Chapter 34
Present in the hall against her wishes, Hagan’s bargain was like a deal with the devil. Permission to leave would be formally granted in front of all as payment for saving the clan. Apparently she was to be formally thanked and then sent on her merry way. Claire had tried to get out of it and failed. However, she made sure Hagan knew she would leave before the rest happened. There was no way she would witness Dedre’s victory.
Claire had never seen the hall so full, packed with people, the men with their families, the women who worked in the keep, those who normally ate in the kitchens, the young men from the stables, and even Finella stood here amongst them all.
“Larry, I want Larry!” The small hands that tugged on her skirt gave her the excuse to not notice Dedre’s entrance. She scooped the child up and settled him on her hip as Dedre moved to stand beside her father on the other side of the hall. She pretended not to notice the rolled parchment in Lachlan’s hand, which was most likely a wedding contract ready to go. She pretended not to notice that the blue gown had been worn for a purpose and that it did bring out Dedre’s eyes or that her ridiculously long blond hair had been brushed till it shone and was released to flow down her back. She also pretended to not see Ian emerging from the study to take his place before the massive fireplace.
The chatter in the hall ended as Ian held up his hands to ask for quiet. Dressed in his best, his shoulder length hair was pulled back. As he surveyed the room, he brought Hagan to his side with a quick nod as Claire worked to ignore it all. Cerwyn was her shield, and she focused all of her attention on the little one in her arms. Aliana stood by her side for the moment, but she knew that would change shortly as the events of the night unfolded.
Braced for the events to come, Ian swore his heart beat too quickly as if he prepared for battle. Tonight’s battle would be waged with words. Claire stood off to the side with eyes only for Cerwyn. He prayed his words were enough. This was one battle he meant to win.
Ian raised his hands to the crowd and asked for quiet. “We are gathered here in our hall to celebrate many things this night. With thanks to Lachlan and his fine men, we now hold the key to our wealth. Our clan has gone from struggling to secure with one battle.” He paused his speech to allow the clan their cheers. All here had heard of the wealth and the security the mines brought to his people. The formal acknowledgment was owed to his fine neighbor, even if the man presumed to take his woman from his side.
Ian continued, “Our thanks should also go to the lass who found this wealth hidden from our sight. Without Claire’s keen eye, our fate would have been verra different.” He let the crowd cheer for her and waited as she offered a small wave and no more. But that was her way. She never sought praise.
“Claire and Hagan fought the battle for our safety alone and with no aid. The news they carried to us while injured saved us all. There are no words to express the debt owed for saving our clan.” The noise in the hall was deafening as all expressed their thanks. “Hagan, what would you ask? Name your reward, nothing is too great.”
“My cousin and I seek no reward. The safety of all here is the only payment required.” Hagan waited for the crowd to quiet. “I would merely ask for leave to escort my cousin away and a few strong men to guard our backs this time.”
Not surprised at the offers, he knew every man in the hall would see Claire to safety. Ian was caught off guard as Lachlan interrupted, “When I ride out, it would be my pleasure to accompany Claire on her journey. Hagan has earned a bit of rest or he can ride with us. She can see Lady Mairi secure in her new home. The Campbells also stand with a debt. We would see it honored.”
Ian knew to what the man referred. After their talk earlier that night, he had assumed Lachlan would not think to offer his daughter, especially since Ian had told him he would not accept. It had been a nasty piece of news that Lachlan had dared to make an offer to Hagan for Claire. Clearly Lachlan believed Ian would not be able to win back her love. Not to be sidetracked by the man, he looked now only at Claire. “If you wish to leave, you will be cared for on your journey.” Ian walked through the crowd to stand before her. “‘Tis my hope that you will choose to stay, Claire.”
He motioned to Neala to begin with what he had carefully planned. “Stay, Claire.” Ian spoke loud enough for all to hear. “Take your rightful place by my side.” He pointed to the stained sheet Neala held before the gathering. “Claire should have entered this keep as my wife. I claimed her as my own. Aware of our troubles and my contract with Tavis, Claire refused. She stated she could nay be my wife if it meant suffering to the clan. Yet, in all ways she has cared for all of you as if you were hers.” Ian lifted his hand to run his knuckles over her soft cheek. “In all ways I cared for her as if she were mine.”
Ian lowered his voice, as the next words were for Claire alone. “Please stay, be my wife and share this gift of our child with me.”
