Chapter Three

AYRIE

I stood on a ledge in the vast open area reserved for flying. There was a three hundred foot drop below me, and the ceiling soared another two hundred feet above. The entire room was five hundred feet in each direction and could accommodate many people moving simultaneously. Arnon had helped Jayne put the twins to bed after dinner, and now it was time to go flying together.

I pumped my wings and jumped, flapping energetically to carry myself into the air. I felt the breeze of Arnon jumping off the ledge behind me. We headed for the top of the room, which had the strongest air currents. When we reached the highest point, we could glide down.

I glanced over at my big brother. He was shirtless, like me, because our wings were out. I noticed he had gained a little bit of weight, maybe a pound or two. I wondered if he would get embarrassed if I made a big enough deal out of it.

He was turning into an old married man, complete with a belly. He hadn’t had much time to work out with the twins around, and he probably hadn’t gotten enough flight time either. Moving through the air took an incredible amount of energy.

All the men from Auxem looked similar. We had wings that stretched above our heads and down past our knees. When they were spread open, our wingspans were huge. But I had a particular admiration for my big brother. He had been my hero for as long as I could remember, and after our mother had died, he was everything to us.

Dad checked out of reality after Mom succumbed to the virus. It was Arnon who made sure we finished our homework. Dad hadn’t been a model father to begin with. But after her death, it seemed like he didn’t love us at all. Arnon tried to fill the roles of both father and mother for us. It was an impossible task, but he did everything he could and his effort counted for a lot.

It had been hard to watch him agonizing over Jayne. I remembered how happy he had been when he first met her. None of us had ever seen him euphoric before. He had so much responsibility put on him at such a young age that it made him prematurely solemn.

Seeing him act like a clown with the babies and the way Jayne made him smile made me wish for a moment I had a relationship like that with someone. But just for a second. Arnon appeared happy now. He could still turn into a mess like my father because he fell in love.

That wasn’t going to happen to me.

I spread my wings, caught an air current, and glided up. Arnon appeared next to me. I turned to him with a lazy grin on my face. “It’s a shame we have to fly without wearing any clothes on top. I noticed you’re getting a pot belly. It must be all the delicious home cooking.”

Arnon looked down quickly. “I am not.” He pinched his stomach, grabbing a tiny roll of fat. His eyes met mine, appalled.

“It’s not that noticeable.” I tried to sound like I was consoling him while still making him feel self-conscious.

“I’m going to the gym right now.” He had concern written all over his face. “I’m not old enough to look like this.”

“Dad’s still in pretty good shape.”

“You’re not making me feel any better.”

I shrugged. “At least now you can do something about it. Wouldn’t you prefer finding out this way than having to roll out of bed?” I laughed.

He looked annoyed at what I said, which only made me laugh harder. Arnon needed people like Jayne and me around. We didn’t care that he was the crown prince. If he was eating a little too much, he needed to know, and I wouldn’t hesitate to tell him.

The hilarious thing was that he had barely gained any weight. From a distance, he still looked like a god. Tall, with dark brown hair and eyes, and regally handsome.

We were totally different even though we shared the same parents. I was blond and had green eyes. One girl had described me as drop-dead gorgeous, but I tried not to let it go to my head.

“That’s enough about me. You’re taking Elle with you down to Vandwa.”

I felt wary. Why was he bringing this up? I should change the conversation. “Let’s go down and get dressed. We’ve used up all our time.”

There were hundreds of men on the ship, and they all needed to fly every few days so their wing pockets didn’t get infected. Everyone had a quota, and even royalty couldn’t use more than the limit.

He nodded. We began descending in lazy circles, avoiding the other men who were coming up. “You can’t avoid the question. I’m not going to forget.”

“You didn’t even ask me anything. Can’t a guy ask his wife to go with him somewhere?”

“Of course he can, but it wouldn’t make much sense if he has been avoiding her, pushing her away, and behaving in a suspicious manner. If that’s what he did in the past, the trip would look pretty weird. Especially to his overprotective older brother.”

“Okay, I’ll be honest with you. Elle and I don’t have the perfect marriage.”

