CHAPTER TWO
Laurel
I couldn’t believe him. Whoever he was. He set my blood on fire. And in more ways than one. I hated him, but I couldn’t really tell you why. Then that kiss. My head was still spinning hours later from it. I couldn’t stop thinking about it. It was stupid but my world had kind of been turned upside down. All by one kiss.
From a biker.
Sure, I tried my hardest not to judge, and maybe I failed at that more times than not. But really? A biker! No!
As much as I wanted to toss all the blame on him, I knew deep down that I couldn’t. After all, he had sort of been a gentleman, he brought the option to the table. He hadn’t taken without me being a willing participant. I had made that final move to connect us. To give into the kiss that I was desperate to have.
“Oh, God,” I said out loud as I circled the city for what felt like the fifteenth time.
I couldn’t go home. I didn’t know for sure, but I had a feeling that Cami and Brand were there. And I was too ashamed to face anyone right now. Plus, I wasn’t an idiot. I had a good idea that my little sister was probably getting some biker action of her own. I just couldn’t handle walking in on that right now.
But where was I to go? I couldn’t go to Brice’s house. There was no way I could face my fiancé. Not after what I had just done.
I was a cheater.
He had made me one.
But that wasn’t really true. I had been the one to put that label on myself. The big question was, would I do it again? And I knew the answer to that. Yes, I definitely would. Because I had never felt anything like that before. That kiss was… something I couldn’t even explain. I had never felt my body come alive like that. Not even with Brice.
However, it was all wrong. I had my road in life paved for me. All I had to do was walk it. It was an easy road too, lined with gold and plush carpet. Seriously, one would have to be an idiot to pass that up. I was no fool, that was why I was currently engaged to a man that would keep my path as smooth and plush as possible.
And no, it wasn’t just about money. It was about what was expected of me. I didn’t like to make waves. Which sometimes was hard. Especially when it came to Cami.
I loved my little sister so much even though she was the obvious black sheep of the family. She was an artist with a soft soul. She tried so hard to fit into the box that my parents wanted her to be in, but she just couldn’t. I didn’t blame her one bit. She had talent that I could only wish I had. Sometimes I felt like the go-between, the peacemaker, but I never felt like I did a good enough job protecting her.
Even with all of that, I never wanted to land myself where she was. Don’t get me wrong, I was proud of her for standing up to our parents. For really putting them—mainly our mother—in their place, but that wasn’t me. I wasn’t that strong. I couldn’t make it in life like she did. What was I supposed to do? Find a job? Sure, alright. But doing what? I had never tried to be good at anything other than being a socialite princess. Well, Mr. Biker was right about one thing. I was nothing but a pathetic, pampered princess.
Now, I was thinking about him again. I couldn’t get away from him and maybe I didn’t want to. It was all so confusing.
Things with Brice were easy. We knew all the same people. His family and mine got along. They had long before we had even started dating. If I was being honest, it had been my mother that had pushed me to date him. And when I was unsure about things, she was there whispering things in my ear even though I hadn’t voiced my insecurities.
I decided that I was going to get a hotel room for the night, maybe longer. I couldn’t face Cami just yet. I couldn’t face anyone with the mixed-up state that I was in.
There was nothing else for me to do but get lost in room service. To gorge myself on all the foods that I wasn’t allowed to eat, and of course, lots of champagne.
I stayed hidden away for a while. I didn’t even think Cami noticed because she was too lost to the bliss of love. I couldn’t even blame her.
It hit me too many times to count. I wasn’t in love with Brice. I never had been. And what we had was lukewarm at best.
I avoided him for as long as I felt I could and get away with it. Part of me wondered if he even noticed. I had too many sleepless nights to count. My stomach was in knots. Again, I was a cheater. I needed to come clean. Well, what I really needed to do was figure out what I was going to do. While the smart thing would have been to just go on as if the kiss had never happened, I couldn’t. Really, it was only a kiss. But it got into my head and made me realize that I wanted more out of life, out of a relationship. I wanted passion and I think that maybe I even deserved it.
I wasn’t saying that this biker was the one to give it to me. The only thing that kiss had done was prove that there was more out there. That there was something better than what I had experienced. If he had been able to light me up like that then there was bound to be someone that made my world topple head-over-heels, right? Brice certainly wasn’t that man. I had a feeling no matter how hard we tried it would never become something that would leave me breathless.
I waffled between what my heart told me and what my head demanded was sane.
In the end, it all ate away at me. I looked at Cami and decided to take some of her strength. I couldn’t go on like this, even if it meant a broke and lonely life. I had to believe that it would be worth it.
“I can’t marry you,” I said to Brice as I slid off the huge ring and held it out to him.
I never wanted to admit it, but I hated that thing. It was too big and too obnoxious. Yes, there was that ‘oh, my God’ moment the first time I had laid eyes on it. However, the second it was on my finger it felt more like a weight that held me down than anything else. That should have been my first clue that this was all wrong.
“You’re making a big mistake,” he said and his tone was so cold that it threw me for a second.