Claire’s eyes closed as tears streaked her cheeks and her body shook. The moment lasted an eternity before her soft gaze found his. Ian waited for her reply and for their life together to begin again.
“No.” Claire turned and pushed her way through the crowd.
She fled to the main stairway, and Ian’s only thought was to give chase before she was able to hide. He paid no attention to the roar within the hall and ignored Dedre’s foul cries and accusations. Ian pushed his way through the crowd but was stopped at the stairs by Hagan, who grabbed his arm and refused to let go. “Let me go, or I will never find her again this night.”
“If that is the best you can do, let her go.”
Ian looked up the stairway. He couldn’t understand what had gone wrong. “I thought she would say, ‘Aye.’ My intent was to restore her honor before all gathered.”
Hagan shook his head. “‘Tis my belief the lass has an honor all her own, and the opinion of any here is of no great concern. If you want her, you are going to have to give her a reason to stay, mayhap many reasons. The lass has been hurt, and you offered nothing to heal her heart.”
Ian didn’t want to hear what he already knew. “I had hoped to finish my amends in private. Let me pass. I can nay risk losing her again. She is my life.”
Hagan smiled and let go of him. “Try telling her that.”
“Wise advice, brother. Now move.” He ignored Hagan’s parting words of taking Claire away if she wished. The shouts within the hall dimmed only as Ian reached the top of the stairs. She was not in the corridor, so he made for her chamber and hoped to find her there.
Claire gasped for air as her chamber spun wildly out of control. She bent to hold her knees for support and was fearful that calm might never come again. She looked up to find the bed and discovered it void of the sheets and blankets. Everything was gone. Her chest of clothing was missing, the basket of baby clothes, and even her hairbrush. The shock of the discovery brought another round of spinning. She grasped for anything she could possibly understand. Maybe Neala has packed my things. She saw no saddlebags.
She refused to acknowledge what had happened in the hall, too embarrassed by the filthy, stained sheet Neala had held out for all to see and too stunned by what Ian had asked. Claire was certain that the last piece of her heart had died when she refused him. Yet she knew she would never stay to be one more obligation to be met.
In a heartbeat, Claire knew she was no longer alone. Without a glance, she asked, “Where are my things?” Weakness was something she wouldn’t show. Despite the dizziness, she forced her body to stand straight.
“I had your things moved into what was to be our chamber. Come, Claire, we can fetch them now if you wish.” His extended hand was ignored as she staggered by him.
To let the wave pass was one thing, but to walk down the corridor to stand in front of his chamber was another. It was the one place Claire had sworn she would never enter again. A hollow sensation filled her heart as she entered and felt only the loss of one more personal promise broken.
Claire blinked in shock at the sight before her. The chamber looked so very different. The fire was built for warmth, sparingly lit candles filled the chamber with a soft glow, and a meal now occupied the table normally reserved for the chessboard. A quiet meal, one with cold meat, cheeses, bread, and even the greens she had recently come to crave. Her chest was placed at the foot of the bed next to Ian’s. The basket of baby clothes rested on top. Even her robe was in place and rested on her side of the bed. Her head shook at the last thought because it wasn’t her side.
“Mayhap we could have a quiet meal and talk. There is much that needs to be spoken.” Claire shook her head as he spoke. “Then I will speak and mayhap you could listen if only for the moment.”
She did not want to be there. The chamber was too perfect and set for a wedding night, her wedding night. She didn’t want to listen but was unable to make her body move. A sigh escaped her. The sooner Ian began, the sooner she could leave.
“The last time we were in here, I asked you to leave.”
Without facing him, Claire’s eyes locked firm on the wall. “No, Ian, you told me to leave.”
His eyes closed as the pain of that night filled his soul. Ian knew what the loss of Claire meant; he was not willing to live like that. One day had been long enough for him. Closing some of the distance between them, he said, “My hands were tied, even more than the day we met. Tavis struck hard and threatened the fate of my clan. If I had gone against his demands, the Crown would have come with a small army to take my lands. So many lives could have been lost. What we shared could nay come before all of my people.”
Ian hoped for some acknowledgment that she at least listened, but she did not turn to face him. “Telling you to leave was the worst thing I have ever done. I never wanted you to leave. Watching you ride out, I would have sworn my soul died that morn. Then when you came back, injured, bloody, and full of dirt, I was horrified because I set you on your path.” He stepped closer to her back and reached for her left hand. The scar on the palm filled his vision. “My actions led to this, to your needing to fight for your life. If I had any thought that Nolen had intended . . .” His voice choked at the horror of what she had endured.
