Following the events of the early-morning hours, I wasn’t prepared for the media ruckus they caused. By morning all the local television news channels and a couple of the national news networks had picked up the story of the police stabbing. I switched channels several times and each station used the incident to headline the newscast. Like a deer trapped in headlights, I stood in front of the television, riveted to the scene. The church and yard played prominently in the telecast and I groaned inwardly as one report followed another.
When I looked out the window, I saw two news trucks parked outside the church with reporters standing in front of cameramen as they gave their live report.
By the time I got to the office, the phone was ringing off the hook. Mary Lou had been so busy answering calls that she hadn’t had time to remove her coat. Feeling bad for her, I brewed her coffee and took a cup to set on her desk. She sighed and thanked me with a small smile.
Before she could ask, I told her, “I won’t be accepting any interviews.”
“Got it,” she said and sounded relieved.
As soon as there was a lull, she approached me. “For the love of heaven, what happened?”
I responded in the simplest of terms. “Shay’s brother found her and attacked a police officer when they came to break up the disturbance.”
“The latest report from the news media is that the police officer required surgery and is reportedly in critical condition.”
This was even worse than I had imagined. Shay and I had been unable to get any updates on the extent of the officer’s injuries this morning, which was understandable. What little information I’d discovered, I’d learned on the morning newscast, and that had been sketchy.
Kevin stopped by the church and we sat in my office with the door closed. I appreciated his support. He talked for several minutes and then we prayed together.
“Nothing happens without a reason,” my friend assured me. “I know it’s hard to look at this mess and believe that God is in control, but He is.”
It wasn’t as though I doubted him, seeing as I’d uttered those same words myself, countless times.
“How’s Shay handling this?”
“She was upset, and rightly so,” I told him. “I should never have contacted Caden without letting her know what we were doing.”
Kevin stroked the side of his cheek and nodded, silently agreeing with me.
“I wanted to protect Shay. I never considered that Caden would seek her out…I should have realized…”
“Realized what?”
“Caden recognized that I was with Shay the night we were on the rescue mission. He followed me and I led him right to her.”
“You couldn’t have known.”
“That doesn’t lessen my guilt. I don’t know what would have happened if that police cruiser hadn’t gone by when it did.”
Kevin sighed, slowly releasing his breath. “I’ll stop by the jail and find out what I can from Caden and what I can do to help with his defense. If he isn’t willing to talk, which I suspect he won’t be, then I’ll see what his defense attorney has to say.”
“I’ll go with you, but I want to make sure Shay knows what we’re doing.” I’d already mishandled the situation and I hoped to learn from my mistake.
Kevin nodded. “Good idea.”
He stood to leave and I walked him to the door. When I opened it, I saw Linda Kincaid standing by Mary Lou’s desk, chatting with her. She looked up when the door opened and Kevin came out of my office. Her eyes were dark and serious, and I sensed trouble brewing.
Not that it was unexpected. I realized the minute I saw the news broadcasts that morning that there would be plenty of blowback from this.
For Shay. And for me.
“Come in,” I greeted Linda. “Would you like some coffee?”
She shook her head. “This isn’t exactly a social visit, Drew.”
“I figured.” Stepping around to my side of the desk, I took my seat. I had the distinct feeling I was going to need to sit down for this. “I take it you heard about the incident with Caden Benson.”
“Heard about it?” she repeated with her arms crossed. She stood on the other side of my desk like a marble statue, an unmovable force. “It was all over the news this morning, as you’re no doubt aware.”
“Is there still a camera crew outside the church?” I asked. I hadn’t looked since I’d come into the office.
“No, thank God.”
I felt the same, although I didn’t say it. I expected the television reporters would return for the noontime broadcast, and probably again this evening. Lead stories for the top of the hour were dissected and repeated. Every tidbit of any update was announced as a major revelation. These reporters were not about to be denied.
Linda started pacing in front of my desk. “Did I not warn you about moving Shay into that apartment?” she demanded, her voice raised and irritated.
“As I recall, you did mention your opinion.”
“Which you ignored.”
