Chapter Seventeen
Trent
As soon as I walked into the studio on Monday morning, I went straight into Levi’s office and said, “You little asshole.”
“Well, hello to you, too,” Levi said without looking up from the paperwork on his desk. “What crawled up your ass?”
“You knew this whole fucking time about Declan!”
Levi slowly looked up with a frown on his face. “What?”
I narrowed my eyes at him. “You’ve known that I’ve been hanging out with Dec for months, and you didn’t say anything to me.”
Levi’s brow furrowed. “I assumed you didn’t want to talk about it. I kept asking you who you were talking to and stuff, and you kept saying no one. I didn’t think you wanted me in your business.”
I eyed him for a long moment before sighing and plopping in the seat across from him. “You’re being serious, aren’t you?”
“Of course, I am, Trent. I don’t even know what your problem is right now.”
“I’ve been afraid to tell you.”
“Tell me what? That you’re dating Declan?”
“What? No! We’re not dating. He’s my friend.”
He crossed his arms over his chest. “Sweetie, you’re not making any sense. What were you afraid to tell me?”
“Ugh.” I moaned and slid down in my seat so my head was on the back and I was staring at the ceiling. “Dec and I are friends, and I’ve been afraid to tell you that we’ve been hanging out because I thought you’d be mad. And when I said something to Dec about it on Friday, he told me you knew already, so I assumed you were being a jerk and messing with me.”
“I wouldn’t do that to you.” He sounded hurt, so I glanced at him and he said, “You know me better than that. I wouldn’t do something to hurt you intentionally.”
I sighed. “I know.” I ran my hands over my face.
“Why were you afraid to tell me? I told you before that I didn’t care. Honestly, Trent, you could date him for all I care, as long as you’re happy.”
I peeked out from behind my fingers to see the sincerity on his face, then I blew out a long breath. “He doesn’t date people.”
He shot me a half-smile. “That wasn’t a denial that you wish he did, though.”
I blew out another breath. “No, I didn’t say that, I just… wish I had someone to date.”
Levi was quiet for a few seconds, but eventually, he said, “Just be careful, okay? I don’t want you getting hurt.”
“He’s a good guy.” I felt the need to defend Declan for some reason.
One of Levi’s eyebrows shot up. “I didn’t say he wasn’t.”
I put my head back and stared at the ceiling again, then decided to change the subject because the last thing I wanted to do was talk about Declan behind his back with his ex. “Did you get Harley to give you some coffee grounds?”
“Yep, and there’s a pot roasting already. It’s probably done by now. Andy started it, like, twenty minutes ago.”
“Want me to get you a cup? Peace offering?”
He smiled. “You don’t need a peace offering, sweetie. But I’d love one.”
I nodded and got up to search for caffeine.
When I brought Levi his coffee, he thanked me and stood up. “You okay?”
I nodded.
“You can talk to me if you need to.”
“I know.” And I did. I just felt awkward, especially because Dec was his ex, but I knew, deep down, that Levi would listen if I wanted to talk about anything.
He shot me a worried look, then grabbed his coffee mug and leaned up to kiss my cheek. I shot him a smile, then headed to the front desk so I could edit my shoot from yesterday.
***
After cooking dinner together on another rare Friday night off, Dec and I were watching a movie, but I couldn’t seem to focus. I was sitting in the corner of the couch, and when Dec came back in from getting a bowl of popcorn, instead of sitting on the other end, or even on the middle cushion, he sat right beside me. Like, right up against me so his arm, hip, and leg were completely pressed against me. Ever since last weekend, he kept… touching me more than he had before. Before we’d fallen asleep on the couch together, we’d hugged and every once in a while, I’d lean against him while we watched a movie, and I’d kissed his cheek a few times, he’d kissed my temple. But not like this. Those small, innocent kisses had been few and far between, and I’d always been the one to initiate hugging or leaning against each other. But I’d been over his house for dinner twice this past week, and he’d been in my space the entire time I’d been there.
Maybe he didn’t realize he was doing it—I don’t know—but he was driving me insane. He really seemed to have no clue about the effect he had on me. It wasn’t that I didn’t want him to touch me, because, believe me, I totally did. It was that I wanted him to touch me too much. I wanted him to hold me and rub me and kiss me and never let me go.
But I knew that wasn’t what he wanted. He didn’t want a relationship. He’d said so himself. He just wanted me as a friend.
And that was fine. The touching could maybe, kinda, be a friend thing. If only he’d tell my dick that. I was constantly at half-mast when I was around him. Although, I was pretty damn sure I saw Declan’s pants tenting the other night, not that I was looking or anything. Okay, I was totally looking because, freaking hello? How could you not?