“You didn’t do this.” Claire spoke with a quiet voice.
Ian wrapped her hand in his and stood against her back. “I did, sweeting. By nay preventing this and by nay being there to protect you, as I swore I would, the fault is mine.” His arm wrapped around her waist, and he felt her tense from the contact. The swell of their child growing filled his palm. “I left you alone to protect our child. So many ways I have failed you, Claire.” Awe filled him as his hand caressed the bump. His child grew and thrived despite all of his failings. “I can feel where our child grows.”
“Let me go, Ian.” Claire’s request was softly stated as she tried to take a step away from him. He felt her tears fall on his arm, and he held tight and refused to let her go.
“Stay with me.”
“I know you didn’t want this child. I refuse to force you into something you don’t want. It would only hurt all of us in the long run.”
Struck by the simplicity of her words, he pulled her body to turn to face him; her wet cheeks drove a dagger through his chest. He held her face within his hands and willed her eyes to open. “Never did I claim to nay want this child. Such words you have never heard from me.” He paused long enough to make certain he spoke every word with clear meaning. “I dinna expect this one, but there is only delight in my heart that you carry this life.” He wiped the tears from her cheeks and begged, “Stay with me.”
Claire’s head shook slightly in his hands. “If there was no baby, we wouldn’t be here right now.”
“Is this what you believe, sweeting?” Her head moved in acknowledgment even as his hands held it. That she could doubt his love for her and for their child even as he pleaded for her to stay broke his heart. “Do you recall what we spoke of before I left for the mines?”
She pushed him away and opened her eyes to glare at him. “We spoke of nothing before you left. You wouldn’t even refer to me by name the only time I saw you.”
He tried to take her hand, but she stepped back again. Ian halted to give her space. “I was with you from the moment you were brought to your chamber. Neala and I cleaned your wounds, and I held your hand as she stitched it closed. She almost threw me out of the chamber when I demanded you be moved here, to our chamber. Neala believed moving you would cause more injury. I left your chamber only a handful of times, first to check on Hagan and then to meet with Lachlan. Dinna you ken this? Could you think I would leave you untended and alone?”
“The only time I remember you in there was when I told Lachlan what happened.”
Now he knew why she looked at him with only hurt. “I had asked the man to leave you alone. You needed rest to heal and nay to be plagued by reliving the attack.”
Ian dared a step forward. “We spoke the night before I left. When I returned to your chamber, you were having a bad dream, and there was pain. I gave you the herbs left for you. You were upset, and I thought you were concerned for Cerwyn’s safety. I did nay ken you thought you would lose . . . lose our child. After you calmed, I held you and spoke of what was to come, of what I hoped for us to have in this life. You answered me that night. I thought you kenned that. We spoke of our future and what would be upon my return.”
Ian reached to steady her as she stumbled on her feet. Her voice was soft as she said, “I don’t remember much about the first few days. But I dreamt of you, you said . . . you said . . . There was something about my being safe, that you were sorry and how you would fix things. I thought it was all a dream.” Silent tears fell as she blurted out, “I never thought it could have been real.”
The feel of Claire in his arms, even if only to prevent her from falling, was a precious gift. Resting his forehead against hers, he said, “If for one moment I thought you dinna hear me, I never would have left. I rode out thinking you kenned of my love for you, of my want to be with you, and with an understanding of our future.” Once more, Ian wiped the warm, wet tears from her cheeks.
“I thought you . . .”
“I ken you thought I was to marry Dedre and why you believed it true. Again, the fault is mine. But did you nay remember every time I told you what I would want if the choice were mine? How many times did I tell you I wanted you, that if I could, I wanted only you for my wife?”
“I thought you didn’t want me.”
Ian lifted her head to place a kiss to her forehead. “I want you, sweet Claire. I have wanted you since the moment I saw you through the door to your time. Every moment since we met I have wanted you with me and by my side. Not because of the child, but because of all there is between us. Stay with me. We can build a life together, sweet Claire, you and I as one. We will spend our days and nights with one another. My home and hearth are yours to keep as your own. Take my name and my title. Be my wife. Save me one last time, save me from a life without you.”
A smile began to form on her face only to be quickly banished. Even though she reached to touch Ian’s face, she answered with obligation, “Lachlan expects . . .”
“I care naught for what that man expects. Promises were never made. I told him ‘nay’ several times.” He took the hand that held itself away from his face and pulled it to his jaw. “Stay with me. Be my wife.”
