“I can feel a different vibe buried deep in your heart.” Cody was stunned by Drake’s words. How could anyone feel such suppressed vibration? His heart clenched for a moment until another message flashed on the screen from Drake. “Don’t mind it kiddo. I am not going to tell anyone. But your silence confirmed everything.”

Cody was again doing late night chatting with one of his professors. This night Max was offline, but luckily he got hold of Drake and surprisingly, Drake was giving him his full attention. The night seemed to be fulfilling his longings.

“I am not a child.” Cody sulked and slapped his leg. “I am a grown adult now.”

“Oh my, my. My grown up boy.” Cody felt Drake’s grin from behind the screen.

“Yes. I am.” Cody groused again.

“Don’t be a brat, otherwise I will spank your ass.”

“Is this an invitation or …?” Cody replied and holding his breath he waited for the reply. Anything would be relaxing. He knew tonight he had crossed all limits. But he was also fed up from constricting himself within the boundaries. Drake was typing. He could tell from the chat box, and the anticipation, saliva tingling on his tongue, and that unexplainable tickling in his stomach, everything together curled into something bad… and it popped soon.

“Kiddo you need to sleep!”

“UGH! What an irritating reply,” Cody hissed and typed back, “Reply properly to me”

“EXCUSE ME?”

The caps told everything. Drake, the fucking Dom in him didn’t want to talk.

“Still… if you won’t mind? Pleeeeeeeease,” followed by begging GIF. How could his sassiness have left him?

“?” A big question mark ended all the fun.

“Fucking hell. How did he see himself? A Dom? A hunk? A dude? This isn’t the way a Dom behaved with his loved one?” Cody hissed in a long stream of anguish. His mouth pissed out the anger, but he wasn’t done yet. His blood raged and he wanted to go to Drake’s home, piss on his door, throw stones breaking the windows, and yell abuse at him. How could anyone arouse someone without the intention of satisfying him? The thought itself was grating. He snapped the screen closed and at the same time a pinging sound hinted at another message. He rushed to open it back up.

It was Drake. “I am out to dinner with someone. Talk to you later?”

“Late at night?” Cody was not willing to let Drake go just yet. His heart was clinging to Drake since Drake had found out about his online identity.

“I will be staying at her house.” Drake replied with a smiling emoji.

There was nothing more to question or expect. Those seven words told everything. Inexplicably Cody’s heart drowned deeper in his misery. He had so much to say, shout, cry, and suddenly he went quiet, looking back to his previous reactions. His heart raged to yell as loud as he could, thump, thrash things around, and even jump off the balcony. His desire to be possessed by Drake, the surreptitious cravings to be unlocked by him, the wish to feel bliss with him and only him, to groan at his touch and moan on his grasp, the longings to feel his marks a little deeper and wilder on his skin, and the ache of hearing, the feeling of his sultry breath over his pale, white skin.

But the desire died just like earlier. A tear rolled down his cheek, and he accepted Drake was not for him. He was as straight as the crowd around, and now Cody had to hunt again for someone like him. Who could accept him as he was. His heart was shattering into a million pieces. Couldn’t Drake have done it with his tongue roaming over his skin, and the shudder so high? Cody’s heart wouldn’t have broken into millions of pieces. But, aching turned into yearning, and then evaporated into the air. The facts were right before his eyes, and his heart was not ready to accept it. He still felt Drake was looking for something else in him. Perhaps, a shelter like his own?

But!!!

Now all arguments should have ended. He shouted inside his mind but all in vain. The clatter was high suppressing all the voices. The instability trembled in his mind, the ear shattering sound roared inside and suppressed everything, he pressed his palms over his ears, pressing hard, and holding his mind, he fell down on the bed. Hitting the side table, the night lamp fell down. His dizzy eyes perceived someone running into his room and that was the last sensation his mind recorded before falling into numbness.

 

 

---

 

Cody opened his eyes and found Joseph staring at him. His bewildered eyes showed that Joe was worried but he didn’t know anything yet. How could he? Cody smiled, getting up from the bed.

“No… no… keep lying there. The doctor said not to get up…” Joe rushed over, sitting at the edge of the bed. Worry was lurking in his eyes. Joe’s actions told Cody he was facing such a situation for the first time, and was still indecisive what to do or what to say.

