‘There’s someone at the door,’ I say brightly as I lift a pancake out of the pan and place it down on Frankie’s plate. Pancakes, strawberries and maple syrup – one of his absolute favourite breakfasts, because he’s having a rough time at the moment and Frosties just won’t cut it today.
With Frankie sitting at the table, concentrating on one of his drawings, I take the pan off the heat and go to answer it myself.
‘It’s Nathan,’ I say opening the door. ‘In his underpants.’
‘Morning,’ he says, inviting himself in. ‘Am I too late for breakfast?’
‘This isn’t a hotel,’ I point out. ‘We’re having pancakes so just help yourself to whatever you fancy.’
‘Rad,’ he replies, hurrying over to the fridge. I didn’t realise just how skinny he was yesterday, but seeing him now, I can’t help but notice the outline of his bones through his tanned skin.
There’s another knock at the door.
‘I’ll get it,’ I say, as my son eats his breakfast, my ex rifles through the fridge and my mum hogs the bathroom.
‘Lil, we need to talk about this fridge,’ Nathan calls after me, his head practically inside it. ‘It’s almost all meat or dairy.’
‘I work for a deli,’ I remind him. ‘They keep sending me things to try.’
‘It’s not good for our boy,’ he shouts.
I can’t help but roll my eyes as I open the front door.
‘Oh, hello,’ I say, greeting a deliveryman.
‘Good morning,’ he replies. ‘I’ve got a delivery of cheese for Miss Holmes.’
I clap my hands and jog on the spot excitedly for a second.
‘Music to my ears,’ I reply.
‘Whoa, no, absolutely not,’ Nathan says, hurrying over.
The deliveryman looks taken aback by the angry, underpants-wearing vegan marching towards him.
‘There is absolutely too much cheese in this house already,’ he insists.
‘Please ignore him,’ I say brightly, signing for my cheese. ‘Nathan, they’re samples. It’s my job.’
‘When did you sell your soul?’ he asks me.
‘Probably around the time I became a single mum,’ I reply.
I don’t have to go into work today, mostly because there’s nothing I can actually do at the moment except go through some of the samples Eric has sent me – a day eating food and getting paid for it, how awful.
‘Mum, I need the toilet,’ Frankie says.
‘I’ll go hurry Viv,’ I reply.
As I head for the bathroom there’s another knock at the door.
‘It’s like a madhouse here today,’ I say.
‘I’ll get it,’ Nathan insists. ‘If it’s more cheese, I’m telling them to take it away.’
‘Don’t you dare,’ I call back as I knock on the bathroom door. ‘Hey, Viv, are you going to be long? There’s a queue out here.’
‘Nearly done,’ she calls back.
I dash into my bedroom to grab my phone before heading back into the living room. I glance over at the front door, expecting to see Nathan refusing dairy products. Instead I find him standing face to face with Alfie.
‘It’s barbaric,’ Nathan tells him.
How long was I out of the room?!
‘I grew up on a dairy farm,’ Alfie starts, but Nathan doesn’t let him finish.
‘There we go, dude, you’re part of the problem,’ he insists.
Alfie just rolls his eyes.
‘I’m not arguing with a man in his drawers,’ Alfie says. ‘I’m just here to see Lily.’
‘Hey,’ I say, rushing over. ‘How’s it going?’
‘Yeah, not bad. Everything OK here?’ he replies.
‘Hmm,’ I say with an awkward laugh.
‘I wondered if we could talk,’ Alfie says.
‘Erm, yeah, sure. Let me ask my mum if she’ll drop Frankie at school – we can talk now.’
‘There’s no rush,’ he insists.
‘No, no. It’s fine.’
‘I’ll take him to school,’ Nathan says.
‘You don’t know where it is,’ I point out.
‘Frankie can tell me.’
‘He’s 8 and he’s only been going there for a week. I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but everything looks the same outside – green.’
Nathan frowns at me.
‘You don’t trust me?’
‘No?’ I laugh.
‘We can take them together,’ Viv says diplomatically, appearing behind us. ‘Bathroom is empty, Frankie. Go get ready.’
