Hope
I waited for what felt like an age, with my heart in my mouth, for Noah, Dad, and Hunter to returned from their impromptu car ride.
When Noah's Lexus finally pulled up outside the house, I was attacked by an onslaught of nervous anxiety.
This was it.
"Okay," Teagan, who had been sitting next to me on the couch, announced. "Just talk to him." Clambering to her feet, she looked towards the bay window then back again. "Be firm – assertive. Hell, be full on aggressive if you need to be, just…make him stay."
I shook my head at her demands. "How the hell do you make a man like him stay anywhere?"
"With your vagina, dummy," Teagan shot back. "And breasts. Maybe both. At the same time." She looked me up and down and grinned. "And that ass. Yep, use your Kim-K ass. Hell, sit on him if you have to."
"You saw that, though," I squeezed out, feeling my throat tightening. "He didn’t even acknowledge me in the kitchen."
"Because you hurt him," she shot back. "And because he was surrounded by an impenetrable force of blue eyes and dimples." She blew out a breath before saying, "I've been there, in the center of a Carter inquisition, and it's not nice."
The sound of the front door slamming caused us both to jump and Teagan to add, "Fight or flight time, babe." She glanced to where the sound of male voices was coming from beyond the living room door. "Stand by your man time."
"For real?" I countered. "You're going to use song quotes on me?"
"It's the only thing that gets through to that big brain of yours," she retorted, tone hushed. She looked me square in the eye and said, "Be Moana, and chase the ocean. Or better again, do an Elsa and let it fucking go – Jordan, that is. Not Luck."
"You are so fricking weird, Teagan Messina," I grumbled. "And Disney?"
"Hey, Disney works for me," she shot back without hesitation. "And I know you love those movies as much as I do. We've watched them together dozens of times."
The sound of the front door slamming sounded again, and then the living room door opened inwards and we were faced with a stony-faced Noah.
Disappointment churned inside me.
"Where's Kyle?" Teagan asked, making a beeline for Noah. She wrapped her arms around his waist and pressed a kiss to his chest. "His truck's still outside."
"Dropped him back to Thirteenth Street before we came home," Noah replied, pulling her closer. "Said he'd pick it up later."
"And Hunter?" I squeezed out, feeling like my windpipes were being slowly squeezed to death. "Where is he?"
"He got a call," Noah replied, tone weary. Inclining his head towards the bay window, he added, "Had to go."
My gaze moved to the window to where Hunter was opening the driver's door of his truck, and just like that, my feet were moving; every instinct in my body demanding I go to him.
Barreling past Noah and Teagan, I charged to the front door, eyes locked on the Black Ford Explorer that was pulling away from the house.
"Hunter!" I called out, panicking. "Hunter, wait for me!" Running at full speed, I threw myself down the porch steps and ran into the downpour.
I could see the back of his truck as it moved further out of sight.
Throwing my arms out like a raving lunatic, I continued to run after his truck, surprising myself with how fast I could actually move when I was chasing something I wanted – someone I loved.
"Please!" I called out, breathless as hard pellets of rain slapped against my face. "Don’t go…"
My heart hammered in my chest, the fear of rejection overwhelming, but the longing hunger spurring me on.
That flickering flame in my heart, the one that had ignited when he crashed into my world all those months ago, grew brighter with every step I took.
It was as if my soul was leading my body to its mate.
I was moving purely on the very basic of instincts.
I was moving on love.
Of course, the last semblance of intelligence still inside my brain was laughing at me for being so dumb and not taking my truck, but my heart shut that shit up quickly.
I didn’t have time for logic.
I watched his truck take one of the narrow bends in Teagan and Noah's disgustingly mile long driveway and mentally cursed them for being so fucking selfish, but I didn’t stop running.
Because I couldn’t.
I couldn’t let him go.
Letting him leave me was like letting my body bleed out and doing nothing to stop it.
I needed him.
I wanted him.
I loved him, dammit.
I'd made so many mistakes, and in doing so, I had hurt the one person who had stood by my side through everything
I'd driven away the one person who'd loved me through my ugliness.
Adrenalin coursed through my veins as I ran through the rain, through the darkness that was cloaking the sky, soaked to the skin, and desperately in love with the man driving away from me.
I ran until the muscles in my legs began to spasm and seize.
I ran until my lungs felt like they'd been doused in gas and set on fire.
I wasn’t sure why I was still moving.
He was long gone by now, but I couldn’t give up.
I couldn’t stop my feet from chasing after him.
