THE DRIVE HOME was a quiet one. I spent most of it lost in my head. I replayed the weekend over and over and let the memories imprint themselves in my mind. I knew it wasn’t something I could ever forget, but I wanted to keep that feeling for as long as I could. Going back home meant facing our problems. We already sorta did that, but being in the house again and having reminders of where I’d been slapping me in the face at every turn wasn’t something that I thought I was ready for. The city had given Trevor and I a fresh start. We were able to concentrate on us, and not worry about our baggage. Now I was going to be sitting smack dab in the middle of the baggage claim so to speak.
As the city disappeared and the rural countryside replaced it, I wondered if Trevor was as worried as I was. He didn’t seem concerned. He was always so calm and collected. I wondered if he ever lost it. “What’s going on in there?” Trevor reached over and squeezed my knee. “You look like the weight of the world is sitting on your shoulders.”
“Nothing,” I lifted a shoulder as I turned from staring out the window to stare at him. “Just thinking.”
“About?” he pushed.
“You,” I smiled softly.
“You don’t look very happy. What did I do?” he chuckled.
“It’s not anything you did. It’s just…” I paused as I thought about how to put what I was thinking into words. “You’re too calm.” I huffed.
“You want me to get upset? About what exactly?”
“I’ve been terrible to you, and you just accepted it. You never got mad at me,” I chewed on my lip as I waited.
“Shar,” he sighed before running one palm down his face. “We’ve been through this.”
“I know, I know. You love me. You forgive me,” I grumbled. “I need you to be mad at me.”
“What’s that going to solve?” he scoffed.
“It’s going to help me not feel guilty,” I crossed my arms over my chest in a pout.
“Women,” he grumbled. “Fine. You wanna know why I’m not mad anymore? I already got mad at you, but you were too lost to notice.” He flung one hand in the air before slowly pulling off the side of the road. We were probably about an hour outside of town and surrounded by cornfields. Trevor knew these roads like the back of his hands. “I came to you multiple times after I moved out. I yelled at you, shook you, screamed… nothing changed, so I gave up. If you ever came to my apartment you’d see that I eat off paper plates. Wanna know why? I broke all the glass ones one night. I came home and destroyed my apartment after a night out with my brothers. I’ve done all the things that you ask me about, but you were too far lost to notice. I’m over it now. I’m done being upset. I want to fix it,” his breathing was harsh as he blew out a deep breath. “Being pissed at you won’t fix anything. Forgiving you will.”
I swallowed as his words sunk in. Being pissed won’t fix it, forgiving you will. “I’m sorry,” I murmured. “I know I’ve said that a lot, but I really mean it. I wanna fix it too. I think we’re heading that way,” I offered a half smile.
“I think we are too. Can you stop questioning me now?” his head tipped to the side as he waited for me to answer.
“Ok,” I nodded. “I’m sorry.”
His head whipped back to face me, “and stop apologizing.”
“Sorry,” I squeezed my eyes shut as I shook my head. “It’s a habit.” I laughed.
Trevor pulled back onto the road and began to whistle as we continued our trip. “It’s pretty warm today. Wanna go swimming in the creek?” his smile turned wicked when he glanced at me.
“Sure, but let’s bring the kids,” I watched as his face fell. “We spent the last three days doing that. I want the kids to see that we’re gonna be ok. I missed them,” I reached over and squeezed his hand where it was resting on his thigh.
“They’ll like that,” he smiled softly before going back to his whistling.
I HAVE TO say I’m surprised in how quickly things are going back to the way they used to be. Our drive home was pleasant, and other than a few hiccups here and there we made it home still talking to one another. I’ve been worried the whole way that all the work I put in this weekend was for nothing, but Sharron seems to really be trying. She was all smiles when we packed a beach bag and walked through the woods to the creek. Mikey was excited, I can’t say the same for Ken. I didn’t expect him to want to come anyway. He’s a typical eighteen- year-old boy. He wants to be with his girlfriend, not his parents. When I was his age, I was dating Sharron, and knowing the things that we were doing back then, I’m concerned for him.
“Are you and Mom ok now?” Ken folded his long legs on the blanket we’d spread out as he plopped down beside me.
“Your mom and I have always been ok. It was just a little bump. She’s better now,” I clapped my hand down on his shoulder which was covered in a long sleeve shirt. “Aren’t you hot, Son?”
“Nah,” he shook his head, but I knew he was lying. Ken had never kept things from me before, but he wasn’t really a child anymore.
“You ready for graduation,” I nudged his leg.
“Yep, playoffs are coming up too. I’m just ready for summer. Sucks that I have to leave for school a month early,” he sighed as he reached over to the side of the blanket and began plucking at the grass. It was a nervous habit that he’d picked up from me.
