Chapter Nineteen
Trent
It had been a whole week since I’d run out on Declan, and all I wanted to do was climb into my bed and never come back out. I couldn’t remember ever feeling this horrible. Dec had sent me three texts this week, each one asking to talk, and I’d ignored them all. I knew I was being unfair, but I really couldn’t handle him telling me that we could pretend it never happened, or worse, tell me that we could be fuck-buddies or something. I just… couldn’t handle it. At least not until I knew I could hide my true feelings from him. Maybe in a couple weeks it wouldn’t hurt as much, and I could pretend I didn’t care about him like that. That I didn’t want to be with him in a way other than friendship. Maybe I could pretend myself into believing we could just be friends. But right now, it was too fresh, I was too raw, and it hurt too fucking bad.
I tuned back into my conversation, trying to shake the pain and hurt off.
“You promised you’d come,” Levi said, ignoring my full-out begging.
“Please, Levi? I can’t be there.”
“Sure, you can. And you promised.”
“You don’t understand… if I go, then I’ll see him and I’ll break into a million tiny pieces. Is that really what you want? For me to die?” I asked, sticking my bottom lip out to add to the begging effect.
Levi rolled his eyes. “Actually, sweetie, I do understand, and that’s exactly why you’re going.”
I leaned back against the wall and sunk to the floor. “Levi, please. Don’t make me do this.” Levi was having a party at his house tonight. They were doing a bonfire, so his brothers would be there, and I’d heard earlier in the week that Caleb was making Dec go.
He leaned down and patted my cheek without saying anything before he walked into his office.
Andy was standing by the front desk, so I looked at him and asked, “Can’t you do something about this?”
“Sorry, man, I’m with my husband on this one. You know how he is about breaking promises. You really want him mad at you for the rest of his life?”
I sighed. “You suck.”
Andy just shrugged and turned back to whatever he was doing. Alex walked over and held his hand out to pull me off the floor. Once I was standing, he patted me on my back and said, “You can hang with me and Adeline tonight. It won’t be so bad.”
“Your girlfriend’s coming?”
He nodded. “She’s looking forward to hanging out with all of us.”
I sighed. “Okay, fine… I’ll be your third wheel.”
Alex chuckled and pushed my shoulder. “Want me to pick you up on the way?”
I almost said no because I wanted the option of a quick escape, but then I thought about how I’d probably need alcohol to get myself through the night and that I could call an Uber if I needed to leave early. “You wouldn’t mind?”
“I’m picking up Adeline already, and your place is basically on the way from there, so no big deal.”
“Thanks, Alex.”
He smiled, then walked to the front door to meet an incoming client.
***
We were one of the first ones to arrive at Levi’s house, and when Declan got there an hour later, I’d already downed a couple drinks. As soon as he walked into the back yard, I turned my back to him because I didn’t want him to see me. I wanted to crawl under my chair and pretend that I was invisible. But knowing he was there, so close, made it impossible for me to ignore him completely. I had to see if he was okay. I had to know that he was fine without me.
So I looked over my shoulder at him and immediately gasped. The sun wasn’t fully down yet, so I could see how pale he looked, even from the corner of the back yard where I was hiding. He had dark circles under his eyes and his hair was a mess. The only other time I’d ever seen him with even one hair out of place was that morning I’d woken up on the couch on top of him. Is he sick? Was he sick all week?
I closed my eyes and took a few deep breaths before looking at him again. I was going to get up and see if he was okay, but Reese had thrown his arm over Dec’s shoulders and was pulling him toward some of their work friends.
When I greeted one of Declan’s coworkers, she casually mentioned that Declan had called out of work the past few days, so tonight was the first time she’d seen him all week. Maybe he really is sick. My chest hurt at the thought. I wanted to make him feel better, but I didn’t think he’d want me to even try.
A little while later, I saw Declan standing off to the side of the yard by himself drinking a beer and seeming to be lost in space. Before I could walk over, I saw Levi start up a conversation with him, so I blew out a breath and decided I needed a distraction. I looked around to figure out what to do. The bonfire was going, but I didn’t really want to just sit, so going over there was a no-go, but the buffet looked good. Food would be a good distraction. It’d give me something to do with my hands, something to focus on.
After going down the buffet line for, like, five minutes without Reese acknowledging me at all, even though I kept trying to get his attention, I turned, tapped his shoulder and asked, “Why’re you being such an asshole?”
He turned to me and I was surprised by the amount of anger in his gaze. I involuntarily took a step back—Reese was huge and could probably kick my ass with very little effort—and his nostrils flared before he ground out, “You broke my best friend.” He turned on his heel and stalked away, leaving me blinking after him.
