“Shay, can we talk?” I asked her Monday afternoon. I’d waited until she was back from an errand she’d run.
“Of course.” I suspected that we both knew where this conversation was headed. I saw her tense up. That did little to settle my own nervousness. I was certain Alex hadn’t mentioned the missing funds to anyone other than me. The only way Shay would know about it was if she’d taken the money herself, or if she knew who’d done it. I couldn’t make myself believe that she would risk her future for less than two hundred dollars.
She sat at my kitchen counter while I took the time to brew us each a cup of coffee. When I’d finished, I turned to face her and handed her the first cup. I held my mug with both hands, letting the heat warm my palms, deciding how best to start our conversation.
We stared at each other for several moments before I spoke. “Shay, is there something you’d like to tell me?” I asked her.
I could see the hesitation in her eyes. “You’re asking me about the missing money, aren’t you?”
I nodded. “What do you know about it?”
Shifting uncomfortably on the stool, she avoided eye contact. “Do you think I took it, Drew?”
“No.”
Immediately her shoulders relaxed. “Thank you for that.”
“But you know who did.” It wasn’t a question. She had to know.
“I’m not at liberty to say.”
Disbelief flooded me. “Excuse me?”
“You have perfect hearing, Drew. You don’t need me to repeat that, do you?” she asked.
Dumbfounded, I continued to stare at her. “Do you have any idea of what’s at stake here?”
She lowered her eyes and nodded. “Yes,” she whispered, “I do.”
I ran my hands through my hair. “Help me to understand, then, because the consequences for you could be beyond my control. I’ll do what I can to protect you, but, Shay, there’s only so much influence that I have.”
“I understand.”
“I need more. We can’t leave it like this. You can tell me.”
She closed her eyes as if struggling within herself. “I promised I wouldn’t.”
Unbelievable.
“We all make mistakes,” she told me. “This person is sorry and intends to make it right. I promised I would keep this knowledge to myself until they could do that. It makes me feel good knowing you believe I wouldn’t steal from the church. Thank you for your trust.”
I set the mug on the counter and tossed my hands in the air. “Shay, you’re not listening to me. I believe you, but that doesn’t mean the elders will have the same confidence in you. As your pastor and as the man who loves you, tell me who took that money.” My patience was reaching its limit and my voice rose as I spoke.
She paled and I noticed how her hands went white holding on to the mug with such force; it was amazing the ceramic didn’t crumble, allowing coffee to spill over the kitchen counter. “I gave my word,” she whispered. “This isn’t easy for me, either. I’ve talked to Lilly about it—”
“Were you willing to give the name of the offender to her?”
“No. I’ve kept my word and I fully intend on keeping it. All I have is my word, Drew, and it has to mean something.”
The frustration was getting to me and I rammed my fingers through my hair. “What did Lilly tell you?”
“She said the decision was mine, and I’ve made up my mind. I don’t mean to be evasive, but my word is my word.”
Holding her look, I tried again. “I’m absolving you from whatever promise you made.”
For what seemed like an eternity, she said nothing and then slid off the stool. “I’m sorry, Drew.”
She started to leave. I couldn’t let her do that, not without giving me the answers I needed.
“Shay, please, don’t go.”
For a second I thought that would stop her. Her steps slowed and she seemed to hesitate, but then continued to the door without looking back.
I watched her leave, caught between shock and disbelief.
Although I didn’t have an appointment with Kevin, I showed up at Hope Center on the off chance he would have time to talk me through this situation with Shay. I was stunned that she wouldn’t tell me what she knew.
Once at Hope Center I walked, almost in a trance, down the hallway to Kevin’s office. The door was closed and I let myself in. His assistant looked up, surprise written on her face.
“Pastor Douglas? Do you have an appointment? Did I miss something?”
“No. Is Kevin available?”
My friend must have seen me through the glass partition because he stood up from his desk and walked around the enclosure. “Drew? What’s happened? You look like you’ve just lost your best friend.”
“Seeing that you’re my best friend, I’m glad to report you’re still alive and kicking,” I said in a lame effort to crack a joke. “You got a few minutes?”
“Sure. Come on in.” He ushered me inside his office.
Depressed and deeply discouraged, I slumped down in the chair across from his desk.
