I’m here, could I ask for a meal to be packed? Ian and I are going to check on the livestock and will miss the midday meal.” Claire winced as Finella winked at the request. No one fooled this woman; she was aware of everything.
She was surprised to hear the woman answer her. “Aye, Claire.” That may have been the only time she had heard her give a direct answer.
Shooed out of the kitchen, Cerwyn found his voice again. “Run, Larry. We run now.”
With a smile for the chubby face with brilliant green eyes, she said, “Just for a little bit.” She walked out into the sunshine through the kitchen door and into the grass of the gardens.
“Claire! Claire, ‘tis past time to be leaving.” Ian’s voice caught her attention as she chased Cerwyn to the front of the keep.
She rounded the corner to see him ready to call again. “No need to shout, I’m right here.” She ran the last couple of steps to catch the little one who squealed with delight at the game. “You need to go to your father. I am going with Uncle Ian.”
Unfortunately, Cerwyn had no intention of being caught just yet.
Cerwyn squealed with delight at the sight of the horses. “Me, too. I go horsey, too!”
Ian scooped the running child off of his feet and ruffled his hair. “Nay this time, wee one. Hagan, take your son, as I would be gone.” He placed the child in Hagan’s waiting arms and immediately turned to pick up Claire to place her on the waiting mare. “‘Tis a fine mare, sweeting, I chose her just for you.”
Whatever Tavis had spoken to Ian about earlier had left its mark. Claire could hear the strain in Ian’s voice even as his tone was gentle. She patted the horse on the neck and grabbed the reins. “This isn’t so different from what I am used to. I think I can manage her.” She was grateful now that riding lessons had been a part of Brooke’s life and that she had been included on many trips to the barn and even more grateful to once again wear the yoga pants under her skirts, as chaffed thighs were a lesson she had learned the hard way.
“Larry, Larry, I ride too. Larry!” When Cerwyn’s screams for attention threatened to change to tears, she made room for the little one to sit before her.
“Just a little ride.” Cerwyn laughed at the slow trot around the courtyard. Claire enjoyed watching Ian mount his stallion. It was impossible not to stare as his strong thighs flashed from the movement of his plaid. Once again, the massive claymore with the two-headed dragon on its pommel was strapped to his back. She returned to Hagan to drop off the child.
“Thank you for humoring him, cousin. If you had nay, there would have been no peace this day,” Hagan offered quietly. “It has been a trying morning, Claire.” Hagan’s words were directed to her while his eyes followed Ian. “The ride and the day beyond these walls will be what is needed. Dinna bring him home until the foul look is removed from his face.”
Only Hagan can say so much with so little, Claire mused. With a smirk, she replied, “I’ll see what I can do.” Nudging her mount next to Ian’s, she asked, “Are you ready to go count some animals?” She tried a little levity to ease the tension, and it earned her the smile she loved.
“Aye, sweeting, let us be gone.” Ian led them beyond the gates and past the village. Once she was comfortable with the reins, she gave Ian the nod he was waiting for, and both horses broke into a run.
As always, the woman by his side amazed him. She enjoyed the ride almost as much as he had. If the men who tended the animals assumed Claire was simply along for Ian’s pleasure, they were quickly corrected. In truth, she had directed the conversation from the beginning. She informed them that the reward from the wool sales in the fall would bring a tidy sum and that there may even be livestock to sell for a profit.
She had been correct. Hunting for the meat for his table had already allowed the numbers to increase in the herds. This lass is bonnie and wise, a fine combination.
His thoughts stopped as he saw the familiar bend in the stream. Dismounting from Samson, he moved to Claire’s mount. Taking the reins from her hands, he let them fall to his side. He reached for her, and his hands found the strange trews covering her legs beneath the gown. The smile broke free as he remembered how fine her legs looked covered in such attire. His passion flared as he thought of how he could touch her now. Ian lifted her and slowly moved her down his body. “Down with you, woman, let us have our meal here.”
Claire looked around the clearing, and Ian lost himself in the beauty of the scene. The slow moving stream gurgled behind them, dappled sunlight filled the clearing, white blossom could be seen on the bushes, and soft grasses covered the ground. The sight of her enjoyment of his favorite place completed the moment.
“This is beautiful,” Claire said. “The air is so full of clean earth smells, especially after a morning with the sheep and goats.”
Ian tethered the horses, removed the bag of food from his horse, and spread a blanket on the ground. “‘Tis a favorite spot on my lands. My parents would bring us here to enjoy a meal when Aliana and I were children. I wished to share it with you.” He moved to wrap Claire in his arms and inhaled the fragrant scent of her hair. “‘Tis a sweeter spot on our lands now that we are here together.” He reached for the binding on her braid and combed the damp hair through his fingers. “Your hair is still damp.”
