Hope
I woke when dawn broke this morning, bringing with it a stream of sunlight through Hunter's ginormous bedroom window, and just laid on my side for hours, watching him sleep. He was magnificently naked and disappointingly face down on the mattress, with a pillow tucked under his arm, face turned towards me.
All my life I had been surrounded by strong men.
I had been raised by the strongest man I had ever known, and, because of that, I had in turn, grown into what I hoped was a strong, independent female.
But sometimes I wanted to fall apart.
I wanted to wilt and crumble.
Sometimes I wanted to be fragile.
And then other days, I wanted to throw on a cape and take on the world.
I could be that way with Hunter.
He accepted all sides of my heart – every version of me.
And I wanted to be with him.
A man so strong and self-assured.
A man who would pick me up when I faltered and wavered.
A man who I could lean on when I was feeling weak and tired.
A man who would walk through fire for me, then throw me an alibi, and drive the getaway car I needed when it was time to escape.
The strength inside of him was tempting to a woman like me.
Every time I looked at him, the lyrics of Alanis Morisette's song Head Over Feet floated through my mind.
I had well and truly fallen head over feet for Hunter Casarazzi, and it was all his fault.
It was alarming how fast I had fallen for this man, and how quickly he had managed to erase two decades of unconditional love. He had replaced the only man who had ever held claim to my heart, and had taken up immediate and permanent residency on the throne of my soul.
I wasn’t proud of myself for it, but that's what happened.
I studied and memorized every part of him, right down to the thick, lush lashes fanning his cheeks, the carefully trimmed stubble on his face, and the way his lips parted ever so slightly. He didn’t snore or jerk around and kick.
In fact, he barely made a move at all.
With the exception of his ribcage rising and falling slowly, it was like sleeping alongside a ghost. Oddly peaceful.
But the strangest part of sleeping with Hunter was what happened when I touched him.
He didn’t lash out or tense like I was used to.
He groaned in appreciation and shifted closer.
"Hi," I whispered, with a rapidly rising heartbeat, when his eyelids fluttered open several hours later.
"Morning, sweetheart." His voice was thick from sleep, but his blue eyes were warm. He looked so pleased to see me that it made me ache. I wasn’t used to being looked at like this.
Unable to stop myself, I reached over and smoothed his hair, pushing it out of his eyes. "See?" I whispered, covering his warm cheek with my hand. "You're awake, and I'm still here."
I was rewarded with a smile so beautiful, it caused me physical pain.
He was just so dark, so twisted and dangerous, and I was hooked.
Because the heart inside of the man – the soul?
It sang to me.
He was singing the words of a song my soul seemed to know, seemed to remember from what felt like an eternity of past lives. I'd gotten things so very wrong. I should have waited for him. Falling in love with him was the sink my father always spoke about. It was the final drop. There was no coming back from it. The connection between us was unbreakable, and god knows I had tried to break it.
Before I met Hunter, I never truly knew how selfish love could make a person behave.
Now I knew.
My love for him transformed me into a stranger – even to myself.
I found myself stepping over relationships and family to be with the one my heart desired.
It was a hard pill to swallow.
But the pull?
It was indescribable.
It was like an invisible chord linking us together. Regardless of the pain and the consequences, I allowed myself to be pulled towards him.
I couldn’t fight it, the attraction, the way my soul screamed out for his, sated only when he was with me. Nothing less would do. I didn’t think anyone could understand it; my feelings for him – the undeniable lure I felt towards him.
Rolling onto his back, Hunter reached over and pulled me onto his lap. "Yes, you are," he chuckled, settling me down on his hips so that I was straddling him. I could feel the hard ridge of his cock pressing against my inner thigh, grazing my pubic bone, and it made me ridiculously wet. He was big and thick and he made my clit pulse with need.
Until two days ago, everything I knew about the male body had been through books, porn, and television. With the exception of the night I lost my virginity nine years ago, and that awful night with Jordan last month, I had no fucking clue.
How pathetic was that?
To be closing in on my thirties and be so unfamiliar with the male body.
"Goddamn," Hunter purred, tilting his hips so that I fell forward a little. "What a fucking sight to wake up to."
I, too, was naked, and now mortified as the cool light of day shone through the window, showing me in the rawest of forms. I had a hard-enough time accepting my body without the added bruises smearing my skin.
Dammit, sometimes I really wished I lived inside a Snapchat filter. I bossed those filters. Real daylight, on the other hand, was not my friend.
When I moved to wrap the sheet around me, he tossed it away, exposing the mess we'd made last night.
"Don’t, HC," he ordered, tone gruff and husky. "You're too fucking gorgeous to be hidden behind oversized clothes and comforters." He trailed his hands up my stomach, over my breasts and then down my sides, finally resting them on my hips. "Fucking perfect," he told me.
"Even with this?" I asked, forcing a small laugh, as I gestured to my face.
