CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
Natalia
I’m on my way to my car for work when a large shadow blocks my path. I look up from my phone and come face to face with Drew. It’s been a week since I last saw him. The day my heart was completely shattered into a million pieces.
What could he possibly want?
“Can we talk? It’ll be really fast, I promise.”
I open my mouth to decline but decide to hear him out. I have almost two hours before work starts since I got out of class early. Time is on my side today.
“Yeah, sure.” I cross my arms over my chest. It’s a defensive gesture, and I’ll do anything to protect my already shattered heart. Drew looks around the parking lot then back to me. He’s fidgeting, like something is bothering him, and it’s starting to put me on edge.
“Drew?” I say cautiously. He blows out a deep sigh.
“It was my fault,” he says looking sheepish. I furrow my brows in confusion.
“Everything that went down that night…it was my fault. I got in Luke’s head at practice. He was just so out of it, I’ve never seen him like that so, I didn’t know what to do. We only have one shot at going pro, Natalia, and every second there’s some other player somewhere out there trying to be the next best one.”
I nod my head in understanding. Listening to Luke talk about going pro made me smile because football is the one thing he’s so passionate about, that and his family. He explained how much of a big deal this final year is for him and his future career.
“I know.”
“No, you don’t. He was a mess…not because he regretted what happened between you two, but he didn’t know how to handle his feelings because he wanted to do it again. And Luke’s never done twice before. Ever.”
I flinch just thinking about what a man-whore he is.
He fucked your sister. Of course he’s a man-whore.
“I told him he didn’t deserve you and that even if you guys tried to make it work, the distance would tear you apart. Then he got it stuck in his head that he’d ruin your whole life plan if he got involved with you.”
My eyes widen, and my mouth drops open.
“I know it was fucked up, but I needed him to understand that it would never work. I just needed my boy’s head in the game, and now…I’ve made it even worse. I’ve never seen him like this. He just studies, plays the game, and ignores everyone else around him.”
I get a slight pang in my heart at hearing that. But then I remember watching him zip his fly after my sister left his room and I feel sick all over again.
Tears sting my eyes. “That may all be true, but it doesn’t change the fact that he slept with my sister. Knowing how much she hates me. He intentionally hurt me, Drew.” My heart squeezes and my voice wavers with emotion. “And I don’t ever want to be associated with someone who does that to me.” I give him a sad smile and turn to walk away.
“He never slept with her you know,” he says loudly, freezing me in place. My heartbeat kicks up and I whirl around to face him, feeling all the color drain from my face.
“What?” I whisper. Hope now lines my chest.
“He didn’t sleep with her. They just you know…messed around.” He shrugs. My heart falls and my lip trembles. I was hoping that just the thought of touching her would make him sick to his stomach, but I guess that wasn’t the case. Wishful thinking on my behalf.
“It doesn’t change anything,” I whisper. Drew clenches his jaw and grinds it back and forth.
“He loves you, and I know you love him. Sometimes we do stupid shit and make mistakes. Can’t you just give him the benefit of the doubt? I know you’re hurting…but so is he, Natalia.”
A tear rolls down my cheek and plops onto my chest.
“Goodbye, Drew.”
With that I turn around and make a bee line straight for my car. Once I’m out of sight, I let the rest of my tears fall. I cry because I’m in love with someone who purposely broke my heart. I’m crying because, even though my sister lied, they still did something behind those doors, not even twenty-four hours after he touched me. I’m crying because now I know he loves me too, but there’s not a damn thing I plan on doing about it. There’s no doubt that I’ll always love Luke Caldwell. He was my best friend and the one I gave my virginity to. But I’m not stupid enough to make the same mistakes twice. Luke Alexander Caldwell is now a piece of my past.
Once I get to work, I sit in my car, and shed a few tears before I have to clock in. Don’t want the girls to worry about me. Between Sam and Aliza, I swear they’re coddling me. When it’s five minutes till, I wipe under my eyes, and plaster a smile on my face. I work on staying focused, living in my own little bubble—refusing to let my emotions get the best of me here. I go through the motions while I serve the customers, smiling when it’s expected and making conversation only when it’s necessary.
“How you holdin’ up babe?” Sam asks as she and Aliza slide into the seats across from me. We’re on the deck for our lunch break. I push the food on my plate around, not really having much of an appetite.
“Better than I was yesterday, so that’s progress. Right?”
Aliza smiles at me sadly before sharing a look with Sam. I hate that they’re so worried about me, but I really don’t have the strength to convince them otherwise.