Claire smiled into his eyes. “I had a late start getting into the baths and then put it up before my hair had a chance to dry.”
With a soft kiss to her lips, Ian replied, “So I am responsible for your hair being damp?” The thought of their early morning passion only fed his hunger.
Her soft laughter answered him. “Only partially. I’ll tell you about it while we eat.”
Ian released her from his arms and opened their meal. “It seems as if you packed enough for a week.” Next to her on the blanket, Ian was unable to resist the temptation before him and placed a soft kiss to her lips.
“I didn’t pack it, Finella did,” Claire answered. Then she told him of the confrontation with Tavis in the kitchens.
“You should nay have had to deal with the man, but I am grateful you did. Left alone with Finella’s temper, who is to say what his fate might have been. Though it may nay please you, the ale is a fine addition to our stores.” He didn’t want to think of the implications of when the ale was to be served, so he focused on unpacking the food. “I was correct. Finella has given us a fine, large meal.” With their meal served, he could only wonder how Claire had tamed the old one who kept the kitchens.
Ian kept quiet as she told of her part in manipulating Mairi into the bath. While he wished she had nothing to do with the foul wife-to-be, Claire’s compassion touched his heart. He doubted any had ever treated Mairi with such kindness. His woman was wise and had a heart so full of love.
“Mayhap Finella judged correctly, as it appears we have left little to waste.” Ian cleared the remains and then pulled her onto the blanket to lie within his arms.
The breeze that rustled the leaves overhead did not mask her heavy sigh. “Are we going to talk about it now?”
“Can we nay enjoy the peace of this time together?” Ian asked as her hand wrapped around his waist. He had wanted to escape the morning, but the hand that pulled him closer belonged to a woman that needed and deserved truth. “Tavis has the contract in hand, sweeting. What I dinna understand is why he did what he did.”
Claire placed a gentle kiss to the skin exposed by the laces of his shirt. “What did Tavis do?”
Ian stared into the leaves of the canopy. “The contract was approved and signed by the king.”
“None of the others are like that. All of the other contracts stored in the study were simply signed by the laird and his bride along with a witness.”
“Aye, they are. Our marriages have always been done simply. None of the other clans require such formality either. Mayhap ‘tis simply the way of those who live in the lowlands. The Crown makes demands on them that we in the highlands dinna have to tolerate.” Ian thought about it. Mayhap it is that simple and merely different customs.
Her hand squeezed his side. “I think you may be right. Nolen claimed he carried the title of Sir, awarded by the King.”
“Dinna lay in my arms and speak his name, Claire,” Ian’s voice went rough with possession. Even now the thought of Nolen offering for her was enough to make him crazed.
A small laugh escaped as she swatted his arm. “You have got to be kidding.” She lifted her face enough to hold his gaze. “I thought we covered this already. Let’s not go there again.”
Ian filled his chest with the scent of her hair. “Aye, sweeting. ‘Tis nay a day to be filled with foul thoughts.”
Her smile faded. “There’s more, isn’t there?”
Ian rubbed a lock of her soft hair within his fingers and savored the feel. “You ken me too well. There is more. Instead of giving me the coin to pay the taxes, Tavis paid the Crown. His papers included proof of payment for what was owed and for this year also. Tavis should have paid me directly and nay gone to the one who calls himself king.” Ian answered her look of confusion. “He may call himself king and we are forced to pay his taxes, but none in the highlands heed much else.”
“I thought Tavis was only going to pay one year’s worth. Why more?”
“Tavis says it is a gift to ensure his daughter is well cared for. I find that hard to believe, as ‘tis obvious he pays her little heed.” Claire agreed with a quick nod, but Ian could see there were more thoughts on her mind.
“There is something I’ve never understood in all of this. Why would he be willing to pay so much to marry Mairi off? What does Tavis gain with the alliance?”
Stunned by her question, these thoughts had never entered Ian’s mind. “‘Tis the way things are done. None would take Mairi without a verra large dowry. Tavis has no allies to the north, and my clan carries a fine strong reputation. This will give him alliances to the clans we call friends. It opens doors to trade and a lower risk of raids.”
“I still feel like I’m missing something important. While I certainly don’t understand clan relations, this still seems like a lot of coin to spend on a girl left to rot in a convent for most of her life. Tavis could buy a lot of friends for that kind of money. Something just doesn’t add up.”
