CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
Laurel
I woke to Bryan’s sweet voice and a gentle shaking of my body. I felt so groggy as I tried to pull myself out of slumber. My head was screaming at me that I needed to go back to sleep.
“Laurel,” Bryan said softly. “I need you to wake up.”
I let out a long groan and tried to pry my eyes apart.
He said my name softly again and I tried my hardest to fight against the blissful darkness that was calling me back.
“Alright,” I said as I blinked my eyes a few times. “I’m awake. Now can I go back to sleep?” I sounded like a spoiled child but I didn’t care in the least right now. I just wanted to sleep.
When I was asleep, I didn’t feel how my body ached. Or remember what I had been through. I didn’t smell the dirty state that I was still in.
And I didn’t have to deal with the fact that Bryan was there. Which was something I really didn’t have the head space to think about since I wasn’t sure how I felt about him at the moment. I was torn in two. I was angry, sure, but I was also so happy to see him. And maybe above all else, I felt safe with him here.
I rolled over and sat up. My muscles were stiff and sore and my face was throbbing. Without thinking, I brought my hand up and touched my swollen, puffy cheek.
“Don’t touch it. Are you in pain? I can get you something.”
“No,” I said shaking my head which made it feel like my brain was rattling around in my skull. “I don’t want anything.”
We fell silent for a long time.
I think neither of us knew what to say.
That was fine with me because I didn’t think that I wanted to hear anything that he had to say anyway.
My eyes were still blurry but I tried my best to look around the room. My room, I guessed. It was strange to think of it that way.
Out of the cracked open blinds, I could see the front building to the club’s… compound, I guess. I wasn’t sure what to call it and I thought I had heard Cami say that a time or two. At least I knew where I was. I felt some sort of safety in that. For some reason, there was something that wrapped my heart in warmth. Then it hit me, what being here did to me. How being surrounded by the members of this club made me feel.
I think a strange, sharp laugh slipped through my lips.
“What?” Bryan asked and I could feel his eyes on me.
It was then that I realized how close to me he was. He was sitting on the bed, propped up against the headboard and I wondered if he had been right there in that spot while I slept. I shook that thought off because it was silly. But there was something in the back of my mind that told me he had been.
“It’s just that I’m here,” I said and took in a deep breath because it was hard to get the words out. “At your motorcycle club’s place.”
“Yeah. And?” There was that tone. I knew that tone. It let me know that I had somehow offended him and he was on edge and ready for a fight.
But I wasn’t trying to fight. I wasn’t even trying to be nasty about it.
“Wait,” I whispered, my throat feeling so dry. “I just mean that right now I feel so safe. It’s funny.” I let out a dry laugh. “I’ve never felt like that. You know, completely comfortable and like nothing bad will ever happen to me. Not growing up in a mini-mansion. Not on my own trying to prove to the world that I could do it all by myself.”
He didn’t say anything and I felt like I wasn’t explaining it very well.
“I know it makes no sense. Especially since… well, you know. But I do. I feel safe here.”
“Laurel,” his tone was so soft that it almost sounded like a broken whisper.
“Please don’t,” I said and wiped away the tears that were streaming down my cheeks. “I was kind of a bitch to you. I want to be sorry, and maybe I was, but right now… I’m so hurt and confused that I can’t decide how I feel.”
I turned to him then. I shouldn’t have because the look on his face made it impossible to hold any kind of ill will towards him. But I did sort of blame this whole thing on him. I wasn’t sure what that guy’s deal was but he obviously had taken me because of Bryan. Or at least because of his connection to the club.
And the words that he had said still rattled around in my head. That one word, in particular, seemed to ring out louder than everything else.
Whore.
In a way, maybe it got to me because that was how I felt for so long, though I wouldn’t dare admit it.
I was Bryan’s whore. His girl that he kept in secret. I gave him everything without a second thought. I let him into my life, into my body, and didn’t care that he kept me hidden for so long.