Kevin didn’t waste any time getting to the heart of my visit. “What’s the problem?”
I found it difficult to speak. “It’s Shay.”
“Did something happen?” His eyes revealed his concern.
It looked like he was ready to stand when I motioned for him to remain sitting. “Something happened at the church. Shay was counting out the donations and making the deposit slip. Money has turned up missing for the last two weeks.”
Kevin looked as stunned as I was when Alex first told me. “You don’t think Shay is responsible.”
“No. No way.”
His shoulders sagged with relief. I would never come to him if I had even a hint of suspicion that Shay might be responsible for the missing funds.
“Then what’s the problem?”
“She knows who’s responsible and refuses to tell me.”
Mulling this over, Kevin leaned back in his chair. “Who told you about the theft?”
“Do you know Alex Turnbull?” I asked, knowing he probably did.
“I do. He’s a good man.”
“Alex came to me on Sunday. Lloyd Kincaid had surgery to correct a bunion and will be out of commission for a few weeks. While he’s recuperating, Linda asked Shay to count the offering for Lloyd and get it ready for the bank deposit on Monday.”
Kevin gestured with his hands, as if that shouldn’t be a problem.
“Alex knows Shay was in prison for embezzling and worried that Lloyd had put her in a position of temptation. He decided to count the cash offering before handing it over to her.”
Sitting straighter in his chair, Kevin sighed audibly. “And money turned up missing.”
I felt the heavy burden of what I was about to tell him. “Twenty-five dollars the first week and a hundred the second.”
Making a steeple with his fingers, Kevin rested them beneath his chin and frowned. “She’s willing to keep her silence, even knowing what it might cost her and you?”
I feared Shay didn’t fully understand the consequences of what she was doing. If the church believed she was the guilty party, then they would never accept her as my wife. Even if we were to marry sometime in the future, there would always be speculation and doubts about her. About us.
“She refused to tell me. She gave her word and insists the person who took the money wants to make it right. She promised to give them that chance.”
“Second chances,” Kevin whispered.
“What?” I asked, not quite hearing him.
“Shay was given a second chance and now she feels obligated to offer that same opportunity to someone else. I understand why she’s doing it, but I have to believe she has no idea of what she’s risking.”
“I know she doesn’t understand what this misplaced loyalty could cost her, otherwise she’d listen to reason.”
Kevin’s shoulders sank as the weight of my words settled on him. “This makes me sick at heart.”
I couldn’t begin to tell Kevin what it did to me. I’d barely slept Sunday night stewing about how best to handle this situation. I’d wanted to talk to her first thing that afternoon, as soon as she was off work, but she hadn’t returned to the apartment. I’d kept an eye out for her and was certain she’d purposely stayed away, avoiding me.
“What are you going to do?” Kevin asked me next.
That was the million-dollar question. I had no clue. “Alex hasn’t wasted any time. Just before I drove here, I got word that he has called an elder meeting tonight.”
“Will the elders want to press charges?”
I hadn’t considered that. They were likely to charge Shay, especially if she refused to name the person responsible. Naturally, I’d fight that and hope that I had enough influence to prevent that from happening.
“Seeing as it isn’t a major amount of money, I’m hoping I can get the elders to agree not to get the law involved.” I’d refund the money myself before I’d let that happen. No way would I let Shay be charged.
“What about allowing her to continue living in the apartment?”
That was another thing I hadn’t considered. “It’s possible that will be a consequence. Again, I’ll do what I can to prevent that, but I don’t know if I can.” My heart sank. The ramifications of this were hitting me like hail, falling from the sky and crashing against me. Unavoidable, damaging, and painful hits, one right after another.
My fears compounded with every heartbeat. “They won’t believe her. What is it people say?” I asked the rhetorical question. “Once a thief, always a thief?”
“I know you’ll do everything within your power to protect her.”
That went without question. Of course I would. I loved Shay. This misplaced loyalty she had toward the thief was going to hurt us both. I’d already tried once to get her to understand all that she was putting at risk but to no avail. I wasn’t certain that I would be successful in a second try, either.
Several moments passed before Kevin spoke. “This has badly shaken you, hasn’t it?”
