Miles

––––––––

“You hired my sister?” Winston scratches the back of his head as he slides a beer into my hand.

I  didn’t intend to hang  out but given that Winston pulled into the parking lot of his apartment building directly behind Harlow and me, I figured I should at least talk to him about what transpired today.

“I’m fucking confused,” he continues since I’d yet to respond, dropping down onto the opposite end of the couch. “How the hell did that happen?”

“She needed a job. I had an opening.” I give him the short version, glancing over my shoulder to ensure Harlow’s bedroom door is closed so hopefully we’re not overheard. Not that I have anything to hide, but I don’t want to censor myself.

When we got up to the apartment, she made a beeline for her room and  hasn’t come out since. Either she really was as tired as she claimed or she’s worried about her brother’s reaction to seeing us on my bike and is hoping to avoid the conversation tonight. My guess is the latter.

“You really think Inked is the place for someone like Harlow? No offense, but have you looked at some of the dudes that come in that place?”

“What are you trying to say?” I shift to the side slightly so that I’m facing him.

“It’s a tattoo shop, man. And Harlow, well she’s Harlow. I don’t want her getting fucked with.”

“Do you really think I would let anyone fuck with your sister?” I give him a look that says he should know me better than that. “Look, I didn’t plan to offer her the job. Hell, the thought had never even crossed my mind. But we were at lunch with your dad, and they were talking about her needing a job and what she went to school for. I kind of offered it without really thinking it through. But in truth, I think she’ll be a great fit. She’s already accomplished more tonight than Delia, and I have managed to do in six months. I need someone like her keeping my shit straight and she needs an income. If you ask me it’s a win-win.”

“You went to lunch together? How the hell did that happen?”

“I stopped by earlier this morning to see if you wanted to head over to your dad’s shop with me. Harlow was here, and you weren’t. She mentioned going to visit your dad, so I asked if she wanted to tag along with me.”

“So, what? You guys are hanging out now?” If I didn’t know any better, I’d say the thought bothers him. I’m not sure why it would though. I know he’s pretty protective of Harlow, but he’s never had to be with me. He’s always known where I stand and that I would never fuck with her.

“I don’t know that I would classify it as hanging out. We went to see your dad and had lunch. Something you and I have done a million times.”

“Yeah, you and I, not you and Harlow. I don’t know, man.” He shakes his head, taking a long pull from his beer. “If you ask me it’s kinda weird.”

“What is?”

“You  are hanging out with my sister. You two couldn’t stand each other for years. Now all of a sudden you’re buddy-buddy.”

“For one, we’re not hanging out. We did one thing together – once – because you weren’t around. Two, I realize we didn’t get along in the past, but people change. I would think you of all people would understand that. And three, I thought you’d be happy that I’m playing nice.”

“Won’t lie, I’m glad you two aren’t ready to rip each other’s heads off. But I gotta say, seeing my sister climb off the back of your bike at nearly midnight didn’t make me all warm and fuzzy inside.”

“Winston, we’re talking about your little sister. Do you really think I would ever go there?” I shake my head like it’s the most ridiculous thought in the world, when in actuality I’ve thought about it more times today than I care to admit.

“Nah, I guess not.” He chuckles, taking another pull of beer.

“Your family is my family. It  always has been. Even when I couldn’t stand her, Harlow has always been included in that circle. You know that. And giving her a job is my way of helping my family.”

“I appreciate that.” Winston seems to relax, sinking further into the couch.

Guilt grips tightly in my chest but I push it down. I have nothing to feel guilty for. So I find Harlow attractive. What man wouldn’t? She’s not only beautiful, but I’m quickly learning she’s also very sweet when she wants to be, and her funny and quick-witted banter is a lot cuter now than I remember it being when we were younger. But that’s where it ends.

Or is it?

I shake off the thought, downing half my beer in one long gulp.

