You’ll never know pride quite like it, until you see your child on a stage (well, standing on a small platform, the school hall isn’t big enough for a stage), singing their little heart out.
Frankie is up there, belting out songs about autumn that I’d hazard a guess someone wrote just for the occasion, like his life depends on it. That’s my boy, doing his absolute best, completely oblivious to the fact that it’s just Viv and me sitting in the audience. Did I think there was a chance Nathan might not show up? Honestly? I really thought he’d be here. I know that he’s walked out on the two of us before but I thought things would be different this time, because this time he knows just how amazing Frankie is – how could anyone leave him? There’s still a chance though, that he might have changed his mind. Maybe he’s back at home, cancelling his plans, telling whatever organisation has recruited him that, sorry, he can’t make it, because there might be loads of kids who need help in India, but there’s already one very important kid right here who needs him more.
After his performance I clap and whoop loud enough for two parents – more than used to taking on both roles – and, of course, Viv’s right there with me. But when he comes running over after the first thing he does is ask where his dad is and my heart sinks. I make an excuse, nothing committal, just to get him into the car and head home. Well, there’s no point hanging around at the school because I’m still getting the cold shoulder from everyone after yesterday.
But we’ve just pulled up outside and, although it’s hard to see with the rain beating down on the car windscreen, there is no mistaking the fact that his campervan has gone. As we hurry from the car to the house, trying to get out of the gale force winds, no one else notices the letter sitting on the coffee table, addressed to me in Nathan’s handwriting.
‘Go get dry and put some clean clothes on, kiddo,’ I tell him.
‘OK,’ he replies, heading for his room. ‘Where is Dad?’
‘I, erm, I’ll figure that out while you’re getting changed,’ I call back.
Viv spots the letter in my hand. On the way to the school I told her all about Nathan’s big job offer and I think she, like me, hoped that he wouldn’t take it.
‘That spineless bastard,’ she curses quietly. ‘Leaving you a letter instead of sticking around for his son or having the balls to tell him that he was leaving.’
I sigh as I open it.
‘Dear Lil,’ I read aloud, quietly, so only Viv can hear. ‘If you’re reading this letter I’m sure you will have figured out that I’ve gone. I wanted to come and say goodbye, I really did, but I would’ve missed my plane and I couldn’t have afforded to buy another ticket myself. You know how important travelling is to me, and how important it is for me to make a difference around the world. I’ve told Frankie all about it and I hope that one day he will not only forgive me, but that he’ll come and join me – you too, Lil. I know you don’t want to, but please explain to him why I had to take off so quickly. All my love, Nathan.’
‘Spineless,’ Viv says again. ‘Absolutely spineless.’
I feel tears fall from my eyes, which I quickly wipe away.
‘Mum, how am I going to tell him that his dad has left him?’ I ask, my voice quivering with emotion.
‘Come on,’ she says. ‘We’ll do it together.’
‘Am I in trouble?’ Frankie asks, seeing us both walk into his room with ominous looks on our faces.
‘Are you ever in trouble?’ I reply with a smile. ‘Take a seat.’
We all sit down on the bed together, and as Frankie looks at me, waiting to hear what I have to say, my heart breaks all over again and tears escape my eyes again.
‘Mum, what’s wrong?’ he asks me. ‘Is Dad OK?’
‘That’s the thing,’ I start. ‘Your dad is absolutely fine but, er, he’s had to go.’
‘Go where?’ he asks.
‘To India,’ I tell him honestly. ‘They needed someone to do some important work, looking after kids and—’
‘Is he coming back?’
‘I don’t know,’ I tell him softly. ‘Not for a long time, I don’t think.’
‘This is because you made him sleep outside,’ he says angrily – an emotion I’m not used to seeing from my son.
‘That is not why,’ Viv says sternly. ‘Your dad chose to go, because he wanted to.’
‘But he said we were best friends…’
I watch as my son’s bottom lip starts to shake. I could kill Nathan for doing this to him, I am so mad at him. I’m also mad at myself, for giving him a chance. I should have told him to do one the second he turned up on our doorstep.