Ian thought through her statement. Claire was right in a way. Tavis could save his coin by trading for a small loss with the Draig’s neighbors. But trust came with alliance, and a marriage to a highland clan outweighed trade negotiations. He was about to share this conclusion when Claire stiffened in his arms. “What is it, sweeting?”
“When?”
Ian had not wanted their day together filled with this talk of his forced marriage. The sun was fine and warm, the breeze gentle, and it was a day to share and enjoy. The dark cloud of his fate followed them even here to this place of tranquility. “Soon, sweeting. Now that the contracts are in hand, it will only be a matter of days.”
He shifted smoothly to lay Claire on her back as he covered her, and closed eyes hid her thoughts. His knuckles grazed her cheek. “Open your eyes, sweeting.” He regretted the request when he saw that pain had filled what normally contained only joy and laughter. I did this to her. My greed for her has brought this heartache. It took considerable concentration to still the voice in his mind that said, “Let her go,” and he selfishly reminded himself that she had come to him with the knowledge of what was to be. Claire’s own words spoke of how it wasn’t enough to keep her away.
Silence filled the air as her hand rose to hold his face. She lifted her head to place a soft kiss to his lips. Even with such a loving gesture, the pain remained etched on her features.
“Can you forgive me, sweet Claire?” Ian’s breath stopped as he waited for her reply. He had no answer for what he would do if she said no.
A silent nod was the only agreement he received. Ian used his thumb to wipe the solitary tear that fell from the corner of her eye. Her pain was warm on his hand; the wetness burned into his skin and left its mark deep inside. He vowed silently that he would find ways to bring her joy and make up for what he had to do. His life would be spent making her happy and to atone for this tear. He did not want her to shed another for any reason. At this moment, he only wanted to make matters better between them, “Sweeting, I . . .”
His words stopped as she pulled him to herself and silenced his mouth with a kiss. Claire whispered, “Shhh, Ian.”
“Nay, I must say speak it.” He rested his forehead against hers. “Do you ken? Do you ken what I would choose? If I had been a better laird these past few years, I would have been able to claim you as my wife.” The truth was so real. He had never thought he could want someone bound to his side as he wanted Claire.
With a smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes, she finished his statement. “If you had taken better care of your accounts, you would now be married to Dedre of the Campbell clan, and we would have never met. You would not have been traveling and then bound to a tree. I would not have had to save you.”
Claire was correct, as usual. If Ian had all his coin, that is exactly what he would have done. Now it was hard for him to remember why that would have been a good match. A fine alliance, yes, if only because the Campbells had always been fine neighbors. He could barely see clearly in his mind. Claire was the woman who claimed his heart and soul. He had been deluded to think Campbell’s daughter, Dedre, would have been a fine mate. Once Ian had thought the woman stirred his blood, but now he knew what passion truly meant. He had been able to leave Dedre after a few kisses in the gardens, content to wait for the marriage bed. The need of Claire was beyond simple lust; he needed her thoughts as well as her warmth. From Claire, he needed all.
“Save me is what you do every moment of the day, sweeting. For all time, I will be grateful to have neglected my duties. My life without you would have held little meaning. You are all to me, sweet Claire.” He captured her mouth with a kiss and savored the heat of her response. His body was more than ready to prove his devotion, even if his deeds lacked.
She whispered against his lips, “You are my life.”
If only her eyes matched her words. Her love was evident, but so was the pain. Ian kissed her with all the love in his heart. Fate was sweet and cruel. It brought him this great love and simultaneously prevented him from giving her everything she deserved. Even still, her body responded to his mouth and hands. So be it. The choice had been made and a life without Claire was not one he wished to know.
Her laughter once again rang in his ears as he made short work of removing their clothing. Her body welcomed him as it always had and as it always would. Ian’s voice was insistent against her neck. “Give me the words, sweeting.”
It was an accident he had found the pair, the thrill of the hunt had led him off the main trail. He lost the deer only to discover them in the distance. It was obvious this was not their first coupling. Even from this far away, it was clear they shared laughter with their lusts. That came with familiarity.
He had been lied to and made to believe she was destined for marriage to another. How dare she? Have I not treated her well? The proper offer was made, a very fine offer too. Claire will pay for making a fool of me. He would make sure the laird was aware of how the lass paid. The fate of the Draig and his clan was already sealed. However, before Ian died, he would be made aware of the fate of the woman. With a plan already forming in his mind, secure in his belief Tavis would approve and see it carried out, he started back toward the keep. No one made a fool of Nolen.