I reached for the coffeepot and refilled Devon’s cup. Devon, one of our regulars, worked as a truck driver for a company that made a small part for the 737 Boeing airplane. He generally stopped in two or three times a week for breakfast.
“When are you going to let me take you to dinner?” he asked, not for the first time.
Ever since I’d served him, Devon had let me know he wanted to date me. I had never accepted because I didn’t feel I was ready to have a man in my life. Drew, on the other hand, had felt safe, and we were more like friends than in a relationship. Until recently, that is. Suddenly matters between Drew and me had become more promising. I wasn’t taking anything for granted, though. Not a single thing. We’d kissed but that was it. Oh, and we sent innocent text messages back and forth a few times a day.
When it came to choosing men to invite into my life, my record wasn’t exactly stellar. I was leaving my options open and I knew Drew was, too. We weren’t serious. We liked each other and were comfortable together, but that was it. I didn’t feel I knew enough about Devon to take him seriously. A lot of the guys joked around about wanting to date me. That kind of teasing was common at the café, especially with the morning regulars.
“You should go,” Sadie said as she scooted behind me to collect an order that was up from the kitchen.
“Yeah, what’s stopping you?” Frankie called out from the kitchen as he set one of my orders out.
I groaned and glanced over my shoulder, hoping Devon wasn’t paying attention.
“Sadie. Frankie. Please,” I muttered.
Devon must have heard their comments because he quickly said, “They’re right, you know. I’m an upstanding guy. A lot of women would give their eye teeth for the opportunity to have dinner with me.”
I laughed and put the ticket for his meal on the counter. “I’ll think about it.”
“Don’t think too hard. I’m a hot commodity. A prize,” he said as he scooted off the stool and paid, leaving me a generous tip. He waggled his eyebrows at me before he left.
Once the breakfast crowd had started to thin out, Sadie approached me. “Devon’s been coming in for breakfast at the café for years. He’s a good guy. Never heard him ask any of the other servers out before now. Seems like you’ve caught his eye.”
“I…I don’t know.”
“You’ve dated that pastor guy a few times, haven’t you?” Sadie knew how I felt about Drew, especially after that one week when I’d been depressed because I thought he was dating someone else and using me as his babysitter.
While Sadie was right—I had seen a lot of Drew—they weren’t dates. “I wouldn’t call it dating as such.” It was hard to explain. “We’ve had dinner, but that was with his children, and a few other things, but that’s it. He did ask me to have lunch with him this Wednesday, just the two of us.”
Sadie frowned. “Not a good idea to put all your eggs in one basket, girl. Devon has his eye on you. The least you can do is give him a chance.”
“I’ll think about it,” I told her, and I would. Still, I wasn’t inclined to toss my ring into the game with a guy I didn’t know all that well. It was definitely something to think about, though. My one drawback was the attraction I felt for Drew. Since we’d cleared the air, my feelings for him had grown stronger. When it came to him, more and more I found my thoughts drifting down avenues that were emotionally hazardous. My one comfort was knowing he had genuine feelings for me.
Wednesday, right at noon, I met Drew at a downtown restaurant. It made sense for us to meet there rather than have him pick me up at the house. He could only afford an hour away from the church office and it would be a waste of precious minutes if he spent half that time battling the Seattle traffic, taking me to and from.
Lilly Palmer helped me choose what to wear. I wore a floor-length navy-blue-and-green plaid skirt, black boots, and a black sweater. Lilly looked me over and gave me her seal of approval.
“You look mah-va-lous, darling,” she droned, giving a passable impression of Billy Crystal. “Now go knock Drew’s socks off.”
Expelling a pent-up breath, I reached for my coat and purse and headed out the door. My morning had been spent at the center. First with Kevin, and then later with Lilly. I was eager to see Drew and share my news.
When I arrived at the restaurant, Drew already had a table. Ever the gentleman, he stood as I approached and held out my chair for me. “Wow, you look great.”
