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All That We Are by Melissa Toppen (20)

Chapter Twenty

Harlow

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“Hey.” I smile into the phone the moment Angela’s voice comes on the line. I meant  to call her weeks ago, but things have been so crazy, I haven’t found the time.

“It’s about time you called me.” She sighs playfully. “I was thinking I was going to have to board a plane and fly to Kentucky to make sure you were still alive. You realize I’ve called you like twenty times, right?”

“I know. I’m sorry. Things have been insane. Catch me up. How is everything?”

“Really good.” I can hear the smile in her voice. “Tom and I just found out yesterday.” She pauses for a long moment, no doubt for dramatic effect because that’s how Angela is. “We’re expecting!” she squeals. “I’m going to have a baby!”

A combination of emotions hit me one after the other. Happiness. Jealousy. Anger. Sadness. Love.

“Oh my god, that’s so amazing.” I blink away the tears that sting the back of my eyes.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m thrilled for my friend. But hearing this news, hearing how happy she is, reminds me of all the things I’ve wanted for so long that I’m not sure I’ll ever have at this point.

“Thank you. I think we’re both still kind of in shock. You know we’ve been trying for nearly a year. I was starting to think it was never going to happen.”

“Well, at least it was a fun year,” I tease.

“I wish it was. When you’re having sex on a schedule, it becomes more of a chore. It  definitely takes some of the sparks out of it.”

“I guess I could see that,” I say, having a hard time picturing sex with Miles being anything short of incredible. Regardless of how or why we were doing it. Now with Alan, that was a completely different story. It always felt like a chore no matter what.

“So what’s new with you? Tell me everything. I feel like I haven’t talked to you in forever.”

“I don’t even know where to begin,” I admit, letting my mind drift back to just how much has happened since I returned home.

“Let’s start with the most pressing matter. How’s everything with Alan? Have you spoken to him since you’ve been home?”

“Actually, he showed up here a couple of weeks ago.”

“Shut up!”

“Oh yeah. Decided to come to my new job and make a scene. Thank god my boss is my brother’s best friend otherwise he might have cost me my job.”

“Oh lord. The nerve of that man.”

“Tell me about it. Just when I thought things were starting to quiet down, there he is. But, on the plus side, Monica called me a couple of days ago. Alan finally signed the paperwork.”

“That’s amazing news, Harlow. Did she say how long before it will be final?”

“A month. Maybe longer. Either way, we’re in the home stretch.”

“I can only imagine how relieved you must feel to almost have this behind you.”

“That’s for sure.” I let out a slow breath.

“So you said he showed up at your new job? Where are you working?”

“I’m working at Inked. It’s a tattoo shop my brother’s friend, Miles, owns. I mainly manage the files, do payroll, state forms, and make sure everything is in compliance.”

“So you’re pretty much running the business.”

“The back side of it, yes.”

“That’s awesome. It looks like you can actually put that degree to use after all.”

“Yeah. I was definitely worried that I wouldn’t be able to find something, but then Miles stepped in and saved the day.” I look up at the apartment building in front of me.

I left work an hour ago, telling Miles I was heading home, which I was planning to do. But then instead of merging onto the freeway as  I should have, I found myself turning in the opposite direction. Now here I sit, in the parking lot of his complex, anxiousness swimming in my stomach at the thought of him coming home and finding me here.

I haven’t stayed with him for the last three nights, despite his efforts to get me to do just that. I had needed a moment to clear my head a little. It feels like everything is moving so quickly, and honestly, I’m afraid of how fast I’ve fallen for him. And no matter how badly I want this to work out, there’s this little voice in the back of my head telling me to enjoy it while it lasts because it won’t last forever.

I’m trying to balance myself so that when this ends, I’ve established some semblance of a life outside of Miles. But tonight, I don’t know. The urge to be with him was just too overwhelming to resist.

We’ve found time to be together, but sex in the office or locked in one of the tattoo rooms isn’t the same as being able to take our time without worrying about someone hearing us. Plus there’s the whole falling asleep in each other’s arms afterward, which is by far my favorite part.

“Is that a smile I hear?” Angela pulls me back to the conversation, and it takes me a second to remember what we were talking about.

“What?”

“Who is this Miles person again?”

“He’s been Winston’s friend since they were little,” I say, not mentioning that I used to hate him and now I’m pretty certain I’m in love with him.

Pretty certain? I chuckle internally. More like one hundred percent certain. The way I feel about Miles is unlike the way I’ve ever felt about another person before, and that includes when Alan and I were just dating, and things were really good between us. There’s something different there with Miles.

