CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
Laurel
A week went by.
Things were tense for the club and I started to find myself in the middle of some of those things.
I recalled, again and again, what had happened to me. I gave them every little detail I could remember. They asked me if I had ever seen my captor before. Steve, that was his name they told me. I tried to think, but there was nothing that had been familiar about him. I wondered what it all meant but they never told me anything.
With everything that was going on, I figured it was best not to push even though I felt like I was at the end of my rope. I wanted answers even if they didn’t want to give them. That was hard for me, to sit there and have all of these things going through my mind and not a clue how to figure anything out.
But I guessed that was just how things went sometimes.
Maybe I would never find the answers I was looking for.
Maybe I would never know how or why this had happened to me.
Bryan was in some meeting thing. He had called it Church. I was still getting used to everything around here. Church was where the big men had their meetings or something. All I knew was that it was top secret stuff. He said it could take hours, he just wasn’t sure.
I was feeling slightly smothered and stir crazy.
So I left a note right next to the bed and sent Cami, as well as Chris, a text. Then I went in search of someone that could give me a ride.
I felt like I couldn’t even breathe without letting someone know. I wasn’t trying to be fussy about it. I understood and I was appreciative to a certain degree. But there were times I just needed to do things on my own and not have to worry about someone asking if I was alright. Or if I was sure I wanted to go out. Or if I could handle the real world.
Well, that last one hadn’t been said outright, but that was kind of how I felt.
“Hey, you,” I whispered as I cracked open the door to my room and found a man standing there.
He was a prospect.
I had learned that those were men that wanted in but were on kind of like a trial run. It sounded a lot like what I imagined the hazing that fraternities did to their pledges. And when I had said that to Bryan, I got a hard look cut at me.
But whatever.
I also knew that it was this guy’s job to watch over me. The main reason was because they still hadn’t caught the guy that kidnapped me. But I suspected that Bryan was uneasy about leaving me alone too.
“Yes, ma’am?”
“Do you have a name?” I asked and rolled my eyes. Of course, he had a name. Everyone did. What I had meant by that was, was he allowed to tell me it.
I didn’t know all the rules here and the last thing I wanted to do was get someone in trouble.
“I do,” he said simply and his honey eyes sparkled with mirth. He didn’t sound like he was trying to be a ‘turd nugget’ as my sister would say. So I smiled and laughed.
“Alright. Mr. Funny Pants. Is it against the rules for you to tell it to me?”
“Colby. But don’t call me that around the guys, s’all I ask.”
“Colby. Got it,” I said motioning for him to come closer. Which he did but still left a respectable distance between us. “Can you get me out of here?”
He looked unsure for a moment.
“I left a note beside the bed. I also let my sister know that I was leaving.”
He still looked hesitant.
“I’ll take all the blame,” I said but it came out sounding more like a question.
“Okay, but only if you tell me where we’re going first.”
“To the coffee shop and then to the hospital.”
“I think that will be alright,” he replied.
He drove me to Royally Brewed and sat at the table while I talked to Dale. His eyes were on me the entire time. Well, they were with the exception of when he shot off a text, to Bryan, I assumed. And that was fine. I couldn’t even be mad because I didn’t want him to get in trouble and it wasn’t like I was trying to hide what I was doing.
“Are you okay?” Dale asked right away as he pulled me aside where there wasn’t anyone around.
“I will be?” Maybe? I hoped so. “I’m sorry that I haven’t called. Things have been crazy. I’m sorry if I put you in a bind.”
I didn’t really want to tell him what happened to me. I was going to kind of play it off that I had a breakdown and that I was working my way through it now. I also wanted to see if it was still possible that I had a job. I wasn’t expecting it and I figured after a month they had probably already found someone to fill my place.
“I know,” he said before I could get another word out. “I know about what happened. Well, not everything. B-ry came by here and explained that something had happened and it was beyond your control. He pretty much begged… well, it was more like threatened nicely, for me to not fire you if you still wanted to work here. Anyway, I figured something was going on and I still have hours for you if you want them.”
“Yes, please,” I said excitedly. “I don’t know how much I will be able to do right now. Things are still…”
“Yeah, I don’t want to know. Please. I need to know nothing. I get it though.”
I laughed because I understood what he was saying.
“Well, things are still a little crazy and I have a constant watcher now. Bryan is not all that thrilled with me being out of his sight.”
“And you think that will change?” he asked with a brow raised.