Since Declan seemed to be having a good time driving me insane, even if he didn’t realize he was doing it, I decided to maybe drive him a little crazy back. After he settled in beside me, I put my arm on the back of the couch, then gently ran my fingertip down his neck. He froze for a split second, but relaxed and continued eating popcorn like nothing had happened. So I decided to continue my experiment and ran three fingertips down his neck, a little more deliberately this time. He blinked his eyes closed for a few seconds, then opened them without a word.
I faced the front so he wouldn’t know I was looking at him and went in for the kill. I ran all five fingertips from the base of his neck up and into the hair at his nape. I heard him suck in a breath before I started playing with his hair. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw him close his eyes, and he even leaned back a little into my hand. I’d honestly thought he was going to smack my hand away, but he liked it, apparently, and I was happy to oblige. Actually, I loved the way his hair felt between my fingers, so I was more than happy to keep playing with it.
Suddenly, Declan put his hand on my thigh, like really high up on my thigh, almost inappropriately high for a friend. I closed my eyes as the heat from his palm sent sparks through my body and straight to my dick.
When Declan’s hand started running up and down, each time getting closer to the inside of my thigh and higher up my leg, I swallowed and pressed my lips together to keep from moaning out loud. The bulge in my pants was so hard it was ready to burst. Every time his hand moved, I silently urged it to go higher, but he never seemed to take that last step.
After several minutes of pure torture, I let go of the back of his neck, grabbed the popcorn bowl and set it on the table, then turned a little to look at him with wide eyes. “Declan…?”
I wanted to ask him what he was doing. I wanted to ask him why he was touching me like that. I wanted to ask him to kiss me and touch me like he meant it. I wanted to ask him if he wanted me. I wanted to ask him if we could do something about the issue in my pants before I came all over myself like a horny teenager. But then he looked at me and those blue eyes held so much emotion, I couldn’t decipher any of them. He was staring at me like he wanted to devour me, and like he was hoping I wanted to devour him back.
As I stared into those baby blue eyes, I couldn’t help but see when they flickered down to my lips. Holy shit. Maybe he does feel something too. Declan’s face was so close to mine—when the hell had that happened?—I could feel his breath ghosting across my lips. I licked my lips in anticipation, and his eyes flickered down again as his lips opened on a gasp.
That was it. I couldn’t take it anymore. I had to taste him. I had to. It was killing me.
Without second guessing myself, I closed my eyes and leaned forward until our lips were barely touching. I felt him gasp again, and when he didn’t pull away, I surged forward, pressing our lips harder together. At first, he was completely frozen, and I was afraid that I’d made a horrible mistake, but then he leaned into me and softly returned the kiss. One of his hands found their way to my shoulder, and the other gently cupped my cheek. He ran his thumb over my stubble, and when his tongue flicked out, I immediately opened for him, inviting him in. Our tongues met and a tiny moan escaped him. His kiss was soft and tender and so fucking gentle that I felt like I’d burst from the sweetness of it.
I didn’t want it. I just wanted… him.
So I grabbed his face and deepened the kiss, earning a loud moan from him. I scooted closer to him on the couch and got to my knees so I could gain better access. This was my one and only shot at kissing him. I was gonna make it count.
I deepened the kiss further and ran one hand down his neck and the other into his hair. He moaned again when I tilted his head, and the sound made my semi thicken. He wrapped his arms around my back and pulled me to him so our chests were flush. I threw my leg over his thighs and straddled him. He immediately started running his hands up and down my back. I pulled his hair a little and rutted against him, and I felt his hard-on rub against mine. I did that to him. I shivered and he fucking whimpered into my mouth, so I rutted against him again. He ran his hands down my back and grabbed my ass, pulling me into him.
“Trent,” he whispered into my mouth. He abruptly pulled back. I thought he’d come to his senses, but then he lifted my shirt and pulled it over my head, throwing it across the room.
Immediately, he licked and nipped his way down my neck and collarbone, then down my chest. I threw my head back and moaned when he bit down on my nipple. I held onto his shoulders and rutted against him as he continued exploring my chest with his tongue. I grabbed the hem of his shirt. “Take this off.”
He listened right way, leaning away to pull his shirt over his head. I saw the big scar on the side of his stomach, but he pulled my body close, so I couldn’t get a good look. I wanted to explore his muscles with my tongue, but he grabbed my face and pulled me into a desperate kiss that I eagerly returned. He slid one hand to the nape of my neck and the other down my back to my ass, pulling me against him. Feeling his erection rub against mine had me painfully hard, so hard that I had to pull away from him to open my jeans and pull them down to my thighs. I kicked out of them, thankful my socks and shoes were already off and by the door, and I was happy when I looked at Dec pulling his pants down, too.
