Chapter Twelve
Jade
“Lennon?” I asked again, my heart sinking lower into my stomach the longer he took to respond.
He was right.
That kiss had set everything around me on fire. And I was simultaneously blissful and tragically sad because I knew there was no getting better than that kiss. I could kiss a thousand boys and not one of them would come close to Lennon.
Had he not felt that?
Yes. His shallow breaths made it clear that he had. And maybe that was worse. If we did this, really did this, where would we end up? I wasn’t one to share, and if we took this step, I’d have to share him with not only the world but infinitely more women vying for his attention. He wasn’t what I needed. But damn him. Right now, he was who I wanted.
Maybe I’d be the exception. Maybe together we could somehow make something work?
He was staring at me with a mixture of panic and regret in his eyes—like I’d stolen something vital from him, something he was terrified he’d never get back.
“Um,” he said, clearing his throat and shifting along the hood of the car until we slid off it. He kept his hold on me, gently setting me on my feet, every inch of my body grazing his as he did. A warm shiver made my muscles tremble, but the awkwardness to his tone had doubt crushing my moment of pure happiness. “We should see if the car is ready.”
Or maybe not.
My jaw about came unhinged, but I locked it back in place.
Omigod I really am an awful kisser.
He wants to get as far away from me as possible.
The horrible rejection-fairy blew her ashy dust all over my mind, but my heart fought the good fight. There was no way he didn’t feel the connection between us. All night he’d grown closer to me, revealing that our simple conversations over the years had meant more to him. He’d been happy to be stranded with me. He’d brought up kissing me again, for real this time.
So what the hell just happened?
Was I so awful that he couldn’t wait to be rid of me now?
Had he been merely curious what it would be like to hook up with the mathlete before we went our separate ways for the summer?
The doubt tasted sour in my mouth, erasing all the sweet flavor Lennon’s kiss had offered me. My shoulders sank, my mind not able to come up with one good response, so I simply walked around to the driver’s side of my car and sank inside.
For once, when I turned the key, I didn’t know if I wanted it to start or not. Though the horrible voice in my head was telling me if it didn’t start, Lennon would likely walk back to the party—he looked that ready to get away from me.
To run from what had just happened.
Which, for me? World altering. I’d let my guard down, saw him as someone other than the player, believed him, as he’d been so genuinely kind to me tonight. And now that I let him in? It wasn’t fireworks for him.
Apparently it was lackluster compared to his normal buffet of groupies.
Hello, anger.
I fed off the hot pulsing energy, more mad at myself than at him. He didn’t owe me anything, and I should’ve known better than to let myself be that vulnerable.
The engine roared to life, and I clicked my seat belt on as I waited for him to get into the car.
We drove the rest of the two miles in a tightly wound silence where at any moment I felt like screaming or crawling in a dark hole.
Had I imagined every single thing between us tonight?
Had it all been in my head?
I chewed on my bottom lip, hating that this was a problem I was nowhere near close to solving. I couldn’t believe how off-base I’d been, but there was still this tiny sliver of hope aching in my heart, begging him to talk to me. To tell me what had spooked him.
“House is still standing,” I blurted out as I parked toward the end of the line of cars outside his lake house.
“Good sign.” The words seemed clipped and cold, his tone nothing like the warm invitation it had been all night.
“Sorry it took so long,” I said, the hope wringing out of me.
“All good.” He pushed open the door, grabbing his laptop from underneath the seat.
I hesitated for a few moments, not sure if I should get out and say goodbye, go into the party and hunt for Bray, or just leave. After a few deep breaths, I felt I owed it to myself to see what he’d say.
“Jade,” he said as I came around to meet him in front of my car. In front of the hood of my car where he’d given me the best kiss of my life. “I—”
An eruption of white-hot sparks burst near the dock where his stage was set up.
“Shit!” Lennon sprinted toward the dock, running so fast he was there in a blink.
After debating whether I should follow him or leave him to handle the rest of the night on his own, I finally decided I couldn’t not help him—it had been my theme of the night after all. I hurried to catch up, but he was already way ahead of me.
“Told you to stick to the sheet!” Lennon snapped at Blaise, who was scrambling around a massive surge protector that was hooked up to a cord that looked like it led into the house somewhere. “That’s why I wrote the sequence down, man! Told you this house’s wiring was finicky. Hook it up the wrong way and this shit happens.” He flung his arm toward the house, not once looking up from the mess of wires.