Rather than respond verbally, I nodded. The only thing I could even think to equate it to was when Katie was first diagnosed with cancer. We knew the road we were about to face and that there would be struggles ahead. It hadn’t ended well for my wife and my fears were rampant when it came to my future with Shay.
“Who could it be?” I asked, knowing Kevin had no more clue than I did. I rubbed my hands down my face. “I fell in love with her when I thought it was impossible to ever love again.”
To complicate the situation, I wasn’t the only one who’d come to love and trust her. My children loved her, too.
“Sarah,” I whispered, without realizing I’d said her name aloud.
“What about Sarah?”
Caught off guard, I looked up. “Just the other day she asked me if Shay could be her backup mother.”
Kevin grinned. “She always did have a wonderful way of expressing her thoughts. Did you come to me looking for advice?” Kevin asked.
“Please.” If my friend had a solution, I was more than willing to hear it.
“You’ve endured worse. You and Shay will get through this, too.”
I wanted to believe that was possible, but doubts had started to creep in, strangling my hopes for the future. If the person responsible didn’t step forward and make it right, I didn’t know what would happen between Shay and me.
Before I left his office, Kevin patted my back. I was grateful for his advice and encouragement.
Following my visit to Hope Center, I returned to the office and stayed late. Mary Lou left at five and I made a quick trip to the house to make sure Mark and Sarah had dinner, but I had nothing to eat myself. My stomach had been in knots ever since my talk with Alex, my appetite nonexistent. I hadn’t eaten more than a sandwich all day.
The elder meeting was scheduled for seven o’clock, which gave the church council enough time to get home from their day jobs and grab a quick bite of dinner. Once everyone was assembled, I explained the situation.
There were plenty of shocked faces. I explained that I’d talked to Shay and she’d told me she hadn’t taken the money. I believed her. As I spoke I saw the look of the men and women around the table. They had doubts. To be fair, I didn’t blame them. I went on to explain that she knew who was responsible but had promised that she wouldn’t tell. In return, the thief would make restitution.
The room erupted in discussion, and from the tidbits I heard, a few were willing to accept Shay’s word. Right away a proposition was brought before the council. It didn’t take long for a decision to be made. It was unanimous that Shay would no longer be allowed to rent the apartment.
The elders left and I remained in the small conference room, my head in my hands. Hearing a noise, I glanced up and saw that it was Alex Turnbull.
“I want you to know how sorry I am, Pastor,” Alex said.
“I know. I appreciate how hard this has been on you as well.”
Alex drew closer to the table. “I hope you know that I have no hard feelings toward Shay. I realize you care for her.”
I couldn’t deny it. Not only was I devastated, my heart was broken. The full impact had yet to hit me. I didn’t know how I was going to break the news to Mark and Sarah. The more I thought about it, the more depressed I became. I toyed with the idea of simply letting them think Shay was moving away and avoid telling them why. I guess I’d figure out what to say when the time came.
“Pastor, would you like me to be the one to tell Shay?” Alex asked, breaking into my thoughts.
It would be easier on me for sure, but as uncomfortable as it would be, I felt I needed to be the one to do it.
A part of me was curious to find out why someone as intelligent as Shay would risk so much because of a promise. Second chances. She would always be willing to give someone else another chance. Admirable and devastating, both at once.
“Pastor?” Alex asked, once more interrupting my thoughts.
“I appreciate the offer,” I told him, “but I need to be the one.”
Alex nodded as if he understood. “Would you like me to come with you?”
I considered it but only briefly. “No. I was the one who offered to let Shay move into the apartment; I’ll be the one to explain that she needs to leave before the end of the month.”
We talked for a couple minutes longer. I knew I should get back to Mark and Sarah, but I didn’t want this task hanging over my head a minute longer than necessary.
My steps were filled with dread as I walked around to the front of the apartment. The porch light was turned on, which generally meant Shay was home. I knew she often stayed up late studying on nights she wasn’t attending classes.
I don’t know how long I stood outside her front door before I found the courage to knock.
It took only a minute or two for Shay to answer. Her eyes widened when she saw it was me.
“Drew?”
“Shay,” I said, my heart pounding with a heaviness I had only rarely experienced. “We need to talk.”