Hope
Blood.
Death.
Pain.
Three words that meant more to me now in this moment than ever before.
The smell was all around me as I stood in the middle of a crime scene with my lover's arms wrapped around me.
My lover, the killer.
My protector.
He stood tall, strong, and the embodiment of masculine virility, looking at me like I might run at any minute.
Like what he had done in this kitchen had somehow changed my feelings for him.
It had.
Whatever I had once felt for the man was unequivocally deeper now.
The love I had for him had multiplied beyond epic proportions.
He was trying to leave me – trying to take himself away from me. That was all I could see, all I could hear, and I refused to allow that to happen.
My heart, broken and battered as it was, refused to sit back and watch this man leave my life. Not when it was suddenly clear to me what a pivotal role he played in it.
He would do it.
I had no doubt about that.
The man was willing to hand himself into the cops.
Because he thought it would keep me safe.
I was not going to let that happen.
Handcuffs and orange jumpsuits.
That was all I could see.
It was all I could envision for his future and the thought broke me.
What little of the wall still standing around my heart fell away and crumbled in an instant, exposing the ugly realization that somewhere deep down inside I had known all along.
I couldn’t lose this man.
I couldn’t.
The thought made me want to claw my eyes out.
My body was on fire.
Pain laced through me.
Everything I had gone through tonight should have been enough to knock me on my ass, but there was only one thought in my mind; keep him safe.
My heart demanded it.
Maybe I wasn’t having the standard reaction to having just witnessed a murder, but I didn’t care. He was here, standing over me, protecting me like a lion, and I had never felt more.
He stood over the body of the man that mere minutes ago was alive and seconds away from raping me.
The savage, ruthless side to Hunter I had been exposed to didn’t make my feelings dwindle, either.
There was no going back now.
For either of us.
His lonesome, blue-eyed expression as he looked at me was my breaking point.
I could love him the rest of my life and never deserve him.
Emotions ripped me open as I stood in the middle of the blood and the horror with my gaze firmly on him.
As for feelings?
I was drowning in them.
Anger, hurt, pain, and gratitude were all flooding me, but the most predominant emotion of all was the overwhelming amount of love in my heart I was feeling for the man in front of me.
It was threatening to consume me, and just like a pressurized dam, every moment, sensation, and emotion I had bottled up this past year burst clean open from the weight of my feelings, as they poured out of me, directed entirely towards him.
"You need a doctor," he continued to say over and over, voice torn, eyes locked on my face.
"I need you," I choked out, though it was hard to speak, as I clung to his body for dear life, thanking god for that message I sent him tonight telling him where I was. I was so grateful that he hadn't given me the space I had asked him for. "You saved me…saved my life!"
"Hope, I can't fix this, baby. You need a doc–"
"You, Hunter," I hissed. "Just you." I didn’t need a doctor, or maybe I did and just didn’t care anymore, but whatever the reason, his touch was grounding me. His presence alone was keeping my sanity intact.
All of my previous fears and insecurities seemed so stupid to me now – so unimportant and shallow.
I had spent too long lying to myself and denying what I truly felt inside. After what had just happened, and how close I had come to death, I was through with the lies and the pretenses. I was through with hiding who I was and what I felt.
"Don’t leave me…please don’t make me leave you," I strangled out, trying to pull him away, though I wasn’t sure where. I just needed him to come with me, wherever that was.
"I'm not going anywhere, HC," Hunter promised, pulling me into his arms. "I'm right here."
He pressed a kiss to my hair and jerked his head back when I whimpered in pain.
"Your scalp is bleeding," he deadpanned, body tensing up as his face turned a darker shade of red. An explosive snarl of pure rage tore through him then, causing us both to physically vibrate. "Mother fucker!"
Fear of the anger rising back up in him and what he might do, and desperate for his touch, I dragged his face down to mine, kissing him hard.
I needed this.
Him.
I needed the feel of a man who loved me.
After what I'd just experienced, I knew Hunter's touch was the only touch that could erase the feel of him.
Maybe I wasn’t handling this in the appropriate way, in the way other women would, but I needed this. I needed Hunter to replace the dirtiness.
"Hope," Hunter croaked out, gently pulling away. "No, baby." Holding my face between his hands, his brows furrowed as he stared down at my face in pained confusion. "You just… and we don’t… fuck, I can't do..."
"Be with me," I begged interrupting his feeble protests, tears spilling down my cheeks, mixing with the blood caked on my flesh. "Please…just be with me, Hunter."
"You don’t need to do this," he bit out, jaw clenched tightly. "Not for –"
Silencing him, I pulled his face back down to mine and pressed my mouth to his.
"You're bleeding," he groaned, not taking his mouth from mine.
"I don’t care," I cried out, tasting the salty, coppery remnants of blood. "I need this." With my fingers knotted roughly in his hair, I yanked down hard. "I need you."
I watched him watch me for the longest moment, blue eyes scorching into mine, looking for the uncertainty I knew he wouldn’t find.
I heard a pained growl ripple from somewhere deep inside of him moments before his lips came crashing down on mine, followed by his hands on my body as he hoisted me into his arms – his loving arms.
We slip-stumbled out of the kitchen, through the hallway and up my parents' staircase, all while never breaking the kiss, completely joined together in a fucked-up cocoon of passion, violence, grief and pain.
I was crying and bleeding and aching all over, but I needed him, dammit.
I needed this.