“I really need a shower,” I said as my way of cutting off whatever kind of conversation could have come next.
“Yeah, sure.” I heard the sad sigh in his voice. “You want me to get Cami or…”
“You’ve already seen me naked. I bet half the club has now.” I meant it to be a joke but it wasn’t very funny. “I don’t mind if you help me.”
“Right.” The word came out a little clipped.
He pulled out his phone and sent a text. A second later it chimed and I studied his face as he read it.
“Charm says I can take the line out while you take a shower, but I have to leave the base in.”
“Alright,” I said softly.
Once everything was right, he helped me to the bathroom. I told him I had to use the toilet and he let me do it alone. As I sat there, I took in everything about the bathroom. I noticed it all. My toothbrush sitting on the counter in the same spot I had kept it in my apartment. The bottles of shampoo, body wash, and conditioner all lined up in the same spots they had been in my shower.
I couldn’t fight the tears that filled my eyes.
“Can you get Cami, please. I can’t do this with you right now,” I called out, trying my hardest to keep my voice from sounding as shaky as I felt.
“Is something wrong? I’m coming in.”
“No!” I screamed. “Just get my sister.”
I held my breath until I heard him moving away from the door.
This was him.
All of it.
He had said setting up this room was Cami’s doing but she hadn’t seen my place that much. But Bryan had been there many times. He knew where I kept everything. And seeing it now, seeing that he had noticed the little things, began to break me.
I had been so blind.
So stupid.
I wished more than anything that I could have taken the last year back. I wished that I had found him sooner. I wished that I had never said yes to Brice. Or that it took all of this happening for me to realize that he truly cared about me. I wished that I hadn’t wasted so much time.
I was still hurting. My heart, it ached so bad. And seeing all of this now only pushed the dagger in deeper.
I had once blamed him for my life being ruined. I was wrong then.
But now I blamed him for what had happened to me. For being held against my will for the last three weeks. For not finding me. For not trying hard enough to protect me.
I hated him.
I was sick at the thought of him.
But I was also desperate to have him near. To know that he was here and that he could handle it when I broke down.
I had never been so unsure of anything in my life.
It was too much to deal with at once. I had to focus on one thing at a time and right now, I had to wrap my head around what I had just been through. And to do that, I needed a break from him. I feared that with him so close to me, I wouldn’t be able to see past the deep feelings I had for him. That my heart would talk so loudly it would drown out the things my head was trying to process.
“She’s on her way,” he said and I took in a staggered breath. “Do you… want me to go?”
There was something in his voice that made me cry even harder. So hard that my body shook and I had trouble taking in a breath.
It killed me to speak the words. To say what I really needed right now.
“Yes,” I gasped out.
I heard his sad, resigned sigh. I heard it through the closed door. I heard it over my sobbing.
“Is she okay?” Cami asked a few moments later.
I could tell she was trying to be quiet but I still heard her.
“I don’t know.”
“Is she in there?”
“Yeah,” Bryan said and I felt his stare even though I couldn’t see him. “Call me if she needs anything.”
Then he was gone. Even if I hadn’t heard his boots crossing the floor, I could feel it. A strange emptiness hung in the air and for some reason, it made the tears fall faster.
Cami opened the bathroom door hesitantly. She took one look at me and rushed to my side, throwing her arms around me and hugging me tightly. I didn’t care that my body ached, I was going to hold onto her as long as she would let me.
Once I pulled myself together enough to stand up, I got into the shower. She stayed there, talking to me about little things. I appreciated her trying to act as if things were normal even though they were far from it. I didn’t know what I would have done if she tried to ask me questions. She made sure to leave anything about Bryan out. As well as what had happened to me.
I knew it was only a matter of time before she sat me down and made me talk about it all. But she understood that now was not that time.
While I got out and dried off, she found me something to wear. It was almost strange to see her walking in with a pile of clothes that I was familiar with. Familiar because they were mine.
