Chapter Seventeen

AYRIE

Nathaniel was outside, laughing. We could hear Ashlyn frantically telling him to be quiet.

“You might as well come in, Nathaniel.” I managed to raise my voice enough so they could hear me. The flat wooden door opened, letting them into the room. They came over to my bed, and Nathaniel firmly shook my hand.

“It’s good to see you, Ayrie.” Ashlyn and Elle glanced at each other. “I’m sorry, I’ve completely forgotten my manners. Ayrie, this is Ashlyn.”

“Nice to meet you.” Ashlyn extended her hand to me. She was beautiful in a delicate way. She had porcelain white skin and pale blonde hair styled into two braids which hung down her back. A loose-fitting dress covered her body. The combination of everything looked perfect on her.

“Have you met Elle, my wife?” I glanced in her direction. Nathaniel and Ashlyn nodded while Elle blushed. I wondered if it was because I said she was my wife. Well, she still was. She couldn’t have divorced me when I was sleeping.

“We’ll let you boys get reacquainted. Come on, Elle. I’ll give you a tour of the ship.”

When the women left, Nathaniel and I chatted for a bit, catching up on each other’s lives. But the conversation soon took a serious turn. Nathaniel wasn’t one for small talk.

“How are you really doing? Is everything okay between you and Elle?” He looked concerned. “Things seem a little tense between you.”

I leaned back and closed my eyes.

“Ayrie, you’ve always had women problems.”

“Having no women is not a problem, Nathaniel. You had issues with girls at university because they all wanted a piece of you.”

“Whoa, let’s not talk about my playboy days. My wife and daughter are on this ship.”

“You and Ashlyn both seem content.”

“I think we are.” He had a satisfied look in his eyes. “And Kathryn surprises me every day.” He leaned in from where he was sitting in the chair by the bed as if he couldn’t contain his excitement. “Did you know we’re having another one?”

“Wow. That’s big news. Ashlyn’s pregnant?”

“She’s a little over three months now. We just started telling people.”

“Congratulations, Nathaniel. I’m happy for you.” The thought that Elle would never have my babies overshadowed my feelings for him and Ashlyn.

He pointed at me. “You dodged the question about you and Elle, and I fell for it. It’s not going to happen again.” His voice changed, and he started to sound like the captain of a ship. “You need to tell me the truth now.”

“I’m not sure where to start.”

“You might as well start at the beginning.”

“The first time I met her was at a group date night. She was a mess.”

“How so?”

“I can tell you because you’re an outsider and won’t see her every day, but don’t go spreading it around. I’m sure she wouldn’t like it if too many people knew about her past.” I told him everything I knew about Elle’s history.

“The only person I might share this with is Ashlyn. You don’t mean her, do you? We tell each other everything.”

“Of course, there won’t be a problem if Ashlyn knows.”

He nodded. “Keep going, then.”

“We kissed some, and we seemed to have amazing chemistry.” I stared up at the ceiling of the ship, remembering our night in the shack. “I thought we could marry and form a bond and everything would be fine.”

“Wait a second. The Auxem are too complicated. Wasn’t there something about not forming a bond that can make you go insane?”

“Bond Rejection Syndrome?”

“That’s it. You told me about it. I thought that happened to your uncle. It sounded terrible. Why did you imagine it would be okay to put you and Elle in so much danger?” He looked at me as if he didn’t recognize me.

“Well, I wasn’t okay with it at all. Arnon had a problem with it too when we were married. He had me so concerned about it that we didn’t form a bond.”

“Let me catch up here.” He put out a hand to stop me. I watched him with wary eyes as I saw him thinking. “Don’t you bond with someone when you have sex with them?”

“Yes, that’s how it works.”

“And you don’t have a bond with her?”

“No, I don’t.”

“Ayrie, are you telling me you have never fucked your wife?”

“No, I haven’t. Thanks for bringing it up so clearly.” I felt frustrated thinking about it.

He shook his head in disbelief. “I can’t imagine doing anything like that.”

“How long did you and Ashlyn wait? I’ve heard there’s a peculiar clause in the TerraMates contract about sex.”

Nathaniel nodded. “That’s right. You don’t have to have it unless both parties consent.”

“So what happened?”

“Come on. It’s me. Ashlyn couldn’t keep her hands off my body.” He looked smug. “We started fucking the third night after we were married.”

I must have looked shocked. Nathaniel gave me a roguish smirk which reminded me how easy it was for him to steal from the rich and give to the poor.

“You’re a bastard.”

“I am, aren’t I? But I can’t help it if I’m irresistible.”

“Shut up, Nathaniel.”

“I will as long as you promise to tell me more about your tale of woe.”

I moved to hit him, but he was too far away, and I felt weak. He laughed.

“We got married, but it turned out to be a big mistake because we don’t love each other,” I explained.

He stared at me, wrinkling his forehead. “I think you mean you didn’t love each other.” He sounded like he was trying to solve a puzzle.

“That’s not what I said. We didn’t, and we still don’t.”

“You are full of shit.” In a single sentence, he managed to inject a tone of disbelief mixed with overwhelming pity at my idiocy.

“Are you going to let me tell the story or not?” I didn’t like the look on his face.

“By all means, don’t let me stop you. Keep going.”

“It ended up being a blunder. We were unhappy with each other for ten months.” I looked down at my hands.

“I sense a ‘but’ coming.”