I met her look and didn’t flinch. “It was for Shay’s safety.”
“That doesn’t seem to be working well, does it?” She marched back and forth and then stopped and shook her head as if she wasn’t sure what to say next. “You aren’t thinking with your head, Drew.”
“I love Shay.” I was tired of defending my decisions to Linda. I’d tried to look at it from her perspective, but it didn’t change the way I felt about Shay or the need to keep her safe.
“I’m afraid loving Shay is going to cost you your ministry,” Linda snapped.
The words hung in the air like launched hand grenades.
I had a good idea of what was about to happen and why. I straightened my shoulders, determined to meet this news head-on.
“I tried to explain it before,” she reminded me, gesturing helplessly with her hands. “I did my best to make you understand the risk you were taking by moving Shay into that apartment.”
“I never knew you to be one to say ‘I told you so,’ ” I said, without emotion. Nothing anyone could have said would have changed my mind. Even knowing what I did, I didn’t have a single regret. It certainly didn’t help that the church grounds and the church were all over the news this morning, and not exactly in the best light.
I’d watched the news reports and cringed. The first reporter had talked about the homeless problem in Seattle while standing directly in front of the church steps, as if to say the church had basically ignored the needs of the people on the street.
“So tell me. What am I looking at?” I asked, bracing myself for the worst, already knowing it was coming.
Linda sank into the chair with a defeated look. “I’m sorry, Drew.”
“Tell me.”
Linda sighed. “Alex is calling for a vote of confidence with the church council.”
My shoulders sank. A vote of confidence was basically the elders telling the congregation they had serious doubts about the leadership abilities of the pastor. If the vote went against me, it would mean changes in leadership. A pastor needed the support of the church council. If I did manage to survive, then there would be bridges to build and relationships to repair. Even a call for a vote was devastating. For the unity of the church, no matter which way the vote went, it would be best for me to resign.
“I see,” I said, my heart aching. It hurt that the men and women I trusted and had served with through the years were basically telling me that they no longer believed I was qualified to lead our church.
“He’s asking for a vote with the elders,” Linda continued. “That doesn’t mean it will come to pass.”
Words escaped me. I knew what was to follow. I would be asked to meet with the elders. Alex would state his case and the eleven others would vote. If the vote went against me, it would go to the congregation.
“Lloyd is doing his best to make sure this doesn’t happen.”
“I appreciate it,” I whispered, but as far as I could see the die was cast.
“I’m sorry, Drew. You don’t deserve this. Neither does Shay.”
Her irritation was replaced by sympathy and understanding. Linda had always had my back, even now, when it looked like everything was against me.
“I’m grateful you let me know,” I said, accepting that I would need to prepare myself for the upcoming storm of controversy and speculation.
We talked for several minutes more and Linda did her best to reassure me. After she left I sat and stared into space, letting the worry and the doubt build up in my mind.
Sometime after one, Mary Lou knocked on my door. “Would you like lunch?” she asked, looking concerned.
I didn’t realize the time. Shaking my head, I declined. “I’m not hungry.”
By now I was sure Mary Lou knew what was brewing within the church. She wore a worried frown. “Anything I can do, Pastor?” she asked.
I shook my head. My two-o’clock counseling appointment canceled. I suspected that Mary Lou might have had something to do with that. Either way, I was grateful.
As soon as my head was clear, I went into the church sanctuary and sat in the front pew. I’d been here many times, especially in the months following Katie’s death. It was the place I came when my heart was heaviest. It seemed loving Shay would come at a high price, but if my role as pastor was what it cost me, then it would be worth it.
Shay had brought light back into my life, she’d revived my faith and loved my children, and they loved her back. Every minute I spent with her brought me happiness. Seeing the strides she’d made in her life made me proud of her. Deep down I knew that Katie would have loved her, treasured her as a friend. I sat for so long that I lost track of the time.
I heard the door open but didn’t look up, hoping whomever had come inside would get the message and leave me alone. I wasn’t in the mood to talk.