“I am fine…” murmuring, Cody raised himself up with his arms and sat on the bed resting his body against the headboard. Joe rushed to get a pillow so his head could be in a comfortable position. Cody smiled at this kind gesture. “Thank you,” he smiled. “How did I finish up like this?” looking at Joe, he asked.

“I don’t know. I heard a loud sound from your room of something crash. When I came inside I found you on the floor, along with the side table and the lamp.” Joe stopped staring at Cody. “Doctor said there was a mental shock, possibly caused by anguish, or stress, or instability, or something... Would you mind sharing if you have some kind of illness so I will be prepared next time? I was shocked too.” A shy smile passed onto his face.

“I don’t know. I really don’t know.” Cody huffed. Looking for water. Joe offered him a glass, “I was chatting, then suddenly I felt a headache and I don’t remember anything more.” Cody’s words wrapped in a partial lie spurted out.

“It’s okay. It happens. Doctor said if you continue feeling a headache or any kind of uneasiness, then to visit Medical Hospital. ”

“I will do.” Cody smiled and saw it was 3 am. He looked back at Joe, “You need to rest too, it’s very late.”

“I am fine. I am worried for you. Feel free to share anything with me. I may sound like a brat sometimes but I am a good listener… if the topic is good,” Joe added, and they both laughed.

Cody had seen doubt in Joe’s eyes, “I am feeling fine now and I seriously don’t know what happened.” Attempting to change his seating posture, Cody touched his forehead to discover a cotton covered wound. “Am I hurt?”

“Little bit.” Joe removed Cody’s hand from his forehead. “You hit the corner of the side table. There was a slight gash. Doc has put on some ointment and covered it with cotton and has asked for it not to be removed until morning. After that it will be okay.”

“Means I was hurt too.” Cody giggled. He didn’t know how to react.

“Yes you were.” Joe added, “And now would you mind telling me what really happened?” Anger was clear in his voice. Joe was fed up with the lies Cody told so far. He climbed up on the bed, coming nearer to Cody. “Come on. Spill”

Cody giggled on seeing Joe’s friendly possessiveness, “Seriously sweet, I was chatting, then I felt the room was spinning round and then I fell.”

“Someone broke your heart? Did you break it off with your girlfriend?”

“Nope. It was normal chatting with a friend. And I don’t have a girlfriend.” Cody replied calmly. He tried his best to veil the facts.

“From tomorrow, no late night chatting.” Joe warned Cody wagging a finger. “And why no girlfriend? A boyfriend?” his speech was slower now, almost murmuring.

Cody giggled again. Joe gestured, as if someone was listening through the window. Cody whispered, “Neither. Looking for one.”

“Boyfriend?”

Cody nodded. He never imagined his secret would be revealed so early and so smoothly to his roommate. “Do you have a problems with that?”

“No. Not at all. Enjoy your life with whoever you want. Love is love.” Joe smiled wider.

Joseph’s expression was full of warmth and acceptance which Cody’s sensed immediately. His past had taught him how suddenly people could change, and become cold. Discussion ended, they began perceiving him as a filthy, lusty beast who was active on dating sites, and lay down every night with a new ass. Cody remained silent.

“Anyone special?” Curiosity was oozing from Joe.

Cody grinned and looked at the door. “No one right now.”

“Who were you chatting with? … if it’s not confidential.” Joe smiled. “And to anyone exclusively?” He knew Cody was doing something sinful. The silent ones were the worst.

After a brief pause Cody replied. “Prof Maximus and Prof Drake!?” he gave a long sigh and then paused.

“Oh my, my… don’t kill me… are you falling for your professors?” Joe bounced in excitement on Cody’s bed. His knees slipped on the bed and connected lightly with Cody’s cock. Cody was excited, with a half erect dick in his pajamas which hit against Joe’s knees. Neither reacted and Joe remained as he was. Cody thought super-excited Joe hadn’t noticed, so he stayed touching him.

“I didn’t say I have fallen for any of my professors… but I feel I am.” Shrugging Cody covered his face with both palms.

“Please don’t be shy like a girl… I am sorry…. Sorry… if you felt bad…” Joe immediately understood he had hurt Cody, who liked behaving in a feminine manner in private, but not in front of everyone.

“Don’t worry… I didn’t take offense… and yeah… I don’t like behaving girlishly too much…” Cody giggled and took hold of Joe’s outstretched hands. He kept both hands held against his chest and kept staring into space. “I think they like me back too…”

“Don’t drop bombs on me…” Joe shouted and started laughing. “I am dying to know whether you are going to be my professors’ boyfriend.” Joe moved closer. His knees pressing harder on Cody’s by now hard dick.