“I thought I followed it, bro!” Blaise yelled back, the tension apparent in his clenched fists wielding a piece of paper. “It’s not like it’s easy to read your handwriting! Maybe if you hadn’t been off with the effin’ mathlete half the night, this wouldn’t have happened!”
“I wasn’t with the mathlete, Blaise,” Lennon snapped while unplugging and re-plugging in the cords. The sharpness in his tone made me want to fold in on myself. I must’ve been invisible, because neither boy acted as if he knew I was standing right here.
“Whatever, man. We all know about your little crush on her. The way you kept all those drawings of hers? But chasing down a girl on the night of one of the biggest shows of our life? Not. Cool.”
He’d kept all my drawings? Mr. Pryor had said he’d kept my tests to help teach underclassmen how to show their work properly.
The tiny bit of hope that remained in my heart flared to life, growing bigger and warmer with the thought. I moved toward Lennon’s back, wanting to say that I was here and ask how I could help him. I mean, rescuing him was what I’d done all night. Why stop now?
“The tour is less than a week out, you think I’m going to let some chick get in the way of that? Or tonight? This show wasn’t going to happen without this laptop, so cut me some fucking slack.”
I jerked my hand back like I’d been physically burned by his words. The small gasp I made had both boys turning around, finally realizing I was present for their heated conversation, which I’d somehow become the topic of.
Some chick. Some chick get in the way of his tour? His show? He’d been the one…the one who opened me up and made me see him as more. He’d made me feel for him, and somehow I became a problem for him?
Screw. This.
“Jade.” Lennon bolted to his feet, his eyes crinkling at the edges like someone had slapped him across the face.
Part of me wanted to.
Part of me wanted to inflict any kind of hurt on him like he’d just done me. Because tonight was special…to me at least…and I thought he’d felt it, too.
I stumbled backward, my sense of direction all kinds of messed up as I suddenly was walking toward the house instead of back to my car. By the time I neared Lennon’s garage, I could hear pounding footsteps behind me.
“Jade, wait!” Lennon called out after me, and I spun around.
The sincere look in his eyes stunned me.
“Lennon,” I said. He reached for me, his hand going toward my cheek, and I couldn’t help but lean into his touch.
His words echoed in my head and iced over the warmth he’d had given me.
“Don’t,” I said and jerked away from him. Tears formed behind my eyes, threatening to fog my glasses.
“Just hear me out,” he said, and I shook my head.
“I heard enough,” I said, sucking in a sharp breath to keep back the tears.
“You don’t understand.” He took another step toward me, and I retreated one.
I raised my hand to stop him from coming any closer—when he was too close, when I could breathe in his scent of leather and spice and soap…my judgment couldn’t be trusted.
“I do.” I chuckled darkly. “I totally get it. I was in the right place at the wrong time. If it had been any other girl there, the night would’ve played out the same, right? The talks, the bullshit about liking my drawings, the kisses.” A pain ripped through my chest unlike any I’d ever felt before. How was it that ten minutes ago I’d been on cloud nine, consumed by his kiss that had felt so real I thought I could spend every day kissing him and never get tired of it, and now I felt like my heart was shattering? How could the boy deliver both sensations so effortlessly?
“You know that’s not true!” He reached out to me, but I stopped his advance with a glare.
“Do I?” I rolled my eyes. “Clearly the only thing you care about is this show. The record deal. Your career. And you know, I can almost understand that. I just wish you hadn’t made me…” The words swelled like painful spikes in my chest.
Fall for you.
Two tears rolled down my cheeks and I swiped them away. I pointed behind him. The chaos around the stage and the house didn’t stop for a second because of my heart breaking.
Another burst of sparks and a squeal from Blaise had Lennon’s head snapping toward the dock. Then we both jumped as everyone in the house screamed when it went completely dark.
“Just go, Lennon,” I finally said when the debate on his face was too much to handle. “Take care of what really matters to you. This show. Because that’s all I was good for, right? Ensuring that you got what you needed for the performance to go on. And me letting you close enough to touch me? That was just a rock-star bonus, huh?”
He flinched like I’d hit him, his shoulders dropping.
I spun around again, not bothering to wait for an answer. I stomped toward the trees at the edge of his property away from the commotion of the house because I couldn’t turn around and walk to my car. If I did that, I’d have to see his face again, and wonder why the hell he had a right to look hurt when he was the one who’d shattered me.