Harlow

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“Hey.”

I look up from the paperwork in front of me to see Winston standing in the doorway of the office, a stack of envelopes in his hand.

It’s been two weeks since the night we went to dinner, and he and Stella announced their engagement. Since then things have returned to normal for the most part. I mean, Winston still acts a little strange when Miles holds my hand or touches me in front of him, but the more time that passes, the less he seems to react.

“Hey.” I smile, pushing back in my chair. “I didn’t know you were stopping by today.”

“I had a few errands to run, and I wanted to bring this to you,” he says, crossing the office. “I’m assuming this is the last of your mail.” He drops the envelopes on the desk before plopping down in the chair across from me.

“It should be,” I tell him. “I updated my address with everyone I could think of and stopped by the post office last week to have anything I might have missed forwarded.”

I grab the mail and start shuffling through it, pausing on a thick white envelope with my attorney’s name on it.

My heart rate picks up speed as I quickly tear open the flap and pull out a stack of papers. Tears instantly prick the back of my eyes as I scan the front page.

“It’s over,” I croak.

“What is?” I look up to find Winston studying me curiously.

“My marriage,” I say, barely processing the words as I say them. “I knew this was coming. Monica called me the other day to tell me that the courts would be filing the finalized paperwork in the next couple of days, but seeing it, knowing that it’s really over, I can hardly believe it. I’m free.” A stray tear rolls down my cheek, and I quickly move to wipe it away.

“This is what you’ve been waiting for, Low.” He leans forward, resting his elbows just above his knees. “So why the hell are you crying?”

“I’m just so happy.” I let out what sounds like a mix between a sob and a laugh. “It’s finally over.”

“Come here.” Winston quickly stands, pulling me from my chair to wrap me in a tight hug.

“It almost feels like a dream,” I say in disbelief, burying my face in my brother’s chest.

“Everything okay?” comes the familiar rasp of Miles’ voice and I turn my head to see him standing in the doorway.

“Everything’s great,” Winston replies first, pulling back to smile at me. “I’ll let you give him the good news.” He winks before heading for the door, clasping Miles on the shoulder on his way out of the office.

“What good news?” Miles cocks his head to the side and studies my face.

“Here.” I hold out the stack of papers still clenched in my hand.

He crosses the office and takes the documents, scanning the top one briefly before his gaze comes back up to mine.

“Does this mean what I think it means?” he asks, a slow smile forming on his lips.

“I’m officially divorced.” I nod, still not able to fully wrap my head around it.

“Thank fuck,” he sighs, dropping the stack of papers onto the desk before closing the distance between us. “This is exactly what I needed today,” he tells me, dipping his face down so that we’re standing eye level. “Why do you look like you’re on the verge of crying?” He tips my chin up, forcing me to meet his gaze.

“I think I’m in shock,” I tell him honestly.

“This is what you wanted,” he reminds me.

“I know. And I’m beyond happy. It’s just. I don’t know. For as relieved as I feel, a part of me feels a little sad too.” I shake my head. “That probably sounds crazy.” I let out a loud sigh.

“It doesn’t sound crazy at all. That was ten years of your life.”  He points toward the desk in the vicinity of where my finalized divorce papers lie. “Of course you’re going to feel a little sad. But this is a chapter of your life that you can finally close the door on. You can move on and start a new life...with me,” he whispers the last part.

“I love you,” I blurt, not actually meaning to say the words.

A wide smile lights up his face.

“And I love you.” He leans forward, laying a light kiss to my mouth before pulling back. “We should celebrate,” he announces.

“We should?” I state more as a question than an agreement.

“We absolutely should.” He nods enthusiastically. “There’s a festival going on this weekend just a few blocks from here. It started today. Let’s go. We can eat too much food, drink beer, and listen to music. How’s that sound?”

“Are you sure you have time for that?” I question, not able to hide the hint of excitement in my voice.

“My last appointment is at six. It’s a pretty easy piece. I should be done by eight. That will give us plenty of time. What do you say?”

“Okay.” I smile, feeling the relief I should have felt the moment I opened that envelope finally sweep through me.

“Okay.” He grins. “Why don’t you take the rest of the day off and meet me back here a little before eight.”

“You sure?” I hesitate. “I still have a few things to get done.”

“I’m sure. Besides, I’m pretty certain you weren’t even supposed to work today,” he reminds me.

“Maybe I just like my job,” I smirk.

“Or maybe you just like your boss.” He winks.

“That too.” I laugh, pressing up on my tip toes to kiss his jaw.

“Get out of here. Go home, have a glass of wine, and take a long bubble bath. In the meantime, I’ll be here, wishing I could be there to help you wash your back.” He gives me a cheeky smile.

“I’m sure you’d be doing a heck of a lot more than washing my back,” I counter, giving him a knowing look.