‘Frankie, listen to me,’ I start, but we’re interrupted by a loud smashing noise. We all hurry into the living room, where the strong winds have brought part of a tree crashing in through the window, taking it out along with part of the wall and the roof. As rainwater pours in, I hurry over to move anything that could get damaged. That’s when I spot that bloody, unfinished tree house – or should I say, the large bits of wood he left up in the tree, that have just come crashing through the cottage.
‘Frankie, hurry into your room and grab a few things, we’ll have to go to a B&B. You too, Viv, and pack some stuff for me please.’
They do as they’re told, hurrying of to grab their things, while I move things from the living room to my bedroom. Anything electrical, or breakable, or anything that could be ruined by the wind and water beating around inside the remaining strong walls, I grab and move out of the way. Luckily my bedroom door locks with a key, so I can keep our things safe in there while we’re at the B&B tonight. Although if the crime rate here is a low as Eric told me when he was pitching Marram Bay to me, that shouldn’t be a problem.
With everything locked away and our overnight bags packed we hurry out to the car, just as Alfie happens to be passing in his Range Rover. Spotting us, he quickly pulls over.
‘You’re not heading for a day at the beach in this are you?’ he shouts over the weather.
‘We’re going to try and find a B&B for the night – a tree just fell into the cottage, the back wall is destroyed.’
Alfie’s face falls.
‘Come and stay with me,’ he insists.
‘It’s fine, really,’ I say.
‘Don’t be daft,’ he replies. ‘Get in.’
‘Come on, darling, don’t be rude,’ my mum says, ushering Frankie towards Alfie’s car.
I do as she says, hopping in the front seat next to Alfie. Once we’re all in and the doors are closed, I exhale deeply.
‘Thank you,’ I say.
‘I can’t leave you out there in this, can I?’ he replies. ‘I can’t believe a tree blew into your house. I suppose that’s the problem with summer storms. The trees are still in full leaf, it acts like a sail.’
‘Yeah, I don’t suppose the unfinished tree house helped either,’ I say quietly.
‘Ah,’ he replies. ‘You know Nathan is welcome to come and stay as well. Probably not safe for him in the van tonight.’
I feel a knot in my throat as I smile. If ever I wondered whether or not Alfie was a good man, this just confirmed it. I know how he feels about Nathan and yet he’d still be willing to let him stay in his house.
‘Nathan’s gone,’ I say, practically in a whisper.
I glance into the back of the car, where Frankie is glaring angrily. I’m not sure if he’s glaring at me, or it’s just a general look of upset, but I don’t like it.
‘Oh, OK,’ he says, leaving it at that.
Alfie doesn’t just drive up the driveway, he pulls right up to the front door so that we can get out without having to walk in the rain. Then he goes and puts his car in the garage and runs back. He lets us inside and sits us down on the sofa before making us all a cup of tea. Pugsley watches over us attentively while his master is busy making our drinks.
‘That’ll warm you up,’ he says.
I cradle my cup in my cold hands, still freezing from moving things around in the blustery living room.
‘Are you sure you don’t mind us staying here?’ I say.
‘Of course not,’ he replies. ‘I told you, I like the company. Plus, I’ve got a job for Frankie, if he fancies earning his keep.’
Frankie – his thoughts clearly weighing heavy on his mind – gives Alfie a disinterested smile.
‘Wait here,’ Alfie says with a cheeky smile. He disappears into a room before returning seconds later with the tiniest kitten in his hand. He has it held close to his body, and the little cutie is snuggling into his neck.
‘This is Kitty,’ Alfie says. ‘I’d noticed a stray tabby on the farm recently. Next thing I knew she’d had kittens, underneath a pile of logs down the bottom of the field. But this little one had a bad infection in her eye so I took her to Charlie who gave me some medicine for her. The plan was to return her to her mum, but she’s gone. I felt so bad I’ve been feeding her myself. I could do with a hand looking after her tonight…’
I look over at Frankie, who finally has a little light in his eyes.
‘I’ll do it,’ he says.
‘Here you go,’ Alfie says, handing Kitty over. ‘Make sure you support her body or she’ll get scared and cling on with her claws. No one wants that. She might seem like a sweet little thing now, but you should see her at playtime.’