It suddenly occurs to me that Frankie has just been sat silently witnessing all this as he ate his breakfast.
‘OK,’ he replies, hopping down from his dining chair.
I hurry over to him.
‘Love you, kiddo,’ I tell him. ‘Sorry things are a bit weird at the moment.’
He gives me a half smile.
‘Love you,’ he replies quietly.
‘Can I get you a drink?’ I ask Alfie.
‘A gigantic glass of milk,’ Nathan suggests.
I shoot him a filthy look.
‘You should probably go put some clothes on,’ I tell him. ‘You turn up at school like that, they’ll put you on a list.’
He glances down at his nearly naked body.
‘Yeah, OK,’ he replies.
‘We’ll meet you outside,’ Viv suggests.
‘OK,’ he says again. ‘You two, remember, we eat in that kitchen.’
‘We?’ I laugh. ‘You haven’t even been here twenty-four hours – or eaten for that matter.’
Nathan goes outside, much to Alfie’s confusion.
As soon as Frankie is done in the bathroom, he grabs his lunch and heads out with Viv, leaving Alfie and me alone to chat.
‘Tea, coffee, the blood of the innocent?’ I offer.
‘Tea,’ he laughs. ‘Your man has a real thing about diary, doesn’t he? When he opened the door to me, he started banging on about how cheese was evil.’
‘He’s just upset that I’m not raising his son vegan,’ I tell him. ‘And he’s not my man.’
‘He’s answering your door in his underwear, but he’s not your man? Are you two still together?’ he asks.
I spot a look in his eyes – a look of pure disappointment – and I don’t think he’s disappointed that he didn’t get to sleep with me, I think he’s disappointed in me, like I haven’t been completely honest with him.
‘No – of course not,’ I insist. ‘Let me make the tea, and I’ll tell you everything.’
I make a pot of tea and place it on the dining table, along with a plate of chocolate and hazelnut biscotti.
‘She’s breaking out the fancy biscuits, this can’t be good news,’ he jokes.
I tell him everything – the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. He listens to my babbling attentively, occasionally sipping his tea.
‘So now he’s here, living in the garden in his campervan, smoking God knows what, trying to terrify poor Frankie about the foods he eats. He just knocked on the door this morning and waltzed in, in his underwear, and started telling me how to live my life.’
‘Was he always like that?’ Alfie asks.
‘I guess I used to be more eager to please him,’ I admit. ‘And I thought he was making me a better person, but he was just making me a female version of him. Of course I wish Frankie had grown up with a dad, but I feel so relieved that I never went travelling with him because, where would I be now? In my thirties, homeless, skint…’
‘Try not to focus on what could’ve been,’ he says. ‘Just focus on right now.’
I nod. He’s right.
‘I’m really sorry about yesterday,’ I say.
‘Let’s just…focus on the funny side of it,’ he says with an awkward laugh.
‘OK,’ I reply. ‘I just…I don’t want this to affect us.’
‘That’s what I wanted to talk to you about,’ Alfie starts. I can see something in his eyes, a sort of anxiety…I’ve seen it before in the eyes of men who have found out I have a kid (or realised they fancied my mum more). I know exactly what’s coming.
‘I know things are really difficult for you at the moment and I’m sure this has only made them harder. The last thing you need is me, making things even more complicated. It’d be great if we could be friends, and I’ll still help you with the deli. I have a few things in mind, and a few jobs to do today, if you want to join me?’
I smile my best fake smile and nod. He might be insisting that this is for my own good, but I think it’s for his. Well, who would want to get involved with a single mum who has just seemingly moved her slacker ex in? I want to say that maybe he is a player, that maybe he isn’t the great guy I thought he was…but I really can’t blame him for running a mile.
‘Sure,’ I reply. ‘I’d like that.’
‘I’ve only got a few short jobs to do. If you want to come with me, I’ll show you a few of the places that make Marram Bay special. See if we can’t make you fall in love with the place.’
‘You’re certainly welcome to try,’ I tell him. Although I can’t help but feel like today would’ve been much more fun if we hadn’t decided that friends is all we can be.