Chapter 31
Ian knew he should have been home five days ago. The last task of his journey took longer and cost more than he had anticipated. Yet he believed it worthy of every coin and every moment spent. He rode through the gates on a fine warm afternoon, and the simple pleasure of being home brought a smile to his face. He hoped what he carried would do the same for its recipient.
The last two months had brought such change for his clan. The clan would be cared for even if the crops should fail or it be a long, hard winter. This would be true for many a year to come, as he could not have imagined such wealth. The battle to claim this land had been hardly worth a mention. It was over too quickly. The men Tavis had placed to guard this wealth were merely hired swords, their numbers the only advantage. With the aid of the men who worked the mines, the numbers quickly fell to Ian’s favor.
The men of the mine knew of the Draig clan and considered themselves a part of it. Now they were recognized once again by their laird. The tales they told of the years under Tavis’s reign were not kind ones. This is why he stayed for almost two months, to know these men and their families, to understand the operations, and to rebuild the village, all tasks worthy of a laird’s time.
Ian would have stayed longer, but there was unfinished business at home. He glanced down at his saddlebags and knew it was safe inside. The true battle was about to begin. Victory was the only option as losing was too great a pain to contemplate. No sword could aid him now. He needed thoughts, words, and heart, things he hoped he had readied as he journeyed home. Dismounting in the courtyard, he eyed the crowd that started to gather and saw her in the distance standing by the cliffs and realized begging was not beyond his abilities.
“So you finally return home, brother.” Hagan’s greeting accompanied his warm embrace. “It has been too long without you.”
“You look well. You are healed? All is well with you?” Thoughts of Hagan’s injuries had been constantly in Ian’s mind, as had the hope for his full recovery.
“Dinna fash yourself, all here are fine.” The relief beamed on Ian’s features, as he understood Hagan’s meaning. Claire was fine.
“Welcome home, Ian. We are pleased to be here to celebrate your return.” Lachlan’s words were given with outstretched arms.
Ian pulled the man in for an embrace. “I would nay have had such an easy victory without your aid. My thanks to you are never ending.”
Lachlan answered him with a broad smile. “Mayhap we can find a way to thank me . . . and other reasons to celebrate.”
Ian inwardly groaned. This again. While he had not wanted to offend Lachlan, Ian assumed he had been clear enough that marriage between their clans would not happen. Mayhap a stronger approach will have to be taken. Dedre disturbed his thoughts as she took his arm.
“Welcome home, Ian. I have brought you a cup of wine. The lads can take your bags to your chamber. Plus, I have sent a lass to prepare you a hot bath.” Dedre gave Ian a large smile.
“You have thought of everything. My thanks for such a warm welcome.” Looking back up toward the cliffs, he saw that Claire was gone. His eyes could not find her anywhere.
She had seen enough. It seemed most of the clan had turned out to welcome Ian home. Claire surveyed it all, the embraces, the laughing faces, and the warmth of the scene. She saw Dedre take Ian’s arm as she took her turn and the smile on his face as he greeted her. She had definitely seen enough. Walking in through the kitchen door, she headed to the study, where she would wait for the conversation she couldn’t avoid. Then she would leave.
Waiting in the study, everything now out and ready to go, she hoped she was right. She wanted only to believe that Business Claire would be able to see this done. Business Claire could focus on the facts of the accounts and explain them in detail. After the accounts, finally the rest would come. There would be no more wait and no more imagined conversations. Business Claire could even sit and pretend to be calm. Her heart pounded as she heard footsteps.
Ian stood in the doorway and stared. He almost believed he had forgotten how beautiful Claire was. She looked well, and her face showed no sign of the injuries. Her hair was loosely bound in a simple braid. He quickly wondered why Neala had not attended to her hair. She took his breath away. Now that I’m home, I will fix this if I can only decide where to begin. “All I saw upon my return, except you.” It was too late to stop the words. This was not where he should begin.
“Welcome home, Ian. You were busy, and I had no wish to interrupt.” She looked up at him and then away as she motioned for him to sit across from her at the desk. “It seemed like a good time to get all of this ready to show you. Please have a seat. I’ve finished with the books you sent. If you have a moment, I’d like to go over them now.”
Ian was confused by this cold welcome home. In his mind, he had seen their reunion. It was not like this. His vision of Claire running into his arms, of whispering the words of his heart into her ear as his hands found her hair were now gone.
But to even be in the same chamber filled his soul with peace. So many days we have worked together like this. If Claire feels the need to do this first, then it is probably needed. Maybe this will be a fine place to start. “You look well. Hagan and Neala have both said you are recovered. Do you truly feel up to going over the accounts?” Why am I speaking of accounts? So many moons without her, and with too many nights to count, all he wanted was to hold her.
“I am fine. We should do this now,” Claire said with her gaze only on the books and desk. She began with all she had found, how it had been documented, and how it was now logged in the clan’s records. “From what I can see, Tavis may have held the mines, but it cost him. These lines indicate the bribes sent to court to keep questions away from him. The details about to whom, the purpose, and how much are very clear. I don’t know what you will have to do in the future, but it shouldn’t be as expensive. Judging from what I see here, just your taxes.” She finished with a comparison of the old and new ledgers. “Congratulations, you are a wealthy man.”
Ian sat back in his chair, overwhelmed by all she had just shared. He knew there was wealth, but not that much. He was amazed by how she had finished all of the work in such a short time, and while healing. “As always, Claire, your skill is to be complimented. My thanks for this work. There is no one else I would have trusted with this.”
Her soft brown eyes finally looked up to meet him. “You’re welcome. If I may, there is another matter I would like to discuss. Lady Mairi wishes to return to a convent. Lachlan says there is a fine one on the far edge of his lands. He would be happy to escort her there if it’s all right with you. There is just the matter of a small dowry to be paid to the church.”