“I am not yet… But I feel they could want…”

“But who exactly?” Joe interrupted.

“Math prof?”

“Don’t say you are falling for a hag?” Joe laughed clapping his hands in a teasing manner.

“No. Not a hag. My class is taught by Max.”

“Max? Who is Max? It’s Ms. Clements in our class.”

I don’t know any Ms Clements.” Cody giggled. “It’s Max in our class and he is very handsome… like a devil from hell… he always keeps one or two of his shirt buttons undone.” Cody’s eyes shone in pleasure as he recalled what he saw underneath Max’s shirt. “Definitely gym toned pecs and sufficient hair to play with.”

“Hair? Like a bear or ape?” Joe laughed about his words.

“Not like an ape or a bear…” Cody sulked and slapped lightly on Joe’s thigh. “Stop laughing… he is very handsome… and I don’t like hearing anything said against him.” He smiled and covered his face again.

“I thought gays preferred metrosexuals… more…” Joe trailed off.

“Huh, a man should look like a man. I don’t like metrosexuals, shaving their body and giving girly vibes when in bed.”

“So you like a man full of hair like our ancestors.” Joe giggled.

“Oh! No. I don’t mean that. In between the two. Enough to get the feeling of a modern man.” Cody arched his eyebrows, thinking about his ideal man. But anyone who knew him well could tell that Max was in his thoughts. He giggled while thinking about him and slid down into his bed.

“Though I went yesterday to shave my chest…” Joe pulled his t-shirt up and showed it. Cody touched and caressed his fingers staying longer around Joe’s nipples.

“Quite smooth…” and he pinched them. Both roommates laughed, and Joe immediately slipped his t-shirt back down.

“I had a laser treatment followed by a full, body-oil massage. It gave me extra smoothness.” Joe boasted.

“For whom did you do that?” Cody asked

“For myself….perhaps….., but honestly, for girls… they are always saying they love biting smooth men.

“Oh you lucky bitch.” Cody spanked Joe’s thigh again.

“Not yet. I wish to be soon.”

“Why??? I see you bringing a new face every night already, or at least every second night.”

“Gosh! You saw me?” Joe giggled. “Yep, but they are not worth more than one night.” He laughed shamelessly. “True, I am looking for a girlfriend, but even more, I am also looking for a life partner.” A brief silence. “But, I don’t mind this screening process.” And both laughed.

Cody grinned. He had nothing more to say about his professors. Nothing he wanted to disclose about Drake. He knew Drake was a famous guy about campus, and more so among the girls. What if Joseph disclosed their talks to others? Drake’s reputation would be ruined.

“I have checked your doodles. But they don’t look like Max?” Joe stretched his hand out to lift Cody’s sketchbook from the side table, then he changed the topic. Perhaps Joe knew Cody didn’t want to talk any longer about his crushes.

“Noooo…,” Cody shouted, “you cannot touch it.” But by then Joe had lifted it and he fell backwards onto the floor in trying to get away from Cody. While attempting to snatch the book back from Joe, Cody fell over him. Both shouted out in pain. But ignoring it, Cody still attempted to get his sketchbook back. Finally he got the book and shouted in victory. “Yay!” When he looked down he found his knees were pressing down at Joe’s stomach, and one hand was on Joe’s face. He apologized making a silly face, and Joe turned him upside down in an attempt to snatch the book again. This time Cody was fully trapped. Joe pressed him down by keeping his hands on Cody’s wrists, and he almost sat on Cody’s face. His crotch loomed over Cody’s mouth.

“You want me to bite you?… I bet I could eat all of you…” Cody huffed, trying to push Joe away from his mouth.

“Do it.” Joe’s snarky words shocked Cody. “Show me. As if you were doing it to him.” Joe turned the pages of the sketchbook. There in black and white was definitely Cody himself, and he was giving a wild blowjob to a hunk. While showing the sketch to Cody, Joe turned towards him. “He doesn’t look like Max, doesn’t he?”

Cody extended his hands to get the sketchbook back. “No, it’s not Max.” And while grabbing it Joe pulled the page to his side, and with a cracking, ripping sound the page was torn.