“I just hope you know what you’re getting yourself into. You know how much Harlow has always loved busting your balls. Are  you really prepared to deal with that on a daily basis?”

“Well I guess I don’t have a choice now, do I? The job is already hers.” I grin.

“You could always fire her,” he jokes.

“Let’s just see how this plays out first,” I suggest, humor in my voice. “So what’s up with you and Stella? Harlow said you stayed at her place last night.” I need to change the subject, knowing bringing up Stella will most definitely do the trick.

“Things are good. She finally forgave me.”

“I didn’t realize you did anything wrong.” I tip the beer bottle to my mouth, a knowing smile playing on my lips.

“Neither did I.” He chuckles. “When in doubt, always assume it was your fault.”

“Now that’s just sad.” I shake my head. “I get that you care about the girl, Winst, but seriously, how long are you going to keep this up?”

“I don’t know, dude. I’m not getting any fucking younger, and Stella is the whole package. I do want to get married and have kids, at least eventually. Fuck, I’ll be thirty-five this year.”

“And you think Stella is the woman to provide that for you?” I give him a doubtful look.

“I get that we’re kind of all over the place.”

“All over the place? You two are like a match and a stick of dynamite playing chicken.”

“We’re not that bad,” he disagrees. “Okay, maybe it’s not the healthiest relationship. But Stella’s still young. She’ll get there. And when she does, I’ll be the guy who stood by her through all her crazy.”

“She’s twenty-seven. That’s old enough for her to have figured her shit out.”

“I just fucking love her.” He blows out a hard breath. “I know we’re toxic for each other, but I can’t give her up. She’s it for me. She’s my person.”

“Well, then what the hell are you waiting for?”

“Huh?” He seems confused by my question.

“You just sat here and said you love her. That one day you want to marry her and have kids. What are you waiting for? Maybe part of the reason things have been so up and down as of late is that she’s growing restless.”

“You think?” He scratches his chin like he’s never actually considered this as a possibility. “I haven’t really thought of that. You might be right. She has been dropping some serious hints over the past few months. I thought it was her just being a woman.”

“You really are fucking clueless,” I tell him, finishing off my beer before leaning forward and setting the empty bottle on the coffee table.

Winston opens his mouth to say something else, but snaps it shut when Harlow’s bedroom door opens and light floods into the hallway.

She appears in the doorway seconds later, dressed in a thin tank top and solid blue pajama shorts, her long hair knotted on top of her head. Her steps falter when she looks up and meets my gaze, having not realized I was still here.

“Hey, sis,” Winston calls, not missing a beat. “You wanna join your new boss and me for a beer?”

“I think I’m good.” She forces a smile before taking off toward the kitchen.

“Well, would you at least mind grabbing us two more while you’re in there?”

“Because cleaning your house wasn’t enough, now I have to add servant to my ever growing job description,” she says jokingly but with a hint of seriousness all the same.

“Thank you for that by the way,” Winston says, giving his sister a wide smile when she strides out of the kitchen with a beer.

“Uh huh.” She rolls her eyes, shoving the bottle into his hand.

“What? I don’t get one?” I ask, holding up my empty hands.

“No.” She shakes her head. “Unless you’re planning to stay on the couch tonight, you can have this.” She hands me a bottle of water.

“Damn, dude. You sure you want her working for you?” Winston laughs.

“Well, no one will be working for him if he drinks and then gets on that motorcycle and kills himself,” Harlow interjects, giving her brother the stink eye.

“She has a point,” I agree, taking the opportunity to call it a night. “I should get going anyway. I’m beat,” I say, throwing in a forced yawn for good measure.

“Lame,” Winston hollers as I cross around the couch.

“Yeah. Yeah.” I snag my helmet off the breakfast bar before heading toward the door. “I’ll talk to you later, man. And keep me posted on the Stella situation. I’m curious to know if I’m right.”

“Right about what?” I turn around just in time to see Harlow cross her arms over her chest, her gaze coming to me before going back to her brother.

