Joe’s funeral took place on Wednesday and I was back in the church office Friday morning. It’d been an emotional time. I’d connected with Shay and the kids every day while I was gone. Our conversations were short, but exactly what I needed to see me through the loss of my mentor and friend. Joe left a legacy through me and the other pastors he’d mentored through the years. He would not be soon forgotten.
I’d been in the office less than an hour when Linda Kincaid paid me a visit. One look at her and I knew something was on her mind.
“Good morning, Linda,” I greeted. Mary Lou had alerted me to the fact that Linda had asked to be notified once I was back.
“Morning,” she said, crossing her arms and getting straight to the point. “I understand you had Shay stay with the children.”
“Yes. Is there a problem?” Not that it was any of her business if she thought so. I wasn’t looking to be confrontational, so I kept my opinions to myself.
“It probably wouldn’t have been a problem if Sarah hadn’t told half the church that Shay had moved in and was now living with you.”
“She said what?” I hadn’t heard about this.
“You heard me right. And let me tell you that news spread faster through the church than spilled milk on a marble floor.”
Although this wasn’t funny, I had the almost irrepressible urge to laugh. I could just imagine what people were thinking and, knowing human nature, how eager they were to think it.
Linda shook her head and sank into the chair across from my desk. “I did my best to quell the rumors.”
“I appreciate that,” I assured her, and I did, while at the same time finding it amusing. Leave it to my innocent nine-year-old daughter to misconstrue the facts and lead others down the path of speculation and gossip.
“This is nothing to laugh about, Drew.”
“Oh come now, Linda, you mean to say you don’t find this a little bit funny?” She was taking this far too seriously. I’d always known her to have a good sense of humor, if not a bit dry. She could take a joke as well as the next person, or so I thought.
“The thing is, Drew, you need to be more careful.”
“Careful?” We’d already had this conversation once. As far as I was concerned, Shay had more than proved herself. “What do you mean?”
Linda exhaled a deep breath. “Don’t you see? By asking Shay to stay with the children, you put yourself in a vulnerable position. I like Shay well enough, and you know I love Sarah and Mark like my own grandchildren and love you like a son. That said, I’m going to speak frankly.”
“I wouldn’t expect anything less,” I said and gestured for her to continue. “I respect your opinion.”
“Everyone knows how you feel about Shay. You haven’t made any effort to hide your feelings. I’m happy for you, Drew. There’s been a real change in you since you’ve met Shay. You’re happier than you have been since we lost Katie.”
“Thank you. You’re right, I am happier and so are the children. Have you noticed the way Sarah clings to Shay? She’s made a world of difference in my daughter and in Mark, too.”
“I have seen the changes, and that’s why it pains me to say this.”
I gestured for her to continue. If there were issues I needed to resolve, I would face them head-on. I trusted Linda to be honest and direct with me.
I read the regret in her eyes and the serious look about her. Whatever had happened had my friend worried. I couldn’t believe Sarah’s innocent ramblings could have stirred up a hornet’s nest.
“You’re the spiritual leader of this church and the congregation looks to you to be their guide, both spiritually and morally.”
“Are you seriously asking about my physical relationship with Shay?” I asked, finding it almost humorous. I didn’t see how anyone could fault a few stolen kisses and misconstrue those kisses as falling down the slippery slope of sexual indiscretion.
“Heavens, no,” she returned, aghast. “It’s the impression, the implication that your involvement with Shay is improper for a man of your standing. She presents the near occasion of sin.”
“What?” I couldn’t help it, I laughed out loud. Near occasion of sin?
Linda’s cheeks burned a bright shade of red. “Drew, please, this is no laughing matter. The bottom line is that Shay isn’t the kind of woman any of us expected you to show an interest in, especially after Katie…”
The humor in me vanished. I took in a deep, calming breath, doing my best to remain composed. “That was below the belt.”
“Was it?” Linda asked.
“What do you expect from me?” I demanded, losing my cool.
“Not her.”
“Why?” I asked, genuinely surprised that we were even having this conversation. “Isn’t Shay Christian enough for you? If Christ was standing here this moment, do you have any idea what He would say, because I do. He’d look you straight in the eye and ask whomever among you was free from fault to throw the first stone.”
“I know what you’re saying, Drew—”
“I don’t think you do,” I said, cutting her off.
“I do, but there are others and they are disappointed in you. When Katie was alive—”
“Katie would have loved Shay. She would have thrown out the welcome mat and taken Shay under her wing.” To remain seated was impossible, and I rose to my feet and walked around to the front of my desk so that we could face each other eye to eye.