It reminded me once again, everything that Bryan had done for me. Not that I was ignoring the fact that Cami hadn’t helped but I knew that she didn’t know how everything was set up in my apartment like he did.
“Thank you,” I said to her as I reached for the pile of clothes. “For everything. For this.”
My eyes roamed around the room so she would know what I was talking about.
Then my gaze caught on the tiny box sitting perfectly on top of the dresser. There were those stupid tears again. I closed my eyes and I could see the pearl necklace nestled right inside. I didn’t need to go over there and flip the top up to know that it was in there.
I opened my eyes and tried my best to shake the emotions away.
“I have to be honest,” she said and gave me a small smile. “This was mostly B-ry. I was having a really hard time… I felt helpless. I sort of… had a breakdown moment in here and he was the one that found me. I unpacked everything, but it was really him that set it all up.”
I nodded because I had already figured that out.
“He’s a really good guy,” she said softly.
I bit my lip because I already knew that too.
“He really, uh, cares about you.”
“I know that now,” I said barely above a whisper.
And I was grateful that was all she said on the matter.
After I was dressed, I got back on the bed again. It was so plush and I swore I would never take it for granted again. My head hit the pillow and I let out a soft sigh as I stretched my legs out.
I was asleep before I even realized it.
When I woke again I knew he was there. I didn’t open my eyes but I could feel him. I always felt him. And it wasn’t just the heat radiating off his body and seeping into my back. There was just something that was like a beacon calling out to me every time he was near.
I didn’t move because I didn’t want him to know I was awake. I still was unsure if I could handle being around him. I figured that I hadn’t been out all that long given that he hadn’t woken me up. How long was that supposed to go on? I had never had a concussion or anything before and I really wanted to know when I would be able to sleep and not have to worry about the possibility of not waking up.
I heard him take in a slow, long breath through his nose. I wondered if he had a clue that I wasn’t asleep anymore.
“I realized a lot of things recently,” he said softly.
I had a feeling this wasn’t one of those conversations that people had with someone that was in a coma. The kind where you spilled your guts and hoped they really could hear it all. No, he knew I could hear him and he wanted me to.
“I know so many things about you. Things I don’t think most people get the joy of seeing. Or they don’t pay close enough attention like I do. I know how you secretly love food and that you have a massive amount of restraint when it comes to eating. Sometimes I worry that it’s almost on the verge of unhealthy.”
There was a long pause like he was trying to get his words straight in his head.
“I know that you really like pineapple because you always save it for last. You eat the melons first. Then the strawberries. Then the blueberries one by one. And the pineapple is always last. You chew it just a beat longer than the other fruit and you give me a look every time I try to eat one.”
A tiny laugh bubbled up my throat.
“But I don’t know if it’s your favorite. What if you like apples better? And I never even brought you one of those. Or raspberries. Or hell, what if you don’t really like fruit at all?”
Tears streamed down my face and I pulled the comforter up to wipe them away.
“I know that you have good days and bad ones just like everyone else. But I can always tell the bad ones because you try harder to stay strong. When you think something is inappropriately funny, your cheeks do this thing, it’s like they push up to your eyes making them narrow a bit. I can always tell that you want to laugh but you aren’t sure if you should.”
I wanted to ask him ‘what else?’ because I needed to know how many there were. How many things had he noticed about me that I probably wasn’t even aware of myself?
I got lost there, in the long pause, thinking about how I had missed it all. This man that didn’t just see me, he saw into my soul. He paid attention to the little things. Not only that, but he took every little thing in and remembered the slightest details.
“But I feel like that doesn’t mean anything,” he said breaking the silence finally. “I know next to nothing about you. I don’t know the important stuff. Like, what’s your favorite color? Do you like spicy food? Do you like to read? What do you like to do in your spare time? And so many times I’ve wondered about the deeper things and I always held back on asking. Like, what do you see in the future? Do you want to get married or is that something you felt like you had to do? What about kids? What kind of house do you want?”