“Miles seems to think that Stella’s behavior is her acting out because I haven’t popped the question,” Winston tells her, a grin on his face.

“Wait, what?” Harlow’s eyes go wide as she starts to piece it together. “Are you going to ask her to marry you?” she half squeals.

“Maybe.” He shrugs non-committal, twisting the cap off his fresh beer before taking a long swig.

“It’s about time.” She reaches over and playfully slaps him on the shoulder.

“I said maybe,” he reiterates.

“He’s going to,” I interject, not able to hold in my smile when Harlow’s eyes come to mine.

I swear I’ve smiled more today than I can remember smiling in years. Something tells me I know why that is and yet I refuse to acknowledge it. Even if I wanted to pursue Harlow, which I’m not saying I do, it would never work.

Even if you remove Winston from the equation, we’d never stand a chance. I can already see how it would play out. It would be fun in the beginning, but then she’d push for something serious. She’d become frustrated and hurt when I pulled back. And then eventually she’d end up hating me when I broke things off because I’m too closed off to let myself feel the things you need to feel to carry on with a real relationship.

I’ve accepted the fact that my life will be nothing more than a string of meaningless hookups, and honestly, I prefer it that way. But when I look at Harlow, when she smiles at me the way she’s smiling at me right now, I forget why I can’t have the real thing. At least for a moment.

But then reality starts to creep back in. I remember who I am and what I’ve done and why no one, especially not Harlow, deserves to take on the shit storm that is my life.

I’m better off alone. At least that way no one gets hurt.

“I’m glad you think you know me so well.” Winston swivels his head in my direction, pulling me from my thoughts.

“I think we both know I do,” I tell him, forcing an easy smile.

“I thought you were leaving.” He turns back around, tipping his beer to his lips.

I laugh, shaking my head at him even though he’s not looking at me. “I’ll see you later, man,” I tell him, throwing a small nod to Harlow before quickly slipping out into the darkness of the night.

I’ve barely made it a handful of steps when the door jerks open behind me. I turn right in time to see Harlow step out. She pulls the door closed behind her before quickly making her way toward me, stopping inches shy from where I’m standing next to the stairs.

“I don’t know if I properly thanked you for today,” she starts, shuffling her weight from one foot to the other.

“You don’t need to thank me,” I tell her before she has a chance to continue.

“But I do,” she cuts me off. “Alan refused to let me work. He refused to let me have anything of my own. That’s all I wanted, to do something for  me. Today you made that dream a reality. You gave me an opportunity I’m not sure I would have found otherwise. A chance to build something for myself for the first time in my life. I need you to know how grateful I am for that.” She pauses. “Anyway, I just wanted to tell you that. I promise I will not disappoint you,” she adds when I remain silent.

“I’m glad I could help, Low.” I don’t know why, but I use the name her brother has called her for as long as I can remember. I don’t even realize that I’ve never called her that before until I see the reaction it pulls from her.

Before I have a chance  even to take a breath, her arms wrap around my middle, and she   presses her cheek against my chest.

Without thinking, I instinctively pull her closer, dropping my face into her hair as I hug her back. It’s only a brief moment before she pulls her head away and looks up at me, our eyes locking.

I don’t know that I’ve ever seen her so open, so vulnerable, and it stirs something deep inside of me. The sudden urge to lean down and press my lips to hers comes on fast and strong, yet somehow I resist doing just that. It’s like there’s this magnetic force pulling me closer to her and yet an equally powerful one pulling me the other way.

I don’t know how long we stand like that. Our faces inches apart gazes locked. A minute. Thirty seconds. Ten seconds. All I know is that when she pulls away it’s like she takes a piece of me with her and all I want to do is bring her back,  to feel her warmth for a second longer.

This realization is enough to rattle me to my fucking core.

“Thank you, Miles.” She backs away slowly before turning and disappearing inside without another word.