When the meaning of his words finally dawned on me, I sucked in a breath and looked over at Declan again; he was still hiding against the fence, looking like he was trying to melt into it. I was closer to him than I’d been before, and now I could see that his clothes were rumpled and his face unshaven, on top of the messy hair and dark circles under his eyes. A stab of pain shot through my heart at the sight of him looking so unhappy. I’d never seen him look like that. He never went anywhere without putting himself together, and he certainly never wore that sad expression—the saddest fucking expression I’d ever seen—on his face. At least, not when I was around.
I did this. This is all my fault.
I had to do something. I couldn’t just stay away when the one person I cared about more than anyone else in the world looked the same way I felt—heartbroken. I had to make him feel better. I fucking needed to. So I set my overflowing plate of food down and headed his way.
He saw me coming, but he didn’t make eye contact before he looked at the ground and turned his body a little away from me. He even crossed his arms over his chest, and I could tell he was hoping it would shield him from me.
Fuck. What have I done?
When I stepped in front of him, I bent down, trying to catch his eye, but he avoided looking at me. I hesitated for a moment, then decided I needed to do… something—anything to get him to look at me, so I cupped Dec’s cheeks, lifted his face and whispered, “I’m sorry.”
Dec whispered back, “You ran. Just like everyone else.”
I closed my eyes as a stab of guilt shot through my chest. How could I have been so stupid? So selfish? Why hadn’t I thought about what it looked like from his perspective? “Declan,” I choked out. Dec’s pain-filled eyes looked back at me, and I felt tears prick in the back of mine at seeing that heartbreak. That heartbreak I was responsible for. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.” I rubbed his stubbled cheeks with my thumbs. “I wasn’t… I didn’t mean… I didn’t think you wanted me to stay. I’m so sorry.”
“I texted you and you ignored me.”
“I know.”
“I called you twice.”
“I know.” I nodded and squeezed my eyes shut. “I was scared.” I swallowed thickly, then opened my eyes. “Can we just…” I shrugged because I didn’t even know what I wanted to ask. Can we just be friends again? Even though I want more than that? Can we pretend this last week didn’t happen? Even though the feel of your lips was burned into my memory forever? Can we just move on from this? Even though I don’t have a clue how or what that means?
Declan looked away from me, making my hands fall from his face and fear fill my veins. Fear that I was losing him all over again. He ran a hand through his hair before looking at me again.
“Declan, please… please give me another chance.” I wasn’t above begging and pleading.
He rubbed his eyes with one hand, then looked at me with apprehension. “Promise me you won’t avoid me again.”
A breath I didn’t realize I was holding rushed from my lungs and I immediately responded, “I promise.”
He searched my face for a few seconds before nodding. But he still looked so lost and miserable. So I did the only thing I could think of, the only thing I wanted to do in that moment. I wrapped my arms around his neck and hugged him to me. Declan was stiff for a few seconds before he blew out a breath and wrapped his arms around my waist. He tucked his face into my neck, and I squeezed him tighter to me as I felt his breath ghosting across my skin.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered again. “I’m so sorry.”
He nodded against me and pulled me tighter to him.
After a few minutes, I leaned back and cupped his cheeks again. “I promise I’ll never run away or ignore you again. I swear to you. I know you don’t believe me, but please just give me another chance to prove to you that I mean it.”
He closed his eyes and whispered, “Okay.” He still looked pained, exhausted, and heartbroken. I needed to cheer him up. I needed to make sure he was really going to be okay.
I pulled him back into a hug. “I missed you, Declan. I’m sorry I was an ass. I just… I don’t know what we’re doing, but I don’t want to stop. This week was the worst week of my life.”
“I think you’re exaggerating.”
“Nope. It was the worst. Everyone kept asking me if my dog died or something. I just… I’m sorry.”
“I know you are.” He was quiet for a minute and neither of us tried to break apart. I was perfectly okay with that. Declan turned his face into my neck and whispered against my ear, “We have an audience.” His warm breath on my skin made me shiver.
“Huh?”
“I’m pretty sure that every single person at the party is staring at us right now.”
“For fuck’s sake.” I let go of Dec and looked over toward the bonfire, seeing every-fucking-one staring, so I yelled, “Take a picture, it’ll last longer.”
Levi smiled at me and called back, “I already did.”
I snorted out a laugh despite myself and flipped him off. All he did was smile wider before sitting on his husband’s lap. I sighed and turned back to Declan. “Wanna get some food?”
He smiled a little, though he still looked sad. “Of course, you’d be hungry.”
“Obviously. Plus, free food.” I grabbed his hand and pulled him toward the buffet. “I haven’t eaten all week.” I cringed when I realized what I’d unintentionally brought up—freaking already.
“Me either.”
I winced at that, then pulled his hand up to my mouth and placed a small kiss on the back of it. “Will you sit with me by the bonfire?”