Since this whole thing started, we’ve pretty much been incapable of keeping our hands off  each other. You’d think that as the weeks have passed, it would have died down some, but the truth is I think it only gets worse as time goes on.

I’m addicted to Miles in the most consuming and utterly fantastic way. He makes me so insanely happy that some days I have to pinch myself just to make sure I’m not dreaming.

“You know me so well.” He leans forward and kisses me. “Now go, before I take you in the storage room and we start this celebration early.” He turns, smacking my backside.

I squeal and jump forward, managing to snag my purse off the desk as Miles ushers me toward the door.

——

“Tell me something about you that I don’t know.” I sip the craft beer that Miles purchased for us as we weave through the crowd gathered for the festival.

“How about you just ask me something you want to know?” he suggests, snagging my hand before pulling me toward a vacant stone bench a little off the main path.

He takes a seat and pats the space next to him.

“I’d rather you tell me something I might not think to ask,” I challenge, crossing one leg over the other before taking another small sip of beer.

“Okay.” He thinks for a long moment. “I think you’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever laid eyes on.” He laughs when I roll my eyes.

“Not what I meant, and you know it.” I shake my head, feeling nothing short of perfect in this moment.

Today has been the most incredible day. As promised, Miles was finished by eight when I arrived back at the shop. We walked to the festival hand in hand and spent the last two hours tasting different beers and eating our weight in fried foods from the various food trucks lined up and down the street. We’ve laughed so much that my cheeks ache. And I swear every time he turns and kisses me, my stomach hits the ground somewhere at my feet.

Miles Hollins hasn’t just changed my life. He’s making it a life I want to live. I’m reminded of that more and more with each moment that passes.

“Okay, let’s see.” He taps his chin dramatically. “I got it,” he announces after a long pause.

“Well spit it out already.” I laugh when he makes no attempt to tell me whatever it is that he’s thought of.

“Do you remember when we were younger, I think you had just turned sixteen when I was visiting home before my first tour overseas. I was hanging out with Winston in the living room when you came home from a party, and I heard you in the bathroom slamming shit around. When I knocked on the door and asked if you were okay, you swung it open and screamed in my face.”

“I told you to mind your own business,” I say, remembering the night he’s referring to. It was the night I went to Sarah Burton’s birthday party and caught the boy I liked making out with one of my best friends. “What about that night?”

“Well, what you don’t know is that when you pulled that door open and squared your shoulders at me, it took every inch of willpower I had not to kiss you right there.”

At the moment of his admission, I took another sip of my beer, causing it to go down the wrong hole. After spending the next thirty seconds in a coughing fit, I croak, “What?”

Miles laughs, patting my back until I can breathe.

“Say that again,” I request now that I’m not choking.

“You heard me.” He grins down at me.

“But you hated me. Why would you want to kiss me?”

“I didn’t hate you. You pissed me off, that’s for sure. But I never hated you.”

“You sure fooled me,” I snip playfully.

“Pot meet kettle.” He taps me on the nose, instantly pulling a smile to my face.

“Okay, so keep going. Tell me how much you wanted to kiss me.” I lean forward, eager to hear the rest of the story.

“It was the weirdest thing. I had always looked at you like a little kid, but in that moment you suddenly weren’t a kid anymore. Your cheeks were red and blotchy, and you had dark red rims under your eyes like you’d been crying. Every single thought left my brain, and I swear for a moment I really was going to kiss you. Thank god I didn’t.” He shakes his head, smiling when he catches the insulted look on my face.

“Ouch,” I say dramatically, holding my chest.

“It’s not like that.” He chuckles. “Can you imagine what would have happened if I had actually done it? You were sixteen, and I was twenty-one. Besides being illegal, I’m pretty sure your brother and father would have both killed me. Not to mention the fact that I wasn’t a guy you would want to kiss you back then.”

“Why? Because you were such a slut.” I laugh at myself.

“Not the wording I would have used, but yes, I guess that’s fair.” He shakes his head, his smile firmly in place. “The point is, I realized way back then that I was attracted to you. Of course, I never thought it would be anything I’d act on because you drove me fucking nuts. I never really gave it much thought again until you walked into my office with your brother all those years later. One look at you and I knew I was in trouble.”

“So I don’t drive you nuts anymore?” I ask, purposely being overly sweet.

“Oh no, you still drive me nuts.” He chuckles when I swat at him. He catches my hand effortlessly and tugs me toward him. “But it’s a completely different kind of nuts. As in the kind of nuts where I feel like I’m going out of my mind every minute I’m not with you. All I want to do is touch you.” He slides his hand down my bare arm. “Kiss you.” He lays a light peck to my mouth. “Smell you.” He moves his face down to my neck and inhales deeply. “And I wouldn’t change it for anything in the world.” I feel him smile against my skin.