I blushed at his compliment, pleased and unable to keep from smiling. “Thanks.”
“Missed you.”
“Me, too,” I admitted.
“I talked to Kevin this morning,” I said, unable to hold it in a second longer.
“Kevin—you mean Kevin Forester at Hope Center?”
“Yes.” I’d assumed Drew would automatically know who I meant. “He told me the bookkeeper for the center is retiring in a few months and wondered if I’d be interested in applying for the job.” This was everything I had hoped for, everything I wanted.
When I’d been arrested for stealing the cash from the bank it was more than the loss of my freedom that had been taken away from me. No one was going to hire me for a position of trust after they learned of my record.
Although I continued with the accounting classes, I suspected they were a waste of time. Nevertheless, it was what I’d been drawn to. With encouragement from Lilly, who clearly knew about the bookkeeper’s retirement plans, I’d signed up for the course and had done exceedingly well.
Drew did his best to disguise a grin without much success.
Everything fell into place then. “You already knew.”
He arched his brows as if this were a game.
“Drew Douglas, not only did you already know, you’re the one who suggested my name, aren’t you?”
Leaning back and crossing his arms, he broke into a full-sized grin. “Not me, Shay. It was Lilly. I’ll confess that she talked to me and Kevin before she made the recommendation and we both thought it was a wonderful idea.”
I put my hand to my mouth and blinked back tears, hardly knowing what to say.
“Are you upset?” he asked, frowning slightly as though worried.
“No, I’m just so grateful.” That the three of them would agree and be willing to recommend me meant the world. Lilly was a good friend, the best, and her faith in me meant the world. We still met nearly every week and spoke frequently on the phone. I’d come to know her family and was grateful for her friendship.
The server came to take our order and we both asked for the seafood salad.
Once the server left the table, I continued with our conversation. “When I first came to Hope Center, Lilly asked me what my dreams were. At the time I was in a dark place and unable to see my way out of this black hole. Any dream I’d ever hoped to have had been destroyed. There was no going back.” I paused when I saw a sad look leak into Drew’s eyes. “That was how I felt at the time. Do you know what Lilly said to me?”
“Tell me,” he urged.
“She said any dream would do. And so I gave her a list of what seemed like impossible dreams that I once had before my life went to hell in a handbasket. And a funny thing started to happen. The longer we talked, the more I felt hope creeping into my heart. It astonished me to learn that all it took was a few discussions with Lilly. My hopes for the future, things I had once set in my mind, dreams that had seemed forever lost, all at once they felt real. Achievable.”
“What are your dreams, Shay?”
I felt a little silly talking to Drew about them. “Mainly I want to build a life and a future with a man who will love and cherish me. I want a home, a family. When I was in school, I enjoyed anything having to do with math. Many of my friends hated math, but I loved working with numbers. They made sense to me; I’ve always wanted a job where I could work with numbers, which made bookkeeping the perfect choice.”
My dreams were simple. What I longed for most were the same things others did, well maybe not the numbers part, but that sense of belonging, of becoming part of a family unit. I yearned to contribute to life, to making a positive difference in the world.
“What about you?” I asked.
Drew brightened and started to talk about his own dreams for the future when we were interrupted by the server who delivered our food. He paused and waited a moment before picking up the conversation again. “Actually, this is probably as good a time as any to mention this.”
That was a curious opening. “Mention what?”
“Saturday, before you arrived, I had a talk with Mark and Sarah about me dating again.”
I was afraid the bite of my salad was going to get stuck halfway down my throat. “Oh?”
“After we’d kissed, I realized I was ready. I hadn’t had any desire to get involved in a relationship, and then there was you and our kiss and all at once I was interested. More than interested.
“I loved my wife and until now the thought of dating, of seeking another life partner, held no appeal. Zilch.” He hesitated, as if he’d said too much. “Shay, I need to tell you, those kisses.” Again he paused as if he didn’t know what more to say. “Wow. They blew me away.”