What he was giving to me in this moment?
My choice.
I was choosing this.
Choosing him.
I had always chosen him.
I just hadn't realized it.
Until tonight.
Knocking the bathroom door inwards with his shoulder, Hunter carried me inside, chest heaving, body trembling, lips on mine.
I knew whatever he was feeling in this moment, I was feeling too. This pain; this unbearable grief, and yet sudden and desperate feeling of gratitude for being alive and together.
I felt it all.
Setting me down outside the shower, he reached inside and switched on the water before turning his attention to his clothes.
Meanwhile, I sagged against the glass door of the shower and watched his every move as he toed off his blood splattered boots and socks, kicking them to the far end of the bathroom.
Next came his shirt that had been white in a previous life, but was now crimson and stained in secrets. It was only when his jeans and boxers were lying in a pile at his feet, and he stood before me naked, that I realized what I was dealing with.
Someone dangerous.
Someone a woman like me should run from.
I didn’t.
The stench of death all around us, and the blood splattered on his body – on his hands – wasn’t enough to stop me from going to him.
His eyes never left mine as he carefully peeled his hoodie over my head before brushing my hair back over my shoulders.
Reaching out, I pressed my hand to his chest, feeling his heart hammer violently against his tattooed flesh. Instantly, he flexed and stiffened beneath my touch.
Stepping backwards into the shower, I willed him to follow me.
The bite of the piping hot water on my skin was a welcoming sensation.
"I shouldn’t be doing this," Hunter choked out, voice tight and low. His big body sagged as he exhaled a ragged breath, head bowing. "You shouldn’t be here…with me –"
Taking a hold of his hand, I tugged him inside the shower, then closed the space between us so that my body was flush to his, water cascading down on us. "This is where I want to be," I whispered.
My response caused another sigh of pain to escape him. "I need to take you to –"
"This is where I want to be," I repeated, interrupting his plea. I wasn’t leaving him. Not tonight. "Don’t send me away."
I heard his stifled groan seconds before he began to wash me, his urgency proof of his desperation to clean me…to wash this away for me.
To make this better.
Thing was, I didn’t want it gone for me if it wasn’t gone for him, too.
His hand cupped my neck, his eyes burning with heat as he stared hard at my cheek. "I am going to hunt him down," Hunter promised, his voice low and deceptively soft.
Blood dripped from his flesh as he stood motionless beneath the shower head, water cascading down his impressive naked form. He kept his eyes on me as the water washed away the evidence of his crimes – the proof of his love for me.
"Him and every last person involved in this." He trailed his finger down my cheek for emphasis. "And when I find him?"
Leaning down, Hunter pressed a soft kiss to my bruised eyelid. "When I flush him out?" His lips moved to hover over my cheek. "I am going to kill him slowly."
Hunter's threat sent a shiver down my spine.
Because I believed him.
Every word.
He paused to press a tender kiss to my bloodied flesh. "He will know exactly how you felt tonight."
Lovingly, he trailed kisses down my marred cheek; his gentle touch a stark contrast to his violent promises. "He will die roaring and begging me for mercy."
His hands came around my middle, caressing my naked skin with such tenderness I could hardly stand it. "And he will receive from me the exact same mercy he showed you."
A pained sob tore from my mouth, the memories and vivid images of what happened tonight too much to bear.
Hunter soothed my pain with his lips, taking my breath away with a kiss so fierce, it ricocheted right down to my core.
Trembling, I poured all that was left of me into our kiss, into him, sealing my fate with his – joining our souls.
His hands were on my face, fingers knotted in my hair, as he kissed me like it was the last time he ever would. Hungrily, I accepted his passionate onslaught, needing the feel of him just as desperately as he did.
This wasn’t foreplay or teasing.
This was need.
"I love you, HC." His words were a breathless pant against my lips. "So fucking much."
I opened my mouth and whispered, "Hunter, I –" before he quickly cut me off.
"Don’t say it back now," he warned, crowding my body with his, blue eyes burning into the deepest point of my soul. "Not tonight."
I knew exactly why he said that and it made my heart ache.
If I said it now, he would mistake my love for gratitude. It wouldn’t mean shit to him. Not after walking away from him today. Not after throwing his love back in his face and running out of his apartment like the frightened little girl I was.
He wouldn’t believe the truth in my heart.
Not tonight, at least.
So, I placed my hands on his narrow hips and tugged his body to mine. "Fill me up," I whispered instead. I needed to claim the man who loved me more than anyone else. The man who had potentially sacrificed his freedom to keep me safe. "I need you inside me tonight." Leaning forward, I pressed a kiss to the skin covering his heart and added, "Just you."
And then I was being hoisted into his strong arms.
Without thinking twice about it, I wrapped my legs around his waist and cried out in pleasure as he pushed inside me, filling me deeply.
He pressed into my body, filling me to the point of pain. He was so big, my body struggled to adjust.
But I did, and I reveled in the burn as he plunged inside me, moving deeper, demanding more from my body than I knew I was able to give.
But I gave it to him anyway.
Unable to speak the words on the tip of my tongue, I used my body to sate the need inside of him – to show him.
Thrusting my hips upward, I gave him everything I had left to give.
It was a frantic frenzy of sex, pain, and need. I was aching everywhere.
No part of my body had gone unscathed – untouched.
I needed it to be gone.
I needed Hunter to replace it.
And like every day since we first met, he gave me exactly what I wanted.