“I kind of guessed that. Let me tell you what’s really on my mind. Is there any chance that you’re feeling the effects of Bond Rejection Syndrome?”

I shook my head and licked my lips. I didn’t want to tell Arnon the truth. “Nope.” I tried to stay calm. “There’s no chance of that happening.”

“How do you know, Ayrie? Remember your training! You’re not taking our customs seriously at all. They exist for a reason, you know. You’re putting yourself and Elle at risk.”

I took a deep breath and blurted it out as we both landed on the ledge simultaneously. “The reason why there’s no chance of it happening to us is that we don’t have a bond.”

Arnon stumbled and almost fell over as we stepped back into the ship. I reached out a hand to help him regain his footing. But he had already spread his wings and used them to bring himself upright.

“I don’t think I heard you correctly.” He had a fire in his eyes.

“We got married but didn’t bond with each other.”

“That’s impossible.” He stopped and turned to me so he could see my face.

“It’s possible. You scared me. Whenever we would talk about getting married, you kept mentioning Uncle Shavess and how dangerous it was to bond without being in love. Do you remember? I told Elle we shouldn’t sleep together.”

“You suggested two newlyweds not fuck each other.” Arnon shook his head in disbelief. “I don’t know if that’s more unbelievable than her agreeing to it.”

I nodded. I could hardly believe it myself, and I lived through it. Arnon started walking again. “You’ve been married as long as I have. It’s been months. Months for you not to have sex.”

“Nope.” I felt my balls tighten at the thought of having sex with Elle.

Arnon shook his head. “Are you sleeping in the same bed, at least?”

“I sleep in the spare room.”

Arnon looked at me. I couldn’t tell if he pitied me or had compassion for me. “Why?” His expression took on a familiar look from my childhood — worry.

“Why do we sleep in different rooms? Have you seen Elle? I couldn’t keep my hands off her if we slept in the same bed.”

“You misunderstand me. Why haven’t you bonded?” Arnon crossed his arms over his chest.

I shrugged. “You said we shouldn’t unless we loved each other. I’m not ever falling in love. I’m not like you. What I feel for Elle is pity or lust. Maybe some friendship.” I shrugged again and ignored the small part of me jumping up and down, screaming that I was telling a lie.

“I’m your brother. Don’t even try that with me. I know when you’re telling the truth and when you’re not.”

I whipped my head around to look at him. “You don’t know anything about it.”

“If you’re telling the truth, you don’t need to convince me.” He looked in my direction. It felt like he could see right through me. I felt both relieved and disappointed when he changed the topic. “I’m glad you didn’t bond with her. You’re smarter than I thought.”

“Was that supposed to be a compliment?” Arnon never gave anyone credit for having sense and morals.

“Well, you misled me about the nature of your relationship with Elle. And you haven’t answered my question. Why did you invite Elle to go down with you, anyway? Don’t pretend it wasn’t a big deal. We all knew it was unusual as soon as you said it.”

I tried to blow it off. “Elle will keep me company, and we’ll have a chance to talk with each other.”

Arnon didn’t say anything.

I stared up at the ceiling and dropped the mask. “I just wanted to. Is that a crime? She never had a real date with me. We didn’t marry for love. I always see resentment in her eyes.” I looked away from him and started to pace. “In the beginning, she thought I was going to be her knight in shining armor. In a way, I think I was. I saved her from a terrible life.”

“Of course you did.” Arnon knew about Elle’s history.

“But the more we learned about each other, the feeling started to disappear. We both realized I wasn’t that guy. I’m just me.”

“Are you saying that you don’t think you’re enough for Elle?”

I dropped my eyes. “Let’s just say Elle doesn’t trust me and she never will. Her boyfriend traumatized her. I don’t know how to prove to her that she can trust me.”

“How can you expect her to do that if you don’t make the first move? There are two people involved in every relationship. Do you think you can trust her with your heart?”

I felt like I was walking on the shifting sands of Auxem, deadly to anyone ignorant enough to step on them. “I don’t want to love Elle.”

“I’m afraid it might be too late.” Arnon patted me on the shoulder, leaving me feeling exposed and uncomfortable.

Love would only end badly for both of us.