I looked down but couldn’t hide the happiness that seemed to make my heart swell to twice its normal size. “I felt the same way.”
“I like you, Shay. I mean, I really like you.”
“The feeling is mutual. You have to know that.”
“I’m glad because what I say next might upset you, and that’s the last thing I want.”
This didn’t sound good. Setting aside my fork, I clasped my hands in my lap, waiting.
“My feelings for you are a bit overwhelming and I need to test them.”
“Test them?” I repeated, hardly knowing what to think. “How?” I had a bad feeling about this.
“Until I met you, until we kissed, I had no idea how lonely I’ve been. Spending time with you has been an eye-opener, but I need to know: Is it you? Is it me? Is it us? I need the answer to these questions before I can move forward.”
As far as I could tell, he was talking in circles. “What are you saying, Drew?”
He reached across the table and I gave him my hand. “I’m going to ask a couple other women out. I need to do this for my own peace of mind. That said, I want you to know it’s you I’m attracted to, you who is foremost on my mind. I don’t mean to hurt you. That would devastate me.” His eyes pleaded with me. “Please tell me you understand.”
Surprisingly, I did. Without giving my response too much thought, I said, “I appreciate that you’re being up front about this, Drew. Honesty works best with me.”
“You aren’t upset?”
“No. You’re basically the only man I’ve ever dated.” Shooter was the exact opposite of everything I wanted in a man. “I believe it’s a good idea for us both to see other people, to test this attraction we share. One of the regulars at the café has been asking me out for some time and I keep putting him off.”
“It doesn’t surprise me,” Drew admitted, frowning slightly. “Are you going to accept?”
I nodded. “Given this conversation, yes. It will be good for us both.”
Drew reached for his fork and then set it back down on the table. “Shay, I have to admit the thought of you dating another man isn’t setting right with me.” His shoulders sagged. “I feel like a hypocrite telling you that. It isn’t that I expect you to sit at home and wait while I date other women. That would be grossly unfair.”
“Yes, it would.”
He pressed his palm against his chest. “My heart is pounding so fast right now.”
“Mine is, too. It’s a good thing, Drew. We’re both new to this dating thing. Every relationship I’ve been involved in to this point has been a disaster from start to finish. You’re the first decent man I’ve ever known. Is it you? Is it me? Is it us?” I parroted his words back at him, knowing he would understand.
“When’s your first date with this other guy?” he asked, the lines around his mouth tightening.
“I don’t know. Probably this week sometime.” I wasn’t prepared to tell Drew when I went out with Devon, nor was I eager to hear the details of his dates played back for me.
The salad was a masterpiece of taste and freshness. The seafood was artfully arranged atop the lettuce and I wasn’t about to let it go to waste. I started eating and noticed it took Drew a couple minutes to follow my lead. While Drew might have assumed I’d be upset, I wasn’t. In fact, I felt good about our conversation.
He took a bite and then looked up. “Did I mention how beautiful you look this afternoon?”
“Yes, you did.” He couldn’t seem to take his eyes off me, especially now.
Wanting to change the subject, I asked him about matters involving the church.
“We’re having trouble making budget,” Drew admitted. “It’s always tough after Christmas, but it’s getting better. We need to find a way to make up the shortfall without asking the congregation for more. One of my least favorite tasks as pastor is to preach on giving.”
“Seems to me that’s God’s problem, not yours,” I told him.
Drew gave me the oddest look and then burst out laughing. “You’re right, so right. I’ve been stewing about this for weeks. One of the elders suggested we rent out the apartment that’s in the church basement, but it hasn’t been used in years and is full of storage. I vetoed that idea.” He sighed and looked up heavenward. “All right, God, I’m giving this back to You. This is Your church, not mine, and therefore the budget shortfall is Your problem.”
I’d always admired the free-flowing conversational style of prayer Drew had with God.
“Thank you, Shay. I feel better already.”