“Do you seriously believe Katie would want her children associating with Shay? Seriously, Drew.”
I did my best to put my personal feelings for Shay aside and look at this from Linda’s viewpoint. From what she was saying, she wasn’t the only concerned voice, either. When I first met Shay, well over a year ago now, I wouldn’t have introduced her to my children. At Shay’s graduation ceremony, I’d hesitated to include Mark and Sarah. The reason I’d brought them was because I’d made the mistake of mentioning it to Sarah and she’d been eager to go.
Searching for a response, I thought about Katie and how she would feel having Shay associate with our children, and in that moment, I had my answer. I knew my wife. I deeply admired the way Shay cared about others, her willingness to volunteer wherever needed. A sense of peace came over me and I relaxed.
“I believe Katie would be the first person to love Shay because she had the ability to look for the good in others. That’s something she taught me and, Linda, there’s so much good in Shay. It hurts me that you and others in the church don’t see it the same way I do.” And Sarah. My nine-year-old daughter had recognized it in Shay from the beginning. How like her mother my daughter was. Until that moment I hadn’t realized it.
“I do see the good in Shay,” Linda countered. “But I’m only one person. There are others who are blinded by the fact that she has a felony record and spent time in prison.”
“I feel sorry for them,” I whispered.
“Drew, do you think I wanted to have this conversation with you? I felt it was necessary because I’m afraid what will happen in the church if you continue your relationship with her.”
That gave me pause. I took in a deep breath and realized that if it came to choosing between my role as pastor at Seattle Calvary and having Shay as part of my life, then as painful as it would be, I’d choose Shay.
“I appreciate everything you’ve told me. I know it hasn’t been easy. But I’ll take my chances.” I trusted that in time my church family would come to love Shay the same way they had Katie.
Linda took a moment to absorb my words. “I know Shay is working hard to prove herself.”
“Perhaps too hard. In time the church will notice how much of herself she’s given to this congregation, all the volunteer hours she’s put in despite her work and school schedule.”
“I…”
“This latest sermon series has brought more people into the Sunday service, and do you remember who gave me the idea? It was Shay, in case you’ve forgotten.”
“I know…”
“As long as I am pastor of this church, we will welcome one and all. I refuse to focus on our past mistakes; God takes each one of us exactly where we are and so do I. Instead of focusing on the past, I prefer to look at the potential God has given each of us. As far as I can see, He’s doing fine work in Shay.”
“Will you give me a chance to speak now?” Linda asked pointedly.
I gestured for her to have her say. “Go ahead.”
“I’m making no judgments,” Linda insisted. “If you’re in love with Shay, then so be it, but I feel you need to consider the consequences.”
“I am in love with her.” I realized that was the first time I’d said the words aloud. I did love her. If I was willing to put my future on the line for her, then that told me everything I needed to know.
Linda paled slightly. “Are you going to ask her to marry you?”
That was a loaded question. “I don’t know yet. It’s early in the relationship, but at some point I probably will.”
“That might cost you,” she said. “I’m afraid the elders will call for a vote of confidence if matters go that far. It isn’t what I want, but I feel you should have fair warning.”
“Then so be it.” I refused to back down to threats, veiled or otherwise, although I believed Linda’s intentions were good. If I was asked to stand before the elders, then I’d cross that bridge when necessary. My hope, naturally, was that it wouldn’t come to that. I trusted Shay and knew that if given the chance, Shay would win them over.
“Drew, do you understand what I’m saying?”
“I do,” I returned confidently.
Linda seemed more concerned than I was, and I wanted to reassure her.
Before I could say anything, she said, “If it comes to that, I want you to know Lloyd and I will do everything within our power to make sure that doesn’t happen.”
“I appreciate your support.”
Linda shook her head slowly, as if she had yet to fully grasp what had transpired between us. “You genuinely love her, don’t you?”
“I didn’t realize how much until just now.”
Linda had never been the kind of woman who wore her heart on her sleeve, so it surprised me when she reached out and gave me a big hug. Taken aback as I was, it took me a couple moments to respond.
“I hope Shay realizes how fortunate she is.”
Linda had it all wrong. I was the fortunate one. I didn’t expect her to understand, at least not yet, but she would in time.
If my morning meeting with Linda wasn’t enough to complicate my day, a phone call from Kevin later that same afternoon did.
“Glad to hear you’re back,” Kevin said after I picked up the call.