I thought about those questions and what my answers might be. The truth was, I wasn’t sure about many of them right now. Not the heavy life ones, anyway.
And I realized that I didn’t know any of the answers for him. I had never asked either, even if I might have thought about it a time or two. Maybe I was scared to know the answers. What if they weren’t anything near what I hoped for. Or worse, what if they were. Because at that time, I had thought this man just barely wanted to be in my life.
It cut me. How we both had been so wrong and stupid.
Then, I thought about it deeper. Was it really that important that he knew my favorite color? Or what kind of food I enjoyed the most? Wasn’t the real proof of love that he saw what other people didn’t? That he knew little things about me that I had never even noticed?
“I like the color orange. I don’t know why, I just do,” he said giving his own answer. “I don’t mind spicy food, but I don’t like it so hot that my ass burns when it comes out the other end. I don’t like to read novels because I’m not a huge fan of excess words. I want the information as straight and boiled down as I can get it so I prefer to read things in article form. In case you couldn’t guess, I like to work out in my spare time.”
I was smiling as I listened to him go on. And, yes, I had guessed he worked out a lot. With a body like that, he had to. It was nice to know all of that but those were the questions I had burning in my brain. I had hoped he would go on without my having to prompt him. I was still a nervous wreck and trying my hardest not to fall apart.
“I honestly never thought about the future until you came along,” he said and I could hear the truth in his words. I began to silently cry harder. “And I’ve thought about it a lot recently. I want kids and I want to raise them in this life just like I was. I want to bring up strong children surrounded by the love of every one of my brothers. My family.”
That shocked me. Like everything came to a jarring standstill. My heart. My breath. Time. A high-pitched ringing echoed in my ears and I wondered if I was maybe still asleep and dreaming. Because as messed up as the timing was, I could see it all too. And I wanted that beautifully vivid image that had started to burn itself into my mind.
“It’s probably not the right time to be talkin’ about this with you, but I don’t want to waste any more time. I feel like we’ve fucked this whole thing up long enough. I’m laying it out there. It’s your choice to decide if you want to take it or not.”
His words weren’t a threat. They were a soft plea. I could hear the truth and honesty in his tone and not an ounce of bitterness.
I didn’t even think that I really had to decide, my heart had already done it for me. I wanted a future with him. And kids. That part got me the most. And I had seen how the club embraced their own and anyone that was lucky enough to be brought into the fold.
I didn’t know why I had felt like such an outsider, but maybe if I tried a little harder and actually stood proudly at Bryan’s side, then I would become a part of it too. So the thought of my children growing up with so much love and protection, well, it did something to my heart. It was warm and started to beat with a new kind of rhythm. For the first time in… oh, maybe forever, I felt so happy and excited about the possibilities of what could have been ahead of me.
And then it hit me, none of that really mattered. The kids. The club. The house. The car. The… whatever. Bryan could have said that he wanted to go live in a shack in the middle of Alaska and I would have followed him there.
Because I loved the guy.
Before I could answer or even say anything back, a knock sounded at the door. Bryan called for them to enter and a second later, Iron was walking in.
I rolled over and sat up. My head wasn’t happy about the sudden movement but at least it wasn’t pounding now. Bryan’s hands were there, holding my shoulders to keep me steady. Then he fluffed the pillows so I could lean back a little.
“How ya hanging in there, Laurel?” he asked me, flashing a small, but genuine smile.
“Oh, you know,” I said with a forced laugh and a shrug. “I suppose I could be worse.”
He gave a twitch of his lips to let me know he saw through the attempt at humor.
“We’re gonna make sure you’re taken care of, okay?”
“Thank you. I really appreciate it. And for… all the other stuff, too.”
I shouldn’t have been thanking him. I wouldn’t have been in the situation I had been in if it wasn’t for this club.
But something inside of me just couldn’t hate them. Not any of them. It wasn’t like they had made the guy crazy or whatever. It wasn’t like they made him kidnap me and keep me locked in a cage for weeks. Though they were wrapped up in this somehow, it wasn’t their fault.