“It’ll take more than a few days Nat, but you’re a strong girl. You’ll get through this,” Aliza reassures me. I force a small smile for their benefit before I make an excuse to use the restroom. I use this alone time to shed a few tears before I head back for my shift.
Once I get home from work, I eat, shower, and crawl into bed. I cry into the silence of my room, using the pillows to muffle my sobs. It still hurts just as bad as it did the day I walked in on them. It feels like I left my heart with him in his apartment. I can hardly breathe. I’m so tired of crying. I just wish I could forget him. I wish we could go back to the night we slept together, and I wish I had the will to say no. What I really wish…I wish I never met Luke Caldwell.
***
It’s been two weeks since everything happened, and I miss Luke more and more each day. Every text message I receive, I open in hopes it’s from him, but it never is. I specifically told him to never speak to me again, and now I have to live with that decision. Even if it’s the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do.
It hurts. Not spending my free time with him. I’ve gotten so used to spending what felt like every minute with Luke that I don’t know how to live my life without him in it.
Dramatic? Yes, I suppose it does sound a bit dramatic, but it’s the truth.
I want to forgive him for everything, I really do. But for some unexplainable reason I can’t. Just when I’m on the verge of forgiveness, images of him and Gina taunt me, sending me backpedaling. The unknown is what’s killing me. If they didn’t have sex, what did they do instead?
Did he enjoy it?
Did he come just as hard for her as he did for me?
Do I even want to know?
The questions plague me, and because I don’t have the answers, I just sit around and let my mind wander, concocting all these scenarios. Just my fucked-up imagination. Every time I walk into my psych class, I expect to see him, but I never do. Part of me wonders if he dropped the class on my behalf. And I feel bad for it. Knowing how much he enjoyed the class, and how much hard work he put into the class.
I’ve just finished gathering my stuff from my Abnormal Psych class when someone takes the seat next to me. I’m half hoping its Luke, but I know it’s not.
Why would he even be in this class?
We only shared one class together, and he hasn’t even showed. There goes my assignment partner.
When I look up, I’m not surprised by the wave of disappointment I get when it’s someone else entirely. A guy with a close shaved buzz cut is sitting there smiling at me.
“Can I help you?” I ask warily. The guy chuckles and I guess he’s kind of handsome in his own right. Nice build, perfect features, sweet smile. He’s boy-next-door cute.
What’s not to like, right? I’ll tell you—he doesn’t have light brown tousled hair that’s the color of copper when the sun hits it. He has hair that I can’t run my fingers through. He doesn’t have hazel eyes that change color depending on his mood. He doesn’t have the perfect set of dimples when he smiles. He doesn’t make my heart skip a beat. He’s just not Luke Caldwell.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to impose or anything. I’m Aaron Cox.” He extends his hand to me. “I’ve been wanting to come over and say hi to you this entire semester, but I guess I never had the guts.” He blushes a bit and it makes me smile.
“I’m Natalia Baldoni,” I say with a small smile and shake his hand.
There’s no spark when our skin touches. No warm or tingly feelings. And most importantly, no butterflies. My smile falters a bit with that realization.
“I was wondering if maybe I could get your number so we could go out sometime? Or whatever you want,” he says hopefully. I smile again, liking the fact that he seems shy and unsure of himself, so unlike Luke.
Stop thinking about him!
“Sure.” I jot off my number to him and we part ways with a brief goodbye. Within seconds, I have a message from him.
Aaron: Hope we can get together soon, beautiful ;)
The winky face at the end makes me laugh thinking back to a conversation I had with Luke a while back.
“Seriously. Any guy who puts a winky face at the end of his message is a downright douchebag, or is trying way too fucking hard,” he says as he flips through the textbook. A laugh bubbles up my throat.
“What? How do you figure that?”
Luke looks at me with an expression that says, “Isn’t it obvious?”
“Everyone knows this, Natalia. He’s either using the winky face to hide his douchery or he’s just a fucking weird loser who wants in your panties. It’s science babe.” He shrugs and grins, showcasing his dimples. I can’t help the huge smile that spreads across my face at his logic.
I briefly find myself wondering what category Aaron would fit into. As much as I hate to admit it, Luke is usually disgustingly right about almost everything. Could Aaron be a douchebag? Or is he just trying too hard? I mean, he seemed pretty nervous even talking to me, so he’s probably just out of his comfort zone, trying too hard. I shake those thoughts away and head to my next class.