“It’s good to be back.” That was a slight exaggeration. My mind had been caught up on the conversation with Linda that morning. I’d tried not to let it get me down. Although she hadn’t mentioned names, she didn’t need to say who the rabble-rouser was. Alex Turnbull served as the head of the church council and he’d questioned Shay’s “acceptability” from the start. He’d been the one to put up the biggest fuss about renting her the apartment. The most annoying part of his censure was that he’d been the elder who’d proposed that the church rent the space in the first place.
I was tempted to tell Kevin about my morning confrontation but decided against it. Later, if I needed a sounding board I’d go to him as a friend. I didn’t need his advice; I’d made my decision when it came to having Shay in my life and that wasn’t going to change.
“I have news for you,” Kevin said enthusiastically. “Good news.”
“I could use some,” I admitted. Kevin would think I was emotionally down because of Joe’s death. I didn’t enlighten him otherwise.
“Thought that might be the case.” He paused for dramatic effect. “I believe I’ve found Shay’s brother.”
“You know where Caden is?” I could hardly believe it’d happened so quickly.
“As I suspected, he changed his name. He goes by Shane now. As soon as I had my contacts pass his photo around I got hit after hit.”
“He’s in Seattle?”
“Right here.”
This was a good news/bad news scenario. My hope was if we reached out to Caden he would recognize the help Kevin offered and accept the opportunity presented to him. I would avoid any mention of Shay. All I wanted was the assurance that she would be safe.
“As Richard suspected, he’s in one of the homeless camps,” Kevin said, cutting into my thoughts. “In fact, it was one that we visited last month.”
This was almost more than I could assimilate. Caden had been living in Seattle in a homeless camp—the very one Shay and I had visited while out with the Search & Rescue team. I had to wonder if he’d seen his sister the night we were there and if he’d hidden when he caught sight of her. I hated the thought that he might already know she was in the area.
“I want to be there when you talk to him,” I said, determined to see Caden for myself. I hoped to learn what I could about the man and where he was mentally. Keeping him away from Shay was my first priority, but now that I’d learned that he might possibly know she was living in the area, I was concerned. For all I knew, Caden could be looking to find her, looking to play on her sympathies again and that was something I wanted to avoid. I’d let Kevin do the talking but I wanted to be there when he spoke to him.
“Working on it, brother. I reached out to Richard and Chuck and asked if they could arrange a meeting.”
“When?” My eagerness made me edgy and anxious.
“No time like the present. If we wait and he gets word it might be enough to spook him.”
“I’ll clear the rest of the day.”
“Good. Meet me at Hope Center.”
I was already on my feet. “I’m on my way.” Grabbing my coat, I called out instructions to Mary Lou and headed for the door.
My heart pounded hard with anticipation when I met up with Kevin, who drove to the homeless camp. Right away I saw Richard sitting in an open area where a couple of card tables had been arranged close to an open fire pit along with a few chairs. Richard sat with Caden by the fire.
As Kevin and I approached Caden, he turned questioning eyes to Richard. “Hey, man, what’s this?” he asked.
“Friends, man. These are friends.”
Caden was dressed in a thick sweater with a long-sleeved shirt underneath. The sweater elbows had big holes. He had to be chilled to the bone in the winter cold. He apparently didn’t own a coat.
“Hi,” I said, smiling at Caden.
He didn’t respond. If I was looking for any family resemblance, none was visible. He’d changed from the fresh young man in the photograph Lilly had found. Staring at him now, with his yellowed teeth, straggly hair, and baggy eyes, he looked several years older than Shay instead of being her younger brother.
“I’m here to help you,” Kevin told him.
Caden snickered. “Sure you are.”
Kevin continued talking, but I noticed that Caden focused his gaze on me. His eyes narrowed and he frowned as if he was trying to place me. It was then that I knew he recognized me from the night I’d been on the rescue mission. If that was the case, then he must have seen Shay that night as well. My heart sank.
Recently, Caden had been talking to Richard and Chuck. A chill came over me at the implication. Both men had been with Shay that night, leading her through the camp. I had to believe Caden had seen her with them as well as with me, which might explain his willingness to agree to this meeting. It could mean that Caden was looking for a way to connect with Shay, use her.
“Who are you?” Caden demanded, focusing his attention on me.
I was about to tell him I was no one when Richard spoke up. “That’s Pastor Douglas. Show him some respect, man.”
“Pastor Douglas,” Caden repeated slowly.
Kevin continued. “We’re here to let you know that there are programs available to help…”
Caden held up his hand, stopping him. “Not interested.”
“These are good people,” Richard insisted. “Least you can do is listen.”
“Already told you I’m not interested.” With that he stormed away with a cynical smile twisting his mouth.
My heart was in my stomach. I had a terrible feeling that in looking to protect Shay, I might have done the exact opposite and put her at risk.