“Fair enough.”
“Just let me know what you can do and when you want to start back,” he said and patted my shoulder.
“Thanks, Dale. It really means so much to me.”
We said bye then Colby drove me to the hospital.
There were members in an out of here at all times. It was a waiting game from what I had gotten. Dade was still in a coma. Blade was in and out, most of the time he was out because they had him on a lot of pain medicine. But at least he was alive and talking.
“Hi,” I said as I walked into Blade’s room and saw someone sitting there.
I hadn’t learned everyone’s names yet, but I was working on it.
“Hey, Laurel.”
“Do you mind if I sit with him for a little bit?”
“You got someone with you?”
“Yeah, there’s a prospect outside the door,” I answered with a smile and was proud of myself that I had remembered not to say Colby’s name.
“Good. Okay, I’m gonna go stretch my legs and get something to eat. Take your time.”
“Thank you,” I said as he walked past and out the door.
I sat there, unsure of just about everything. I didn’t want to touch Blade because I was afraid I would hurt him. I knew he was banged up pretty badly. Bryan had told me everything that they had to do to him. I wasn’t sure what it meant for after he got out of here. Would he need some kind of physical therapy? Would he still be able to ride a motorcycle? Could he still walk?
I chose to keep those questions to myself because I didn’t want to bring up anything that might bring people down. I was sure they were all thinking the same things anyway.
“So…” I said breathing out a long breath of air.
“You gonna say anything else or is that it?”
I let out a tiny scream and jumped.
Blade didn’t open his eyes but he did laugh. Not anything crazy and it seemed that he was trying to hold some of it back.
“You scared me,” I said like he didn’t already know it.
“I kinda got that.”
“I’m sorry. I thought you were asleep.”
“I was…”
There was a long stretch of silence as I waited for him to say something else.
“Be straight with me, Cami’s sister,” he said and he still hadn’t opened his eyes. “How are the guys?”
“Um, my name is Laurel,” I said as politely as I could. “And they are great.” It was a lie but I was pretty sure that would have been what they wanted me to say.
“Yeah, okay, Cami’s sister. Now tell me the truth.”
I rolled my eyes. It seemed I was never going to have a name to this guy.
“Mouse is still messed up over the whole thing. He feels responsible even though it’s not his fault…”
I let the words die there.
It was mine.
I wanted to say it because he needed to know it even if he already did. He needed to know that I owned up and took the blame for it all.
“Damn right, it’s not,” he said in a grunt. Then his eyes shot open and he looked at me. “If anyone is to blame for me being here, then it’s me. I made the choice to get in the way. I’m not saying I’m a hero, far from it, in fact. But the only reason I’m here right now is because I made that choice. And a man is nothing if he can’t live with the consequences of his actions. I would say the same thing if I’d died under that rubble.”
“Um, you wouldn’t be saying anything because you would be dead,” I responded giving him a pointed look.
He let out a chuckle.
“You’re smarter than I gave you credit for.”
“Thanks?” I said shaking my head. “I’m not really sure how to take that.”
I looked down as his words replayed in my head. I wasn’t a man, but I felt it should still apply to me. I made the choice to walk home that night. I needed to own up and deal with the consequences of those actions.
“Let me tell you something, Laurel,” he said and it didn’t slip past me that he used my name this time. “I was there, not because I was trying to prove myself to them, but because I was mad that this had happened. That he had done this not only to a man I already see as my brother, but because he fucked with you. And that just isn’t right.”
I think I understood what he was trying to say. Maybe? A little? Oh, I wasn’t sure. But I got this feeling then. One that made me smile and feel some kind of protective warmth.
He closed his eyes again and I knew that was all we were going to say to one another.
I couldn’t lie, Blade was a little scary. He was big, but not as big as Bryan. While Bryan covered his scary edge with a playful cockiness most of the time, Blade didn’t do anything like that. He wore his scary and intimidation like an armor. So the fact that he had turned a little soft for me was something I definitely wasn’t going to forget or brush off.
“Don’t dwell on it, Cami’s sister. It won’t do a damn bit of good. Hate him for what he already hates himself for, or love him because he’s a man worthy of your love. But don’t waste another second trying to decide what you want. Life is too fucking short. I should know. I died, twice, apparently.”
I sat there in stunned silence.
“Next time you come, try to sneak in my baby,” he said oddly.
There wasn’t another word said.
And a few moments later, his even breathing let me know that he was out again.