“We needed someone to come down here. Without thinking everything through, I invited Elle, and she agreed to come. We were both surprised by what happened.”

“I think I know the rest. You crashed, right? Elle told us.”

“We hit the ocean. Our ship didn’t make it, but we survived and ended up on the island. A lot of stuff happened there.” I trailed off, my eyes shifting as I thought about my time with Elle.

“You’re not the first person to fall in love on Vandwa.” He had a sappy look on his face, and I wasn’t sure if he was being genuine or teasing me. “My brother fell in love with his wife on a deserted island, too. Maybe we should start a business.”

“I’m not in love.” It was second nature to deny it now.

“You’re going to start talking about how love only ends in pain, aren’t you? I thought you were going through a phase last time.”

I made a sour face. “I don’t know what happened to me on the island.” He mouthed fell in love. I shook my head. “We got closer, and we fooled around one night. I couldn’t find her once and I just about lost my mind.”

Nat nodded, his face solemn. “I know the feeling. Ashlyn had an accident when we first met and almost died. I couldn’t think while she was at the hospital. I was a major shipwreck.” He closed his eyes. I imagined he was reliving the terrible memories.

“I had to tell her about my wings so we could get off the island.”

“Why were you hiding them from her in the first place? Elle hinted it was a long story.”

I explained that my father had made a royal edict. Nathaniel seemed to understand, but I sensed he didn’t like the idea. I agreed with him — I thought it was manipulative. I told him about the illness striking down half the Earth women during our first month in space. Elle had been sick for a long time, and I had learned she hadn’t fully recovered while we were out there.

“I thought her condition was getting worse and I decided we needed to leave the island no matter what. We could have made it as long as we didn’t hit the storm. We’re lucky you found us. How did we run into you, anyway? It couldn’t have been by chance.”

“It was, in a way.” Nathaniel leaned forward and put his elbows on his knees. I remembered it was one of his habits and it made me smile. “Your brother contacted me and said you had disappeared. They were afraid you had an accident out here.”

“We tried to send a signal back to the ship, but the malfunctioning converter was interfering with our communications systems. Elle could probably describe what happened better than I can. She’s a starship mechanic.”

He nodded. “They didn’t hear anything from you and had no idea where you were. But he sent me the last known coordinates for your shuttle, and we began a systematic search. We had to moor at an island during the first storm. We got caught in the open sea in the second one. Ashlyn wanted me to sail directly into it to save you. I thought she was nuts.”

“Remind me to thank her.”

“Sure, right before you thank me for not listening to her. If I had, there might not have been a ship to rescue you, even after the love of your life dragged your sorry ass over here.”

“She’s not the love of my life.”

He held up his hand, and I stopped. “Lie to yourself if you must, but don’t lie to me.”

“Are you going to let me finish or not?”

“I thought you finished already.”

“Nathaniel, she wants a divorce.” I felt a tear forming in my eye, and I quickly covered my face with my hands. It must have been because I was still traumatized from my ordeal.

“It’s a good thing you don’t have a bond with her.”

“I know.” I managed to bring myself under control long enough for me to take my hands away from my face and look at him. His unique turquoise eyes held nothing but compassion. “What do you think I should do?”

“Maybe she’ll change her mind if you talk to her.”

“We’ve done a lot of talking already. She’s not going to change her mind because she thinks she’s not good enough for me and can’t make me happy. If I don’t love her, she thinks this is a way for me to find someone else.”

Nathaniel looked up in the air. “Is it all true? Do you love her, or not?”

“I’m still trying to figure things out.” I let my gaze slide away from him. I didn’t need his judgment.

“Is your plan to let her walk away?”

“I don’t see any other options.”

“It seems a little passive. Don’t you think there’s anything you can do?”

“The problem is that she might be right. Maybe there is someone out there who would suit me better.”

“You’re talking about the ideal woman. Someone who’s willing to start a romantic relationship with a guy who refuses to fall in love because he’s afraid he might get hurt.” Nathaniel’s cutting sarcasm blindsided me. “I can think of hundreds of girls who might fight over that kind of a guy.”

“You’re not helping me.” I was starting to get annoyed.

“I don’t understand why I should help you when you’re being a dummy.” He began to pace around the tiny room. “I’m going to tell you the truth because we’ve always been honest with each other.”

I folded my arms across my chest.

“You’ve got a gem of a woman there who loves you. There’s no reason for you to hold back because you’re afraid of getting hurt. You can’t prevent it, but love can make it better when it happens.”

“You sound like Elle.”

Nathaniel shook his head. “You can’t go through life like this, Ayrie. You’re going to end up like your father.”

I was outraged. “That’s never going to happen. The reason I’m doing this is so I don’t end up like him!”

“But don’t you see what’s happening to you?” He started to raise his voice. “If you push her away and end up alone with nobody to love, you’ll be exactly like your father. The difference is that you’ll be even bitterer than him because you never had any time with the woman you love.”

“I can’t love her.” I felt upset and stubborn. Nathaniel was my friend and should be supporting me, not insulting me.

“Can’t is not the same as won’t. I know you’re making a big mistake, Ayrie. You’re going to regret your decision long after you have any chance to fix it.”

“Whatever.” I wished he would leave. I wanted to bury my head under the covers and nurse my wounds.

“I want you to be happy. You’ll be miserable if you let Elle get away from you.” I heard a soft click as the door shut, leaving me alone with my confusion.