“Keep talking, and you might not make it through that beer,” I warn him, already feeling my skin warm and tingly in all the right places.

“Why’s that?” He chuckles, pulling back to meet my gaze.

“You know why.” I bite down on my bottom lip and give him a knowing look.

“Fuck the beer.” He abruptly stands, pulling me to my feet. Taking my cup, he turns, dropping both of our still half full beers in the trashcan behind him.

“Miles,” I object, my hands instantly going to my hips.

“Would you rather have the beer or me?” He arches a brow.

“You already know the answer to that.”

“That’s what I thought.” He snags my hand and begins pulling me down the street.

“But we could have at least finished our drinks.”

“Sure, if you don’t mind that I rip your clothes off in front of every single person at this festival.” He throws me an evil smile over his shoulder.

“Shut up.” I laugh.

He stops so abruptly that I end up running into the back of him. He turns so quickly to face me that I nearly lose my balance.

Grabbing my face in both of his hands, he dips down so were standing eye level. “If you don’t believe I’d do just that then you clearly have no fucking clue how crazy you make me,” he tells me matter of fact, causing heat to spread across my cheeks before slowly making its way through the rest of my body.

“You’re right. We should go,” I say, suddenly feeling just as desperate for him as he seems to be for me.

“Wise choice.” He plants a hard, close-mouthed kiss to my lips before he’s once again pulling me through the crowded festival in the direction of my apartment.

——

“Do you see yourself ever having kids?”

I snuggle deeper into my robe, pulling my feet up on my chair as Miles and I sit out on my balcony enjoying the warm night breeze.

“I don’t know. I’ve thought about it, obviously, but it’s not something I really ever saw coming to fruition.” He scratches his beard as he looks out over the vacant street below my building. “What about you?”

“I would have had five by now if Alan would have agreed,” I admit truthfully.

“Really?” He turns his gaze toward me.

“Does that surprise you?”

“A little.” He nods. “I mean, now that I think about it, I guess it doesn’t. You’re a very giving, nurturing person by nature. It makes sense that you’d want children to care for.” He pauses and shakes his head.

“What?” I ask when he doesn’t say anything else.

“Nothing. I was just thinking about what I just said. When you were a teenager, I thought you were such a spoiled, selfish little shit. I think maybe I misread you. Hell, I think I misread a lot of things.”

“No, I was a shit,” I say, laughing. “Being with Alan changed me in a lot of ways. As much as I grew to resent him over the years, not everything that came out of that marriage was bad. I think we all take the path we need to take to become who we’re meant to be in the end.”

“Yeah.” He turns his gaze up to the sky. “I guess.”

“Can I ask you something?”

“Anything.”

I wait until his eyes come back to me before continuing. “Do you regret joining the Army?”

“Yes and no.” He shrugs.

“Can you explain that answer?”

“I don’t regret serving my country. I don’t regret the people I met or the relationships I formed. But I do regret things that happened.”

“If you had the decision to make all over again, would you make the same one?”

“If I knew how it would all turn out you mean?”

I nod.

“If I could go back, I’d do every single thing differently - except for you.”

“Will you tell me more about what happened over there?” I ask, knowing I don’t need to explain the question. He knows what I want to know. It’s a subject I’ve broached many times but have never gotten very far into before he shuts down.

“You know what happened.”

“I know about the friends you lost, yes. But that’s all I know.”

“That’s all there is to know.”

“We both know that’s not true.”

There may be a lot I still don’t know about Miles, but I know him well enough at this point to know when there’s something he’s purposely not telling me. I can sense it in his demeanor. In the way his entire mood shifts whenever the subject is brought up. I just don’t know why.

He gives me a sad smile before pushing to a stand. “I’m really tired. I think I’m going to call it a night.”

I watch him cross the balcony and slide open the door before standing and following him inside. “Miles.” He stops at the stairs leading up to the loft and turns toward me.

“I’m sorry if I pushed. I just want to know everything about you.”

He holds open his arms, and I immediately go into them.

“You didn’t push.” He kisses the top of my head. “And you have a right to know anything you want to know. I just can’t go there right now. We’ve had such an amazing day. I don’t want to ruin it by digging up ghosts that have long since been buried.”

“I understand,” I say, even though deep down I really don’t.

I know that he went through something terrible over there and my heart breaks that he lost his brothers in arms the way he did. I can’t even imagine the guilt he carries knowing they died and he lived. But shouldn’t that be something he should share with me? Isn’t that what having a partner is for? Leaning on them and sharing that burden. How can I help him when he won’t stop shutting me out?

Instead of voicing any of this to him, I follow him up the stairs and into bed without saying another word about it.