“I am sorry… sorry… I am so extremely sorry…” Almost crying, Joe slipped off Cody’s face and left the book behind. The half page fell over Cody’s face before he took hold of it. “I didn’t do it on purpose… I hope you know… I was only teasing you.”

“I know,” Cody replied trying to lift himself up from the floor. Cody was looking at the page and how the tear had travelled in between the two images. Still, the main sketch was not affected except for a small cut between the two faces. Of course, Cody was kneeling down, and the guy getting the blowjob in the sketch was standing up, holding Cody’s head with one hand while he was bowed backwards. Luckily, his face was saved from being torn apart. His other hand was in Cody’s hair pushing him down onto his shaft. Yet, Joseph was looking minutely at the sketch, as if he hadn’t seen it earlier.

“So you want a wild-man handling you?” Joe tickled Cody, but Cody remained silent looking at the sketch which showed Joe he was angry. He slipped down on the floor sitting beside him and holding Cody’s hand, “I am sorry. You know. I was just playing with you.”

“I know. It’s not your fault.” Cody took hold of Joe’s hand and caressed it, so he wouldn't feel sorry for his prank. “It’s just, we two are not fated to be together.” Cody sighed, and began looking for the sticky-tape in the drawer of his side table, so he could mend the image.

“Who… we… two?” Joe moved nearer.

Cody giggled at Joe’s childish behavior. “Don’t come so close. I might think you are interested in me.”

“Oh! Damn! Don’t read my mind. I freakingly love you, like nothing in the whole world.” Joe leaned over Cody, trying to kiss him.

“Don’t fake it. You don’t need to.” Cody pushed him back.

“No. I love you.” Joe extended his hands again to pull Cody’s face towards him.

“The way I make love?” Cody asked, raising his eyebrows, a naughty grin on his lips.

“Umm… no. I don’t want a sore butt.” And both laughed louder.

“It’s okay.” Cody patted Joe’s head, and then Joe helped Cody in sticking his sketches together.

Was it Max you were talking to earlier?”

“Drake.”

“Drake?” Confused, Joe stared at Cody and shrieked. “You mean Professor Drake?” He understood exactly who Cody was talking about.

Cody nodded with a slight smile on his lips. He crossed his arms over his chest as if he wasn’t going to say anything else.

“Was he flirting with you?”

“I was. Trying to, and then he scolded me.”

“How dare he?” Joe hissed. “But I always found him with ladies. Is he bisexual?”

“I don’t know dude. I felt he wouldn’t mind if I flirted with him… and more than flirting…”

“Are you planning to sleep with him?”

“Oh, no. Don’t go that way. I don’t trick guys into sleeping with me. I am still a virgin.” while speaking, Cody couldn’t help letting out the truth.

“Go and kill yourself. You, a fucking virgin, at your age? You haven’t got any fucking chick or dude to taste the bliss of sex with? When will you start enjoying your life? Youth once gone never returns. Why the hell are you wasting your time? And for whom?” Joe would have lectured him more, but Cody smiled and took hold of his hand, pressing softly, gesturing tenderly for him to stop.

“Chill.” Cody was still kind. “I want to preserve myself for my one and only.”

“I hate this kind of thought. You don’t know, everyone in this world is a fucking whore. Everyone is sleeping around for only a few hours of fun. Don’t be clingy. Just fuck and walk away.” Throwing Cody’s hand in air, Joe continued airing his strong feelings. “… I mean… whatever you like in sex…” He knew Cody had a different way of making love.

“Everyone is different when making love.” Cody soothed Joe.

“Really? How would you know this without having any experience?”

“Knowledge is scattered all around on the internet. And… yes… I fantasize a lot.” Cody smiled faintly. He knew Joe would bombard him with numerous questions and he didn’t want to reply to any of them.

Joe only smiled. “Still??? Will he go on a date with you?”

“Nope. He is out for dinner, dating a lady. And… he is staying at her home.”

“Shit!” Joe hissed. “He is straight, right?”

“Bisexual… I’m extremely optimistic though… I can’t say anything else.” A brief sigh escaped from Cody’s mouth.

“Would you mind a bisexual in your life?”

“Yes… I want someone mine… all mine… who I can fuck all night and who can return the same to me… I would mind if he was sleeping with me, claiming he is all mine while licking pussy behind my back. ASSWHOREFUCKERS!” Cody his voice surged and ebbed as he spoke what he felt inside him. Joseph was silent for a while until Cody calmed down. “I don’t want to drag you into this… but I feel you are already in, right?”