“And my new boss,” I tack on even though I already said that part.

“Is that all?” she questions.

“What else would there be?”

“I don’t know. You just sound funny all of a sudden.”

“I do?”

“Now you sound guilty.” She laughs.

I swear this girl knows me better than anyone. Then again, we did live together for four years during college and remained very close after Alan, and I married, despite his efforts to keep us apart.

Alan hated that I had anyone in my life that I cared about outside of him. He thought he should be my one and only focus. Because of it, I pulled back a lot from Angela over the years while I was married, but she never let me slip too far away. She clearly saw what was happening and, like a true friend, she stuck by me even when I didn’t really deserve her.

“He may also be the guy I’m sleeping with,” I admit after a long pause, a wide smile sliding across my face.

“Shut up!” She squeals in my ear. “I knew it! The instant you mentioned his name something changed in your voice.”

“You know me so well it’s scary.” I laugh.

“Tell me everything. I want every single detail.”

I spend the next twenty minutes filling Angela in on everything that’s transpired over the last few weeks. From the kiss in the tattoo room to the next day when he was cold and distant, to that night when he kissed me outside and we couldn’t get back to his apartment fast enough.

About how happy he makes me. How alive I feel when I’m with him. And like she always does, Angela just listens. She doesn’t judge or give me a hard time for sleeping with someone while I’m still married. In fact, based on her reaction I’d say she’s pretty proud of me for putting myself back out there.

I’m so lost in my conversation with Angela that I don’t notice Miles arriving home until I look up to find him watching me through the windshield of my car, a wide smile on his handsome face.

“Angela, I have to go,” I blurt, cutting her off mid-sentence.

“He’s there?” she guesses, considering I told her a few minutes ago that I was at his place waiting for him to get home.

“Yep.” I smile, my gaze locked on him as he stalks around the car and jerks the door open.

“Okay, you two have fun. And call me sooner next time, yeah?”

“I will, I promise. Love you, Ang.”

“Love you too.”

My finger lands on the end call button seconds before Miles hoists me out of the car. He slams the door shut and instantly backs me against it.

“I thought you were going home tonight.” He grins, his face dipping down until it’s an inch away from mine.

“I changed my mind.” I shrug like it’s no big deal. “You got a problem with that?”

“What do you think?” He speaks against my lips before his mouth closes down around mine.

He kisses me so slow and deep that by the time he pulls away, I’m questioning how in the hell my legs are still supporting my weight.

“I think you’re happy to see me?” I phrase it like a question.

“You think right.” He chuckles, stepping back before taking my hand and pulling me toward his apartment building.

Like most times when Miles and I are together, there’s not a ton of lead up. It’s like the second we kiss we can’t keep our hands off each other.

We no more than step in the front door before he has me pressed against it, his mouth devouring mine.

“Fuck I’ve missed you,” he groans against my mouth.

“You just saw me an hour ago,” I remind him, grabbing the hem of his shirt before pulling upward. He ducks down slightly to make it easier for me to pull the material over his head.

I take a long moment to appreciate the sight in front of me. Miles’ body is what fantasies are made of. Broad shoulders, lean muscle, toned six-pack, dark hair peppering his chest and abdomen, and various pops of color everywhere from his tattoos. He’s so perfect. Sometimes it’s hard to believe he’s real.

I run my hand down his chest and across the ripple of his muscles, biting my bottom lip to hold in the groan building in my throat. I never knew it was possible to be this turned on by only looking at someone.

“An hour is too long.” Miles meets my gaze, a knowing smirk on his face. “Like what you see?”

“You know I do,” I say, my hands going to the buckle of his jeans.

He looks down and watches me with hooded eyes as I pop open the button and slowly slide the zipper down before pushing the material open.

Sliding my hands to either side of his waistband, I grab the fabric and tug down. Miles pushes his weight to one side, kicking off his shoe before stepping out of his pant leg. Repeating the same to the other side, he abandons his jeans on the floor as he steps forward, taking me with him as he guides us toward the couch.

The instant the backs of my knees hit the leather sofa, I collapse onto my back. Miles hovers over me, stripping me bare, layer by layer until every inch of my body is exposed. Normally I would feel self-conscious having someone look at me so openly, but Miles has a way of making me feel sexy.

“Do you know how badly I’ve missed being able to see you like this?” His eyes trace across my bare chest and down my stomach.

“Pretty sure you saw me like this earlier today.”

“Not like this. Not when I could stand and appreciate how incredibly beautiful you are.”