I would never tell him that I thought it was adorable that he referred to his dog as his baby. Nor would I tell the others that was how he put it. Who knew though, maybe that was what he called Biscuit around the guys and didn’t give a crap what anyone thought about it.
I left him when someone else came in.
While I wanted to go check on Dade, I knew I wouldn’t be allowed in. His sister was here and she had only put Iron and a couple of the others on the visitor list. Bryan told me that she didn’t want a lot of people in there until he was awake. She thought it would be too chaotic. I understood it but I still felt bad that I couldn’t see him and tell him how sorry I was even if he couldn’t hear it.
Dade was still in a medically induced coma and they had no idea how long that would go on. He had been closer to the blast point than Blade.
“I’m ready to go,” I said to Colby when I stepped out into the hall. “Thank you for bringing me here.”
He smiled and nodded.
When I got back to the compound I went back to the room and decided that I needed a nap. I had planned on talking to Bryan later about going back to work. At first, I figured he would say no and I was prepared to fight for what I wanted. I couldn’t sit around here all the time. I had to find some kind of normalcy again or else I was going to spiral out of control. Only after talking to Dale, it seemed like Bryan already knew what I needed before I did. Again.
Things with Bryan were… well, I wasn’t really sure how to explain it. He stayed with me every night and most of those nights we were wrapped up in one another’s arms as we slept. We barely talked but I think that was because we were both so drained by the time we got into bed. I didn’t see him much during the day, he was either off doing club business or at the hospital. Sometimes I went with him to the hospital.
I think Bryan was waiting on me to make a move. Only, Blade had been right, I kept waffling between where I wanted to go. I had a lot going on in my head and even as I tried to sort through it all, I still wasn’t sure where I wanted to go from here. It wasn’t just about him. It was about everything. Who I was. What I was going to do next. What my plans were for the future. And the biggest one was how to move on from here after everything that had happened.
I was angry. That was a given. Angry that it had happened to me. Angry at how weak I felt. Angry that no one would tell me anything about what was going on.
I was also hurt.
Which might have been the thing that was the hardest for me to let go of.
Completely drained, I couldn’t think of anything other than closing my eyes. So I did, and hoped that when I woke I would have at least one thing figured out.
I had no idea how long I had been out, but the sound of someone moving around the room was what woke me.
“Hey,” Bryan said softly as I rolled over to look at him.
“Hi,” I said smiling.
“I’m going to head over to the gym for a little bit, okay?”
There was something there behind his eyes. I could see it even if he was trying to hide it from me. He was trying to be strong, like always. But I knew everything was weighing on him. I wished more than anything that I could help ease those burdens but how could I do that when I couldn’t even be strong for myself?
“Take me,” I said sitting up.
“Um, I don’t think that’s a good idea. Not really the kind of place to take…”
“What?” I asked with a little attitude. “Someone like me?”
“That’s not what I meant,” he said and blew out a breath like he felt that no matter what he said, it would start a fight. “It’s mostly a gym for guys that fight.”
“Teach me how to fight, please,” I said looking at him with begging eyes that I hoped he wouldn’t be able to say no to.
I wanted to be strong. I wanted to feel strong. I wanted to know that if I was ever in a situation like I had been that night, that I would at least be able to do something. I never wanted to feel helpless again.
“Okay,” he said with a resigned sigh. “Get dressed. And put my hoodie on.”
I jumped up and got ready in a flash.
“Thank you,” I whispered as I threw my arms around his neck and pecked his lips.
“Do not leave my side when we get there. Don’t look at anyone and for fuck’s sake, don’t go getting in anyone’s business. Understand?”
I nodded and was suddenly nervous about going. But I knew Bryan wouldn’t let anything happen to me as long as I was by his side.
Once we got there, I completely understood why he had been so stern. There were a lot of big men around. Big men that looked very scary. And I was pretty sure most of them were Russian, I heard their accents right away.
Bryan held my hand as we walked through the gym. I kept my head down so I wouldn’t look at anyone like Bryan had said. Some of them stopped and I could feel their eyes on us.
Alright, well I clearly hadn’t thought this out when I asked to come along. I wasn’t sure I would be able to do anything around all these people. I might look like a silly girl. And what if bringing me here had somehow disrespected them. Perhaps I should have asked if it was a good idea instead of making Bryan feel guilty if he said no.
“You okay, princess?”
I squeaked out some sort of answer.