What did I expect though? For him to get down on his knees and beg me to stay? For him to tell me all the reasons I was wrong about this? For him to tell me that he really loved me and that we could work it out? Maybe part of me hoped that this wasn’t just about my family name and money. Only, it was clear now that climbing the social ladder was all that mattered to him.
“No,” I said mustering all the strength I had left to give him a smile. “I’m not. Thank you, but I’m sorry, it just isn’t going to work out.”
I turned on my heels with the intention of gracefully fleeing his condo.
“Laurel,” he said and it halted me in place. I didn’t turn to face him because I was scared of what I might see. By his tone, I knew it wasn’t hurt. There was an edge of anger there that I had not heard before and for the first time, I believed I was getting a hint at the real man behind the cool mask. “You will regret this.”
I was right.
I didn’t say anything else and the clicking of my heels as they crossed over the smooth marble to the door echoed out almost too loudly.
Only once I was in the elevator did I let out a long breath.
I regretted nothing. At least, not right away I didn’t.
It wasn’t until the crap storm from my parents rained down on me, that I feel like maybe I had made a mistake. But that was only because the words my mother spoke to me were so harsh and degrading. She couldn’t understand why I was throwing everything away. Yes, that was what she said. Everything she had worked so hard to set up and I was being a brat by this ‘little display’ I had decided to put on.
I sat there in my father’s office, while she stood tall over me. I sat there in that uncomfortable chair trying my best not to let my shoulders slump or my posture sag in any way. I bit the inside of my cheek as she did her best to cut me down and call me names without actually saying them.
I had no answer that I could give them. I mean, what was I really supposed to say? That life had slapped me in the face. By the way of a rough biker kissing me against my car. No, I most certainly couldn’t say that.
I had been so proud of Cami when she had sat in this very seat and told my parents to shove it, in a sense. But I was starting to crumble the longer it went on. Maybe I had made a mistake. Maybe I had been a bit hasty in my decision to give the ring back. Maybe I could make things better between Brice and I. Right? Life wasn’t really all about sparks and chemistry. It clearly wasn’t in my world, anyway.
However, even as I started to doubt my decision, that macho man biker wiggled his way into my brain. Some might have thought it silly—my mother most definitely would have—but I wanted more out of life. It suddenly didn’t matter that I would have a secure life and never want for anything. I didn’t care that I had a big house and a new car. I wanted to come home at the end of the day to someone that really saw me and loved me. Not my money. Not my name. Not what showed on the outside.
I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t go crawling back on my hands and knees to Brice and tell him I had been wrong in ending us.
And when I stood tall and told my mother that, she looked like she was about to blow a gasket. She very well might have, but I wouldn’t know, because I turned and walked out of that room with grace and the last ounce of dignity that I could muster.
Later that night in my condo, I found that wine was my best friend. Oh, we had a party the two of us. I tried to drown myself in the stuff and not think about how everything was so shaken up now. Or how my life would probably never be the same. I thought that maybe I could come back from this. That the humiliation that I had brought upon my family would fade one day and maybe I could find someone that made us all happy. Which was ridiculous because it was my life and I was the one that needed to be happy. But that wasn’t how I was raised, how I had been groomed in life.
It hit me that night, that I was nothing more than a pawn. A shiny trophy. A thing that was only around to better the family name. And I think that finally seeing that was what started the river of tears around the eighth glass of wine.
The next morning I got a visit from my dad.
As I opened the door, the knocking continued on in my head. Maybe I was a bit hungover. I had honestly never been this way, because getting sloppy drunk wasn’t something that us Bensons did.
My dad’s eyes raked over me and a disapproving frown pulled at his lips. I honestly was hurting too much to try and hide the fact that I might have still been partially intoxicated.
He walked in like a man on a mission. He stood just a few feet inside the entryway and I knew what he had come to tell me was not going to be anything good. As he opened his mouth, any hopes I had that this would blow over simply dissolved into thin air.
“Your mother and I talked after you stormed out yesterday. We think that it would be best if you try and work this out with Brice. She called his mother last night and tried her best to smooth things over and it is now your job to make sure it happens. Don’t make a liar out of her, Laurel. I expect that you will fix this.”
“Or what?” I asked boldly.
“Or we have no choice but to stop paying for everything. That wouldn’t be good would it?” He pinned me with a hard stare knowing full well that I had never worked a day in my life and that I wouldn’t be able to keep up the lifestyle I was accustomed to. “We look forward to seeing you and Brice at the charity dinner on Friday night.”
And there it was. I didn’t really have a choice, did I?
He turned and walked out of my condo without another word.
I wasn’t going to be at the charity dinner on Friday. Perhaps it was a stupid move because I had doubts that I could actually stand on my own two legs. Maybe it was even stupid to think that I should try. I was only twenty-six, so it wasn’t too late for me to learn. I sure hoped so, anyway.
I had done a Cami though it wasn’t really my intention.
I needed her. I needed my strong sister to tell me that I would be alright.