Desperation swirled inside of me, an emotion I knew oh too well.
I ran.
And I ran.
I ran until I turned a corner and saw a faint set of car lights in the distance.
My hair clung to my face, my clothes were molded to my skin. I was drenched from head to toe, body growing weary, but my heart was roaring inside of me, driving me forward, screaming at me to move my ass.
I couldn’t feel my toes. Blisters were forming on the heels of my feet but the image of Hunter's face in my mind pushed me forward.
I ran straight past the gates at the entrance of Noah and Teagan's property and north in the direction of The Hill.
Finally, when I couldn’t take a single step more, I leaned over and placed my hands on my thighs, breathing hard on the side of the road.
Rain continued to drench me, unrelenting and I welcomed the sting.
Breathless and panting, I forced myself to straighten my spine, and even though I didn’t have an ounce of energy left inside of my body, I continued to put one foot in front of the other.
I wasn’t sure why I was still moving.
He was long gone by now, but I couldn’t give up.
I couldn’t stop my feet from chasing after him.
This was probably the dumbest thing I could do considering I had a tiny bean-sized intruder residing inside of my womb, but what could I do?
So I walked.
And I walked.
And I walked until I turned a corner and saw a faint set of dipped headlights in the distance, coming towards me.
What I had thought was a car turned out to be a truck.
A black truck.
A Ford Explorer.
Wrapping my arms around my stomach, I shivered violently, and watched as the truck came to a sudden halt on the side of the road about fifty yards up the road from where I was standing.
The hazard lights came on and then the driver's side door flew open.
"Hope? Is that you?" Hunter called out to me in the darkness. "What the fuck are you doing?"
"I love you," I called out, my pace quickening to a half run, half stumble. "Oh god…"
"What?" I could hear him running towards me, the pounding of feet on the concrete getting louder and louder.
"I said I love you!" I screamed at the top of my lungs seconds before he came into sight. "I'm so in love with you!" I bit out just as his arms enveloped my body. "I love you. I love you. Oh god, I love you..."
"Are you insane?" Cupping my face in his hands, he looked down at me. "Are you fucking crazy?"
I shook my head and curled my fingers around the fabric of his shirt. "You came back." My whole body shook violently as I looked up at his face. "You were coming back, right?"
"Yeah," he confirmed, tone gruff. "I was almost to my apartment when I remembered something. I don’t run from my problems."
"Is th-that wh-what I am to you?" My teeth chattered as my entire body shivered from the cold. "A pr-problem?"
"When you're running around the roads in a storm like a drowned kitten, then yeah. You absolutely are," he countered heatedly without a hint of hesitation. "You are one huge, mother fucking complication in my life, Hope Carter."
"Take me back," I begged. "Please don’t… please just keep loving me."
"What are you trying to do to me?" he choked out, blue eyes burning into my soul. He exhaled a ragged breath and wiped the rain from my face with his thumbs. "You told me you didn’t want this…" his words broke off and he looked up to the sky and then back at me. "You went back to him."
"I know." I nodded, pressing my cheek into his touch. "I'm sorry."
"Fuck, what do you want from me, HC?" he groaned, voice pained and thick with emotion. "I don’t… I can't… Goddamn, you confuse the hell out of me…"
"I want you to keep me." Reaching up, I wrapped my arms around his neck and whispered, "I want you to love me even when I'm not lovable." My heart was racing so hard in my chest I feared he could feel it. "And I want you to forgive me when I make hideous mistakes, and believe me when I tell you that all I've been trying to do is keep you safe." Shivering, I whispered, "I want you to take me back."
"Don’t ask me to take you back when I never let you go in the first place."
"But you –"
"Being mad at you doesn’t mean I stopped loving you."
"I just –"
"Ah, fuck, come on," Hunter interrupted. "We're drowning out here." With his hand pressed to my lower back, he hurried us back to his truck. Yanking open the passenger door, he waved his hand and growled, "Get in."
Grateful, I climbed inside and watched him run around to the driver's side. "Someone should have warned me about you," Hunter grumbled when he was sitting inside. "You've got a goddamn death wish." He reached forward and switched on the heater full blast, causing me to groan in relief when the warm blast of air hit me in the face. "Do you know how stupid that was?" he demanded, turning in his seat to face me. "Running around in the dark on your own when that bastard is still on the loose?"
"I didn’t think," I admitted, mortified now.
"You never think," Hunter hissed, eyes flashing with fury. He blew into his hands then and rubbed them together in a fast movement. "That's the problem."
He was mad.
Really mad.