Though she gave no answer, Claire pulled his face down and placed a soft kiss to his lips. Ian’s response was immediate; he savored her gentle touch and replied with restrained passion. He held her face in his hands as her arms wrapped around his neck. The kiss was gentle and sweet, given with hesitation as if she tested the words he spoke. Though his body screamed to claim her, to once again make her his, he merely tasted her lips. But some pleasures would not wait. He loosened her bound hair and savored the soft tresses as he answered her with his desire. So long he had endured without this fire between them. Slowly ending the kiss, Ian said, “I need to hear it, sweet Claire. Say ‘Aye.’”
The smile lit her eyes, and he knew before she spoke that he had won. Soft hands caressed his face. “Aye, Ian.”
His arms banded her to him. He felt her sigh, and his heartbeat finally slowed with Claire tucked within his embrace. He needed her as he needed air to breathe. Oaths of safety, declarations of love, and promises to give her anything she wished crossed his lips. He knew he babbled, but it didn’t matter. The only thing that ever truly mattered was his love for her. That she laughed as he rambled only filled his soul with happiness.
“I love you too, Ian.” Claire pulled back just enough to hold his gaze. “Shouldn’t we tell someone about this?”
His hands were lost in her soft hair as he answered the question with a long series of kisses to her lips. “In the morn is soon enough. For now, sweet wife, I would have you to myself.” One taste of her mouth was not enough. Using her hair, he pulled her back to his mouth and kissed her. This time she returned the kiss with more than a trial; she kissed him with fire and passion. The feel of her body pressed against his reminded him that her needs may be different now. He pulled away from the temptation of her lips and cast a glance at the table. “Neala has brought us a fine meal. Are you hungry?”
Claire was surprised at his abrupt end to the kiss. She wanted him with a hunger that had nothing to do with food. For too long she had believed she would live without him. Now she did not want anything but to feel him and to finish what had just begun. She didn’t bother to look at the table as her hands pushed the plaid from his shoulders. Her hands ran over the sculpted shoulders covered by the fine linen shirt. She whispered, “Not yet.”
Even as he moved into her hands, Ian stated, “You are with child.”
“I am and I have been every night we spent here together.” Claire lifted his shirt to reveal his skin and ran her eyes and hands over his muscled chest. His body didn’t lean into her touch as it always had, and she could feel the restraint he used. His shirt landed on the floor, and she wondered how long he would resist. With everything that had happened, this was what she wanted. The connection they shared. The food could wait.
Ian stated with ragged breaths, “You were injured . . . our child could have been lost. I would not do anything to . . .” He stopped talking as her lips touched his chest. A soft moan could be heard as she kissed up his neck and moved across his jaw.
“I am fine now,” Claire whispered against his lips and waited for his reply as her hands once again rediscovered the skin of his chest. “I missed you. I never thought we would be like this again. I thought this was supposed to be our wedding night.” She felt the second his resolve snapped. His hands wrapped in her hair, and he pulled her close.
“For too long we were apart. I have spent every night wishing for you by my side.” Ian gazed down at her and smiled. “As always, you speak true. I have a bride to claim.” There were no more words, and Ian took what she offered.
The reply was a kiss to erase any doubt either may still carry. Her soft sounds were lost beneath his harsh ones. She was caught between the need to hold him close and the want to remove the rest of their clothing. Without breaking the kiss, he loosened the laces holding her gown closed. Claire made short work of the knots on the plaid even as her arms were forced away by the gown being pushed down her hips.
For a moment the air rippled between them, waves of want passing through the breath of air that separated their bodies. Ian dropped slowly to his knees and placed his lips against her slightly rounded stomach. Looking up at her, he whispered, “You have given me such a great gift.”
She could see the moisture pooled in his eyes as his hands covered where the child grew. She smiled through the tears that fell from her eyes. “I believe you gave me this gift.”
Ian stood and held her face. “I plan to be a verra fine husband, Claire. ‘Tis my hope you will receive this gift several times from me.”
“I always wanted a large family, too.” He smiled at the agreement as Claire wrapped her arms around his neck and then lost herself to the sensation of his warmth against her skin. On tiptoes she kissed him with all the love in her heart. She was dimly aware of what was wrong as her foot touched his on the floor, and her smile broke the moment. “Boots, Ian.”
Laughter once again filled the chamber as Ian lifted her and placed her on the center of the bed. The sigh broke free from her lips as Ian’s body covered hers. Her hands freed his hair from the tie and left their kiss shrouded behind its curtain. She rediscovered him, the taste of his mouth, the soft full lips, and the feel of his body as it covered hers.