After a few minutes, I felt someone sit down close to me. Even with my eyes closed I knew it was Shay. She reached for my hand and laid her head against my shoulder. Not a word passed between us and yet I felt the heaviness lift from my heart simply having her close to my side.
I heaved a sigh as the ache of uncertainty returned. I would do my best to move on and follow wherever the road took me next. It was all I could do. The decision wasn’t in my hands.
When I finished my prayers, I raised my head, and Shay’s was lowered in prayer, too. She seemed to sense that I’d finished.
We left the church together. In the hallway between the sanctuary and the office, she paused and gripped hold of my arm, looking up at me, her face bright with unshed tears.
“I’m so sorry, Drew.”
Brushing the hair away from her face, I stared down at her, unable to disguise the love I felt for her. “Who told you?” I asked, surprised she knew the details of what was happening.
“Linda stopped at the café.”
I could only imagine what she’d said, and that irritated me to no end. I wanted to make sure Shay was protected from all this. Her faith was new, fragile yet, and this could destroy her. “You are not to blame, understand? I don’t know what Linda told you—”
Shay stopped me. “Linda said you would probably appreciate a visit from me this afternoon. She didn’t tell me anything until I asked her.”
“She did?” I had misjudged my friend. I’d assumed she’d gone to Shay and laid the blame at her feet, which would have been grossly unfair.
“Linda loves you like a son, Drew. You and the children mean everything to her. I realize I’m not the woman she wanted for you, but she respects you enough to do her best to accept me.”
I brought Shay into my arms, content to simply hold her, soaking in her comfort and her love.
“I talked to the prosecuting attorney about my brother this afternoon before I saw Linda. He’d just been assigned the case. Caden’s been given a court-appointed attorney. That’s all he could tell me at this point. I don’t want any contact with Caden, but I do want to know what will happen to him.”
The fact that she continued to care about her brother after what he’d done spoke volumes. I hoped that once Caden was sober and in his right mind he’d appreciate Shay and not see her as a means to getting him his next fix.
Depending on the degree of the charges against him and the jail time he faced, I would do what I could to get him into a drug rehab program. Caden was going to need all the help he could get.
When I returned to the office, Mary Lou gave me a sympathetic look. “An emergency elder meeting has been called for tonight.”
So soon; it was what I should have expected. Mary Lou told me the time. “Thank you,” I said.
I noticed Shay biting into her lower lip. Actually having Linda tell her what was happening was a blessing. It saved me from having to explain, knowing she would blame herself.
“I’ll stay with the children,” she assured me. “Do you want me to say anything to them about this?”
I shook my head. “Not yet. This meeting involves the elders who will vote first. It could all end tonight if the vote goes my way. No need to upset the children or give them reasons for concern.” I wasn’t sure Shay understood the inner workings of the church. It wasn’t necessary for her to know all the details. Having her support and love was all I needed to see me through this.
That evening, as I stepped into the meeting room, twelve elders awaited my arrival. Alex Turnbull sat at the head of the table. He greeted me stiffly and asked me to take a seat. He waited a moment and had his say first, outlining what he considered my shortcomings and how my behavior had an adverse influence in the community. He went on to claim that my relationship with Shay had brought undesirable attention to the church. The incident this morning had been a prime example. In closing, he stated that he had seen homeless men sitting within our midst during the Sunday service.
He was referring to Richard, who I’d seen slip into the eleven-o’clock service and take a seat in the back pew. I’d been amused and pleased to see him singing the closing hymn at the top of his lungs. Although he was in the far back of the sanctuary, I could hear him from the pulpit. I loved having him in church and knew in my heart that God did, too. He’d brought a couple other men in the last week and I had welcomed them one and all.
“Do you have anything you’d like to say in your defense?” Alex asked, after I’d answered several questions.
Every eye in the room was on me as though they expected a heated rebuttal. I had none to give. “No, everything you said is true, Alex. The only thing I would like to add is that as long as I am pastor of this church, these doors will be open to all who enter. Other than that, I have nothing to say.”
Alex Turnbull looked surprised. “Fine, then, let’s take a vote.”