He shot me a small smile as we let go and grabbed plates. “Sure.”
I smiled back and made my way down the buffet line again since I didn’t know where my first plate had gone.
“Uncle Dec?” I turned at the sound of Sammy’s voice, seeing him get in line behind Declan.
“What’s up, Sammy?” Dec said.
“You’re coming to my birthday party, right?” Sammy asked.
“Of course.”
Sammy leaned forward and looked at me. “What about you?”
“I’ll be there.”
Sammy nodded and chewed on his bottom lip for a minute. “Is there any way you can try to convince Grandmom to take it down a notch with my party? She’s being insane.”
I pressed my lips together to keep from laughing, but Dec laughed a little and tried to cover it up with a cough. “There is no way I’m asking Mrs. Ann that. There’s no amount of money you could pay me.”
Sammy groaned. “Come on. Please? Pretty please?”
“No. I’d like to keep my head intact.”
“Mr. Trent? Could you?”
I looked at Sammy. “No way in hell.”
“Ughh.” Sammy groaned and scrubbed his face with his hands. “You guys were my last hope.”
I snickered at that. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“It means that I already asked everyone else while you guys were…” He waved in the general direction of where we’d hugged. “No one’s willing to help me.”
“That’s because you’re asking for an impossible task.” Declan put his hand on Sammy’s shoulder. “You’re just going to have to deal with it, buddy. Your family is crazy.”
“Ugh. Don’t remind me.”
“Hey, Sammy!” Reese yelled from the gate. “Your grandparents are here.”
Sammy sighed and muttered, “See ya guys later.”
When Reese and Sammy walked out of the gate with the baby Amelia and little Jacob in tow, I asked Dec, “What’s that about? Is Reese leaving?”
“Nah. Leb’s parents are watching the kids tonight so they can stay out.”
“Oh… cool.” I piled a third hotdog on my plate. “Reese hates me.” Shit. I didn’t mean to say that out loud.
“What? No, he doesn’t.”
I sighed. “He told me earlier that he hates me.”
“No, he didn’t.”
“Okay, fine. He didn’t actually say the words, but trust me, he hates my guts.”
“He’s just… he made me tell him what happened between,” he waved between us, “and so he’s, you know… he’s just angry. But he doesn’t hate you. No one could ever hate you.”
That so wasn’t true, but I let the subject drop, not wanting to get into it anymore. I watched Declan put one hotdog on his plate, then stand there as if he was finished, and I frowned. I had at least three times as much stuff on my plate, and I was still trying to shove stuff on. “You can fit so much more.”
Declan smirked a little, though he tried to hide it. “You can put your overflow on mine.”
I narrowed my eyes at him. “You sure?”
“Yep.”
I shrugged, then grabbed two more hotdogs and put them on his plate. “Thanks.”
“Anytime, Jalapeno.”
A myriad of emotions rushed through me at his casual use of my nickname. I’d messed up so badly this past week and I hadn’t realized until that very moment how much I’d needed him to say that, to show that he didn’t hate me after what I’d done.
As if sensing my emotions, Dec put his hand on my back between my shoulder blades and rubbed, then ran his hand up to squeeze my shoulder. “Come on, Jalapeno, let’s grab a seat.”
I took a deep breath and slowly blew it out, then nodded and followed him to two open seats around the bonfire. As we sat there and I stuffed my face, Dec seemed to automatically pass me my hotdogs from his plate as soon as I wanted them, without me even asking. It was like he was reading my mind… or my stomach. Either way, it was so sweet and just so Declan.
After we finished eating, I grabbed a throw blanket that was sitting on my chair, then set it on the ground in front of Dec before sitting on it and leaning against his legs. I’d thought about climbing on his lap, but the last time I’d done that, we’d stopped talking for a week. But I needed to be near him, nearer than I could manage to get our chairs together when he was talking to his coworker—Trish, I thought—on the other side of him.
When he noticed me sitting on the ground, he leaned down and whispered, “You okay?”
“Mmhm. Just cold.”
He didn’t say anything and when I looked up, he was chewing on the inside of his cheek. But then he seemed to decide something because he nodded to himself and slid off his chair, right beside me on the blanket. Then he called across the fire, “Leb, can I have that blanket?”
Caleb turned, smirked at Declan, then passed the blanket to Andy beside him and the blanket slowly made its way over as everyone passed it around. Dec called out his thanks, unwrapped the blanket and put it over my shoulders and his own.
I smiled and leaned into him a little. “Thanks, Cupcake.”
He huffed out a small laugh and shook his head, but the smile on his face reached his eyes.
We stayed there the rest of the night, drinking, talking, and laughing together with our friends. Eventually, Declan put his arm around my shoulders and pulled me into his side. It was the best feeling in the world.