Jordan
Falling off the wagon had been a mistake.
Waking up in hospital with my head in pieces, having wrapped my bike around a tree had been proof enough of that.
I'd lain awake all night thinking about the mistakes I'd made.
Of the choices I'd made that had led to the path of most destruction.
And how badly I screwed up.
This morning, when I signed myself out of hospital, I had made myself a promise that it was only a slip. I swore to myself that I would never give another human the power to derail my recovery again.
I would get my ass to a meeting.
I would do whatever it took to not go back there.
But those promises vanished from my mind the minute I passed the liquor store four blocks from my house. Thoroughly disgusted with myself, I had paid the cab driver there and then before jumping out of the cab in the direction of the top shelf bourbon.
I was really fucking glad for the whiskey in my veins when I walked into my house and saw them together.
He had his arm around her shoulder.
She was clinging to him.
Wanting his touch.
The pain in my head was nothing compared to the pain in my chest, and suddenly, I didn’t give a shit about my recovery.
I didn’t feel the need to try.
I was empty.
I watched Hope watch me; her guilt-ridden blue eyes waiting for my reaction.
Waiting for my response to her betrayal.
"Jordan, I'm so sorry," Hope began to say, but I couldn’t hear it.
Not with a goddamn audience around us.
Not with him.
She had the good grace to separate herself from him and hurry towards me. "I never meant for this to happen…" Tears were spilling down her cheeks, making me aware of the horrific looking scar on her face. I wasn’t surprised by the black eye she was sporting either.
Screwing around with a man as violent as him was going to get her a lot worse than a cut on her face.
"Leave," was the only word that came from my mouth, and it was directed entirely at the piece of shit trying to take my wife from me.
I had plans for him.
No amount of whiskey could distract me from what I had witnessed last night.
And no amount of hatred I felt for Hope could sway me from the need I had inside my heart to protect her.
From him.
When he made no move to leave, I roared, "Get the fuck out of my house!"
"Hunter," Hope whispered, turning her back to me. "It's okay…I've got this."
I watched him stare at my wife.
"You sure?" he finally bit out, jaw clenched.
When Hope nodded her head, he released a low growl before stalking past us.
"Hurt her and I'll end you," he snarled before throwing my front door open and stalking out of the house.
Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed Annie standing in the kitchen. "I need you to not be here right now," I bit out.
Hurt etched across her face. "Jay, " she choked out. "I want to su–"
"I need to be alone with my wife," I cut her off by saying. "Please."
Not waiting to hear my best friend's response, I placed my hand on the banister and walked up the staircase, not stopping until I was safe inside the confines of my own room. The sound of an extra pair of footsteps told me that Hope was following me.
I wasn’t sure if I was happy about that or not.
Fuck, my head was splitting in two.
I felt completely detached from everything and everyone around me.
"Jordan," Hope whispered, closing my bedroom door behind her. "I am so sorry."
"How long?" I asked flatly, keeping my back to her.
I couldn’t look at her right now.
I was in too much pain.
"Jord –"
"How fucking long, Hope?" I roared, clenching my fists. "How long!"
"We didn’t have se…I didn’t act on…Nothing physical happened until my birthday," she finally answered, voice small and quivering. "I swear I was going to tell you today. I came here to talk to you about it."
Pain.
Pain.
Fucking pain.
"And emotionally?" I demanded, feeling my body heat up rapidly.
"Months," she whispered. "More."
"More?"
"I didn’t plan any of this. It just sort of… happened."
"You just sort of fell into his bed?" I snarled. "You just sort of had sex with him?"
"Please don’t…"
"No, I think I deserve to have my say on this."
"What do you want me to say?" she whispered.
"I want you to explain yourself, Hope."
"I don’t have an explanation," she choked out. "It's all true."
"Why aren’t you trying to save this?"
"Because I don’t want to… save this, that is."
"Are you leaving me?" I forced myself to ask, though her answer was the thing I dreaded most.
"Jordan," she sobbed. "I never meant to hurt you."