“We’re proud of you,” I smiled at him. “Mom and I are both happy you said yes to baseball. I know it was a hard decision.”
“Un huh,” he muttered.
“What does Beth think?” I knew this had to be what was bothering him. He and Beth were a lot like Sharron and I. They met when they were a little older, but they’ve gone from study partners to dating, and now he’s leaving.
“She’s happy, I guess,” he shrugged. “I didn’t really give her a choice.”
“If she loves you, she’ll wait for you,” I reassured him. “Something you wanna talk about?”
“Nope,” his lips sealed as he looked away and I knew that was all I was gonna get.
“Come show me that flip you used to do!” Mikey shouted from the edge of the creek. “Dad!” he whined.
“In a minute,” I waved him off. He was a daredevil like his Uncle Ty.
“Daaaaddd!” he whined again. “Ken’s just mad because Beth told him no.”
“No? No to what?” my head swung in Ken’s direction as I saw him turning a lovely shade of red.
“Shut it, Mikey!” he growled.
“I saw them kissing,” Mikey continued and I could feel the anger and embarrassment rolling off of Ken. “He was touching her and she pushed him away and said she didn’t want to,” he taunted.
“Are you having sex?” I hissed under my breath as Sharron’s head turned our way from where she was leaning against a tree, reading.
“No,” Ken grumbled as his hands fisted beside him. “I don’t want to talk about this.”
“He’s mad they haven’t done it yet,” Mikey began laughing and Ken sprung to his feet.
“You shut up!” he screamed at Mikey.
“Whoa! Calm down,” I stood up and got between them. I didn’t think Ken would actually hurt his brother, but I could see how worked up he was as all this was coming out.
“Dad,” he sounded exasperated. “It’s nobody’s business what I do with my girlfriend. Did you talk to Grandpa when you had sex the first time?”
“Do you really wanna know about this?” I chuckled. “I was dating your mom in high school.”
“Gross, no,” Ken’s lip curled as he relaxed and sat back down.
“I know you had me right after graduation. I can do the math. I know Mom got pregnant when you guys were in school. I haven’t done anything. You don’t have to worry,” he grumbled.
“I don’t want you to give up your dreams like your mom and I did. We had to make a lot of sacrifices over the years. I want you to have a better life,” I ruffled his hair like I did when he was younger.
“Don’t worry, Dad. I’ll be the only guy on the baseball team that’s still a virgin,” he grumbled as he wiped the sweat off his forehead.
“Un huh,” I muttered as I watched him. “What are you trying to hide?” I narrowed my eyes on him. “You do something stupid while we were gone?” I lifted my brows just waiting for him to explain why on Earth he was wearing a long-sleeved shirt on a hot day.
“I didn’t do anything,” he mumbled.
“Hey, Mikey!” I motioned for him to come over to where we were sitting. “What boneheaded thing did your brother do?” Mikey was notorious for ratting out Ken. I knew I could get him to blab.
“Don’t,” Ken growled at Mikey as he reached behind his neck and pulled his shirt off. “Happy now?” he glared at me as I gave it right back.
“What the hell is that?” I grabbed his wrist and twisted his arm so I could see it better.
“It’s called a tattoo, Dad,” Ken rolled his eyes.
“I know that! Why is it on your arm, and how the hell did you get it?” I stared at the intricate design that swirled all the way from his shoulder down to his forearm.
“I went to a shop,” he shrugged. “You’ve only gotta be eighteen. I’m eighteen. I don’t need your permission for this,” he waved his hand in the air and it took everything in me not to beat some sense into him. “It’s no big deal.”
“No big deal?” I scoffed. “It’s there forever!”
“And?” his eyes widened as he dared me to come up with something better. “Beth likes it, and so does Uncle Ty,” he lifted his chin defiantly.
“Of course Uncle Ty would like it,” I gritted out. “I’m gonna kill him.”
Ken shrugged, “He got one too. Just don’t touch his shoulder. They hurt until they’re healed.” I was going to beat my brother to a bloody pulp, and I was going to start with his shoulder, the asshole.
Since taking off his shirt, Ken jumped in the water leaving me there stewing over the whole thing. Sharron came over to try and calm me down, and I soon realized that despite how frustrated I was with my brother, things were pretty normal again. My family was all together, and I was going to be sleep in the same bed as my wife tonight. Our time in the city really changed things. It opened both our eyes to things we’d let slip to the wayside. I was determined to never let myself take our time together for granted. I was going to keep reminding Sharron and myself what it was like before. We’d always had a great relationship, and I think all this, as painful as it was, made us that much stronger.