"I couldn’t let you leave again," I explained, feeling a flush of heat on my face.
"You had no problem letting me leave last time," he shot back, unyielding.
"That's not fair," I shot back. "You don’t know my reasons."
"Here's what I know, Hope," Hunter replied, tone heated and angry. "I've been straight with you from day one. When I told you I liked you, I meant it. When I told you I wanted you, I meant it. And when I fell in love with you and told you, I meant it." Releasing a huge, pained sigh, he shook his head before adding, "I still mean it. You should know by now that I mean what I say, and I say what I goddamn mean."
"Yeah," I strangled out. "I think you are the definition of that particular statement."
"But you?" he countered. "I never goddamn know where I stand with you. You love me today, but you'll turn right around and love him tomorrow."
"Hunter, that is not true," I cried. "Maybe it was in the beginning, but not anymore."
He turned his face away and stared straight ahead at the darkness. "It's always the same."
His words fell from his lips in a pained whisper and it broke me.
Cracked me clean open.
"I love you," I told him, and prayed that he would hear me. "I am sitting here in this truck like a drowned rat because I was so fucking scared of losing you, that I ran! Ran, Hunter. Me." Blowing out a breath, I steadied my nerves and said, "You are the only person I want to be with," I choked out. "You. Not Jordan or anyone else. Just you." Shrugging helplessly, I reached over and placed my hand on his jean-clad thigh.
He tried to pull away, but I wouldn’t give in.
If he left now, he was going to have to take me with him.
"Please believe me when I tell you that I love you…when I tell you that you are the only person I want to be with."
Shaking his head, Hunter ran a hand through his hair and roared, "But it's never gonna be enough for you because I'm not him!"
"You're wrong." I shook my head, vehemently denying his words. "He's never going to be enough for me because he's not you!"
"And tomorrow?" he shot back, tone laced with hurt. "Will he be enough for you then? When I'm driving you back to him?"
"I won't be going back."
"And if you do?" Hunter pressed, jaw clenched. "What happens then?"
I felt him tense beneath my touch. "And if you change your mind in the morning?"
My heart broke for him.
He didn’t believe me and I didn’t blame him.
I'd messed him around too many times in the past for him to take my words for face value.
Pain laced his voice, as the heat from his gaze rendered me motionless. "What happens to me?"
"Jordan and I are over," I said, interrupting whatever he had been attempting to say, needing to get this off my chest. "We've been over for a very long time…I just didn’t realize it until I met you."
Hunter shook his head. "You say that now –"
"I have never been more serious about anything in my life," I choked out. "I might be a slow learner, and screw things up to the maximum, but you have to believe me when I tell you that my intentions have always been good." Shaking my head, I implored him to hear my words. "And I'm here now, with a trunk full of clothes, and nowhere to go." Shivering, I reached over and placed my hand on his knee. "And I guess I'm just hoping that the only person I want to be with still wants me."
"Bullshit," Hunter snarled, not giving an inch. "He wasn’t me when you were running back to him. That wasn’t me you spent the past two fucking months shacked up and playing house with."
"It was nothing like that," I hissed desperately. I knew I deserved his anger, but that didn’t mean that it didn’t hurt. "You're making it sound like I wanted to be there –"
"Well nobody held a fucking gun to your head, Hope," he shot back. "You walked back into that house of your own goddamn accord, sweetheart." He released a growl and rubbed his jaw with his hand. "Do you know how that felt? Watching you walk away from me, and knowing there wasn’t a damn thing I could do to change your mind? Laying it all out there for you – again. Only to be rejected – again. It fucking killed me, Hope," Hunter bit out through clenched teeth, chest heaving, as he stared clean into my soul. "You tell me you love me, but you love him more, right? You want me, but he's more important to you? You can't break his goddamn heart, but it's okay to break mine?"
He was hurting, and I was – just like I always seemed to be – the one to blame.
I wasn’t used to hurting people.
I never intended to become this cruel monster. It was a version of myself I would have preferred to keep hidden.
But I hated myself for what I had become and the horrible pain I was inflicting on him.
Only the truth could set us both free now.
"You're absolutely right, Hunter. There was no gun to my head," I spat, crying hard now. "Just your future!"
His head snapped towards me. "Come again?"
I shook my head and released a broken sob.
"Hope." His voice was softer now, the aggression gone. "Talk to me."
"He saw you, Hunter!" Shaking, I reached up and wiped my cheeks with my hands. "That night at my parents' house?" I forced myself to look at him. "Jordan saw you with the body."