Swinging around to face her, I repeated, "Are you leaving me for him?" My whole body was shaking. A million different emotions were crashing through me, but the one I clung to was the familiar one. Anger. "It's a simple question, Hope," I spat. "Yes or no."
"Yes," she squeezed out, delivering the final blow to my heart.
Feeling like my windpipe was crushing, I continued to force the truth out of my mouth. She needed to hear it. She needed to know how pivotal she was to my existence. "I need you in my life, Hope."
"Jord…" her voice broke off as she shook her head. "I'm sorry."
"Don’t leave me," I whispered as panic clawed at my gut. The thought of losing her to him caused the desperation inside of me to peak. "I'll do better… Please, don’t give up on me."
Shuddering, she exhaled a sigh. "I'm sorry."
"Stop saying you're sorry!" I roared desperately. "Just…just say you'll give us another chance." Fear clouded my vision, making it impossible to think clearly. All I could see was her leaving. I couldn’t handle it.
I couldn’t.
"I'm not her, Jordan," Hope choked out, confusing me. With tear-filled eyes, she looked up at me for what felt like the first time in an age and said, "You once told me that the boy I loved was dead?" Chewing on her bottom lip, she blinked away her tears before squeezing out, "It's the same for me. The girl I used to be is gone… I'm not her anymore."
This was it.
The final piece of the jigsaw slipping away from me.
Gone…
"We made vows."
"We did," she whispered quietly. "And you broke them first."
I gaped at her in disgust, feeling like the wind had been knocked clean out of my lungs. "You know why," I hissed. "Why I left!"
"I do, and I forgive you for it," she agreed, sobbing softly. "I hope you can do the same for me one day."
"You're giving up on me," I whispered, numb to the bone.
I'd spent so long thinking the best thing for Hope was to let me go, but now that her actually leaving was staring me in the face, I couldn’t fucking bear it.
"Don’t say it like that," Hope begged, clutching the fabric covering her chest.
"What other way is there to say it?" I snapped. "You're walking out on me. On our marriage. That's called giving up on me." I ran a hand through my hair in sheer helplessness. "You severed it, Hope," I choked out. "My heart? You ripped it apart. Shit on everything we had. Everything we were fighting for? It's gone now. Fucking ruined. Because you couldn’t wait for me."
"I'm not giving up on you," she cried hoarsely. "I'm always going to be here for you –"
"Are you serious?" I snarled, furious. "Are you honestly going to stand there and give me the 'we can still be friends' talk?" I threw my head back and roared, releasing every ounce of pain inside in my body.
But it wasn’t enough.
Not enough by half.
"You want to walk out on our marriage, then say it," I bit out, feeling that final chord to my self-control snap away. "Say the fucking words, Hope. Tell me why!"
"Don’t do this," she begged, clenching her eyes shut as tears dripped down her cheeks. "Please…"
"Say it!" I roared. "Tell me why you're leaving me!"
"Because I love him," she screamed, then covered her face in her hands. With her back pressed to the bedroom door, she sank to the floor and wept. "I'm in love with him."
"Him?" I roared, feeling the tears burn in my own eyes. "He's a fucking murderer, Hope. A bad person!"
"No," she sniffled. "He's not a bad person, Jordan. I’m the bad one in this. I'm the one with the wedding ring…" Her words broke off as a racking sob tore through her. "I'm the one to blame."
"Oh, don’t fucking worry," I managed to choke out. "My opinion of you isn’t much better right now." Breathing hard, I strived to reign in my feelings and gain some semblance of self-control. "You want to leave me? I can't stop you," I finally said. "But I sure as hell can stop you from making the biggest mistake of your life."
"Wh-what are you talking about?" she hiccupped, eyes puffy. "Stop me how?"
"I know what he did, Hope," I snarled. "I saw him cart a body out of your parents' house last night – saw you with him afterwards!" The anger, hurt, and betrayal building up inside of my body gave me the strength to say, "And I am not going to allow that to happen to you!"
I knew how it sounded and I didn’t care.
She was the girl I'd grown up loving and I would rather die than watch her fall into a life of crime with him.
She could hate me for the rest of her life, but that wouldn’t stop me from protecting her.