Placing gentle kisses to her lips, Ian whispered, “You are my wife.”
Claire moved his hair back in her hands to see his eyes and felt another tear fall at the tenderness and love in his gaze. “You are my husband.”
Finally, Ian let go and unleashed his passion as he kissed her with everything he had. She reveled in the feel of his hands roaming her skin. His mouth tasted every inch of her as she let go of the hurt. The weeks of being alone and lost evaporated as he worshiped her. He was everywhere all at once, lips on her thighs, hands kneading her breasts and then kissing her until her breath was gone. Somehow, their boots were all removed. How this was managed Claire had no idea. She was only aware of their need to touch and taste the other.
She was completely lost in the connection between them, and Claire knew it was coming. She also knew this night needed to be different. For the first time, what was between them was honest and real. She was panting when Ian shifted to join their bodies. As she knew he would, he stopped just before he entered her, and a smile crept to her lips.
Perched above her on his elbows, Ian’s body shook as he demanded, “Give me the words, Claire.”
At that moment, she saw only the electric green of his eyes that glowed with need. Claire answered, “No, Ian.” Before he could speak, she reached to cup his jaw. She pulled him close, and whispered, “Tonight you give them to me.”
His shock lasted only a heartbeat before the smile covered his face. Ian whispered, “I am yours, Claire. Always, I have been only yours.”
After she repeated the words, Ian filled her slowly and completely. With their gazes locked together, and their hands entwined, Ian moved gently within her. He whispered soft words of love as their passion grew more heated. The pleasure began deep inside and burst through every limb in her body. Claire heard her name on Ian’s lips as his body released inside hers. Even now she couldn’t hold him close enough. His weight was a welcome blanket that covered her in love.
Ian rolled them to their sides as he kissed her lips. “Never again will we be parted, sweeting. You are mine, and I am yours in all ways. There will be no denying this wedding night.”
“Do you really consider what happened at that inn a wedding night?” Claire asked as she brushed his hair from his face.
Ian moved quickly to place her once again beneath him. “I claimed you and would have been so verra happy to bring you into my walls as my wife. So much time was wasted with us being apart. So much hurt did I cause you. Our child will ken he or she was made on the night we wed. All that matters now is that we are together and nothing can change this truth.”
“You are mine.” Finally Claire knew it was true.
“Aye, sweet wife,” Ian answered as he removed himself from their embrace. His smile grew. “I have something for you, sweeting.”
“I just want you back in this bed.” She sat up to watch him crouch to open the saddlebag that was on the floor. That she had a view of his bare strong back made her smile.
He removed a cloth-wrapped item from the saddlebag and sat by her side. He placed a kiss to her lips. “I wanted you to have this.”
Claire unwrapped the offered item, and tears rolled down her cheeks as she recognized it: the bracelet from her mother, the one she traded for the shelter of the inn. Stunned to have it back in her hands, she stated, “I don’t understand. How did you get this?”
She listened to Ian’s tale of returning to the inn and then how he tracked down the man Thomas had sold it to. “‘Tis part of the reason my return was so delayed. I thought you would wish to have it as a reminder of your mother.”
“Thank you, Ian. I can’t tell you how much this means to me.” She flung her arms around his neck and breathed in his scent. “I can’t believe you did this.”
“I would do all for you, Claire.” Ian held tightly as they fell back onto the bed. “Your happiness is the purpose my life had always lacked. I would do all for you.” Ian’s laughter ended the embrace as Claire’s stomach growled. “Now I must feed you. Let us see what Neala has left us.” He helped her into her robe and then found his. Ian led her to the chairs before the fire to enjoy their wedding feast.
They had feasted before the fire in their robes, and the cold meal had been heaven. In all of his dreams, Ian could have never pictured such a night. They had talked long into the wee hours, sharing the two months missed and all that had taken place. Claire shared her recovery and every aspect of being with child. Ian told her of the mines and the families who served the Draig clan. More importantly, they spoke of what had gone wrong between them. The night had been spent sharing their hurts and fears and finding comfort from the other with words and gentle touches. They made love on the rug before the fire.
Lying now in their bed, Claire’s head was tucked under his chin as her soft breathing filled his ears. His hand covered the life they had created, and he was still awed by this gift she gave. Dawn was approaching and with it a new day. This day would be different. This day was the beginning of their future.