“I hate to do this to you, but can you tell us anything else? Maybe something you missed or overlooked?”
“I don’t know,” I whispered honestly.
I couldn’t even remember what all I had told them before. I had been half out of my mind then. I still was. I felt like I was waiting for it all to hit me and I feared the moment it all came crashing down.
“He-he got angry. He was so mad because you didn’t get or figure out his clues or something. At first, it just seemed like he had this simple plan. Take me then you would come running. But then I sort of told him that… um, that I wasn’t that important to… anyone here. And I may have let him know that I wasn’t a very good friend and no one probably knew I had been gone.”
Bryan looked away. I wasn’t looking directly at him but I could see his head turn out of the corner of my eye. What I had said had been the truth, and I wondered just how long it was before any one of them noticed I wasn’t around.
“How long did it take you?” I asked coldly as I shifted my focus to Bryan. “How long until someone realized I was missing?”
Bryan’s eyes went to the floor. I shifted my focus to Iron and asked the same questions with my eyes.
“A week,” he said holding his head high. At least someone had the decency not to try and hide the truth from me.
“A week,” I whispered and closed my eyes. That stung. To know that I hadn’t been around a week before someone even thought about me. Or to check on me.
But could I really be mad at anyone other than myself?
“You said clues?” Iron said pulling my focus away from all the sadness that washed over me.
“Yes, but I don’t know what. He never told me. At one point, he was so mad that he threatened to cut my finger off and send it to you. But he didn’t.”
“The hell?!” Bryan raged from beside me. I placed my hand on his knee in hopes that it would calm him down.
“I didn’t know how far he was going to go.” I shook my head. As much as I didn’t want to think of what happened right before I escaped, I knew they needed to hear it. “The man with the accent had said something about giving him three more days…”
I went on to explain everything, trying to recall all the little details that I could. I explained how he was running out of time and I was scared what would happen to me. How he got so mad that last time. And how I ended up looking like, well, this.
“He said I was nothing but a whore. That all women were. He pinned me down and undid his pants. He tried to… put it in my mouth, I think that was what he was going for. I don’t really know. But he couldn’t get it to… work. Thank, God. It hit me, after all of the things he had said. I think I was too old for him.”
The thought turned my stomach. It was all I could do to not to jump off the bed and run for the bathroom. All of it. It was so horrible. He was so horrible.
“I think he killed his little sister,” I went on. I was starting to feel tired again and I just wanted to get this all over with. “He said something about his father, and the club, I think. Payback for killing his father, maybe? I don’t know.” Everything was fuzzy and I was having trouble remembering if I had already told them that part.
“It’s okay, Laurel,” Iron said. “Just tell us what you remember. How did you get out?”
“After he beat me or whatever, there was a knock on the door. I guess he thought I was out cold or something because he walked out and left me on the floor. I heard arguing, it was the man with the accent. I managed to get the window open and jumped out. That was when I ran into… someone and they brought me here. I don’t even know where that guy came from.”
“He was at the house next door. Saw you trying to get out the window and rushed outside.” I was thankful that Iron filled in the gaps for me.
“He knew you were looking for me?” I asked though it wasn’t really a question. I had never seen the guy before but he seemed to know about the club. “And did you guys do what he said you did? Did you kill his father?”
Iron looked at Bryan pointedly. They shared some kind of secret eye code or something. It was clear that they weren’t going to say anything. Which made me a little bit mad.
“Laurel, B-ry and I are going to step out and talk about something. We’re going to try and figure this all out, okay? Why don’t you just rest for a bit? I’m sure this has been hard on you.”
The way he said it was sweet. Almost like he did care about me a little.
However, those weren’t the words that I wanted to hear and I wasn’t dumb enough to miss that it was a distraction.
“No,” I said defiantly as I stared him down.
Who was this woman speaking from inside of me?
And where had she been all along?