Harlow

Seven weeks later

––––––––

“You look beautiful,” I exclaim when Stella walks into the room dressed in a white, knee-length, fitted lace dress and sparkly white heels.

Her blonde hair is pinned back on the sides with a long sheer veil attached to a silver and white headpiece, hanging down the back. She kept her makeup light with pale pinks and nudes, accenting her natural features beautifully.

“You don’t think it’s too tight?” she asks, stepping in front of the floor length mirror at the back of the room before running her hands down the front of her dress.

After much deliberation, Winston and Stella decided to get married on the river. Winston’s buddy owns a small restaurant with an outdoor deck that looks out over the water. It’s the perfect location, especially since there will only be about thirty people in attendance. Jon – who owns the place – closed the restaurant down for the occasion and has a small staff working that will serve dinner directly after the ceremony.

“I think it’s perfect,” I tell her, walking up behind her to fluff the back of her hair. “Are you nervous?”

“Not even a little bit.” She smiles at me in the mirror. “Is that weird?”

“I don’t think so. I think when you know it’s right; there’s nothing to be nervous about.”

“Were you nervous when you got married?” she asks, turning to face me.

I think back to the day I married Alan. Even though it feels like a lifetime ago, I can still remember everything in perfect detail. The flowers his mother insisted on tying to the end of every pew even though I thought they were hideous. The candlestick centerpieces placed on every table. My dress, how it sashayed around my feet when I walked. The way my hand shook when Alan slipped the ring on my finger.

“Extremely,” I answer. “Then again, look at who I was marrying. Perhaps that should have been my first clue.”

“It wasn’t all bad though, was it?”

“I guess not at first.” I shake my head. “Lucky for you, you know exactly what you’re getting with Winston. I don’t think you have to worry about things changing too dramatically. Your relationship will evolve with time, but that’s to be expected.”

“I’m so happy to have you as a sister.” She pulls me in for a tight hug.

“Me too,” I admit, fixing her veil as I pull back.

“I wish your mom could be here. Then this day really would be perfect.”

“She is here. Just like she was with me on my wedding day and every day since the moment she died. I know Winston feels that way too.”

“That’s a good way to look at it. I just wish I could have met her.”

“Well, I can tell you without a doubt that she would have adored you.”

“Thanks, Harlow. That really means a lot.” She pauses for a long moment. “How do you feel about today? You think you’ll be okay?” Her question brings my reality back to the forefront of my mind. I’ve been trying really hard not to think about seeing Miles, even though I’ve known this day was coming for a while.

We haven’t spoken since that night at his apartment. There are a lot of things I wish I could have said and I’m sure that he feels the same, but it was easier to cut ties and walk away. But it hasn’t been easy and truthfully the last thing I want to do is walk out on that deck in a few short minutes and have to see him standing there.

Winston was prepared to tell him not to come, but I couldn’t allow that. He deserves to have his sister and his best friend with him on his wedding day, no matter how painful it might be for me.

“Yeah, I think I’ll be fine,” I finally answer, forcing a carefree smile.

“You’re about as bad of a liar as your brother.” Stella gives me a sad smile, reaching out to briefly touch my forearm.

She’s right, of course. Anyone who cares to look can see I’m barely holding my emotions in check. I thought I was doing okay until this morning, but even then I know that’s not the truth. I haven’t been okay since everything fell apart. I’ve just been trying really hard to make everyone think I am, including myself.

If I thought starting over after Alan was hard, it was nothing compared to moving on after Miles. As much as I loved my job at Inked, there was no way I could stay there. The couple weeks that followed were the hardest. Not only was I battling one hell of a broken heart, but I had to put myself back out in the world without skipping a beat. Enduring interview after interview when all I really wanted to do was curl up in my bed, consume thousands of calories in ice cream and watch sappy romance movies while I cried.

I didn’t have enough money saved to get me through more than a month, so I really didn’t have a choice in the matter. Sitting there, forcing a smile when all I wanted to do was fall apart proved harder than I think even I realized going into it. But I made my way through, and after less than three weeks, I had lined up a job at Fifth Third Bank in their accounting department.

It’s not Inked, but the pay is excellent, and I like most of my co-workers. And most importantly, it’s allowed me to keep my apartment. Though, I find myself more times than not wishing I had chosen something a little further from Miles. I swear every time I step out of my front door I’m afraid I’ll see him. Or maybe I’m hoping I will. My emotions kind of all bleed into one another these days.

As much as I wish I could say I’m doing better and that time has helped, the truth is I’m still the same mess I was seven weeks ago when the rug was abruptly pulled out from underneath me. I think part of it is because I was one hundred percent invested in Miles and losing him has been a difficult thing to process. But more so I think it’s because I’ve never really gotten any closure. I’ve never gotten the answers I truly need.

It went from him being there, to him not being there, without any real explanation as to why. That’s been the hardest part of all.