He glanced at me, frozen to the spot with his black boxer briefs still on and his pants only halfway down his legs as he took me in. “Jesus, you’re sexy, Jalapeno.” He reached out and ran a finger along my lacey underwear. “These look even better on you than I imagined they would.”
My heart hammered in my chest at the statement, but I didn’t want to think about the fact that he’d just admitted to imagining me in panties, so I climbed onto his lap, not even allowing him to pull his pants off all the way.
I grabbed his chin and started kissing him again. I wanted to stop thinking, stop all the emotions swirling around inside and only feel. Feel his sweaty skin against mine, feel the sprinkling of chest hair and the happy trail that led to a place I wished I could explore further.
He deepened our kiss and grabbed my ass again, kneading the muscles and making our cocks rub together through our underwear. If he wasn’t careful, I was gonna come in my panties. I wanted to suck him; I wanted to lick him; I wanted to touch and memorize every inch of him with my tongue. But the way he was kissing me was so good, so damn passionate, so unlike any kiss I’d ever had that I couldn’t pull away. I never wanted him to stop kissing me.
I pulled my dick out of my panties, then pulled his out of his briefs, and we both moaned at the contact. I was going to jack us off together, but he kept pressing me against him so hard, my hand couldn’t move. So I ran my hands over his biceps, pecs, neck, and in his hair as we both rutted and thrust our hips together over and over. The glide of his cock against mine had me moaning and gasping and begging for more, though he never let me come up for air.
His mouth was demanding and hot, yet sweet and so fucking passionate that there was no doubt he was as into this as I was.
His hands were everywhere, all over my skin, making me feel like I was burning with pleasure.
His hips were rocking into me as his cock rubbed against mine.
He was fucking everywhere, and I never wanted it to end.
But it was so fucking good that I was already too close, I thought I was gonna come embarrassingly early. But then he leaned back, just a tad so our lips were still touching, and whispered, “Fuck, I’m gonna come… Trent.”
Hearing my name whispered on his lips was the last straw. Suddenly, I exploded in a white-hot bliss, making me see fucking stars as every cell in my body lit up from the inside out and I yelled his name. When he cried out my name a second later, another bout of pleasure shot through me, adding even more spurts of cum to our chests.
We were both panting, breathless as we came down from our highs. My hands were on his shoulders, his were on my ass. He slid his hands up my back and gently rubbed my suddenly cooling skin. A shiver racked my body, and when Declan ran his hand up to my neck and started to pull me down as if he was about to kiss me, my eyes flew open. He was looking at me with a small smile on his face, sated and happy and calm. I took in his blue eyes and a sinking sensation started in my chest. He looked calm, but there was no denying the tiny flicker of fear in his eyes.
Oh god. Oh god, oh god, oh god. I ruined everything. He’s gonna freak out and never want to see me again. He’s gonna hate me because I ruined our friendship. Because there was no way I’d ever be able to be around him and not want this again.
His brow furrowed. “Trent?”
I leaned back as tears filled my eyes. I’d had a little taste of him, and now I’d never be happy with just friends. I wanted more. I’d been denying it for months, but seeing him like this, feeling him and touching him… I hadn’t known how good it could be, how amazing, how fucking mind-blowing it’d be. I couldn’t go back to the way things were. I wanted him, all of him. How could I have been so stupid?
“Trent?”
I climbed off his lap and tucked myself into my panties. My eyes were blurry from unshed tears. “Oh god. Oh god, oh god.” The blood rushed to my ears so everything sounded muted.
“Trent? What’re you doing?”
“Oh god.” I grabbed my jeans and hurriedly put them on, trying my best to hold back my tears.
“Trent, please stop.”
I knew Declan was speaking, but his words weren’t registering over the hammering of my own heart. I found my shirt and tugged it on. “I’m sorry… oh god, I’m so sorry… I didn’t mean to…” I grabbed my phone and headed toward the door, grabbing my shoes along the way.
“Trent… don’t…”
I walked out the door before I even realized Declan was calling my name.
I stood there for a second before I burst into tears. I fucking ruined everything. I was supposed to be his friend, that was all he’d ever wanted from me, and now I’d ruined it. I was gonna lose my best friend because I was fucking horny and let my dick take the lead.
But I didn’t want to hear him make excuses, or hear him tell me how this was a one-time thing, or how it didn’t mean anything. Because it did. Even if it hadn’t meant anything to him, it meant something to me. It meant a lot to me. It meant everything. And now I was going to pay the price for it.
My chest hurt. Physically hurt as I walked away from Declan’s apartment.
But I couldn’t handle hearing him say that it was nothing, or that we could be fuck-buddies. Because I fucking cared about him too much for anything like that to ever work.
I ruined everything.