His words send a flutter through my chest, and I instinctively reach for him.

Grabbing his hand I pull, and without hesitation, he lowers himself down, giving me exactly what I want. To feel his weight on top of me.

“I don’t have a condom.” He moves to get back up, but I stop him.

“You don’t need one. I’m on birth control, and I trust you.”

“You’re sure?”

“I’m sure.” I lean up and press my lips to his.

“Tell me what you want, Harlow.” He sucks my bottom lip into his mouth.

“You.” I moan when I feel the heaviness of his arousal at my entrance.

“You want me, or you want this?” He inches forward, pressing into me slowly.

“All of you.” I arch my back as he fills me completely in one fluid movement.

“I want all of you,” he whispers against my mouth, pulling out and pushing back in so slowly it’s like some sweet form of torture. “Not just this.” He slides deep and then retreats. “But this too.” He drops his face and kisses right above my heart.

I swear to god it feels like the floor is crumbling beneath me and suddenly I’m free falling. Down, down I go with no hopes of ever finding the ground again.

“Miles,” I whimper, his emotional and physical assault making me feel way too many things all at the same time.

“I want this, Low. All of it.” He starts to speed up, pressing me deeper into the couch. I slide my legs up and lock them around his waist.

“Me too.” I meet his gaze, my hands going to either side of his face. “Me too,” I repeat.

“God.” He groans openly. “You feel so fucking good.” He leans forward and kisses me, his tongue sliding against mine in a way that makes my toes curl. “I’m not going to last, baby.” He strains out the words, sending my already building orgasm barreling out of control.

I cry out as my body explodes around him. Waves of pleasure assault every single one of my senses and the feeling is only intensified when I feel Miles’ release spill inside of me. Warming me from the inside out.

“What are you doing to me, woman?” He drops his face into the crook of my neck as he tries to catch his breath.

“I could ask you the same question.” I smile, running my hand lazily through his hair.

He pulls back and looks down at me, a sudden seriousness on his face.

“I meant what I said. I want this, with you.” He reaches out and pushes my hair away from my face.

“Me too,” I agree without a moment of hesitation.

“I mean for real, Harlow. As in, I want to tell Winston.”

“What?” I stare up at him in shock.

“I don’t want to keep us a secret. I want to take you out on dates and kiss you whenever the hell I want without worrying who might see us.”

“I want that too, but...”

“No buts. Do you want to be with me?”

“You know I do.”

“Then it’s time we go public.”

“You’re sure about this?” I smile up at him, my heart beating so hard, it’s a wonder it’s not pounding out of my chest.

“A million percent.”

“But I’m still married.”

“Only on paper and not for much longer. Your legal marital status holds no weight in this decision.”

“Do you think he’s going to freak out?” I ask, suddenly incredibly nervous.

“Who, Winston?” He cocks a brow, waiting until I nod before answering. “Nah, I think he’ll be cool with it. I’m more worried about your dad.” He chuckles, dropping a kiss to my nose.

He slides out of me and sits up, grabbing my hand to pull me up with him.

“Really?” I laugh. “I think Winston is scarier than my dad.”

“Not when it comes to you,” he disagrees.

“Well if it helps, Jackie already knows,” I tell him, kneading my lower lip nervously.

“She does?”

“She guessed when we were at lunch the other day. I tried to deny it but...”

“You’re an awful liar,” he says on a laugh. “And how did she take the news?”

“Really well actually.”

“Well, there’s one less person we have to tell.” He grins, pulling me closer before laying a kiss to my temple.

“Aren’t you worried?” I voice my concern.

“Why would I be worried?” He entwines his fingers with mine before resting our adjoined hands on his stomach.

“I don’t know. I mean, if things between us don’t work out...” I trail off.

“The way I see it, we’re already past the point of no return. Telling people doesn’t change that. Besides,” he pauses, releasing my hand to hoist me into his lap. I go willingly, settling my knees on either side of him. “I can’t see myself wanting to let this go anytime soon.” He grins, gently trailing his hands down my sides, goose bumps peppering my skin.

“So you’re just with me for my body,” I joke, looping my hands around the back of his neck.

“Among other things.” He nudges upward, making me aware of his growing erection.

“Already?” I smile, lowering my face to his.

“What can I say, he likes you.” He chuckles against my lips.

“Well he’s lucky because I like him too,” I murmur, reaching down to grasp his length in my hand. Pressing up slightly, I slowly lower myself down onto him, inch by painfully slow inch until he’s buried deep inside of me.

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