There is something so attractive about a big strong man holding a cute tiny animal. I suppose it shows a nurturing, caring, affectionate, responsible side – all of which are excellent qualities. I’m not sure Nathan possessed any of those, which, I guess, is why I’ve found myself alone, yet again.
‘She’s so, so cute,’ Frankie says, having fallen in love at first sight.
‘I’ll need to find a home for her,’ Alfie tells me. ‘I’d keep her but Pugsley isn’t happy about sharing me.’
‘Can we have her, Mum?’ Frankie asks.
‘We’ll see,’ I laugh. ‘We don’t really have a home at the moment.’
‘You’re all welcome to stay here while the cottage is being fixed,’ he says.
‘Thank you,’ I reply, but the truth is that I’ve got something else in mind.
‘Shall I make us some tea?’ Alfie asks. I look down at my cup.
‘Dinner,’ he says. ‘Sorry, I forget you’re southerners.’
Gosh, I love that little chuckle he does after he makes a joke.
‘I’ll help you,’ I say.
‘I suppose I’ll just take it easy and keep an eye on these three,’ Viv says, nodding towards Frankie, Pugsley and Kitty as she makes herself more comfortable on the sofa. She’ll be asleep in less than ten minutes, I guarantee it.
As we prepare dinner in Alfie’s stunning kitchen, I quietly fill him in on what happened with Nathan.
‘Man, that’s rough,’ he says. ‘I wasn’t exactly his biggest fan, but I didn’t think he’d take off again.’
‘I suppose he was only here because he ran out of money,’ I say. I look over at Frankie, who is currently amusing Kitty with a piece of string, to make sure that he isn’t listening. ‘Soon as he got a better offer, he took off. He never wanted to be a dad – I thought that he’d grown up and matured, he’d seen the error of his ways. And then I thought that none of that mattered, because now that he’d met Frankie, why would he ever want to leave him again?’
Alfie squeezes my hand.
‘Frankie deserves better. How’s he coping with it?’
‘Not well,’ I tell him. ‘The problem is, we were just talking about it when the tree came crashing in. And now we’re here and…he just seems so angry at me.’
‘It’s just displaced anger,’ he assures me. ‘Because Nathan isn’t here.’
‘I think he thinks I’m the reason he’s gone,’ I say, swallowing hard to fight off whatever emotional outburst is trying to creep up on me.
‘Even if that were true,’ Alfie starts, ‘in a few years he’s going to be old enough to understand what a waste of space his dad is, and that he left because he’s selfish. It doesn’t matter how hard you try to protect him, one day he’s going to realise that his dad going off to muck out elephant enclosures – which, I can’t believe is what he’s ditched you guys for – isn’t a very valid reason.’
I sigh.
‘I know.’
‘Let’s put dinner in, I’ll show you all where you can sleep and then after dinner, once Frankie is tucked up in bed with Kitty, maybe you can try and talk to him again?’
‘Yeah,’ I reply. ‘Maybe that’s for the best.’
‘Lucky for you, I have lots of space and lots of guestrooms,’ he says. ‘Although I’m not sure what for. I think the architect who designed the place figured I was more popular than I am.’
‘You really don’t need to go to any trouble for us,’ I tell him. ‘It’s just one night.’
‘I told you, you can all stay here while the repairs are being done.’
‘I know – that’s so kind of you but, you know how we were talking about signs? Well, I think a tree crashing through the window and destroying the cottage is a pretty strong sign that we just shouldn’t be here.’
‘Come on, Lily, I wasn’t serious about that,’ he insists, a little worry in his voice. ‘You can’t give up now.’
‘I think Kitty needs something,’ Frankie interrupts us.
‘Probably some water,’ Alfie says, snapping back to his usual, charming self around Frankie. ‘Come with me, I’ll show you where her things are. She might be ready for her litter tray too.’
I watch as Alfie leads Frankie and Kitty away. Why couldn’t I have got knocked up by someone more like Alfie, someone who is great with kids, someone caring? Frankie must be so confused. No wonder he thinks I’m the reason his dad has gone – what’s the alternative? That his dad doesn’t love him enough to stay?
From the drama with the deli to the upset at school to the cottage finally crumbling around us…there really is nothing to stay here for and the sooner we get back to London, the better.