“I don’t know if Winston has already said this, but thank you for what you’re doing,” Stella interrupts my thoughts, pulling my attention back to her. “Your brother was prepared to tell him not to come, but I know it would have killed him to do it.”

“I would never have asked him to do that. I made my choice. I knew there was a possibility things wouldn’t work out and I’d be forced to see him regardless, yet I still went there anyway.” I shrug.

“Yeah, but not everyone would be so selfless and levelheaded about it.” She smiles. “Now if we can just keep Jackie away from him, we might get through the day unscathed.”

We both chuckle at that.

Jackie has made it her mission to see that Miles and I get back together. She insists we’re made for each other and refuses to accept that things are over, even all these weeks later. She’s not the only one who was upset to hear of the split. I could tell my father was disappointed, though he was more worried about making sure I was okay. Not that Jackie wasn’t worried about me, but her comfort came more in the form of reassuring me everything would work itself out, and we’d find our way back to each other. Not really what you want to hear when it’s the furthest thing from what you believe.

“She promised she wouldn’t interfere. I can’t see her risking making a scene today of all days. She’ll just whisper about it to my dad all day and drive him crazy.”

“Better him than you.” She winks, turning her attention to the door when a soft knock comes from the other side. “Yeah?”

“It’s me, hon.” Stella’s mom peeks her head inside the door. “They’re just about ready for you.”

“Okay.” Stella takes a deep breath in and lets it out slowly.

“You ready?” I grab her bouquet off the chair to my left and hold it up to her.

She takes the flowers from my hand and gives me a wide smile. “Let’s do this.”

I follow Stella and her mother out of the back room and down a long hallway that opens up into the main dining area of the restaurant. We can see the guests that are gathered outside through the wall of windows along the back, but they’re tinted in a way that the people outside can’t see in.

I spot Winston instantly, standing at the far side of the deck, the river glistening behind him. Then my eyes slide to his right, and all the air leaves my body.

I knew he was going to be here. I knew I was going to see him. But nothing could have prepared me for what I feel like laying eyes on him again after all these weeks.

He looks even more handsome than I remember and I swear my chest constricts so tight I feel like a thousand pound weight has settled down on top of it.

Every memory hits me like a flash. The way he used to say my name. The sound of his laughter. How he smells. The way he’d always kiss my temple whenever he was standing near. It all comes knocking through me one after the other until every single emotion I’ve buried over the last two months has boiled its way to the surface.

I fight back the onset of tears that build behind my eyes and try to refocus, but once my sights are set on him, it’s like I can’t look away.

His hair is combed back away from his face, and he’s wearing a dark suit with a purple tie – something Stella coordinated to match my purple, empire dress. He also has a white flower pinned to his chest while I have a small boutique of the same flowers tied together in my hand.

Nervous butterflies flap wildly in the pit of my stomach, and I have the sudden urge to turn and take off running in the opposite direction.

A few words are exchanged between Stella and her mom, but I’m too fixated on the man on the other side of the glass to listen to them.

Miles rocks back and forth on his heels, glancing around the room like he’s waiting for something. For a split, second I allow myself to believe it’s me he’s waiting for, but I quickly push the thought away.

If Miles had any interest in working things out, he would have done so already. If he wanted to see me, he could have walked down the street rather than wait weeks until my brother’s wedding.

No, he’s here for Winston and so am I. I just need to get through the next couple of hours, then I can go back to pretending Miles Hollins doesn’t exist.

“Harlow.” I glance up to see Stella watching me with a funny look on her face. “You have to go.” Her gaze slides to the door and only then do I realize that her father is there, holding the door open for me so that he can come in and accompany his daughter down the aisle.

I hesitate, not really sure how to make my feet move. I take a deep breath in to try to calm the sudden wave of nausea that washes through me.

You can do this, Harlow.

Just put one foot in front of the other.

I manage to take one step and then another, my entire body shaking by the time I reach the doorway. I keep my gaze turned downward as I step out onto the deck, trying to focus on the soft music playing in the background and not on the sound of my heart thudding violently against my ribcage.

Taking another deep breath, I raise my head up my line of sight going straight to my father who’s sitting in the front row with a warm smile on his face. I smile back, feeling a tiny portion of the weight lift.

I then look toward Winston, purposely avoiding looking in Miles’ direction. If I pretend he’s not here then maybe, eventually, it will feel like he isn’t.

And while I know that forgetting that Miles is here is never going to happen, that doesn’t stop me from trying to convince myself of it just the same.

Winston meets my gaze as I reach the end of the makeshift aisle. He gives me an excited smile as I take my place to the left of where Stella will stand.

I pivot, facing the direction I just came from as the wedding march sounds through the restaurant’s speaker system. I flip my eyes to the door as it swings open and Stella steps out, arm in arm with her father.

Tears instantly prick the back of my eyes, and even though every fiber of my being is telling me not to, I chance a look in Miles’ direction.

The moment I do, the entire world shifts beneath my feet.