“Hey, biker’s woman,” someone said and made my head snap up.
That voice tickled something in the back of my mind. I was sure I had heard it before.
He gave me an oddly warming smile.
“You look better than the last time I saw you.”
Oh! He was the man that helped me after I got out of the window. The one that put me in the car and took me to the compound. I felt bad that I hadn’t thanked him. I didn’t even know his name.
And before I could think better of it, I was throwing my arms around his neck.
“Thank you,” I said as I felt tears sting my eyes.
He gave me one good squeeze then patted my back.
“Sorry,” I mumbled as I stepped back. I hoped I hadn’t crossed some kind of line here. “I just… I’m very grateful you were there and helped me and everything.”
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Bryan shaking his head with a smile on his face and I knew it was alright.
“Why is your woman assaulting my men?” another man asked as he walked over to us. He was big and looked as if he had a permanent scowl etched into his face. But there was something in his tone that almost made me think he was trying to joke.
I started to cower away. And instantly I hated it.
No. I wasn’t going to let these men walk all over me no matter how big or how scary they seemed.
Bryan had basically told me to stay quiet and be as invisible as possible, but that wasn’t who I wanted to be.
So I stood up straight and looked the second man in the eyes.
“I meant no disrespect. I was just thanking this man here for saving me,” I said calmly.
“Vladik,” the second one said.
“I’m sorry what?” Was that like some weird Russian sneeze?
“His name. Vladik.”
“Oh. Well, thank you, Vladik.” I turned my attention to him then.
“No problem. I did not really do much.” He gave a half-shrug but I could see the smile in his eyes.
“I’m Andrei, if anyone cared to know.”
I let out a laugh because this time I knew he was joking.
“I was going to show Laurel some moves. I hope that’s okay,” Bryan said speaking for the first time.
Andrei eyed me for a long time.
I did my best not to shrink under his gaze.
Then he gave me a nod like he understood all the reasons that I needed this.
Without a word, he turned and walked off.
Bryan pulled me to one of the corners where we had a little bit of privacy. After we stretched out and warmed up, he began to teach me the basics. Like how to ball up my fist. And how to make sure I had my face protected. And how to throw a punch so I wouldn’t break my hand.
I asked him where he learned all of this.
That was when he told me about his dad and growing up in the club in Tennessee.
“I was a skinny kid that liked to read. As if that wasn’t enough, kids thought I was trash because my dad belonged to a motorcycle club. I think I was in the fourth grade when I came home with a bloody nose for the third time and my dad was at a loss. He did everything he could think of. Talked to the teachers and the principal, but nothing was done about it.”
He stopped to give me some directions and he had me working on my jab next. I had to say, I didn’t think I was half bad.
“Anyway,” he went on. “My dad had a buddy that owned a gym and trained guys how to box. A lot of the club members trained there too. So he took me there one afternoon after school and the guys there kind of took me in. Taught me just about everything I know. It wasn’t that my dad wanted me to get in fights, I think. It was more of like a confidence booster. It didn’t help right away, but eventually, I started to hold myself up and people eventually stopped fucking with me.”
“So did you ever get into a fight with those mean people?” I asked.
“No,” he said with a smile. “And maybe that was the best part. I didn’t lose myself. I was still that kid that was a little bit nerdy, only I was super cool too.”
He laughed and flashed me that cocky smirk of his. I paused as the smile spread across my face.
Something inside me warmed right then. I knew, without a doubt, that I wanted more moments like this with him. I knew that to love him I had to let go. I had to release the anger I was holding onto. I had to set the pain free. And I needed to focus on the wonderful future we could have together.
Sure, it wasn’t a simple thing to do though it sounded like I had it all figured out.
Maybe, Blade had been right.
I wasn’t going to hate Bryan and I wasn’t going to walk away.
So right there in that super stinky gym, I made my decision.
“Hands up,” he commanded, effectively snapping me out of my thoughts.
Then we got to work again and I gave it my all.
He didn’t go easy on me and I was grateful. He pushed me until I was dripping with sweat, panting, and ready to collapse from exhaustion.
Then he took me back to the compound and made us dinner.
Which surprised me.
The baked chicken and wilted greens tasted amazing. I wasn’t sure if it was because I was so hungry or he was a pretty good cook.
We showered together and then I told him I was ready for bed. After he checked in with Iron, he crawled in right beside me. This was the way I wanted it, him here with me, and I realized that I never wanted to give that up.