“You’re welcome. Now enjoy your salad.” I was certainly enjoying mine.
As we continued talking, the subject turned to Mark and Sarah. Drew had no trouble discussing his children. I learned that he’d signed Mark up for karate classes but his son hadn’t taken well to the sport. “Mark told me Monday afternoon that he doesn’t want to go any longer.”
“Are you going to let him quit?” I asked, unsure how I would handle the situation. I didn’t see Mark as a quitter and for him to want out of the class told me he was utterly miserable.
Drew shrugged as if he wasn’t entirely sure what to do, either. “I don’t want to force Mark to attend. He clearly isn’t enjoying himself. I’d hoped he’d take to it, but I should have realized he’s an indoor kid. He never has been physically active. I don’t want him to feel like I’m disappointed in him because he’d rather be a member of the chess club than play basketball.”
“He’s really smart, Drew.” I was probably telling him what he already knew about his own son. “Did you know he’s completed that mathematical puzzle book I got him at Christmas? He told me they were all easy, but those story problems were anything but. They challenged me.”
“He used his allowance to buy more,” Drew told me, grinning proudly. “Sarah is just the opposite. She does fine in the grades department, but she loves being outside. She does have an interest in learning how to bake cookies, though. Do you think you could manage to spend time with her on your next day off?”
“I’ll see what I can arrange,” I told him. When it came to Drew’s children, I loved them already.
All too soon our hour was up. Drew reached for my hand as we left the restaurant. Warmth crept up my arm at his touch. I walked with him part of the way.
“I don’t want to leave you,” he said, voicing my own thoughts.
“I know.” I was feeling much the same.
“Any chance we could meet up later in the week?” he asked.
Seeing that I was determined to accept Devon’s dinner invite, I wasn’t sure what to tell him. “I’ll let you know. Sound good?”
“No.” He raised our clasped hands to his lips and kissed the back of my hand. His eyes bored into mine. “I hope you know that I’d give just about anything to be able to kiss you right now.”
I knew the feeling because I felt the same powerful urge.
“I’ll call you,” he whispered. “And I’ll make it soon.”
“Okay.”
He released my hand, and while still facing me, retreated two steps. “I’ll be in touch.”
Rather than respond verbally, I nodded.
My mind was working at the speed of light as I headed back to my small house to get ready for my classes. I’d finished my homework long before to distract myself from thoughts of Drew and him seeing other women and me accepting a date from Devon. Caught up in my thoughts, it took a moment to realize the buzzing sound coming from my pocket was my phone. A glance at caller ID told me it was Lilly.
“Hey,” I said, happy to hear from her. “I had lunch with Drew earlier and he mentioned that you—”
“Shay.”
Just the way she said my name, cutting me off, told me something was wrong.
“Have you had the news on?”
“Ah…no. What’s the problem?” My thoughts immediately went to my brother. He’d been found dead or arrested for a heinous crime. Caden was on a path I was determined to avoid, but I still cared what might have happened to him.
“There’s been a computer glitch in the prison system,” Lilly said, her voice tight with concern. “Over a hundred felons have mistakenly been set free.”
My entire body froze and I was barely able to get out the words. “Is…is there a list of names?”
“Yes.”
I held my breath, waiting for her to continue.
“The name you mentioned, the one you called Shooter.”
“Was someone with that name released?”
“Yes.”
My eyes slammed shut. No, this couldn’t be happening.
“I thought you should know right away and take precautions.”
Letting go of a long, slow breath, I forced the tension from my shoulders. “I’ll be fine,” I said with a false sense of bravado. “Shooter will have more on his mind than finding me. We haven’t been in contact for years. There’s no reason for me to think he’ll come looking for me.”
“You need to be careful, though.”
“Of course.”
“I mean it, Shay.”
“I know.” Again, I did my best to sound confident, convincing Lilly that I had nothing to fear from Shooter.
I only hoped I was right.