Mairi was one person Ian had never thought on. She needed a home, and a convent would prove convenient. “Of course, Claire. If you think it would please her, I will see it done.”
“Perfect. I will let Mairi know, and this will make her very happy. She can be ready to go as soon as the Campbell is ready to leave.” Claire offered a small smile in gratitude.
Once she would have offered him a larger grin. Ian had listened to the business, now it was time for the true matters at hand. “Claire, there is . . .”
Her hand went up to stop him. “I have a little bit more to say, if you don’t mind. I’m leaving in the morning. If Hagan hasn’t already done so, he will be asking for permission to take me.”
“Why?”
“Why? Because we are now both healed enough to travel and you are back, so Hagan can leave.”
This was not going like he had planned. There were so many things he had wanted to say, but all of them were gone from his mind with this one statement. Ian asked, “Why would you leave now? There is no reason for you to go.”
“Nothing has changed. Well, that may not be completely true. This time it was honest and polite. Lachlan has made it clear that I shouldn’t be here and that my presence is not welcome. I can’t say that I blame him. He’s a good father.”
Ian couldn’t make sense of any of it. “Who is Lachlan to tell you that you should nay be here? This is still my keep, these are my lands, and I decide who is to live here.” The anger Ian now felt toward Lachlan came through in his voice. “Dinna you see, Claire, we can be together. I ken there is much we need to talk about, and we will. You dinna need to leave. I want you to stay.”
Claire’s soft laughter mocked his declaration. “Dedre is no Mairi. Besides, that’s not who I am. It’s not who I ever truly was and certainly not who I am willing to be now.”
Ian’s question was stopped before it could begin.
“Ian, I need to go now. It would be best if I made a place for myself sooner rather than later.”
“I dinna ken why.” He wished she would meet his eyes and not stare only at the desk. He saw the trembling wrack her body and saw her falter for balance though she remained seated. On his feet and by her side, he held her steady as she swayed. “You are nay healed. I will fetch Neala. You should be back in bed.” Her breathing began to steady and he hoped bedrest would buy him the time needed to convince her stay.
“I don’t need Neala. There is nothing she can do about it. She knows, and she’s tried, but there is nothing she can do.” Claire’s sentence ended as her slow breathing filled the room.
Ian remembered her saying the same words the last night before he left, the night she had been in such pain. “What ails you, sweeting?” An eternity passed before her soft eyes found his.
“I’m with child, Ian. Sometimes it makes me dizzy.”
Ian felt the room spin with her statement. “You are with child?”
“The child is yours, Ian. I was with child before I left here. Neala can verify it if you don’t believe me.”
He stared at Claire as all she had said washed over him. Claire was with child, the child was his, and she had known this before she left. It was too much. “Why did you not tell me you were with child?” There was anger in his voice as he spoke.
“No, you don’t get to be angry with me.” Claire stood up and pushed him away from her. “I get to be angry! I had come to tell you, and you know what happened? You told me to leave. You kicked me out. I had just realized earlier that day that I was pregnant”—seeing his confusion with the word, she snarled out—“with child and then found out neither of us mattered. So don’t you dare raise your voice with me!”
Her cheeks flamed red, and the room filled with her harsh breathing, but his mind could not fully grasp she was with child. Without thought, he said, “How could you ken you were with child? We had only been sharing a bed for a short time.” From the glare in her eyes, he knew immediately this was the wrong thing to say.
With a voice filled with venom, she said, “That night at the inn was about seven weeks before we started . . . well, before.” Claire nodded as his eyes widened in complete comprehension. Her hands covered her stomach as if trying to protect the child from the harsh conversation.
Ian’s mind was too slow with the shock of the news. “We made a child that night?” His eyes now rested on her hands that covered her belly. The gown she wore was looser than the ones she normally wore. It was one he had seen on his sister not too long ago.
“Yes, Ian. We made a child that night, which is why I need to go in the morning. I need to get settled and prepare for this. The child needs a home, and I need a place to make that possible. The sooner I start the better.”
She once again looked at him with pain. This is the matter she wished to discuss that night, the one I sent her away. Claire came to tell me of a child, and I told her to leave, a child conceived on what should have been considered our wedding night. That night had held the fear of death and such a sweet passion. It was a night that had led to broken promises and heartache. He was lost for a moment in his thoughts and in his grief.
“There is no need to leave. You and our child have a home. Claire, we . . .”
“There is no place for me here, at least not one I care to occupy. I won’t have my child grow up as less than he should be, scorned for how he was conceived. I know enough to know this child will be considered a bastard here. There is no way in hell I’ll allow that to happen.” Claire looked up to hold his gaze. “Not to mention that I won’t live here under her rule. Dedre will be less than kind once she knows, and I refuse to live like that.”
“What does Dedre matter in all of this? I am laird here.” He stepped closer to Claire, and he reached out to touch her, only to have her back away again and out of his reach.
The knock on the door interrupted the moment, and both turned to see Dedre enter with a cup in hand. “Forgive the intrusion, Ian. I thought mayhap a cup of wine would please you as the accounts are discussed.” Dedre let out a weary sigh. “You still carry the dust from the road. Did the lasses nay prepare your bath?”
Claire seized the moment to walk to the door, but Ian called out, “We are nay finished yet. There is much more we need to talk about, Claire.” She turned back to face him, but her eyes locked on Dedre. Too late, Ian noticed that Dedre held his arm and how she smiled at him a bit too adoringly.
Claire turned back to the door. “There is nothing left to say, Laird.” Once again, she was gone.