Joe nodded staring at the window. “Is there anyone outside the window?” The humor laced with sarcasm made Cody smile.

“I want someone to jump off that window and grab me. Tear me apart and relieve me from my pathetic life.”

“Hey, NEVER EVER say this about yourself. You’re not pathetic, neither is your life. Those who don’t understand your worth are pathetic.”

Now Cody was silent. “It’s late at night and you need to sleep, right?”

“Umm. No. I don’t want you to do anything wrong tonight…”

“… I am not an idiot. I am just going to sleep. Don’t worry about me.”

“I am not worrying about you, but myself. What if tomorrow morning I meet an inspector rather than a sexy nymph?” Joe winked with a sexy smile.

“Don’t worry you will meet another sexy nymph tomorrow. I will ONLY sleep. It’s 4 am now.”

“Promise.”

“I’M SURE.” Cody added, as if he was swearing his marriage vows.

“Then fine. I am feeling sleepy…” Joe yawned, “Don’t touch the cotton swab on your forehead, it is to be removed in the morning by the Doc himself,” he said as he walked to his room.

Cody watched Joseph leaving and closing his room’s door while Cody’s door was left wide open. He remained seated in the same posture for the time being, looking into space, thinking what could hurt him so much until he fainted. A deep sigh escaped him. His eyes filled with tears, but they didn’t dare roll off his lashes which kept getting heavier from the weight of the salty water. Finally, Cody wiped them off and looked for his laptop, which was on the other side of the table. He extended his hand and picked it up. Flapping the screen open, he switched the power button. Cody was dying to know if Drake would come back to the chat, or if he was even online, or messing about with that whore in her bed. Everything simmered inside giving him a sudden headache. Darkness spread across his eyes, his limbs were cold and numb. The laptop slipped from his hold and fell on the bed.

After a minute Cody was okay. It was like a sudden reboot, power on and off. He stared at the laptop’s blinking screen, as he had pressed the power button before it could slip off. ‘Why I am worried about him? Is he my boyfriend? Has he ever said he likes me? Or ever said I needed to like him?’ The conflicting thoughts rankled him. He flapped the screen shut and gaped at the pale blue walls of his room. Empty walls like his life. The shade itself was sad, like him. A scream echoed in his mind and heart. And he left the bed. He could not be there, thinking about these same incidents over again. ‘Why? Why? Why fucking why? Drake is not leaving my mind, who could be fucking a bitch on her bed right now. And here I am burning in despair and craving for him.’ He rushed to the window of his room, and with a flick, he pushed its shutters open.

The window shutters flapped on both sides and the bone chilling breeze gushed inside. Cody collected himself in its embrace, but let the breeze flow through him. His gutted heart yearned to fly away along with the gusts but it couldn’t. It was caged by his dead bones. With frozen legs, he let his blood absorb the chillness of the air. Still it was nothing compared to the coldness outside. His mouth opened and he enjoyed the fog floating from his lips. Even the sighs died!

The snoring coming from behind Joe’s door showed how comfortably he was sleeping. The town was silent except for the wafts of sleeping sounds. He looked outside of his door into the shared space and then walked towards the bathroom. Closing the door silently, he stood before the mirror. Staring at himself. The reflection appeared fake and hollow. How true the mirror spoke. His hands automatically moved up to the cotton swab. With one hand, he took hold of the bottom and with the other he slowly removed it. A pain stung when blood and dried skin were torn away with the cotton, he tugged a little more. After relaxing for a moment, he attempted again but the pain stopped him. The cotton was almost dried out by now. Using a few drops of water, he made the cotton wet, and in small stages, he removed the dressing.

Bending over the washbasin, he focused on his wound. It was a small cut, but a deep one. While removing the swab, the skin was pulled too. A few drops of blood welled to the surface, and Cody wiped them off and pressed the dressing back onto his forehead, but it failed to stick there and dropped to the floor. The abrasion told him there could be bleeding for a while longer. Cody threw the swab into the empty wastebin and put ointment on the wound. He walked back into the bedroom but before he could get on his bed, he rushed back into the bathroom, took the swab back from the bin, and on returning to his room, he placed it on the bed. So if in the morning Joe asked why the swab was not on his forehead, he could say it must have peeled off while sleeping. Plotting his defense, he drifted off to sleep.