Hunter shifted beneath me. Sitting up, he wrapped one arm around my back, he grabbed my face and kissed me hard. The kiss was one of the earth-shattering kind I wrote about in my books.
"You think I see you different?" he demanded when he broke the kiss, clutching my chin in his hand. When I didn’t respond, he continued, "You think I'm that superficial?"
"It's not great, is it?" was all I could muster together.
"You," he growled and pressed a kiss to my cheek. "Are fucking beautiful."
"No, I'm not –"
He kissed my face again. "Beautiful."
"How is this scar in any way good –"
"Beautiful," he interrupted before trailing his lips over my cheek.
"You don’t have to keep saying –"
"Beautiful," he repeated, pressing another kiss to my face.
"Are you going to keep on doing that?" I asked with a wry smile.
"That depends," he shot back with a smirk. "Are you gonna keep on denying it?"
"I just know what I look like now–"
"Beautiful," he interrupted, pressing a loud and noisy kiss to my face once more.
"Fine," I sighed with a shake of my head. "You win."
"And you are?" he asked.
"Are you being serious?"
"Say it, sweetheart."
"Fine." I rolled my eyes and threw my hands up. "I'm beautiful."
"Damn fucking straight you are," he growled. He pressed a hard kiss to my lips before flopping back down on the pillow and grinning. "And don’t let me catch you saying anything different."
Stifling an aroused groan, I leaned forward and pressed my lips to his. Cupping his face, I continued to kiss him deeply, plunging my tongue into his mouth and reveling in delight when his snaked out to duel against mine.
I felt him lift my hips upwards and I went willingly, only to release a breathy moan of pleasure when I felt his cock press against my pussy.
Thrusting lazily into my body, Hunter tugged my hips downwards at the same time that he thrust upwards, pressing inside me so deeply I could feel the pressure low in my belly.
Frantic for the taste of him, I buried my hands in his hair and kissed him hungrily as our bodies moved together. His body moving with skill and control. My moves were both clumsy and desperate. But he didn’t seem to notice, and I was too aroused to care.
One moment I was on top of him, and the next I was beneath him. Sprawled out on the flat of my back with his lips still on mine, and his cock still buried inside me, I titled my hips upward, spreading myself as open as I could, desperate to feel everything he had to offer.
I was moaning so loudly, writhing in so much fricking pleasure, that I barely heard Hunter when he asked, "You got a prescription, sweetheart?" his voice a breathless pant, as he continued to pump into me.
"A what?"
"The pill," Hunter groaned, slamming himself inside my body. "We covered?"
"Oh." Heat flamed my face. "Um, no, I'm not."
He paused mid-thrust, causing me to cry out in frustration. "Fuck, Hunter," I breathed, clawing at his hips, desperate to resume the achingly perfect friction. "Don’t do this to me."
"You want my babies inside you, HC?" He arched a brow, eyes locked on mine, as he hovered above me. "Because that's what's gonna happen if we keep fucking around like this."
"Dammit," I panted, chest heaving. Letting my head flop down on the pillow, I muttered a string of curses under my breath. He was right. Dammit, of course he was right.
"Hey, I'm down for whatever," he shot back with a flirty smile. He rolled his hips again and I cried out as the addictive sensation jolted through my core. "But I gotta warn you now; if you're growing my child in your belly, you won't be wearing his ring on your finger."
"Already told you a million times," I breathed, head falling back on the pillow, as a tremor of pleasure teased my clit. "I'm leaving…oh god…him."
"I'm clean," Hunter bit out as a vein in his forehead throbbed. "Got tested last year. Back when I thought we were gonna make a go of it…"
"Really?" I cried out as I reached up and wrapped my arms around his neck. "You did that for me?"
"Yeah, sweetheart," he growled, not breaking his stride. He pressed a kiss to my lips and said, "I haven't been with anyone since then, and I've never gone bareback until you."
"I've only been with Jordan, and he used condoms both times," I whispered, feeling like I needed to lay it all out there for him. "And I know that he's completely clean…. gets mandatory testing at the hospital…It's in his work contract."
"Fuck," Hunter hissed, stilling inside of me. "I really fucking wish you hadn't told me that."
"I'm yours now," I promised, pulling his body down on mine, and thrusting my hips upward. "Only yours."
"Christ, I can feel you sucking me in," he groaned, fucking resumed. "Goddamn, HC. You're so fucking tight, it hurts…"
My fingernails dug deep into his flesh, marking his shoulders, but I couldn’t help it. I was so fucking close.
Tiny ripples of pleasure were shooting directly from my core to my clit, spiraling my body into a trembling mess of nerves beneath him.
Every time Hunter thrust into me, the walls of my pussy clenched around his cock, causing us both to groan in a pained pleasure as we chased our orgasms.
The sensation was unbearable and addictive all rolled into one, and when I finally came around him, sending him off with me, it was the most explosive I had ever experienced.